REALLY short Zelda Parody. What really happened.

[Oni_Deity]

This is a parody of the Wind Waker. If you've read, please comment. Rate if possible, 1-3.
I forgot a rating, so I'll put it as G...minimal languge (the occasoinal crap, but that's it)


Long ago, there was a legend of a boy named Link who used different items to save the world from Gannondorf with the help of his friends, Tetra, the King of Red Lions, his sister-Aryll, and many others.
The story was passed down through generations father told son, son told sibling, and on and on.
Over time, the story was lost, and now, found. This is the story of:

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: THE WEED WHACKER

Aryll: GET UP YOU LAZY BUM!
Link: ....
Aryll: ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY, NOW DO STUFF!
Link: *grunting sound*-climbs down ladder-
Link's Grandmother: DARNIT CHILD, GET OVER HERE OR I'LL WHIP YOU AGAIN!
Link: -walks over to grandmother and nods-
Links Grandmother: Now that's a good boy. NOW PUT THESE ON, FOOL! -gives link pink hero's clothes-
Link: Ohhhh....
Anoying popup thing on bottom of the screen: DA DA DA DAAAA! U GOT DA LOSERz I MEEN HER0S CLOSE LOLZ
Link -puts on-
Aryll: -rushes in- LINK, LINK, !---WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING?!
-To be continued-

[Twilight Wolf]

Ummm... I'm sorry, but this... isn't so great.

The main problem here is that you're trying to squeeze to much into such a short chapter. This causes 1) The parody to feel rushed, and 2) You don't really have any space for jokes.

Also, the title of the chapter has no relevance to the events of the chapter.

What I reccomend that you do is to rewrite this. Make it longer, slow it down, and add more jokes.

If you want inspiration, check out Grass's parody, Yottobyte's parody, or Jaca's parody. Just don't steal their jokes.

[Oni_Deity]

I've read Grass' already....meh, I've seen better.
The weed whacker shall come along saoon enough.
That's not the end of the chapter.
Lastly, like I said, very short. Now, moving on...
(You're the adopter of a friend of mine...)
Anyway:
Chapter 1; Act 2!

Aryll: There's a ship out there, and a short pirate lady with weird hair, and a giant bird!
Link: -confused look-
Aryll: -points outside-
Link: Oh.
Aryll: C'mon, loser of a stupid fat brother. Let's go.
Grandmother: -throws soup at link- DRINK IT OR DIE!
Link: Unh...
Tetra:*boring voice* Ahhh. I am being taken away by a bird. Somebody help me. Ah.
Link: -gives his no-way-I'm not helping her-face--
Aryll: *also being taken*
So, Link now goes to see Orca
Orca: HOOWAH. YOU WANT A SWORD, HOOWAH?
Link: -nods-
Orca: TOO BAD HOOWAH!
Link: -kicks Orca and steals the hero's sword-
Orca: OWW. HOOWAH.
Text on bottom of the screen: 1yk z0mfg u g0t a sw0rd now u c@n fite w0w 1o1z
Link: -destroys text with sword then goes to the forest-
In the forest...
Link: Unh...-destroys monsters then spots Tetra- HEY!
Tetra: Help. I am stuck in a tree. Ah.
Link: -helps her down-
Tetra: -walks off silently-
Link: -follows all the way to the pirate ship-
Pirate guy: TETRA. HEY.
Tetra: Hello bodyguard. Let us go to the Forsaken fortress.
-End of Chapter 1-
To be continued in 20 minutes, Chapter 2 of THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, THE WEED WHACKER

[Oni_Deity]

If you didn't notice, his grandmother is either evil or suffers very bad mood swing. Therefore, she calls all fools.
Crammed in? Likes I said, very short. I dunno why, but it's my first fanfic, and I didn't plan it at all, so go easy on me. I'm just trying to get a feel for it, ya know? Just see me in 50 posts. It will look a LOT better.
Chapter 2, Act 1
Link: -looks around-
Tetra: Hello. This is a ship. We are going to a Forsaken Fortress. Go see Niko.
Link: -goes down to see Niko-
Niko: H-h-i. I'm N-niko. Try t-to use th-those ropes to g-get to the other ssside.
Link: -swings across and gets the Spoils Bag easily-
Niko: Woow. I didn't th-think you c-could do it that well. I m-meant for it--
Text on bottom of screen: 1yk w0wz3rz @g3n ur g00d u g0t th3 sp0!ls b@g
Niko: A little l-late.
Tetra: Land ho. There is the fortress. Let us shoot you out of a cannon causing you to lose your sword and get beat up by moniblins.

A few minutes later...

Link runs through the room under the barell, but does not notice the Moniblins speaking.
MoniblinBob: You esta lyoko
MoniblinJoe: You el madre esta dumb
Moniblin Bob: El colde
MoniblinJoe: Esta colde el diablo libro espanol

Link is unseen and follows many torches to find Aryll and his sword.

Aryll: Big Brother, you idiot! I'm so glad to--
Link: -is taken by the bird and is thrown across the ocean*

???: Link...Link...
Link: -opens eyes-
???: Link. I am Joe.
Link: . . .
Joe: You are chosen to save the world and (insert boring story that's a waste of space)
Here is the legendary Weed Whacker. It is the only weapon that cane be used to save the world.
Link: -takes weed whacker-
Text: WTF U R G0!NG THROO 2 F@ST BUT U G0T DA WEED WAKER WOW!!!!1

[Lly]

Ugh. I've seen scores of bad parodies on ZU, but this just about takes the cake. Please put more effort and thought into your stories in the future.

It's not funny, it moves way too fast, the jokes are roll-your-eyes predictable. Script-format stories are notorious for their lack of description, but they at least make some degree of sense. This doesb't even have a story- it's like "The Wind Waken in a Nutshell Full of Typos and Crud." It makes no sense at all.

I'd suggest making it longer, making it follow the progression of the story rather than just having sporadic events, and using funny, clever, original jokes. Right now it's just... like, spam.

[Oni_Deity]

I'm just gonna say this once: I'm ignoring all your critisicim (SP?) so you're just wasting your time. I'm not gonna stop, and whaddaya mean, "predictable?" I make just about everyone look like an idiot in everyway possible. Probably woulda look better if I made Link talk, but I'm gonna avoid that.

[TRICKSTER]

Originally Posted by Lly

Ugh. I've seen scores of bad parodies on ZU, but this just about takes the cake. Please put more effort and thought into your stories in the future.

It's not funny, it moves way too fast, the jokes are roll-your-eyes predictable. Script-format stories are notorious for their lack of description, but they at least make some degree of sense. This doesb't even have a story- it's like "The Wind Waken in a Nutshell Full of Typos and Crud." It makes no sense at all.

I'd suggest making it longer, making it follow the progression of the story rather than just having sporadic events, and using funny, clever, original jokes. Right now it's just... like, spam.

I completely agree with Lly. take some time with this thing.

Originally Posted by Oni_Deity

MoniblinBob: You esta lyoko
MoniblinJoe: You el madre esta dumb
Moniblin Bob: El colde
MoniblinJoe: Esta colde el diablo libro espanol

were you trying to make your own language there?

Originally Posted by Oni_Deity

I'm just gonna say this once: I'm ignoring all your critisicim (SP?) so you're just wasting your time. I'm not gonna stop, and whaddaya mean, "predictable?" I make just about everyone look like an idiot in everyway possible. Probably woulda look better if I made Link talk, but I'm gonna avoid that.

Whoa... relax we're just telling ya what's wrong with your parody so you can improve it, not to piss you off.

[icybreeze]

Wow,cool i think that it was great buddy ^^
it's funny aswell ^

[Oni_Deity]

Originally Posted by TRICKSTER

were you trying to make your own languge there?

I'm terrible at Spanish. I didn't bother, to be honest with you.

Originally Posted by TRICKSTER

not to piss you off

Well ya did. Congrats.

Originally Posted by icybreeze

Wow,cool i think that it was great buddy ^^
it's funny aswell ^^

Thanks. Finally somebody who likes it.

[Twilight Wolf]

Whoa, calm down, mate. I'm just offering constructive criticism. Good authors learn how to improve their writing from constructive criticism, instead of getting mad about it. No author is above criticism. Only bad authors believe that they are.

[King KK]

This parody is annoying. Make it longer, put some more thought into it, and start accepting critisism. It's not the end of the world, it's just people telling you that your parody needs some serious work. It's like, if the makers of the first space shuttle ignored all critisism and suggestions, the shuttle would have probably blew up. Do you want your parody to blow up? I don't think so.

[Lly]

I'm just gonna say this once: I'm ignoring all your critisicim (SP?) so you're just wasting your time

If you can’t accept criticism, get off the internet. Seriously. I am well aware that you are probably not an aspiring author and will probably not benefit greatly from my nitpicking of your fan fiction parody, but if this is the way you react of something about which you claim to be so “passé” (ie not bothering with Spanish language, etc.) then I cannot imagine how you would react when someone insults something you actually care about.

So for your own sake: learn to take it like a man. We’re only trying to help, stop whining.

I'm not gonna stop, and whaddaya mean, "predictable?"

We’re not asking you to stop your story. We’re asking you to just put more effort into it. From the way it looks, you put two seconds of thought and five seconds of efforts banging this baby out on the keyboard. There are places on Zelda Universe where careless posts are let slide, but fanfiction- a board for writing- seriously shouldn’t be one of them.

I make just about everyone look like an idiot in everyway possible.

Making everyone look like an idiot has been done a million times before. “Stupid” characters are so incredibly cliché, and really only work effectively if you have a straight-man, always taking the heat from their zany antics. Link could potentially take on this character, but he hardly reacts to the insanity at all.

The fact of the matter is that your story looks like it took about five seconds to write, and you’re sassing everyone who tries to point out that maybe, just maybe you should consider putting more effort into your posts.

[Oni_Deity]

Like I said you guys, this was directed torward some of my friends, so once again, you're wasting your time. Explooding Shuttles? Awesome. And, I did put a lot of though into this. If you think otherwise, you must not have read the title. REALL SHORT it says. So, you, take it 'like a man' that it's directed to be short. 'Nuff said.

[Twilight Wolf]

Oh my god... We're trying to help you! We're offering suggestions on how you can improve this parody! However, it seems that you're one of those authors that believes that they are above criticism.

No one is above criticism. It's only bad authors who believe that. Ask any good author, and they will tell you that they learn from criticism.

Now, I am going to offer some constructive criticism yet again. I hope you take this into account instead of throwing a fit again.

The problem with having a REALLY short parody is that there isn't enough space for jokes, and it gives the whole thing a rushed feeling. Look at all the good parodies on ZU. They are not REALLY short. If you want this parody to get better, you probably shouldn't make it REALLY short.

[TRICKSTER]

Originally Posted by Oni_Deity

Like I said you guys, this was directed torward some of my friends, so once again, you're wasting your time. Explooding Shuttles? Awesome. And, I did put a lot of though into this. If you think otherwise, you must not have read the title. REALL SHORT it says. So, you, take it 'like a man' that it's directed to be short. 'Nuff said.

... OMG! ok Let's try again... The "take it like a man" thing meant that YOU shouldn't get pissed off because of the bad reviews. In fact, you should thank us for taking our time to review your parody and tell you what's wrong with it so YOU can improve it and get the positive attention of your readers. This parody being short isnt the problem, the problem is that it's not funny at all! If it was directed toward some of your buddies and you dont want to hear our suggestions then why dont you PM them your parody?

One more thing: criticism isnt something to get mad about. You should hear what your readers have to say, and keep in mind their suggestions. Like this one time when one of Grass's jokes was getting overused, we told him about it and he agreeded to change it without getting mad at all like you do. He keeps in mind his reader's suggestions, that's why his parody is number one on ZU.

Originally Posted by TRICKSTER

the bad part about it was the call for Epona. Yellow playing “sexy back” in his ocarina and Epona appearing out of nowhere saying “I love that song!” has gotten overuse and unfunny already (I actually think is kind of annoying)

Originally Posted by Grass

I will definitely change the Epona joke in the future. She won't be appearing until after the Water Temple, of course.

[Phobia]

I have a good idea, stop arguing! And let him write his parody dangit! If you don't like it, then don't read it! People like me that think this is a funny, entertaining parody do not want each chapter sepeerated by 20 posts of constant arguing!!!

Seriously, now, Oni_Diety, go on with your story, and people, if you critisise and he doesn't accept it the first time, stop trying to force him to change it! If he doesn't want to, then he doesnt want to, dont force him, now... on with the next part!

[Twilight Wolf]

^ Ugh... You just don't get it, do you? We are not criticising out of malice. We are offering constructive criticism to help him improve his parody. And if he didn't want our criticism, then he shouldn't have posted this here.

Criticism, when constructive, is how you develop as an author. All authors know that. Well, all the good ones, anyway.

[Phobia]

Or, he posted it so people could read it. You don't always post stories for the main reason of critisism.

Anyways, please, enough :p
Don't reply to this post if you are going to say something against what I said.

[Twilight Wolf]

^ Look, when you post something for whatever reason, you must be prepared for criticism, no matter how harsh it is. If you post something on ZU or anywhere else on the internet, people are going to criticize your work, whether you like it or not. This parody is no exception.

Not everyone is going to like what you write. You can't expect everyone to say "omg tis iz teh greetist ting eevor!11!"

And good authors want people to criticise their work, as long as the criticism is constructive. This helps them to see the flaws in their writing and improve upon them.

Also, if Shakespeare ignored all criticism, do you think he would have become one of the greatest literary figures of all time? I think not.

[Oni_Deity]

Y'know, screw this. If it's gonna be a big argument where I say nothing and everybody gets pissed, a mod may as well delete it. I'm not gonna finish it...
Friendly advice? That's a laugh.

[TRICKSTER]

Originally Posted by Bobby Emerald

Too bad she sucks up to everyone on the freaking internet, have you noticed that yet?
Sorry to burst your bubble.

C'mon dont be mean. Everyone likes different things. if icybreeze likes it then dont be so mean just because you dont like it. Everyone has the right say what they think.

Originally Posted by Oni_Deity

Y'know, screw this. If it's gonna be a big argument where I say nothing and everybody gets pissed, a mod may as well delete it. I'm not gonna finish it...
Friendly advice? That's a laugh.

Yes it was friendly advice. It was just to help you mate, but if you dont want any help, ok then I just wont post here anymore. Lly, Twilightwolf64 and everyone else who's been criticising his parody just stop. he said it himself, "we're wating our time" he doesnt want our help. continue with this "parody" if you want oni_deity, we wont criticize anymore.