[Fan] Avatar: The origional plotline..

I'm not that good with description myself. Half the time, I don't even describe places the characters are because I don't want to act like some tourist guide in my own story. (And this is the Great Deku Tree, the Father of all the Korkiri).


Midori-Riku: That link is like the 10 commandments for all authors (fanfiction and origonal authors).

Originally Posted by Link the Zora

I'm not that good with description myself. Half the time, I don't even describe places the characters are because I don't want to act like some tourist guide in my own story. (And this is the Great Deku Tree, the Father of all the Korkiri).


Midori-Riku: That link is like the 10 commandments for all authors (fanfiction and origonal authors).

Hahaha I am glad you like it so much

Hmmm, I guess I can re-write the story but the plot stays the same. Why, because no matter how hard "anyone" tries to make up something that's NOT cliche by now. Seriously, it's not as easy as you are trying to make it sound you know. Comming up with something completely "origional". As much as I hate using in-game refrances here's a good one from the sonic series.
Shadow The Hedgehog!? How origional is that, the only differance is his attitude is the exact opposite of sonic and the way he looks is a tiny bit different.
here is another "example" for you.
I could make up my own elfin hero with his own eye and hair color and physical appearance and uses some mythical blade to kill some unknown evil, but then someone would just as soon come up and go "oh it's just a link clone!". See wat I mean, it's HARD because all the decent character descriptions are taken already. this is why you seem to think my ideas are already cliche'

The main thing in this particular story is how he grows as a "person" and not as a character. Hmm ah well I guess you can't please em all.

EDIT: Even THAT isn't origional, anyone seen spritted away?

Originally Posted by zfan121

Hmmm, I guess I can re-write the story but the plot stays the same. Why, because no matter how hard "anyone" tries to make up something that's NOT cliche by now. Seriously, it's not as easy as you are trying to make it sound you know. Comming up with something completely "origional". As much as I hate using in-game refrances here's a good one from the sonic series.
Shadow The Hedgehog!? How origional is that, the only differance is his attitude is the exact opposite of sonic and the way he looks is a tiny bit different.
here is another "example" for you.
I could make up my own elfin hero with his own eye and hair color and physical appearance and uses some mythical blade to kill some unknown evil, but then someone would just as soon come up and go "oh it's just a link clone!". See wat I mean, it's HARD because all the decent character descriptions are taken already. this is why you seem to think my ideas are already cliche'

The main thing in this particular story is how he grows as a "person" and not as a character. Hmm ah well I guess you can't please em all.

Nothing is out-of-the-blue anymore. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Star Wars are about young men (of different races and/or statuses) saving the world.

It's not a Link clone unless you make him exactly like him.

Let me make up an elf named Lanir.

Here's something that's NOT origional:
Lanir was an orphaned boy in the wilderness. His father and mother were killed by the evil dark lord. He was raised by green pixies. Little does he know is that he's the chosen one destined to save the land and a people from a desert theif. That's unorigonal, heck, that's blantly ripping off of OoT!

However, if I did...

Lanir lived with a nobleman elf (who is his father, btw) and he became a knight. However, he's arrogant, foolhardy and he wants all the glory, so he rounds up a bunch of rouges for an adventure. He finds a mythical sword buried in a sunken wreck and decides to use it to obtain fame. Slowly and surely, he learns of the sword's tragic history and the lost cause of a forgotten people.
Lanir, with the help of the queen and his own party seeks to avenge the lost people's honor by slaying the monster that killed them so long ago.

See, though it follows the basic plot of hero saving world/people ('Cept the people Lanir deals with are kinda...DEAD), I just used my IMAGINATION to come up with a decent story that's somewhat origonal. Yes, it has elves, swords and a monster to be killed at the end, but imagination can make it so origonal. I can make him and his race be water-breathers and they live in the water (water elves) and hunt on the land.

Yes, you can have characters who are jerks with a heart of gold. It just depends on how you USE them. Look at Lanir from above. He's a BLEEDIN' jerk until he begins to develop a heart of gold for the deceased noble people of a long time ago. But if I did it right, people (hopefully) will enjoy spending time with him and rooting for him as he continues his quest instead of praying that he dies painfully by a random encounter with a high-level boss with an enchanted mace of 6+ damage ten chapters in.

You can use cliches, but not too much. Think of it like food. Add enough spice to your salad and you've got a wonderful dinner. Add too much and you'll find yourself dumping most of the content down the garbage disposal. (Harry Potter had its bouts of cliches. Parents getting killed by evil dark lord. Boy has to save the world. JK Rowling just knew how to use it right so we rooted for Harry, not hated him)

If you want an example of cliches used SO WRONG, read the Inheritance Tri-well, it's a quartet now.

Look, just write the next chapter using the suggestions we've given you. Believe it or not, we actually want to see you improve. Just try it. Write the next chapter using our suggestions.

We're not stomping on your imagination.

Originally Posted by zfan121

Hmmm, I guess I can re-write the story but the plot stays the same. Why, because no matter how hard "anyone" tries to make up something that's NOT cliche by now. Seriously, it's not as easy as you are trying to make it sound you know. Comming up with something completely "origional". As much as I hate using in-game refrances here's a good one from the sonic series.
Shadow The Hedgehog!? How origional is that, the only differance is his attitude is the exact opposite of sonic and the way he looks is a tiny bit different.
here is another "example" for you.
I could make up my own elfin hero with his own eye and hair color and physical appearance and uses some mythical blade to kill some unknown evil, but then someone would just as soon come up and go "oh it's just a link clone!". See wat I mean, it's HARD because all the decent character descriptions are taken already. this is why you seem to think my ideas are already cliche'

The main thing in this particular story is how he grows as a "person" and not as a character. Hmm ah well I guess you can't please em all.

EDIT: Even THAT isn't origional, anyone seen spritted away?

zfan, you actually have brought up a very important point. I want you to know that I agree with you 100%. Almost all of the good stories have been told so many times that it's ridiculous. But you know what still makes those same stories interesting? The characters involved in them.

This is why character development is such a crucial part of writing. If the characters are boring, dull, 2D cardboard cutouts, the audience will immediately lose interest and realize that they've read this same story a thousand times. But if you make the characters interesting, lively, real people, then your audience sympathizes, and is not only willing to forgive the worn storyline, but it can also make that storyline seem not nearly as worn.

Characters are a VERY important part of your story, so make them interesting, otherwise everyone will point out how cliche your story is. Point in case is this thread. Your characters are of the boring, cardboard cutout variety, so everyone recognizes the worn and cliche storyline for just what it is. Fix your characters, and I can almost guarantee you that the number of people that find the storyline cliche will drop dramatically. Although even with fixing the characters, I would still try to add SOME originality to it, as Link the Zora mentioned.

Well that's the first thing you've said that made any sense to me Aralith. Oh...I guess I can write the next part, run spell-check, grammer check and post it up here. Hmm but what about those nameless characters, like er "bully one" or something. Seriously though I really don't know how to put the awesomeness of avatar into words! (no offence to h8trs) But I'll do what I can. Hmm so how do you describe a hogmonkey exactly? ROFL! jk Okays I'm off to finish it then, taking as much heed as I can...except those jerks that just insult it pointlessly jus to tick me off.

and to answer your(random) question tw I was talking about how interesting any tv show can be crappy if you only pay attention for less than five minutes. Especially if you catch it in one of those dull fill-in episodes.

Um I didn't want to edit my first post soo..here it is. And don't gripe about spelling errors or grammor because I ran both tools before posting them here.

Chapter four: Getting up to speed

Anyone reading so far could say that Hiroshi’s probably pretty confused by now. While his body isn’t awake quite yet, his mind is. And one of the past water-bending masters (past meaning dead) is about to do some major explaining. “Okay . . . that was exciting. Huh woah, this place is beautiful. It looks like some kind of shrine.” He’s standing in the middle of a large indoor garden, the building around it is made from ice. “Doesn’t this look familiar?” It’s a younger woman in some winter clothes. She’s probably around 45 or something.

Hiroshi scratched his head. “Uh, kinda. But . . . hold on, what were you doing back there? I needed help getting out of the pool, I wasn’t asking to kill those kids!” The woman laughed. “That was Mistress Keoshi, not me. It seems you’ve been chosen to be earth’s first avatar. But you need to learn more about that in my world.” Hiroshi stood there and took a deep breath. “Okay . . . so even if I got to this world of yours who would I look for?” The woman showed him an image of a young girl wearing the same clothes, and necklace. “This is my daughter, if you can find her she’ll teach you everything you need to know.” The woman faded and Hiroshi woke up. He was in the medical room. After he got up and left he ran into Rose. She seemed to have some news. Hiroshi had one question. “Man . . . how long was I out?”






Rose looked at him seriously. “You’ve been out for quite a while, a couple weeks at most.” Hiroshi wasn’t surprised, the last time he lost control he was out for about a week. “Ugh man it’ll be tough catching up on homework. Oh you said you had something “exciting” that’s going on right now?” Rose waited until they got to science class, the teacher turned on the news. And it was crazy. Well kinda.

There was something that looked like the northern lights coming out of the ground. It looked like it went on for miles and because it was near-by the teacher explained that they were going to get a closer look at it. By the time they got there a huge crowd had gathered. Ignoring the noise around him Hiroshi had a thought. “Hey, I don’t know why but I think I’m supposed to go through that thing.” Rose grabbed him by the arm, “Are you crazy? You have no idea what will happen to you.” She’s obviously got some feelings for him.

“Look, I’m sure wherever I end up I’ll be able to find a way back” With that he just darted into the void. Soon after he got through it vanished! Great . . . this ought to be good. So now that he’s there, where exactly is there? You’ll need to keep paying attention to find out.

Um I don't know if I spelled Keoshi right, but that was my best guess. Sense it isn't in any dictionary on earth! (maybe I should ask Aang. )

EDIT: I finnished this chapter BEFORE I decided to start writing in more "detail" so don't flip out about that ether.

Sense it isn't in any dictionary on earth!

No, but "since" is.

Please, for the love of God, stop butchering the English language. Also, please stop overusing the laughing and grinning smileys.

And don't gripe about spelling errors or grammor because I ran both tools before posting them here.

I call bullshit

*sighs* I edited it as simply as I could without changing the story. :/ Though I didn't bother editing the first part it was impossible:

----------------------
Chapter Four: Getting up to Speed

Anyone reading so far could say that Hiroshi’s probably pretty confused by now. While his body isn’t awake quite yet, his mind is. And one of the past water-bending masters (past meaning dead) is about to do some major explaining.

“Wow. That was interesting," Hiroshi muttered to himself. He then looked around the place curiously, "Huh? Woah, this place is beautiful. It looks like some kind of shrine.” He’s standing in the middle of a large indoor garden, the building around it is made from ice.

“Doesn’t this look familiar?” It came from a lady in her mid-fourties dressed in clothes made for winter. She was staring at Hiroshi with a small smile on her face.

Hiroshi scratched his head thinking back,“Uh, kind of...Wait now I remember!" He glared up at the lady, "What were you doing back there? I needed help getting out of the pool not to kill those kids!”

The woman laughed. “That was Mistress Keoshi, not me. You have been chosen to be earth’s first avatar. But you need to learn more about that in my world.”

Hiroshi stood there and took a deep breath comprending the whole situation, “Okay...so even if I got to this world of yours who would I look for?”

The woman showed him an image of a young girl wearing the same clothes, and necklace. “This is my daughter, if you can find her she’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

Then suddenly the woman faded and Hiroshi woke up. He was in the medical room. After he got up and left soon running into Rose.

"Hiroshi!" she cried, "I didn't expect you to be up. Theres some exciting-"
Before she continued Hiroshi interupted to ask: “Man . . . how long was I out?”

Rose looked at him seriously. “You’ve been out for quite a while, a couple weeks at most.” Hiroshi wasn’t surprised, the last time he lost control he was out for about a week.

“Ugh man it’ll be tough catching up on homework. Oh you said you had something “exciting” that’s going on right now?”

Rose waited until they got to science class, where the teacher turned on the news. The news reporter was telling them about something interesting happening.

There on the screen it showed was what seemed to be northern lights coming out of the ground and went into the air for miles. Because it was near-by the teacher explained that they were going to get a closer look at it though by the time they got there a huge crowd had gathered.

Ignoring the noise around him Hiroshi had a thought. “Hey, I don’t know why but I think I’m supposed to go through that thing.”

Rose grabbed him by the arm, “Are you crazy? You have no idea what will happen to you!” she said staring up at him in great concern.

“Look, I’m sure wherever I end up I’ll be able to find a way back” With that he just darted into the void. Soon after he got through it vanished!

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There doesn't that look much better? This is what I was trying to explain before. I would suggest editing it with peoples suggestions before you post your next chapter next time or you'll just get more flames.

I agree 100% with Aralith here if the character is good you can make a good story that seems original and if you dont believe me I can get examples. :3

~Midori-Rinku

Well the problem here is that the story is focused around Hiroshi and his life, although the editing you did looks better I prefer saving space by not pressing enter every two lines I am working on description however, along with character looks. But in avatar there's no real easy way to describe some of them! So I'm going to give small descriptions with a deep explination of their personality, not counting the minor characters like nameless solder number six. ROFL

Also it's also concidered infringement to my work editing it that much.

Yeah about the flames, but some of those are more like harmless fireflies by now. Like the guy that posted before you, pointless!

*Eye twitches*...saving space? Thats your excuse? Using double spaces not only makes the story better, it looks more presentable and people are more likely going to read it instead of flaming you.

Besides you hardly need space in stories:(ZGen/Act)Wind Waker: Four Swords Editon!(T) . I have written over ten pages for each chapter in that so I know you hardly need space

There were a lot of mistakes in that before I edited it before. Things like that turns people off from reading. You can't tell me that you don't want anyone to read that because there is no point in posting it. None at all

It's good that you are putting in descriptions but there is no point in doing that if no one can read it. Good stories that have description look more like this: OoT Retelling (T) That story also shows how something that you have played over and over again seem really interesting.

The point is "Saving Space" is not going to get you anywhere and like I said in the other post it will just attract more people. But for the wrong reasons.

Think about it.

Originally Posted by zfan121

Well the problem here is that the story is focused around Hiroshi and his life, although the editing you did looks better I prefer saving space by not pressing enter every two lines

...

That? That's your excuse!? You would rather have a shorter, messier story than a story that looked longer, but was more organized?

I am working on description however, along with character looks. But in avatar there's no real easy way to describe some of them!

Well then, maybe Avatar shouldn't be in the story. I have to tell you, I mean no offense by this, but the plot seems cheesy.

So I'm going to give small descriptions with a deep explination of their personality, not counting the minor characters like nameless solder number six. ROFL

That bio thing is just an excuse, and I believe you should get rid of it it. Read any decent book, and it won't have that bio. It will describe the characters in the story.

Also it's also concidered infringement to my work editing it that much.

...
Why do you rape the English language after you've already killed it? Necrophilia is a tad frowned upon.

Also, I see no copyright.

Yeah about the flames, but some of those are more like harmless fireflies by now.

Was that supposed to be funny?

Like the guy that posted before you, pointless!

Actually, he had some valid criticisms. You do whore smilies, and doing that makes you look like an idiot. I recommend you stop if you want people to take you seriously.

Okay, zfan, STOP with the smileys. They are over kill, and the places you put them in AREN'T FUNNY.

Originally Posted by zfan121

I prefer saving space by not pressing enter every two lines

Yea, and you saved a lot of space between paragraphs two and three. >_>