Zelda Universe Tales (T)

I have a question:

BigGoronSword - Wants pictures of sp-dude from sadida.
Sadi - see above.

What... does this mean? Do I somehow have connections that grant me access to the ever elusive pictures of sp-dude? ?

Originally Posted by Gravemind

Thats probably all for today. Lem: Do you want to be affiliated with ZU or VGRC for this attack?

How about both?

Originally Posted by sadida

I have a question:

What... does this mean? Do I somehow have connections that grant me access to the ever elusive pictures of sp-dude? ?

Well, you aren't sp-dude, in a Spider-man way. You would be like Eddie from the 3rd movie, but less obnoxious and all that.

I saw a picture of SD. It was ether a guy with curly hair, or a wooman. Either way, I like the Drill Instructor thing.

And Kynnella: Read my first post.

Originally Posted by Me

I don't mean things seriously. If you're in here, laugh at yourself. If you see your name, chances are from what I notice, you will be exaggerated or have a slightly different personality.

If you're going to complain or something every time you come in, laugh at yourself, or leave. I won't make it one-sided, if that's what you're thinking.

But since you haven't been included yet, that means anything is possible for you. (As I doubt SD would think someone would portray her as a male drill instructor)

Gravemind, how in the world did you come up with this? :XD

It's funny, though. And it's actually quite interesting.

My friend, you should take the "and this" part out of my description, as this is probably the only comedy I appreciate. Genius, my friend, pure genius.

WELL DONE. Safer looks forward to moar.

Gravemind, I demand to be in this story as the funny lacky that does stupid yet amusing things, chop-chop!

XD

-Link

Wow! This is great. I read the first chapter and reconigzed a line from my Majora Mask parody (find a link to it in my sig below) and thought "Hey, I know that" Really, this is great and the idea is very cool:cool: . Anyways, keep writing this exellent piece of fiction.

Originally Posted by Necco

To the contrary . I like it, keep it up, I cant wait to see where this leads.

Someone has an unnecessary grudge against me.

Anyways, I like where this is going! Though I would most likely retaliate if someone knocked me over with a trashcan...by opening up a can of whoop-***!

Yay.....What a wonderful story. Wafflez go to you. Continue and you shall recieve muffins with poppy seeds...don't eat to much though, or you won't pass a drug test. 9/10.

Good writing, funny, and interesting. Keep it up. *Goes off to fight off a dragon.*

Chapter 2: The War

*Scott and James are in a bunker 30 ft/10 meters away from the Staff Tower. The bunker has high tech equipment in it, and controls. It is underground.*

Scott: Blast these VGRC folk. This is why I refuse to add them to our affiliates list!

James: All scanners are online. Paging eric to alert them of the attack. Raising danger level to red.

*James calls up eric, Remus listens*

James: Warning. The Trolls' Corner is launching a direct attack. Prepare the Tower and the other Sectors for defense and offense.

Eric: W..hat? You... OH GOOOOOOD!!! *runs off to cry*

Remus: *sigh* Guess I'll do it. *gets intercom ready to talk to all of ZU*

Remus: Attention, attention. Prepare for attack. Ready all the spam posts we've deleted and adbots. Leminnes, Link, kika, Pani, and Jodd, get over to the catapults to launch.

Remus: *with intercom off* We'll need to give them hell....

At the Trolls' Corner

Alex: D00d, lets swipe them out like 30 Covenant Destroyers on 1 UNSC ship!

Captain: Hold on. We've got the catapults ready. Hindmost and andi- have the spam bots. I have logic and common sense. You've got the Plasma Grenades and flying saucers. Mess has noobs and cannonballs. We will shoot at my mark.

Alex: Man, my Plasma Grenades will be thrown like Master Chief on an Elite on Legendary!

Mess: Ready to fire on mark.

Captain: Ready? 3, 2, 1, FIIIREE!!

*spam bots, noobs, cannonballs, and plasma grenades and flying saucers go flying down the block for ZU. ZU looks up and sees what is happening.*

Jodd: Oooooh... ****....

Pani: *crying* We'll make it, right Joddy?

Jodd: We're hoping, sweety, we're hoping.

Pani: Hug me one last time!

*Jodd hugs, but a flash comes from them, and they fuse to become PANIJODD*

PANIJODD: Hey! We fused! This is so awesome... we must defend this place. SUPER FLYING POWER, GOOOOOOOO!

*PANIJODD takes flight. They manage to stop half of the incoming stuff from down the block, but the other half lands*

*Leminnes sees some noobs coming towards him, and throws banerangs at them. Link slashes the incoming Plasma Grenades with his sword, and bounces them away from anyone. Kika uses her fatness and Pokemans to bounce random things off. However, many things manage to land and half of ZU is hit. People go flying and are crushed. The Staff Tower has a few pieces flying off and landing below. Scott and James watch in horror.

Scott: We can't let Zelda Universe fall to these people. James, order those handful of people to fire!

James: Aye aye, sir.

PANIJODD: Guys, we've been told to fire what we have... load the cannons.

*everyone loads the cannons and catapults. PANIJODD holds up it's hand, giving the signal to wait for the order to attack.

PANIJODDL: Alright... a little to the right... and... FIRE!

*Spammy posts and thousands of adbots go in the air, hitting VGRC hard. The Tower is sturdy, and doesn't get affected much.*

Alex: Hahahaha! They failed like a Grunt hand-to-hand combat with a SPARTAN!

Captain: Don't get too cocky... They have millions of spammy posts. We have much less.


Leminnes: I don't think we will survive this... we need to do something.

Link: But what?

Leminnes: I.... don't know. *looks at a catapult and at VGRC*

Lem: PANIJODD, lift me up on that catapult. Get ready to shoot me at Trolls' corner.

*Scott sees on camera and contacts Leminnes.

Scott: Hey lem, do you mind telling me exactly what you're doing on that catapult?

Leminnes: Sir, finishing this fight.

___________________________________

*coughHaloReferecescough*

And Alex will always make a Halo reference, and Pani and Jodd won't stay as PANIJODD forever.

The awesomeness of this knows no bounds. Very well done :3

Captain: Don't get too cocky... They have millions of spammy posts. We have much less.

That is my favourite line, I don't know why, I just like it. I'd toss a brownie too, but I've eaten all of mine D:

*psst* Thirty feet is nine metres, not ten.

Other than that, not a bad job. It'll be interesting to see what Lem does to the VGRC people.

It's actually pretty good. Before, the writing wasn't very funny (while the ideas were original), but it's kind of improving.

Really, the main humor is this doesn't come from your writing style or anything, but by the fact that your parodying ZU itself.

Really awesome story! Love the Halo part you put me in. I'm not sure who will win. Captain looks like he is immune to spam attacks, but once his annoyance meter hits the top, you don't want to screw around with him...


-Link

Chapter 3: Lem's invasion, Stony's evasion

*Leminnes gets fling over the crappy, smaller sites like Heretic-gamer and invisionfree sites, and sees VGRC dead ahead. He turns so his feet will go in first. He breaks a window, and knocks Mess back into a desk and knocks him out, and looks around the room.

Alex: HE HURT A LEADER, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! *runs around with arms in the air*

Pyro: Get yourself under control, Alex. *throws a pot at Lem*

*Lem grabs it, and tosses it at the wall, breaking a picture*

Captain: NOOOO!! That was my photo of Stony getting ****ing owned by Razekial!

Lem: Heheh... right. *throws a desk at Captain and Pyro, and then punches Pyro in the stomach a few times*

Alex: Screw this like a thousand Elites on an infection form! *runs down a few floors and hides in a cloest*

Pyro: GHoooh.. ahhh... *falls over

Captain: You... won't... get away s..oo easy! *fires on last cannonball at ZU, hits the staff tower and causes some damage, and Captain then falls over too*

Lem: Well, my work here is done. Time to raid the fridge and stay here for a week, and switch off.



Scott: Damage report, James.

James: The Staff Tower has been a bit damaged. Nothing serious, but we should look around for some damage in some of the sectors.

Scott: Alright, lets get a move on.

*Scott and James walk through some sectors (forums) to see if there is any damage, and observe random things. First, they pass the Clan Arena whilst checking on the Staff Tower*

Taledin: No! Your army can't attack me like that!

The Black Knight: But I have a witch!

Taledin: Who ****ing cares? After all, I have Gorons.

The Black Knight: lol... this makes no sense in the timeline.

*enter the United Wise Men group and ASE (C.I.A. and F.B.I) All in black suits*

Master: (Master of AlttP) Sorry, you aren't allowed to discuss timelines here as part of code 2.34 stating "All discussion of anything related to a timeline or Zelda facts must be presented with proof in front of the Council of Timeline Theorists. Failure to comply can bring charges against your clan game and have your timeline disputed."

TBK: But... I lead the ASE!

ASE member: It does not matter. We agree on a timeline that toke us a year to find out. Please obey the laws and discontinue any discussion on this matter.

TBK: Ok... lol

James: Lord, what fools these mortals be.

Scott: What?

James: Nothing.

*pass to the Community Thread. Enter Raze, with a 10 gallon hat, light accent, and cowboy suit. Has a silver tooth for a left mauler, and has a gun in his pocket. Play the typical "Showdown" music.*

Razekial: So, Stonie, I hear you think too much of yourself.

Stonie: Shut up! >-< don't make me click the report post button!

Razekial: What do you think it'll do?

Stonie: Why, get people who make fun of me in their sigs and in stories, of course!

Raze: Haha... yeah... no use if they support the sig or story, is it?

Stonie: Yes, it will.

Razee: Tell you what. Stop drawing your stupid **** and get off the board.

Stonie: I'M ABOUT TO PREEEEEEESS THE BUTTOOOOOON!!!

Raze: You just don't learn, Stoniefailsome. I'll count to three, and--

Gracie: That's enough you two. Don't make me hand out warnings.

Raze: Consider yourself lucky, and watch your back. *Safer, Gravemind, Captain, Pyro, Nox, random newbs, and SuperDecimal all grin and disappear into the night.*

Scott: Wow.. I need to ban that girl some time. Lets get a move on, shall we?

*passing the fiction section*

Safer: You people ****ing fail at parodies. Except you, Gravemind. Your's is genius!

Gravemind: Ya. yeah. I'm trying to write chapter 3 here, if you don't mind? Come back in a bit and it'll be here.

Safer: Alright.

Grass: soooo.. like.. bauhahah! People suck. Uhhyuhuhuhu. *inhales more weed*

Scott: Alright, so what needs our attention next?

James: Well, the Internet: Serious Business sector is near us, run by GDwarf. A bit down is the Zelda forum, led by LexLionHart. I'd suggest going to the I.S.B. one first. Shouldn't take too long...

I demand more of my fatness and pokemons.

And congratulations for giving me luls. :3

Awesome! Very awesome!

Nice touch on the Hyrule Land Wars. Although I would've expected some analogy of me being the "mayor" like TBK said.

And I love my personality.

*inhales more weed*

That is all.

This is an unofficial chapter. I'll have these every once in awhile. This particular chapter will be a "What if..." comprised of random questions about ZU and the chat.

Shikano: What if... ZU and VGRC were actual places, not internet?

Gravemind: Well sonny, I believe it'd look something like this.

*Scene blurs out, and the country of Swaziland comes in to view, but is now called Zelda Universe. Enter dark skinned people with muddy hats. All females are whores with AIDS. The Males have AIDS, too.*

Pani: Scott sir, we are working hard with noooooo pay or exports. This country does nothing!

Scott: I don't care, slave. I'm making money. Who gives a ****? And America sends me tons of food each month! I'm content.

Pani: AAaaaawww!

Jodd: Quiet, womslave. I don't care for you Africans.

Pani: D:

Gravemind: As you can see, ZU would be nothing but a place clogged with dirt and mess and disease, because the forums are full of people that spam, do ****, and annoy people. Now, lets look at vgrc.

*Scene blurs out, and a small farming community is shown in the midwestern United States. A small town called vgrc is there*

Captain: Ah, my fellow friends. Isn't it just wonderful here?

PyroMyrmidon: Yes it is, buddy. We're all a happy family and do equal work, and make a small, yet actually make, a difference in this world.

Mess: Yes, we do. It's wonderful working here. I wouldn't give you guys up for the world.

Yami: Me either. I love all of you!

andi: Come on guys, a big vgrc group hug!

*scene blurs out*

Shikaino: I see... What if... everyone in the chat room were in the same school?

Gravemind: Excellent question! Lets have a look, shall we?

*scene becomes a classroom. Jodd, Pani, Vaati, (me) Shikaino, Pelagias, and Peefy are all in the classroom. Vaati and Pani sit together near the left to the window, the school's whores are in the front, Peefy and Jodd sit to the right of us, the others are scattered around the classroom. Teacher is Pelagias.*

*Pela talks in the background about fractions and integers.*

Vaati: HEY PANI, TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER TO NUMBER 4 IS!

*Pani passes a note to Vaati, he reads it.

Vaati: 'SEX DOWN THE BLOCK AT TEN?' IS NOT THE ANSWER!

Shik: Hey Pani, you gave him Jodd's note by accident.

Vaati: Oh, yeah. *gives it to Jodd*

Vaati: Pani, watch this!

*Vaati throws a spitball at one of the whores, and points at Peefy.*

Peefy: What? Vaati threw it!

Vaati: I'm trying to work here. Be quiet, Peefers.

*bell rings, signaling it is lunch time*

*Vaati walks down the hall, noticing Moo and Christine making out. Pani goes to gossip.*

Vaati: Pani, he is always late. Always. Eventually, he'll come. Ah, here we are. Let me grab the lunches and we're all going to sit at that big table.

*everyone in #zelda is sitting at a giant table with lunches*

Vaati: Psssst, luckz, watch this!

*Vaati throws a hamburger at Jodd, and points at MirrorImage.*

Jodd: What the **** man? Why'd you throw the hamburger at me?!

MI: It wasn't me, it was moiph! He had it all planned since yesterday at the lunch table, and--

*Captain and Hindmost come walking in in black cloths and chains*

Captain: Hey dorks, give us all your lunch money! Don't make me give you a swirly!

Hindmost: You there, Nen, hand over your money!

Nen: Come on! I need this to buy chips on my way home.

Hindmost: So you don't want to cooperate... Andi, get over here! Get my glove, and take that rock we got last night, put it in, and come back wi--

*Scott comes rushing in as the Principal*

Scott: Alright, what's going on here!

Captain: We were just talking....

Scott: Cut out that bull. You all have detention! If I have to come here one more time, I'm getting James to call all your mommies and Daddies and get you spanked!

All: *boredly* Sorry Mr. Scott.

Scott: Now get to class! All of you!

*all arrive in music class*

Dom: What up y'all? I'm your rocking metal music teacher! Do you want to learn how to play? Then listen up! I don't take ****. One word and you'll be going down to Mr. Scott's office. You hear?

Class: Yes Mr. Domanic.

Yami: Hey Moo, wouldn't it be funny, if *becomes a whisper*

Dom: Hey! Get your sorry butts down to the office now!

Dom: As I was saying, who was answering my question of electric guitars?

Captain: I was. As I was saying, you need....

*scene goes back to Gravemind and Shikaino*

Shikaino: So... I guess some really weird things can happen!

Gravemind: That's right. If you'd like a What If question answered, simply send a letter to P.O. box 30682 with What If... as the title and ask your question!

____________________________

Mudkeip.