(com)OOT Parody - 3x Link [T]

Hello!

Yup, this is the revival of my parody thread which was locked due to unfortunate circumstances. See below. :]

Okay, I have a lot to say before I actually begin with the posting of the parody, so I decided- what better way to convey the information than in a cheesy Q&A format!

>.>

<.<

...Anyways, please read through it before skipping to the chapters. ;]


Q: What is this?

A: This is my OOT Parody. It's about three Links- White, Yellow, and Black- who go through the adventures in OOT. Their name refers to the color of their clothing, by the way, and not their race

I had started this up in late March. Some people credit me with starting the whole parody trend, since there were none others when I had first posted my thread.

Q: There was a thread before? What happened to it?

A: Here is a link to the previous thread. I miss that thread, it had 20,000 views ;-;

...Anyways, towards the end, people started to post badly. They were posting short, choppy, and almost spammy comments. Sometimes they would go off topic, sometimes they would just write stuff like "Nice chapter!" or "LOL!", etc. Several moderators, especially SuperDecimal, had tried to control the spamming, but people just wouldn't listen. SuperDecimal finally locked the thread down.

That happened in August. It's been three months now. A couple months ago, I PMed SD and he said that he didn't think it was proper to unlock it, because people hadn't learned their lesson. And to be honest, I agree.

I PMed him again recently- unfortunately, according to some people I've talked to, he's been absent as of lately. This is why I am creating a new thread.

Q: Okay, whatever. So, how far have you gone into this parody?

A: I've currently finished 56 chapters. As for story placement, they are just about to start the Water Temple. (I have been posting this parody on GameFAQs, by the way.)

Q: 56 chapters? That's a lot! Where would I read all of them?

A: Two options.

I have made three word documents with the first 46 chapters in them.

Important- get the first 46 chapters here!

Click here to get chapters 1-17.

Click here to get chapters 18-31.

Click here to get chapters 32-46.

If you have issues with downloading, you can go to the original thread (I provided a link above) and read through the pages there. It's more of a hassle, but oh well. :]





Okay, I'm going to be posting the first two chapters. This is so that anyone new can see whether they like it or not, whether they would want to read the rest. Also, just to get everything settled in.

Before I start, remember: http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...8-06-07-a.html !!!!

Those are the fiction rules. Please read them. Please post with meaningful comments. Create a rubric if you want. Say what you found funny, what you didn't find funny, etc. etc. I don't want this thread to be locked like the other one!

Also, if you're going to be still reading through the first 47 chapters, you can still go ahead and post comments in this thread. Just as long as they're following the rules, of course.




Okay! That was a lot of blabbering, wasn't it? >_< Time to post the first two chapters. Enjoy!



CHAPTER ONE: THE BEGINNING

IN THE DEKU TREE’S GARDEN

Deku Tree: Navi, come hither…

Navi: What’s up, Deku Tree?

Deku Tree: Come hither, Navi…

Navi: Uh, I am hither. What do you want?

Deku Tree: Navi… Come hither, Navi…

Navi: I AM HITHER! What do you want?

Deku Tree: …hwa? Oh, Navi! I was just about to call thou… duh… thee… thoo?

Navi: You DID call me. What do you need?

Deku Tree: I dunno… huh…

Navi: Have you been smoking weed again?

Deku Tree: Well, what else am I supposed to do with the weeds? They grow all over the place, and it’s not like anyone cares enough to get rid of them…

Navi: *sighs* Whatever. What do you need me to do?

Deku Tree: Go get those kids… in that tree… y’know…

Navi: What, the triplets?

Deku Tree: Yeah… they’re gonna like… save the world and stuff… huh huh…

Navi: Right… I guess I’ll go get them. But do me a favor and sober up before I come back, so you can actually make some sense, all right?

Deku Tree: Huh huh… okay… heh… if I had fingers, they’d be crossed right now…

Navi: Idiot.

Navi flies through the forest, towards the house of the Link triplets.

Navi: Why does that pothead need me to do his dirty work? There are plenty of suckers around! Why me? I don’t care about the world anyways. Plus, how are three little kids going to save it anyways? I mean…

Random Kokiri Girl: Hello!

Navi: Piss off!

AT THE LINKS’ HOUSE

Navi: Hey, guys, wake up, you gotta go save the world…

Yellow Link: Cool! I’m in!

Navi: That’s great. Wake up your brothers, will ya?

Black Link: Mmph…

White Link: Oof…

Yellow: Come on, guys, let’s go save the world!

White: We played that game yesterday. Plus, it’s like, six in the morning…

Black: Yeah…

Navi: The Great Deku Tree called you, and if you don’t get up, I’m going to body slam you.

Black: How much do you weigh, like, a fourth of a gram?

Yellow: Actually, grams are a measurement of mass!

Black: Nobody cares, Yellow… snores

Navi: Okay, fine- if you don’t get up, I’m not going to stop talking. I’ll just keep on talking forever, and ever, about nothing worthwhile but I’ll still be talking, and you’ll never sleep, and when…

White: Fine! Sheesh! I’m up.

Black: All right, whatever, let’s go see the ol’ Deku Tree…

Yellow: Hey, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: No, what?

Navi: Hurry up! *flies out the door*

White: Tell us later. We gotta go.

OUTSIDE THE LINKS’ HOUSE

Navi: Okay, so the Deku Tree is that way, so we should-

White: Crap, it’s that lunatic Saria again…

Black: No biggie. Distract her, and I’ll go take a rock, go behind her, and-

Saria: YAHOO! Hi, guys!

Black: …Too late.

Everyone climbs down the ladder to the ground.

Saria: YAHOO!

Black: Stop saying yahoo!

White: And get out of our way, we have to go see the Deku Tree.

Saria: The… the… the Deku Tree?

Yellow: Yup!

Saria: YAHOO!

Black: Shut up!

Saria: Wait! I have to tell you something!

White: What?

Saria: …YIPPEE!

White: Bye.

Navi: What a weirdo… Hey, who’s that kid blocking the way?






CHAPTER TWO: PREPARATIONS

Mido stands in front of the entrance to the Deku Tree. As the three Links try to get around him, he moves and blocks their way.

Black: Okay, no biggie. Distract him, and I’ll go take a rock, get behind him, and-

Mido: STOP!

Black: …Too late.

White: Mido, I know you enjoy being an ass, but we have to go see the Deku Tree.

Mido: WHAT? Deku Tree call YOU not ME? How this HAPPEN?

White: I don’t know, stop yelling.

Mido: You no PASS if no have SWORD and SHIELD!

White: How come?

Mido: Too DANGEROUS without SWORD and SHIELD. Big scary MONSTERS and STUFF!

Navi: What kind of monsters?

Mido: Big PLANTS that SPIN around much!

Navi: …Screw you.

The four go up to the nearby shop.

Kokiri Girl: Hey! Talk to me!

White: Uh, sure. Hi, how’s it going?

Kokiri Girl: Isn’t that awesome? You’re talking to me!

White: Yeah, that’s just great.

Yellow: Whatcha doing up there, anyways?

Kokiri Girl: I climbed up here with a ladder, and now I can’t get down, so I amuse myself by making people talk to me.

White: Well, okay then…

Kokiri Girl: Hey, any chance you could throw some food up here? Like a hot dog? Or maybe even a potato? …Man, no one ever listens to me…

The four enter the shop.

Yellow: Hi, we’d like to buy three swords and three shields.

Storeowner: That will be *falls down, jumps up again* impossible, because *falls down, jumps up again* this store sells shields *falls down, jumps up again* but not swords!

Yellow: Oh, poo. How much do the shields cost?

Storeowner: 40 Rupees *falls down, jumps up again* each!

White: Okay, I have enough. * pays storeowner * But come on, you seriously don’t sell swords?

Storeowner: Nope! * falls down*

White: What’s in that room behind you that’s labeled “the room that sells stuff that’s actually useful”?

Storeowner: * jumps up again* Nothing! *falls down *

Black: Okay, distract him, and I’ll take a rock and…

Navi: Shut up, Black! Listen, storeowner, you better open that door or… something bad will happen.

Storeowner: Nope! *falls down*

Navi: *sighs*Okay, fine, Black, we’ll distract him. Hurry up.

Storeowner: Wait, you’re *falls down, jumps up again* seriously going to do that?

Navi: I don’t know, you wanna wait and find out?

Storeowner: Fine! * falls down, opens door behind him * We have bazookas for 5,000 Rupees, bottle of Advil for 4,200 Rupees, a hot dog for 3 Rupees, a sword for 300 Rupees, an industrial-strength condom for…

White: The swords! We’ll take three! Here’s 900 Rupees.

Storeowner: *jumps up again* All right, wait here, and *falls down, jumps up again*I’ll go get it for you. *falls down, goes to the backroom *

Yellow: Hey, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: What?

Storeowner: Here are the swords.

White: Awesome! Thanks!

Everyone leaves, except for Black.

Black: So when you say “industrial strength”, you mean like…

White: Black! Hurry up!

Black: Coming! *leaves*

You are my hero! Your number one fan is back, Grass!!!

I'm gonna have to make this a decent length becuase I haven't talked to you for forever! I wanted to get a name on gamefaqs, but I never really got around to it- but believe you me, I sure as heck copied every single chapter from there into my Word document I started making from day one!

Boy, it feels great to be the first person commenting! Thanks for PMing me, Grass!

I have really nothing to say about the past chapters- they were all hilarious! I'll PM you about my new idea...

you won't believe how happy i am that you finaly diceded to do this! I'm jumping up and down on my chair like a little kid on chritsmas! I didn't have time to post anything about your chapters because it was locked but now i guess i can finaly follow the story along with everyone else. I hope you post the other chapters quick because I've been waiting a long time for this (in fact, when i started reading your fanfic it wasn't lock yet, and just the day i finished it i find out they locked it). oh and by the way, i also tried to make an account on gamefaqs, but they asked for my address so I didn't sing up.

Oh man, my heart's beating real fast, and I'm almost crying tears of joy! Grass, your parody was one of the reasons I joined ZU in the first place. And I'm so darn happy that it's back. Unfortunately I can't give you critiscism right now since I've read the first two chapters a million times already, but I'll try to give you some pretty good critiscism later on during the new chapters.

So yeah, I thank you so very very much for this parody! I'm gonna keep my eye on this everywhere I go. I....love you? That felt weird.

And I'm also proud that I, together with MNT, am the first one who came to mind when PMing people about the new thread! I guess I really am a memorable fan of yours...

Hopefully you'll catch up with the other parodies soon enough.

Nice, I got a comment on the first page. =D

...Ahem. Anyhow, I'm glad to see you back around, Grass. I was silent about your paraody most of the time but I really enjoy it and I read every chapter with smiles. Keep them up and I know this thread will be much better and sucessful than your previous one. Good Luck.

Edit: Ooh hey, a word of advice. I wouldn't like to see this topic close down again (yeah I was actually really dissapointed to see it go last time) so I would recommend HIGHLY emphasising the issue of spamming in your first post, perhaps by enlarging the text or something, because unfortunately in a few 50 odd pages I can see people not reading the first page and one again getting back into spamming. So make it known that you mean business. =D

Welcome back, Man_with_thoo, and everybody else! Let's make this thread ten times better than the old one by not spamming!!!

Let's not spam at all!

...and stuff.

Can't wait for the next chapter, Grass!

Thanks, everyone. ^.^ Paine, I went ahead and emphasized it a bit more, but you can never be too careful, I suppose, so I'll do it again now.

1. I'M POSTING A NEW CHAPTER, this is chapter 47, meaning I'm picking up where the other thread left off.

When responding, remember to respond with meaningful comments! If you really don't know what to do, just copy and paste this and fill it out:

What you liked:
What you didn't like:
What I should improve on:
Other comments:

A short, but sweet little form- fill it out and your post'll be just fine. (Hopefully. ;D)

If you don't want to do all that, just post normally, but still try to make sure you address all of the above points, since that's what will make a post spam-free! And, it'll help me out as well.



2. Yes, I skipped from Chapter 2 to Chapter 47. If you'd like to read the chapters in between, scroll up to the links that will allow you to download the documents with the other chapters. :]

3. Excuse the lack of formatting in this one (meaning, the actions aren't italicized) Just a coincidence; it'll be fixed next chapter.


Here goes!



CHAPTER FOURTY-SEVEN: THE FIRE TEMPLE, PART III

The four enter the staff room.

White: Hm… what is this place supposed to be?

Flame Dancer: …so basically my point is that the shows we have are very clichéd; all the ideas are too overused and unoriginal.

Executive Producer: Mhm…

Navi: Oh, crap, guys, duck! This is the staff room! If they see us we’ll get in big trouble!

White: Oy… let’s hide behind this pillar here.

The four hide behind the central pillar.

Flame Dancer: So I think this network could use a really original idea, and it’d help make a lot of money! And I have just the idea!

Executive Producer: Mhm… mhm. So what is it?

Yellow: *whispering* Hey, guys, what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: *whispering* Now’s not the time for jokes, Yellow!

Flame Dancer: Well, the rules would be that the contestants would have to participate in different events for points, and whoever gets the most points wins…

Executive Producer: …Yeah, that’s real original. Now excuse me, I’ve got-

Flame Dancer: Wait! …and the losers get fed to Volvagia, and their gruesome sacrifice is caught on videotape for our audience to see!

Executive Producer: Fed… to Volvagia?

Black: *whispering* Heh, that’d be an interesting show…

Yellow: *whispering* Guys, look! There’s a tray of donuts on the pillar! And there’s one left! *slowly reaches out to grab the donut*

Flame Dancer: Yeah, the big dragon? He’s been really hungry lately, and not getting much food, and he’s one of our biggest sponsors. I’m sure he’d agree to it.

Executive Producer: Ah, good idea! I like it! I’ll get it into production right away. Thanks for the idea.

Flame Dancer: No problem!

Executive Producer: *leaves the Staff Room*

Flame Dancer: Hm… I’m hungry. I could sure go for a donut…

White: *grabs Yellow’s arm* Yellow, stop! He’s coming!

Yellow: Oh, okay…

Flame Dancer: Hm, there’s one left- ah, and with the chocolate sprinkles! I love those! …Should I eat it now or let someone else have it, though…?

Yellow: Let me eat it!

Navi: *whispering* Shut up! You dumbass!

Flame Dancer: *looks around* Huh? Who said that?

Yellow: Uh… nobody.

Flame Dancer: …Oh, so I should give the donut to you?

Yellow: Yeah!

Flame Dancer: But you’re nobody, so giving it to you would be giving it to nobody, which would mean not giving it to anybody, which would mean eating it myself!

Yellow: …you’re going to eat yourself?

Flame Dancer: …

Yellow: …

Flame Dancer: ...Whatever. *eats donut* Ah! That was a good-

Yellow: *stands up* YOU MORON, THAT WAS MY DONUT!

Flame Dancer: …

Navi: *whispering* YELLOW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Yellow: …Y’know, when you whisper in all caps, it kind of defeats the purpose of wh-

Flame Dancer: …Excuse me, just who are you and what are you doing in the staff room?

Yellow: …You ate the last donut!

Flame Dancer: Hah, I did! I bet you reallllly wanted that donut, didn’t you!

Yellow: Yeah, it had chocolate sprinkles and everything!

Flame Dancer: Well, too bad! It’s in my belly now! Nyaaaa!

Yellow: You suck!

Navi: You guys are so immature…

Flame Dancer: *runs around the room* I have the donut and you don’t!

Navi: …Say, I can still see the donut in his belly! His body’s made of flame, so you can still see it inside. It looks undigested and everything…

White: How should we get it out?

Black: …Hm, I’ve got an idea! *takes out hookshot, grapples the donut out of the flame dancer*

Flame Dancer: Ouch! My donut!

Yellow: Awesome! It’s my donut now- hey, what the hell?

Donut: *grows arms and legs and runs away* Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the donut-

Yellow: *pounces on donut and devours it hungrily*

Flame Dancer: Noooooo! *dies*

Yellow: …Tastes like chicken.

Navi: …Right… let’s go, then. We’ve still got two more Gorons to free.

The four exit the staff room, and enter a large room.

Black: Hm, what’s this place?

Interviewer: Ah! And here we have three of the contestants of Survivor: Hyrule!

White: Who, us? We’re not-

Interviewer: You’re contestants of the Survivor show, right?

White: Actually, we-

Yellow: Yup.

White: …idiot.

Interviewer: Awesome! Well, I’ve got to congratulate you trio for making it so far, you must have endured quite a bit of hardships!

Yellow: Definitely.

Interviewer: What did you think of the event where you had to eat live spiders?

Yellow: …Tasted like chicken.

Interviewer: Haha, I suppose so. What about the event where you had to swim in a shark-infested pool?

Yellow: They also tasted like chicken.

Interviewer: …You ate… you actually… you ate the sh-

Black: Any more questions? We’re in a hurry.

Interviewer: No, I… I think… I think that will be all, thank you… *explodes*

Black: …Odd fellow…

Announcer: Okay, everyone line up at the starting line for the prize event!

White: Wait, what is this? I don’t want to do this if it’s unnecessary… we’re pretty rushed for time here.

Black: Hey, it might be fun. Let’s listen to what we have to do.

Announcer: All contestants must cross that narrow bridge over a pool of lava, and if they fall in they plummet to their death!

Black: …Okay, we’re out.

Announcer: If they cross, the first one to open that chest on the other side gets the legendary Megaton Hammer, the only weapon that can defeat the infamous Volvagia!

Black: …Okay, we’re in.

Announcer: Alright, our two teams are ready! In the red tunics we have Team 1! *points to White, Black and Yellow*

Torch Slugs: *applause*

Announcer: And on the left we have Team 2!

Red: COME ON GUYS WE MUST GET THE HAMMER TO DEFEAT THE DONKEY KONG

Blue: WORD

Green: WORD

Navi: …Donkey Kong? You sure you don’t have your universes mixed up-

Red: DON’T GET ALL UP IN MY FACE, GIRLFRIEND

Blue: WORD

Green: WORD

White: Who the hell are these losers?

Yellow: Didn’t they fall into the lava back in the crater?

Red: WE HAVE TO GET THE HAMMER SO WE CAN BREAK THE BARRELS AND CLIMB THE LADDERS TO RESCUE MY GIRLFRIEND PEACH FROM THE DONKEY KONG

Blue: PEACH IS MY GIRLFRIEND!

Red: MINE!

Blue: MINE!

Green: DONKEY KONG IS MY BOYFRIEND

Red: …

Blue: …

Announcer: Ready, set… go!

Red: *jumps into the lava*

Blue: *jumps into the lava*

Green: *implodes*

White: *casually walks across the pathway to the chest, and opens it* Alright! The Megaton Hammer!

Navi: Awesome! This’ll help us when we finally confront Volvagia.

Yellow: *nibbles on the Megaton Hammer* Hm… tastes like chicken.

Black: …what the hell is wrong with you?

White: *puts hammer away* Uh, anyways, let’s get a move on. We’ve still got two Gorons to free.

Yellow: Sounds good!

The four exit the Survivor room and head to the next game show.

Wow, you actualy started up the thread agian. I become inactive to ZU for very good reasons, and this is what I would have missed out xD

Well, good luck, Grass, and my our fifty thousand members actualy listen to you this time >.>

Tywar! Glad to see you!

Grass, I'm gonna look for my old rubric right now... hang on...

Introducing... (drumroll please.. please? Oh, never mind then.)

Malo and Talo's Super-De-Duperty Grading Scale of Awesomeness!!!
(it is my signature smiley, after all)

Grammar: 5/5
Perfect as usual, Mr. English Major. My, oh my, you make us all look bad.

Randomness: 5/5
The donut and the staff room was enough to make me jump off a seven story building, while laughing! Unfortunately, I was still reading the chapter, and I just didn't have it in me to travel thirty-eight miles to the nearest seven story building. It's all right, though.

Jokes: 5/5
The whol concept of this dungeon is one big joke!

Yellow: 5/5
Obtaining the donut!!! Hilarious! He's still my favrite character, even after all this time!

White: 5/5
Sarcastic, rude, intelligent... that's White for ya.

Black: 5/5
What a sadist! I love that guy (but not nearly as much as I love Yellow!)

Supporting Characters: 5/5
Green, Red, and Blue are simply extravengant. Does anybody else see it? Sidekicks? Huh? Huh? Huh? ...Please?

Perfect Score!!! But everybody knows that I'm pretty much addicted to this parody... but my imput does count! You rock, Grass!

ok... lets get started. Is it just me or is there something wrong with Grass? this chapter was funny, but it isn't as funny as it seemed to be when the mod closed the topic. that "tasted like chicken" answer was funny, but it wasn't that funny the second time he said it, it felt overused (but when yellow tasted the hammer, it was hilarious!). This was still a great chapter, but not exactly what i was expecting after such a long time. I'll give it a 4/5.

MnT: Take care not to double post.

Originally Posted by TRICKSTER

ok... lets get started. Is it just me or is there something wrong with Grass? this chapter was funny, but it isn't as funny as it seemed to be when the mod closed the topic. that "tasted like chicken" answer was funny, but it wasn't that funny the second time he said it, it felt overused (but when yellow tasted the hammer, it was hilarious!). This was still a great chapter, but not exactly what i was expecting after such a long time. I'll give it a 4/5.

Perhaps you were expecting an absolutely brilliant chapter after such a long abscence? As in, perhaps you were expecting that since I haven't written anything for three months, what I would write now should be amazing?

Not so. Understand that even after the thread got locked, I have been continuing with this parody normally, on GameFAQs. I haven't taken a break in the writing, it's just that ZU people have taken a break from the reading. Nothing's changed, for better or for worse.

I think you set your expectations too high, and were a bit disappointed. There's nothing I can do for that. :\

Great, as always, but I don't really support the whole "going against mod's orders" things, y'know, by making a new thread without permission .

Here's a bit of advice: use italics instead of caps. It looks better.