The LOZ- Parody of Time (T)

[Giggoron]

Here it is. I hope you like it!


The Legend Of Zelda- Parody of Time

Chapter One- The Chosen Hero

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Deku Tree- Navi, come hither!

Navi- Just a second, oh ancient one!

Deku Tree- This is no time for games. The fate of Hyrule may lie in your hands!

Navi- Oh, all right…

*Navi flutters up to the Deku Tree*

Deku Tree- What were you doing, anyway?

Navi- Uh…. Trying to poison Mido.

Deku Tree- Navi, I told you to stop that! What is this, your twelfth time?

Navi- Twenty-third, actually.

Deku Tree- Any way, to more important business. You must deliver a message.

Navi- To who?

Deku Tree- To Link, the one without a fairy. Now go Navi. Fly!

Navi- I’m going! I’m going! But why do I need to get that good for nothing Kokiri child?

Deku Tree- Erm…. You will find out in due time. Just go.

*With that, Navi flutters to Link’s house.*

Navi- Link. Wake up. Now.

Link- Ermmumblecoffeedonutsbagels

Navi- What?

Link- Prettyhorsegirlsheikadesertman

Navi- What?!

Link- Huh?

Navi- You were dreaming again, weren’t you?

Link- No…I wasn’t dreaming about Saria. Nope. No way.

Navi- ….

Link- Anyway, why are you here?

Navi- I have come to deliver a message!

Link- From who?

Navi- The Deku Tree!

Link- Oh, you mean the big shrub in the back woods, don’t you?

Navi- How many times do I have to tell you: he’s not a shrub. He’s a tree.

Link- No. He’s a shrub with a big, ugly mustache, and he lives in the ghetto by those stupid watermelons with fangs.

Navi- Well, he needs you. So hurry up.

Link- Okay, okay…. Just let me grab my hat.

Navi- Why do you need it?

Link- To keep my big, stupid Hylian ears warm.

Navi- I see.

Link- Now let’s get this over with. I want to go back to sleep.

*With that, the two leave Link’s house and approach Mido.*

Link- Hey stupid. Get out of the way.

Mido- Mido no like being called stupid. Mido gonna hurt!

Link- Hey, no need for that, uh…. Sir. You see, I just need to get by…

Mido- No. Too dangerous. Link need sword and shield. Then go by.

Link- I don’t need any weapon. I feel strong enough to take on any watermelon with fangs today!

Mido- No.

Navi- Let’s just go. This idiot is not going to budge until we grab a sword and a shield. We might as well.

Link- Fine. Whatever. But can I kill him after I do?

Navi (grinning)- Be my guest.

Chapter Two- Which is best?

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Navi- Let’s try at the shop. They ought to have something there that we can use.

Link- Sure. Why not?

*Navi and Link approach the shop*

Random Girl- Hey, Link! Z-target me up here so we can talk!

Link- What? What is a Z-target? I can talk to you just fine!

Random Girl- Hey, Link! Z-target me up here so we can talk!

Link- I can’t! Shut up!

Random Girl- Hey, Link! Z-target me up…

*Navi flies up and knocks her off the roof, and she is impaled upon a sign.*

Link- That’s better.

*The pair enter the shop. Link sees a boy jumping up and down behind the counter.*

Link- What the heck are you doing?

Salesboy- Trying, umph, to see, umph, over the counter.

Link- Well, you don’t need to see me. Just tell me what you’ve got that I can kill Mido with.

Salesboy- Well, we’ve got sticks, nuts, and arrows. We also have a level one shield.

Link- How much for the shield?

Salesboy- 40 rupees, plus tax.

Link- I’ll take it.

Salesboy- Great! What else will you be buying?

Link- You do have a sword, right?

Salesboy- Uh… No.

Link- You sure about that?

Salesboy- Yes.

Link- Well, it sure would be an unfortunate coincidence if your little shop here were to catch on fire. You catch my drift?

Salesboy- I’m serious. We don’t have swords here. But you can have this magical lap-thingy I just purchased.

Link- That’ll do.

*Salesboy hands Link what appears to be a wooden laptop*

Link- What the heck is this?

Navi- He’s gone. But I think we can figure it out…

*The two head back to Link’s hut.*

Navi- First you have to open it, I guess.

Link- Okay, got it.

Navi- Now, we start pushing random buttons.

*After several moments a new window opens on the screen.*

Navi (reading aloud)- It says Ebay.

Link- Wow. Shiny.

Navi- This bar says search. I’ll type in sword.

Link- Okay… Wow. 789,000 matches.

Navi- Okay… Oh, look at this. Level three sword. Made of hardened bronze. And only 120 rupees!

Link- How about this- Level two, but with a lifetime guarantee and 40 rupees less!
*Several hours pass*

Navi- Aha! This one is perfect! The Kokiri sword, limited addition. Only one of it’s kind!

Link- Goody!

Navi- And plus shipping it comes to… twenty-eight rupees. Now I click here….

Computer- Congratulations! You have purchased the Kokiri Sword! If you live in Termina, you can expect the sword to arrive at half past never, in Labrynna, a quarter past last year, and in the Kokiri Forest 3.5 seconds! Enjoy!

*Post man suddenly runs into room, throws sword into Navi’s face, grabs Link’s wallet and quickly leaves*

Link- What the heck?

Navi- I think he broke my nose.

Link- You don’t have a nose.

Navi- Anyway, now we can go kill Mido and talk to the Deku Tree. Let’s go!

Link- He’s a shrub.



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