The Sages Bake a Cake

A Play by Me.


The Sages Bake a Cake

It was an ordinary day of blazing heat in the Gerudo Desert. The sun was shining, the sands were scorching, and seven people with mystical powers were gathered in a forgotten temple.


Nabooru: Is everyone here?
Rauru: Oi.
Saria: Present!
Ruto: Here.
Zelda: Yup.
Impa: I'm here and I'm weird.
Darunia: I'm almost the only boy.
Nabooru: Okay. So you're probably wondering why I asked you here today?
Saria: We're also wondering why you claimed you had leukemia and us meeting you at the Spirit Temple was your dying wish.
Darunia: Yeah! Why'd you make us go through that fortress? There were all these babes and I was like "Hey baby" to one of them cause everyone knows I'm irresistable, right? And then she smacked me upside the head and cut
off my arm!
(No one responds)
Darunia: Yeah, but it grew back though. See? (Waves arm around)
(Still no response)
Saria: Well, Nabooru?
Nabooru:... Well, I don't have cancer.
Ruto: We were so worried.
Nabooru: However, you all have to help me bake a cake!
Rauru: That's it?
Nabooru: Ya. You see, there's this nonexistent Gerudo Cake Festival coming up! And if I don't win, they'll tie me to a pole and beat me with sticks.
Impa: Okay, we'll help.
Rauru: Mmm. Cake.
Ruto: You're just going to eat it all, aren't you?
Rauru: You betcha!

Everyone goes to various areas of the temple to change into their cooking gear. They all meet in that one room with the Goddess Statue.

Zelda's hair is in a bun. She's also wearing a bikini for some reason.

Nabooru: Um.
Zelda: Why bother covering up your clothes when you don't have any?
DaruniaJaw drops to the floor)
Ruto: (Smacks Darunia upside the head) OWwowow!
Darunia: Haha! I'm made of rock!
Ruto: I wouldn't brag if I were wearing a lacy pink apron.
Darunia: (Glowers at Ruto)

Saria is wearing a poofy chef's hat tilted to one side, and a teddy-bear-adorned apron.
Impa's wearing baking mitts. She has a dish rag tied over her head like a bonnet to keep stuff out of her hair.
Nabooru is wearing a plain white apron with pockets. She's wearing a salamander carved out of quartz on a piece of dark blue yarn hanging from her neck.
Ruto, as usual, is wearing nothing.

Saria: What's with the lizard, Nabooru?
Nabooru: Oh, it's my cooking good luck charm!
Saria:: Where'd you get it?
Nabooru: Oh I stole it from the bleeding corpse of one of my enemies. Now let's get started, shall we? (Gestures around)

A big cauldron is in the center of the room, surrounded by flour, sugar, milk, eggs, and all sorts of cake-making things. An oven is a few feet away from the cauldron.

Nabooru: (Holds up a cookbook) Okay, we're going to make the Deluxe Chocolate cake from page 16, so we'll need-
Saria: I have this great recipe for Deku Nut cake from the forest! Let me try! (Runs toward the cauldron)
Darunia: Feh! Rock Cake is superior in every way!
Impa: Well, whatever we make, we'll have to start with butter... (Picks up a couple sticks of butter)
Darunia: How do YOU know?
Impa: I'm a nanny. I know these things!
Zelda: Oooooo I have this recipe for White Ribbon cake I know everyone will love it!
Saria: (Is already sprinkling Deku Nuts in cauldron) Lalalalala...
Nabooru: Everyone! Excuse me!
Ruto: Let's make Deep Poison cake!
Zelda: Is that even legal?
Ruto: Not in the slightest!
Nabooru: EVERYONE SHUT UP!
(Insta-Quiet)
Nabooru: This seems like it won't work.
Rauru: Well, what if we all agree on a certain kind of cake?
Ruto: A cake we can all share...
Darunia: Something we have in common..
Saria: A CONFEDERACY!
(Everyone stares at her)
Nabooru: Hmm.
Impa: I know!
Nabooru: Eh?
Impa: Well, there's this cake called Nirvana Cake. It was given to me by the Goddesses!
Ruto: So, let's make it!
Impa: In that case... I need three pounds of flour, stat!

A little later:


Darunia: Ack! My hands are covered in flour! It's not a good feeling!
Ruto: There isn't enough chocolate! IT'S GONNA EXPLODE!
Saria: (Running towards cauldron with tin of cocoa powder) Chocolatechocolatechocolate... (Dumps entire container of chocolate into cauldron) Ahhh...
Ruto: (Nods and stirs mixture with big wooden spoon) I'm stirrin' and I'm stirrin' and I'm stirrin'!
Darunia: So no one cares about my floury hands?!
Nabooru: Impa! Strawberries!
Impa: Way ahead of ya! (Gently drops strawberries in batter one by one as Ruto stirs them in)
Darunia: It's not like my hands are gonna be deep fried and served up, people!
Zelda: Darunia!
Darunia: Is the fair princess coming to my rescue?
Zelda: No! Shut up!
Nabooru: Rauru! Is the oven being heated?
Rauru: Yup!
Nabooru: Good. Zelda, go over and help Rauru.
Zelda: Eww, no.
Impa: Zellie, go help the nice man.
Zelda: Awww... (Goes to help Rauru)
Ruto: I'M STIRRIN' AND I'M STIRRIN' AND I'M STIRRIN'!
Impa: Hmmm, looks like it needs more milk.
Saria: Mmm, milk! (Grabs a bottle of Lon Lon milk, uncorks it, and pours it into cauldron) Hmm. I never know what to do with these Lon Lon stickers... (Peels off blue Lon Lon sticker and sticks it on apron)
Nabooru: Darunia, quit whimpering and throw out all our trash.
Darunia: But my hands...
Nabooru: Wipe them on your girly apron then!
Zelda: (Snickers)
Impa: It looks ready!
Nabooru: (Snaps fingers) Darunia! Cake tin!
Darunia: (Grumbling) Cake tin... cake... not rock cake.... grr... (Brings tin)
Impa: Ready girls? 1...2...3...

Impa, Ruto, and Saria- the girls at the cauldron if you were keeping track- all dump the batter into the cake pan.

Ruto: I'm pouring and I'm pouring and I'm pouring!
Saria: This thing is HEAVY!

Eventually, they get all the batter into the enormous tin.



A little later:

Nabooru: It looks cool enough to frost, now.
Impa: Okay, icing is right over here...
Saria: (Picks up a couple icing tubes) So how should we decorate it?
Impa: It's easier to draw a picture...

Soon, Impa has chiseled a diagram on Darunia's belly. So they get to work...

Ruto: And... done!

The cake is gorgeous. It's a chocolate layer-cake, with strawberries mixed right in. Puffs of white frosting surround the bottom layer, while pink stripes of icing lead vertically from the top to the bottom. On the top layer, huge
swirls of chocolate frost adorn the surface, topped with more fresh strawberries.

Saria: It's beautiful...
Nabooru: Hurry, let's go to the festival!


After the judging:

Judge : Oh, Nabby!
Nabooru: Hmm?
Judge: Your cake was the best at the festival!
Nabooru: Yay!
Judge: But you still lost.
Nabooru: Why?
Judge: Because I'm BLASTING OFF AGAIN!


The (Confusing) End

What do you think of it? This is just something I did for fun.

cool story bro

That was adorable. This:

"Ruto: Let's make Deep Poison cake!
Zelda: Is that even legal?
Ruto: Not in the slightest! "

...made me lawl. ^^

D'awww, thanks! I try

HaHahahhahah i loved it!!