[ZGen] The Legend of Zelda:The Trial of a Hero

The Legend of Zelda: The Trial of a Hero.
PrologueIn the land of Hyrule there exists a prophecy passed down by the people. The Prophecy speaks of 3 people: A hero, a villain from a desert, and the princess of Hyrule. The Prophecy is as follows:

A great evil from the desert will rise and bring chaos to the world, and the Princess will hide until a hero shall present himself. When a hero is presented, he shall find courage, increase his wisdom, and improve his power, then when accepted by destiny shall he defeat the evil and return peace to the world. However, when he tries this task alone, he will not succeed. When he tries without the acceptance of the goddesses he will not succeed. When he tries without the guidance of the Princess he will not succeed. When the hero faces the evil he must confront it alone, for only he shall be the one to defeat it. When the world is at peace and the Princess is saved the Hero shall become the new King and the Princess shall become his Queen. Only with the sacred Blade of Evil’s Bane and the Golden Power shall the hero accept his destiny.

This prophecy was first recorded by Hyrule’s first ruler, King Gustav when the Goddesses came to him in a dream. Sense then, the prophecy has been passed down by the people of this fair land of Hyrule. The prophecy came true once with a man named Ganondorf, a man named Link, and a Princess named Zelda. The man named Ganondorf took over all of Hyrule but was stopped by Link seven years later, who was then dubbed the Hero of Time. After defeating the bad man, he returned to his own time, and wrote a book about his adventure titled “Link’s Adventure: The Ocarina of Time”. Three months afterword Link left to go find his friend by the name of “Navi”, but got side-tracked and ended up saving a land called Termina, after saving this world he went back to looking for his friend and found her, having saved Hyrule and Termina and haven been reunited with his friend he decided to spend the rest of his days in Hyrule Castle, as a knight before he died he wrote another book, this one of his second adventure dubbed “Links Adventure II: Majora’s Mask”. When he came to age he was married to the Princess, and had one child who was named Link Jr, Link Jr. discovered a new land named “Ordon” which he had had added to the Hyrule, and he also demanded that Ganondorf be executed, these were his official acts of which he was known. He died at a young age but luckily he had one child named Link III, who was raised in Ordon Village. This Link, had the “III” removed so that he would never have to be worried about being the blood of the Hero of Time as this would bring attention to himself and he would be known for his own actions, not that of his grandfather. Link, had defeated the dark king Ganondorf who had escaped execution. Having done so, he wrote a book titled “Link’s Adventure III: Twilight Princess” in which he admitted to being the blood of the Hero of Time. Link, later in life had his name changed back to Link III as he was known for his actions and not that of his blood. Link III had a child by the name of Link IV. His book has yet to come as he has not yet accomplished anything, but he will soon. This is his story of how he went on a perilous quest, saved a kingdom, and became a hero greater than that of his ancestors.


Authors note: This is just my prologue; tell me what you think of it. Constructive criticism is wanted, however flames are not.

Originally Posted by JonathanSpenc

The Legend of Zelda: The Trial of a Hero.
PrologueIn the land of Hyrule* there exists a prophecy passed down by the people. The Prophecy speaks of 3 people: A hero, a villain from a desert, and the princess of Hyrule. The Prophecy is as follows:

Not much to say about the opening.
*You might want a comma there.

A great evil from the desert will rise and bring chaos to the world, and the Princess will hide until a hero shall present himself. When a hero is presented, he shall find courage, increase his wisdom, and improve his power,* **then when accepted by destiny shall he defeat the evil and return peace to the world.

*I'd put a period there. It makes it sound a bit better than to make the sentence continue.
**I guess if you put a period, you'd want to capitalize.
Pretty good there!

However, when he tries this task alone, he will not succeed. When he tries without the acceptance of the goddesses he will not succeed. When he tries without the guidance of the Princess he will not succeed. When the hero faces the evil he must confront it alone, for only he shall be the one to defeat it. When the world is at peace and the Princess is saved the *Hero shall become the new King and the Princess shall become his Queen. Only with the sacred Blade of Evil’s Bane and the Golden Power shall the hero accept his destiny.

*Capitalization error. *common*

This prophecy was first recorded by Hyrule’s first ruler, King Gustav when the Goddesses came to him in a dream. Sense then, the prophecy has been passed down by the people of this fair land of Hyrule. The prophecy came true once with a man named Ganondorf, a man named Link, and a Princess named Zelda.

No problem there except... when a man named Ganondorf, a man named Link, and a princess named Zelda... what? It just seems to end. No worries though, this mistake is ridiculously common with me.

The man named Ganondorf took over all of Hyrule but was stopped by Link seven years later, who was then dubbed the Hero of Time. After defeating the bad man, he returned to his own time, and wrote a book about his adventure titled “Link’s Adventure: The Ocarina of Time”. Three months afterword Link left to go find his friend by the name of “Navi”, but got side-tracked and ended up saving a land called Termina, after saving this world he went back to looking for his friend and found her, having saved Hyrule and Termina and haven been reunited with his friend he decided to spend the rest of his days in Hyrule Castle, as a knight before he died he wrote another book, this one of his second adventure dubbed “Links Adventure II: Majora’s Mask”. When he came to age he was married to the Princess, and had one child who was named Link Jr, Link Jr. discovered a new land named “Ordon” which he had had added to the Hyrule, and he also demanded that Ganondorf be executed, these were his official acts of which he was known. He died at a young age but luckily he had one child named Link III, who was raised in Ordon Village. This Link, had the “III” removed so that he would never have to be worried about being the blood of the Hero of Time as this would bring attention to himself and he would be known for his own actions, not that of his grandfather. Link, had defeated the dark king Ganondorf who had escaped execution. Having done so, he wrote a book titled “Link’s Adventure III: Twilight Princess” in which he admitted to being the blood of the Hero of Time. Link, later in life had his name changed back to Link III as he was known for his actions and not that of his blood. Link III had a child by the name of Link IV. His book has yet to come as he has not yet accomplished anything, but he will soon. This is his story of how he went on a perilous quest, saved a kingdom, and became a hero greater than that of his ancestors.

I don't really see anything more... It's just I think you should use[indent] tags instead of making two giant paragraphs. It makes it harder to read and understand.

A good way to check it yourself *good ol' Doran Bladefist told me this* is to print your story out and read it. You actually spot mistakes faster! Mark the mistakes, and edit online.

I use a thesaurus when I feel one of the verbs in my story is being over-used, *I still over-use them, though. * and check a word online if you think it's misspelled. Yes, this will take awhile. It does me, but your stories look much cleaner. If you know what I mean by 'clean'.

All in all, I'm interested in this story, and am pretty eager to hear the first chapter - which will truly reveal how you write.

Good job, all in all, and best of luck!

The Legend of Zelda: The Trial of a Hero
Chapter One - A brief geography lesson of Hyrule.

In the world of Hyrule there are 6 provinces each with their own geographical difference. There is the Kokiri Province,-in which the Hero of Time was raised as a child-a lush green forest with the Guardian Deku Tree as its leader; the Kokiri Forrest is a territory belonging to the kingdom. There is the Gerudo Desert-in which “the evil one”, (his name is a taboo to speak of in Hyrule) was born-where a vast desert which reaches as far as the eye can see consisting of pure sand and the occasional tent-house; the Gerudo Desert is a land concurred by the Gerudo, and is accepted as an equal but is not an actual territory of the kingdom as Gerudo Valley has its own system of Monarchy and denies any need to follow the law of Hyrule. There is Lake Hylia-in which all of Hyrule gets its water supply-a vast lake connected to the hidden domain of the Zoras were the children play and the grown-ups gather water for their crops and family; the Zoras also have their own king and queen, however unlike the Gerudo they listen to and abide by the laws of the Hylian Kingdom. There is Death Mountain-in which the highest peak in Hyrule can be found-a titanic mountain in which the Gorons live; the Gorons do not have an actual system of government however they do have an elder that all Gorons respect who lives by the law of Hyrule. There is Ordon Village-in which the hero who slain “the evil one” was born and raised and our new hero was born-this is a very subtle village as there is no outstanding citizens who live there haven the hero left, they do however have many jobs that work directly with Hyrule Castle and the Royal Family; as the last statement would imply they live by the laws of the Kingdom and are a Hylian territory. The last and most crucial province to the Hyrule is Hyrule Castle Town Province as this is where all of the heroes past have met the “Princess of Destiny” and became who they are. This province also contains the very castle in which all official acts of Hyrule are made and done.There is presently only one thing on the mind of Hyrule’s king: meet with Gerudo Valley’s new leader and see if this King’s intentions differ than that of his father, and if so attempt to persuade him into handing over the Valley and Desert to Hyrule.

In the ever prosperous Hyrule Castle Town, our future hero lies asleep in his bed, still as a rock and quiet as one too. He turns over in his sleep to lie facing away from the wall. He does not wear the green tunic of a hero yet, as he has yet to be one. The green tunic is only to be worn by two types of people: those who are born of Kokiri nationality, and those who are a hero on their journey to save the world. Our future hero lies in a green shirt and green pants as homage to what his father and great-grand father have been. The young man has blond hair, green eyes, and is about 5.5 feet tall with a medium build body. His lies asleep trying to get as much rest as he can, for tomorrow shall be his 17th birthday, the age his father was when he became a hero. He however is at a disadvantage that his father and his great grandfather didn’t have to deal with; this new Link wants to be a hero for the fame not the feeling. Both the heroes before him saved Hyrule because they knew it was the right thing to do and it was their destiny, the fame were only something that the people gave them as a reward for their selfless acts. This Link wishes to become a hero, but does not know nor even care about anything even related to his destiny or the Tri-Force. He only wishes to save Hyrule one day, so he too can become a famous hero and the King of Hyrule.

Author’s Note: So yes this is it, Link’s first appearance in the story, next time we will see just what happens on his birthday.

Originally Posted by JonathanSpenc

The Legend of Zelda: The Trial of a Hero
Chapter One - A brief geography lesson of Hyrule.

In the world of Hyrule there are 6 provinces each with their own geographical difference. There is the Kokiri Province,-in which the Hero of Time was raised as a child-a lush green forest with the Guardian Deku Tree as its leader; the Kokiri Forrest is a territory belonging to the kingdom.

I only notice one mistake; you mispelled forest once. You spelled it 'forrest'. Also, from 'there is the kokiri province' - to 'the kingdom', it seems to be one giant sentence.

I see you used indent] tags, except you still made this entire thing, two giant paragraphs. Again. You could have done a different paragraph for each province you explained.

There is the Gerudo Desert-in which “the evil one”, (his name is a taboo to speak of in Hyrule) was born-where a vast desert which reaches as far as the eye can see* consisting of pure sand and the occasional tent-house; the Gerudo Desert is a land concurred by the Gerudo, and is accepted as an equal but is not an actual territory of the kingdom as Gerudo Valley has its own system of Monarchy and denies any need to follow the law of Hyrule.

Once again, one long sentence. You use semi-colons and hyphens a lot, so I'm putting stars * to mark where a period could have been in the quot above.

Also, 'concurred'? I think you mean conquered. Except, not even that is the right term. It's 'controlled', or 'ruled', etc. To conquer is to take over. Not to command or in-habit.

There is Lake Hylia-in which all of Hyrule gets its water supply*-(It's. That is, if you put the period down)a vast lake connected to the hidden domain of the Zoras w(h)ere the children play and the grown-ups gather water for their crops and family;* the Zoras also have their own king and queen, however unlike the Gerudo(,) they listen to and abide by the laws of the Hylian Kingdom.

Once again one long sentence. Throughout the quote I've fixed a few mistakes.

There is Death Mountain-*in which the highest peak in Hyrule can be found-**a titanic mountain in which the Gorons live;*** the Gorons do not have an actual system of government**** however***** they do have an elder that all Gorons respect who lives by the law of Hyrule.

Now, the stars are representing your mistakes.
* Uneeded hyphen. Could have used a comma
** Uneeded hyphen. Could have used a comma.
*** A period would fit better.
**** A comma would go good there.
***** Another comma

That's pretty much it.

There is Ordon Village-in which the hero who slain “the evil one” was born and raised and our new hero was born-this is a very subtle village as there is no outstanding citizens who live there haven the hero left, they do however have many jobs that work directly with Hyrule Castle and the Royal Family; as the last statement would imply they live by the laws of the Kingdom and are a Hylian territory.

One long sentence, again. Oh and it's the hero who 'slew the evil one'.

The last and most crucial province to the Hyrule is Hyrule Castle Town Province as this is where all of the heroes past have met the “Princess of Destiny” and became who they are. This province also contains the very castle in which all official acts of Hyrule are made and done.There is presently only one thing on the mind of Hyrule’s king: meet with Gerudo Valley’s new leader and see if this King’s intentions differ than that of his father, and if so attempt to persuade him into handing over the Valley and Desert to Hyrule.

One long sentence again.

In the ever prosperous Hyrule Castle Town, our future hero lies asleep in his bed, still as a rock and quiet as one too. He turns over in his sleep to lie facing away from the wall. He does not wear the green tunic of a hero yet, as he has yet to be one. The green tunic is only to be worn by two types of people: those who are born of Kokiri nationality, and those who are a hero on their journey to save the world.

Alright, I can't really spot any mistakes.

Our future hero lies in a green shirt and green pants as homage to what his father and great-grand father have been. The young man has blond hair, green eyes, and is about 5.5 feet tall with a medium build body. His lies asleep trying to get as much rest as he can, for tomorrow shall be his 17th birthday, the age his father was when he became a hero. He however is at a disadvantage that his father and his great grandfather didn’t have to deal with; this new Link wants to be a hero for the fame not the feeling.

Nothing really wrong except his father and his great grandfather. What happend to just grandfather?

Both the heroes before him saved Hyrule because they knew it was the right thing to do and it was their destiny, the fame were only something that the people gave them as a reward for their selfless acts. This Link wishes to become a hero, but does not know nor even care about anything even related to his destiny or the Tri-Force. He only wishes to save Hyrule one day, so he too can become a famous hero and the King of Hyrule.

I only see grammar issues in this paragraph. Like 'The fame were only something people gave them...'. It should be the fame was the only thing. Not were.

Author’s Note: So yes this is it, Link’s first appearance in the story, next time we will see just what happens on his birthday.

So, other than that, it went quite well. Use the indent tags more often instead of making two GIANT paragraphs.

But, I like it, and am eager to see how this new Link will act throughout the story on chapter 2 - on forward.

Good job so far.

Thanks for the grammer lesson, I couldn't figure what to use.
To clear some stuff up:

his father and his great grandfather. What happend to just grandfather?

His great grandpa was Hero of Time, his father was TP Link, his grandpa was just the man who discovered Ordon.

Like 'The fame were only something people gave them...'. It should be the fame was the only thing. Not were.

Well I meant like "they didn't care about fame, the fame just happend".

So, other than that, it went quite well. Use the indent tags more often instead of making two GIANT paragraphs.

Right, well there will be from now on seeing as I'll be using dialouge and there's always supposed to be a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker.

But, I like it, and am eager to see how this new Link will act throughout the story on chapter 2 - on forward.

Good job so far.

Well thanks for the review (the grammer lessons are helpful). I think you'll like the attitude of the new Link, it's more realistic.