Ongoing Zelda Humor

Here's how this works, I'll post the start of a story and someone else needs to post the next few paragraphs. The story must stay Zelda, but it can be a bit random and it's supposed to end up funny even though it starts serious. Now onto the story:

It was approaching twilight and everyone’s favorite hero Link was maneuvering his way through the Lost Woods. He was getting very angry, but not frightened, for he had one friend, one friend that would always be on his side, well one friend who he’d be on, his horse Epona. Link had gotten Epona as a gift from a dear friend Malon.

As the two galloped through the Lost Woods, Link tapped Epona’s sides to stop and get for directions. He took out his map and glanced at it, but it was too dark to see anything, the trees completely blocked out the little sunlight that was still in the sky. Now was when Link was getting a little scared, for he knew what came out at night in the lost woods...

Then Link turned into a werewolf and had an urge to scare people. He went to Lon Lon Ranch and ate all the chickens and scared Talon and gave him a heart attack.

Link ran to the graveyard and fell into a grave. He started to hear scary voices. He contined forward. He was in a grave trapped under the lost woods trees. The voices were getting closer. He knew what was coming for him...

a dog that wanted to play fetch. He got out of the grave, and threw the stick. He kept walking through the Lost Woods, then he went to Lake Hylia for a swim. Then....

Jabu-Jabu ate Link, and Link fought with his...

limburger cheese stick. But all it did was give Jabu-Jabu bad breath. Then, just as he was loosing all hope…

But then Navi appeared to save him and he said...

HEY! Link tried to run away, but...

Navi immobilzed him with its annoyance and then...

she died of a sudden heart attack, and Link went over to Ordon Village and...

Ilia was all over him about Epona...

and Link was like "SHUT UP @#$#@!!" and slapped her and took Epona with him. He rode to Kakariko Village where...

the kids jumped on him and...

he got mad so he punched them all in the face and peed in the pond, and rode to Death Mountain where...

Darunia appeared and killed Link but a fairy revived him and he went to Ganondorfs Castle and asked him...

"Hey, have you taken a shower today?"
and ganondorf said...

"Yes, how about yourself?" Link said "Not yet, but I was going to, but my sister was taking WAY too long, and I just left." Link then peed on Ganondorf and...

Ganon imploded sending guts everywhere. And a three year old girl with rabies and grizzly bear walked out of the guts. The girl then...

bit Link and gave him rabies and he had 3 days to find a way to cure his sickness so the bear followed him and they went to Zelda and found Zelda sleeping so they started looking out the window as a full day went by then Zelda woke up and...

said "Who you?" and pointed at Link. Link said "I'M RICK JAMES B#@$#" and ran away. He saw a Goron and said...

"Hahahaha! you're fat!"
and the goron...

decided to throw Link across Hyrule, and Link landed on Zelda and...

Zelda said "Get off me, you pervert!" and then...

she slapped him, and Link ran away, crying. A towns person saw this and asked "What's the matter?" and...

Link got slapped again, and then...

he jumped off a cliff, but he was resurrected, and he pooped in the fountain in Castle Town then...

went into the corner to go cut himself. He started to bleed and he remembered he had rabies, so he wiped it on Navi who started to...

suffocate. Link then spit on a dog, then...

the story started to get boring, but Link continued on trying to get it funny again. So Link decided it was time to get out his ten inch...

sword, but he didn't have one, so he took out his ten inch...

"sword" as you may call it, and started to attack the dog with it causing the dog to do a barrel roll and...

land in a pile of cow dung...

Then Link ran away to the Twilight Realm where he was Midna, and...

stuff just started to happen, Link hadn't exactly expect Midna to do "that", but you know how it goes when you are a...

Then Link turned into a werewofd and had an urge to scare people.He went to Lon Lon Ranch and ate all the chickens and scared Talon and gave him a heart attack.

Link ran to the graveyard and feel into a grave. He started to hear scary voices. He contined forward. He was in a grave trapped under the lost woods trees. The voices were getting closer. He knew what was coming for him...

...a dog wanted to play fetch. He got out of the grave, and threw the stick. He kept walking through the Lost Woods, then he went to Lake Hylia for a swim. Then....

Jabu-Jabu ate Link, and Link fought with his...

limburger cheese stick. But all it did was give Jabu-Jabu bad breath. Then, just as he was loosing all hope…

But the Navi appeared to save him and he said...

...HEY! Link tried to run away, but...

Navi immobilzed him with its annoyance and then...

...she died of a sudden heart attack, and Link went over to Ordon Village and...

Ilia was all over himm about epona...

...and Link was like "SHUT UP @#$#@!!" and slapped her and took Epona with him. He rode to Kakariko Village where...

The kids jumped on hima and...

...he got mad so he punched them all in the face and peed in the pond, and rode to Death Mountain where...

Drania appeared and killed Link but a fairy revived him and he went to Ganondorfs Castle and asked him...

Hey, have you taken a shower today?
and ganondorf said...

yes, how about yourself? Link said "Not yet, but I was going to, but my siste