loz: deceving darkness

im new to these fourms ill post one page(my bad hand writing pages) at a time please enjoy
Of course i dont own legend of zelda or its characters but i do own this story dont take it ever
Chapter one
Downfall



It was a quiet night over the calm forest.The stars twinkled in marryment and the trees listened to the peaceful noise of rain drops taping the moist soil. there was just rain no lightning to be seen no thunder to be heard. all though peace was all about one tree thought not, this is the wisest of all trees the beloved gardian of the forest,the great Deku Tree. as he pondered he called his asistant Medori.
"Medori doest thou hear me!"exclaimed the Deku Tree
"Im here o' great Deku Tree." Medori mummbled as she flew to him.
"Does thou sense it, I fell it in the wind, in the rain, in all that breaths." said the elderly tree
"Sense what i sense nothing!" Medori said sadly
"I would not blame you young one. Your tounge has yet to taste the bitterness that is brewing up in the coldren of this land."the Deku Tree started

ok im here with more

"It has been years sence i have to taste it surely i thought it to be a last. This power crazed man has visions of self corrupeted power that can rot you from the inside out. He is enternal never to die as long as the golden power recollects to him he can escape the bounds and chains that not even a god could."
"This man in wich you speak surely he is a myth."Medori said "My young assestent in due time, now please do me a favor and find Alamqu." the Deku Tree asked
Medori flew over the lost woods and to a small kokiri villiage. medori say some children playing and a mother watching them. but no Alamqu. with dusk on the horizon Medori gave up the search.

When Medori arived the old tree had fallen asleep.(this part is a Deku Tree description sence im on the wii typeing im gona leve it out ) Medori had then awakened the tree with the bad message of Alamqu's disapearance.

(if you ever have questions a bout the story please PM me ill gladly answer)

it would be great if the grammar was better.

im sorry but im not a good speller or punctuator

is there more?

yep ill post it now

"Medori listen to what I have to say, the man with the wicked soul as gloomed hyrule with beasts that have poluted me from the in side i need Alamqu to rid me of this burden. Medori look for him for me the great deku tree."said the Deku Tree
"O' great Deku Tree can you ask the wind to lead its ears to guide me to Alamqu?" Medori asked

The Deku Tree hummed the song of the forest and then the trees started to sway and medori followed. Sitting on a patch of grass was Alamqu. Medori had not belive she had never seen this person in the town before. (this discribes Alamqu for the sake of my hand ask me to PM you the details just he looks a lot like link in Tp) All Medori could gather is that he had no wepon to use and yet he had a sheath. "So fariy, what brings you here?" Alamqu asked
"Im Medori and the deku tree has requested that you rid him of his burden. please follow me."Medori said as she flew away. Alamqu followed for he had no other choice.

Since no one has replied to this yet, I’ll be the first person. Surprisingly, I can actually see some potential in the first chapter. The dialogue does a good job of intriguing me, but the poor spelling and grammar completely turns off the urge to read the rest of the story. There’s a lot I could cite: incorrect grammar in quotations, misspelling of a fair amount of words and lack of capitalization.

I’ll start with capitalization. As an example, I’ll use this line of the chapter:

"medori doest thou hear me!"exclaimed the deku tree

Now I’ll post the correct version.

"Medori, doest thou hear me!" exclaimed the Deku Tree.

The first letter of a sentence has to be capitalized. This is basic rule of the English language. However, Medori would also be capitalized even if it was in the middle of the sentence because it’s a proper noun. Proper nouns are always capitalized.

I’ll also use this sentence to cite some correct grammar. The first issue is common usage. Whenever there’s a pause in a sentence, there’s a comma. While at first you’ll just want to get used to putting them in when listing multiple things and after introductions (EX: “Yeah, I’m just gonna head over to his house.”), you’ll eventually want to learn to find these pauses just by repeating the sentence to yourself.

And now I am tired and want to go to bed.

EDIT: Ok, I was the only person posting here, but after refreshing the page, I see someone beat me.

sorry im on the wii its hard to catch those things but thanks for the tips also the first post isnt chapter one its page 1

i have a whole zelda story going on too, i'll post it here also be warned she has a brother and the story now gets a twist so look for it soon,very very...soon

Do you not have access to a PC to type this up on?

not right now its down should be up soon

"I found him o' great Deku Tree" Medori said
"Ah, Alamaqu, its good to see you, to know your safe. Now if you will listen to my words for these are the words of the Deku Tree." The Deku Tree stopped to catch his breath. "Long ago before the great lands of Hyrule existed, there was nothing the goddess three (we know what happened right if not say so ill gladly post it) " The man from the desert lusted for the golden power so he waited for the chance. One day a boy named Link ventured out to stop the wicked thief king. little did he know he fell in to his plot of evil as we for unlocking the golden power without knowing.(goes over plot of Oot play it you will know) carrying the sword of evils bane he smited him and sealed him in the relm of time. He was gone for good, thats what we thought. Soon he unbouned his chains of light and came back to a world in gulfed in water.(explains ww) sealed in a world left behind he cracked the binds of stone with the tri-force of power."
"What does this have to do with me?" Alamqu asked
"In due time, do me a favor Alamqu go deep inside the lost woods and find what remains of the temple of light this sha'nt be an easy task for the road is filled with monsters and traps , Medori you go guide Alamqu sense you to all ready know each other." the Deku Tree said

I understand the limitation of the Wii, having used it to surf the internet myself. With that said, I will give you the benefit of the doubt here, seeing as you don't have any way to really type up this story. What I would suggest you do in the mean time is handwrite the story, and then when you get access to a computer where you can type it up at, type it up, and either save it online or print it to take home to type up on your Wii.

You mentioned you were not that great of a speller. When you get your computer up and running again, I would suggest downloading AbiWord or OpenOffice and typing up your stories using one of those programs. Or use an online spellchecker to spellcheck your documents, such as this one.

most of it is already handwriten (exept dungeons and bosses)

it's not like im typeing this from the top of my head.

It's good that you're handwriting it, though that's hardly the point. I would strongly suggest that you also increase your chapters in the future; I understand that you're limited to the Wii at the moment, but short chapters (such as what you have) will almost never hold a reader's interest. At the very least, try to aim for 500 words a chapter (I typically make my own chapters between 1000 - 1500 words per chapter) in the future. If need be, you may even post your chapters in chunks.

look im typeing pages of my story (see how they all run into each other i will say when the chapter is over

How many pages are your chapters?

8 Pages for chapter 1

Ohh, so this is all chapter 1 that you're posting in chunks, then? :3

yep when the new chapter starts (should be next 2 story posts) ill tell you guys that are reading

But for fun im posting a part from hyrule castle (it just lets you know other things are going on) tomorrow