(com) TP Parody [T]

Hey guys. I've been trying to write something funny for a while now and I thought doing a TP Parody on ZU would be a good choice. As far as the rating, it was kind of a tough choice. This is definitely not G rated, but it's not M either. I rated it T, but it should be considered about 13 and up, not 10 and up. There is some language and a few other suggestive things, but not M rated things. Anyway, there's my warning. I hope you guys like it!

Chapter 1-Conversation with Rusl
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Rusl: Hey man…do you ever, like, feel all not-cool when it’s, like, dark outside or whatever?

Link: Hey man…do you ever, like, NOT try to talk like Tommy Chong?

Rusl: Who the hell is that, man?

Link: Nevermind

Rusl: I heard it’s, like, the time when our world…*slurs off*

Link: …our world what?

Rusl: Huh?

Link: OUR WORLD WHAT!?

Rusl: …oh…intersects…*whispering* with theirs…ahhh

Link: *sigh* I’m not even going to ask.

Rusl: Isn’t that, like, totally deep and stuff, man?

Link: I need to find your pot stash.

Rusl: Not cool, man! Don’t be taking my…*slurs off again*

Link: Ugh…why’d you ask me out here anyway?

Rusl: Oh yeah…it would be totally cool if you would, like, take this gift thingy to Hyrule for me or whatever.

Link: Let me guess, Mayor Bo asked you to do it like always but ever since you discovered the pot plants growing south of here he figures you’re going to be too stoned to walk straight and might stab people if you think they are trying to bring you to “the man”?

Rusl: Wow, that’s, like, exactly what he said to me, man. So, like, will you do it, man?

Link: Whatever.

Rusl: B*tchin’!

They begin to walk back to Ordon. Rusl is trying to lock the gate.

Link: Rusl...

Rusl: Yeah, man?

Link: I don’t think your finger is going to work as a key.

Rusl: This is a key, man!

Link: No, that’s your finger. The keys are hanging from your ear.

Rusl: Hey, my finger can be a key if he wants to, man. Don’t…don’t be a jackass. Fingers have feelings too.

Link: That’s the fourth body part you’ve claimed to have feelings this week.

Continues to try to lock the gate.

Link: Oh for God’s sake, let me do it. You’re going to hurt yourself somehow.

Locks gate. They reach Link’s house.

Link: Ok, bye Rusl. Try not to kill anything on your way to your house.

Rusl: Hey, we need to go to the fountain, man.

Link: What? We were just there!

Rusl: We HAVE to, man! Come on!

They go back.

Rusl: Hey man, will you go to Hyrule for me?

Link: YOU ALREADY ASKED ME THAT!!!!!!

Rusl: Really?

Link: I hate you.

They go back to Link’s house.

Link: Ok, BYE Rusl.

Rusl: Hey, we need-

Link: If you say we need to go to the fountain, then my foot’s going to need to go to your ass!

Rusl: Fine, be that way, man.

Rusl leaves.

Link: FINALLY!! So many That 70’s Show rip-offs…
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END OF CHAPTER 1

I know, chapter 1 wasn't that good, but trust me, it gets better. Chapter 2 should be up later tonight.

Pretty good Jaca. Welcome to the ranks of the TP parody people! (I have one to if you haven't guessed) It's pretty good how you can make a small scene longer by adding jokes. Rusl's personality is pretty funny. The only thing that you can work on is making you're chapters longer. But you're taking it at a good pace. Good Luck Jaca!

That was real funny! X]

Just write abit more, ok?

I like it so far jacamitanoz. Rusl's personality is funny. I give it a 9.3/10, just because of the length.

I love that 70's show! Rusl's hilarious. Such a vibrant personality. Like Pinto said, 9.3... Like he said again, because of the length.

Thanks, guys! I've got some really funny personalities coming for the rest of the Ordonians. Yeah, I wanted chapter 1 to be longer, but I thought that anything else I could have added to it would have kind of been dragging it out. Thanks for the suggestions!

Anyway, here's chapter 2...

Chapter 2-Freaky Ordon Village (Ilia, Fado, the goats)
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Fado: Oi Link! You be'er come down to the ol' ranch! The goats have decided to be real bahstards today!!

Link comes to the window.

Link: Whatever. *to himself* God, I hate that stupid fake English accent he does.

Fado: Oi, wha'ever 'appened to Epona?

Link: Epona's gone? sh**, where'd she go....

meanwhile in the Ordon Spring...

Ilia: OH. MY. GAWD. Epona!! You are, like, sooo totally dirrrty!!! Well then we'll have to, like, fix that ginormo problem right now!

Epona: Oh no, she's talking again...must...get...away...

Ilia: So, like, I started talking to Beth the other day and she was all like, saying her "yo yo yo" stuff and I was all like "you guys are so stupid with your fake gangsta crap" and she was all like "I'm gonna bust a cap in yo' ass, ya damn valley girl" and I was like "Oh my gah, your so MEAN" and she was like "leave me alone, b*tch" and I was like "you know those freckles look awful on your face. I really think you should start wearing makeup. You know, I could, like, let you borrow some if you want. I've got some great stuff" and then she ran away and I thought " oh my GAH she's so MEAN! Don't you think she's so mean too, Epona? Do you? Do you? I think she is. You know I could let you borrow some makeup, too. I-

Epona: Oh God, make it stop!!!

Ilia: -that I made out of thousand island dressing and-

Link walks in.

Ilia: -and a few hints of...oh HI LIIIINK!!!!!!

Link: Oh no. No no no...

Ilia: OH MY GAH Link!! How are ya, baby!!!?? I just got done washing Epona for ya!!! She was sooooo dirty and stuff!! Like, what have you guys been doing, my GAH!!? I just got done telling her about that enormo fight I had with Beth the other day. Did I tell you? I was like "Beth you need some makeup" and she was like-

Link: Yeah I think I overheard most of it on my way down here. *thinking* MUST. GET. OUT. OF. HERE.

Ilia: Epona is, like, sooo pretty!!!! And she's such a good LISTENER!!

Epona: Yeah, if you haven't noticed, I'm a HORSE!!!

Ilia: Don't you think she's a good listener Link? Do you? Do you? I think she is. You know not many people I meet are good listeners-

Link: *thinking* Can't imagine why.

Ilia: Oh my gawd, I love Epona sooo much! Oh, and you look GREAT today Link, my GAH!! You know that-

Link: *shuddering* Oh my God, can I just have Epona back? I...I have to go...do stuff...herd goats, yeah, that's it, herd goats...

Ilia: Oh OK! Take good care of her now!! BYE HON!!!!

Link rides off on Epona.

Link: OH THANK YOU JESUS!!!! I'M STILL ALIVE!!!! *throws up*

Epona: THANK GOD!!!!! Hey, I had to put up with more than you! *throws up also*

Arrives at Ordon Ranch.

Fado: Oi! It's 'bout time you got 'ere! Where 'ave you been?

Link saying and Epona thinking: Being slowly tortured.

Fado: Ilia?

Link: *tearfully* Yes...

Fado: It'll be all righ'. Anyway, I need you to round up the goats.

Link: *sniff* Ok...

Link begins herding the goats. One gets pissed off and rams him off Epona.

Link: OW!!! SON OF A B*TCH!!!

Pissed-Off Goat: *bleat* Translation-"Yes, brethren! I have made our first strike on the human overlords! Soon we will raise our numbers and lead a full uprising, making this land, Hyrule, the Oval-Horn Haven!!! We have tricked the humans for years, giving them milk and cheese and other dairy products...they are fools. But we must bide our time...It may be years before we are ready...but our day of triumph will come!!!"

Miyamoto: Coming in our next game, codenamed "The Legend of Zelda: Link Fights an ass-load of goats."

Me: Hey, can we get back to the parody?

Miyamoto: Sorry. *goes back to Japan*

Link finishes herding the goats.

Fado: Oi! Righ' good job you did there lad!

Link: Fado, is there really any need for the acc-

Fado: Want me to set up the fences?

Link: No, that's ok.

Fado: I'll jus' be a minute!!

Link: Wait, wait, no!! *screen goes dark, causing hours to pass* Crap!

Fado: Sorry it took so long!

Link: *angrily* Uh huh. Well, bye.

Fado: Toodles!

Link: *as he's riding into town* Toodles? Good God...
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END OF CHAPTER 2

I hope this one was longer than the last. Sorry about the short chapters. Tell me if I should make them longer than this one, guys!

This one was a perfect length. You know, there used to be a girl that talked like Ilia in my class. She was talking to the teacher, who couldn't understand her. She stopped once the teacher yelled at her (saying: "Can't you say anything besides 'like'?!). I give this one a 4.8/5. *waits*

Thanks, Hyrule144! Chapter three will be up tomorrow. 9.6/10 Yay! Higher than my first chapter! You know, I wasn't sure anyone was going to find my writing funny. Thanks for the reinforcement, guys! *starts writing chapter 3*

OMG BOLDED NAMES! I love you already. <33333

Anyways, nice parody, jaca. Very funny.

You're taking a very professionalish approach to this, giving each character a distinct personality as early as possible, and sticking to the storyline very closely. I think it's superb so far.

On the note of format, try to italicize the action lines, like:

Link: *thinking* Can't imagine why.

That'd be great.

Anyways, so far I can't see any flaws in this work. But I will eventually. Keep writing, and keep up the great work.

OH! DON'T rush yourself. It's okay to post often in the first day, but if you do that, you'll eventually tire yourself out and discontinue the parody- as I have seen way too many parody writers do.

It may seem new and exciting and you want to write stuff as soon as possible, but if you pace yourself and take the time to read over what you've written, at the cost of not posting 40 chapters per day, you'll find it'll be a lot better for you. :3

That was nice. =3

9/10 It was really funny how you made thier poersnalitys. X_X

Thanks, Grass! And thanks for the suggestions! I know I shouldn't post too much at once. I only posted two today because I wanted to jump-start the parody. The absolute most I'm going to post after today is one per day. Average should be one every two to four days. I did write these first two chapters in about a collective hour and a half, so I wasn't sure how they'd be perceived, but I was planning on taking it slower from now on. Production will also be slower once school starts again, too (I start August 20th). I'm writing chapter 3 right now and it should be up tomorrow afternoon. Anyway, thanks for the comment and the suggestions, Grass! Oh, and thanks, Windy!

This chapter is amazing jaca. Good length, very funny, good personalities. As Grass said don't rush your self just relax and have fun writing the story. Heh Heh I wanna be a goat overlord...

Thanks for the continued comments, guys!

Here's chapter 3...

Chapter 3-Freaky Ordon Village (Everyone else)
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The next day...

Talo: Yo, Link! Get yo' ass up, man! It's mornin' already!

Link: *thinking* Here we go again.

Outside

Talo: 'Bout time you got up, man! What, you stay up partyin' last night?

Link: Whatever you say. *rolls eyes*

Talo: A'ight, dawg. Yo, B! Why won't yo' mama let us use da damn slingshot, man? I'm dying to shoot some sh** with it.

Beth: She be sayin' it not fo' little kids.

Talo: Say what? Dat sh** so stupid I'm gonna bust a cap in here!

Malo: We keepz it real.

Link: *thinking* Wow, they can't go five minutes without saying that.

Beth: Yeah, and she all pissed 'cause da damn cat ran away or somethin'.

Talo: Man, I don't care about da damn cat! I want dat slingshot so I can be all shootin' up all da damn monkeys showin up around here. They on our turf, man!

Malo: We keepz it real.

Beth: Don't be hatin' T! We get it, man. We get it.

Talo: Whatever, girl. *raises fist* ORDON POWER!!!

Beth: Aw yeah!

Malo: We keepz it real!

Link: *thinking* Is that all he says? God, I can't listen to this crap anymore.

Link heads into town.

Hanch: MUST. GET. HONEY!!

Link: Not again...Hanch! We've been through this! Honey does not give you superpowers! Ha-Hanch! Put the-put the rock down! Put it down! D-down! Hey! Down!

Hanch: NO!! I MUST get the precious honey!!

Bees chase him into the water.

Link: Why do I bother...

Hanch: *gets out of the water and sobs*

Link: Hanch? It's ok, Hanch. Come on, deep breaths. In, out, in, out. There you go.

Hanch: Link?

Link: Yes, Hanch?

Hanch: *whispering* The bees are planning something!

Bees: No, we aren't! The goats are!

Goats: *off in distance* Shut up!

Link: *sigh* Hanch, you need some calm time. Go watch Oprah or something.

Hanch: Yay! Me likey Oprah!

Link: Uh huh. Go on.

Hanch skips away.

Link: *over near the stream* Hey, Uli.

Uli: HIIII LIIIINK!!! Isn't it a WONDERFUL day today?!?!

Link: Uh...sure. Wait, didn't you lose your cradle?

Uli: Huh? Oh...uhh...yeah...isn't that just sooo FUNNY?!

Link: No! It's awful! You made it yourself! ...are you ok?

Uli: I'm GREAT!! Everything here is FANTASTIC!!!!

Link: ...Wait...Oh God, did you find Rusl's stash?!

Uli: Yeah, I did! It's AWESOME!

Link: ULI!! You're PREGNANT!!!

Uli: ...so?

Link: SO!? Your baby is going to have three arms or something!!!

Uli: Having three arms would KICK ASS!!

Link: *sigh*

Uli: ...Oh yeah, I'm supposed to give you this cute little fishing thingy. Isn't that GREAT!?!

Link: Ok...

On-screen Text Box: Da da-da da DAAAAAA!! You got a crappy little fishing pole!!! Colin spent hours making it for you. Wait, it says something at the bottom here...It says "HI LINK"

Colin: *walks up behind* HI LINK.

Link: Oh, hi Colin...

Colin: ...HI LINK.

Link: ...hi, Colin.

Colin: ...........HI LINK.

Link: ........Yeah, I'm gonna go see what Sera's doing....

Colin: .......BYE LINK...*runs home to Link Shrine.* *While bowing to a picture of Link-* HI LINK.....HI LINK.....HI LINK.....HI LINK.....
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END OF CHAPTER 3

Hope I kept a good length with this one.

X]


Lol! That was funny. The way you made the three children gangsters and colin a Link obssesed brat...Ha! Lol, keep this up okay?