02-20-2008, 04:00 PM
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"Neither Can Live While the Other Survives..."
 Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Busting Star Fox's Arwing
Posts: 1,182
  
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[lol]TP Parody [T]
this is not rated E or M
it seems T cause i raely use swear words this is my 1st chapter CHAPTER 1 Fado: Oi, Oi link wake up! Link: Ok, Ok just shut the %$&* up okay? Fado: Sure... Link: *comes down* Link: What do ya want? Fado: Help me herd goats, please? Link: Hell no! Fado: Why not? Link: ‘Cause I said so not get the $#@% outta here!! Fado: ok see you lat- Rusl: -Hi, Link! Colin: Hi, Link! Uli: Hi, Link! Colin, Rusl and Uli: We love you Link! Link: okay... well any way I’m going to get out of this boring place and go to Hyrule Castle Town! Everybody: Why!!?? Link: ‘Cause I said so now leave me alone! *On Screen Text Box* DAA DAA DAA DAAAAA ! You Ditched your Townsfolk AND Colin CONGRATS TO YOU!!! Link: *whistles* Epona come here boy...er.. I mean girl! Epona: Nice save... Link: Thanks! Do you have some booze? Epona: Well about that....I have a nice offer for you, 3 bottles of booze and you give me a trip to Ilia! Link: Fine *rolls eyes*, but I’m only doing this for the booze got that! Epona: sure... Link: I am! Epona: Ok, ok I get it! *later at Ilia’s house* Link: Hi Ilia! Ilia: Hi...the world is depressing, want me to read you a poem? Link: no that’s fine! I will just leave Epona with you, okay? Ilia: YAY she always listens to my poems..er..I mean..sure fine but the world depresses me.. Link: Thanks! Epona asked me too Ilia: WHAT? Link: Nothing..I said nothing..*cough*especially about Epona being able to talk*cough* Ilia: Fine but *mumbles on with her gothness and what not..* And that’s how baby Goths are born and- Link: Ugh...anyway gotta go! Ilia: Wait I have not told you about how- Mayor Bo: Ilia! Time for my foot rub! AND sponge bath! Ilia: YAY! I mean, Oh dad no! Not again! Link: I’ll just pretend that never happened.. *At the “ranch” * Link: WTF have you done to this place!! Fado: What!? Is giving the goats alcohol such a bad idea? Link: ....I will let YOU think this out.. Fado: Think, think.....*45 minutes later*...BRAIN BLAST! Link: So... Fado: Television! Link: What the hell is that!!?? Fado: I imagine the future when people will watch “cartoons”, “soap operas” and “sitcoms” and “other people” all while sitting on a huge chair and getting fat! Link: That’ s is a weird imagination you have there Fado.. Plus that will never happen! We will always have to make a play to watch other people! Fado: Okay... Link: In other news, I quit! Fado: Why! Link: ‘Cause I’m cool.. Fado: No... Link: Ok I’m quitting because I am moving or something Fado: You don’t remember! Link: *puts shades on* I’m too cool for school I mean ranches... *Later* Everybody: Bye...Link.....We loved you.. Ilia: Me too! I mean I something-ed you! Colin: Bye, Big brother! Link: WHAT!!?? Colin: Nothing...*devious smile* Link: Well see you guys, I’ll come back...later! EVERYBODY: YAY!!! Er We Mean....If you really want to...
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02-21-2008, 01:13 AM
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#2 |
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I eats more chicken any man ever seen.
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 2,184
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This is not very good at all. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I have the feeling you won't get much farther in this, anyway. I'm going to judge this based on how well written something in this style could actually be (which in most cases isn't very high, anyway.)
Your main problem is you're 12. Actually, I don't know you're age, but from what you seem to find humorous, 12 is a pretty close estimate. Also since you rated it T because you use swears leads me to believe you're younger than 13. Your use of swearing is tactless, and lacks even simple humor. Does Link using the F word add anything to the story or does it subtract? It's abrasive, if anything, and bad to read. Do you honestly think grown up people have a "I'm awesome, leave me alone, I do what I want." attitude? Link, because of this, seems to be a 10 year old in a 18 year old's body. And again, makes for bad reading. Then the story takes a complete turn for insanity. Epona is talking to Link (Which, if done right, if hilarious i.e Mr. Ed), but here it's completely random. Why does the horse have booze. Why is Link taking a drink funny? What is it parodying? Do you know what a parody is? Also why is Ilia gothic? This is given no explanation, and I just don't understand it. I can't say anything else about it, because it really makes no sense. To reiterate my point of Link being immature: Quote:
I could go on with technicalities, but the writing here is so poor that those are the least of your worries. This appears as if it was done in the textbox, but I guess since you posted it twice, it was done by some other format. Good luck, I guess. Oh, and Quote:
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"Now listen peoples, I'm gonna show you how to play the blues. Now you just sit here, and watch me." |
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02-21-2008, 01:16 AM
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Goron
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Great Bay
Posts: 192
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OMG!!! What a lame thing, but you wanted that...didn't you...
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I'm high on God!!!  John 3:16 It's not a religion. It's a relationship. |
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