(com)OOT Parody- 3x Link [T]

Hey, guys, how do you like my new avatar? It's... GRASS! HAHA! HAHA! ...Okay, it's a bush, but close enough.

Anyways, it's great to see new readers that are posting, thanks everyone. And I'm in the process of writing the next @#$%ing chapter, so it should be up soon-ish.

oh, man these are truly great! except you could-nah, i'm just thinking wildy

I looked this up out of curiousity, not expecting it to be that interesting... I've read the whole thing so far and laughed at every chapter! I think the funniest part for me was the "hwa? Oh, Navi! I was just about to call thou… duh… thee… thoo?" Especially since they mixed that up in the actual game!

Really great stuff! Keep it coming!

I'm waitin impatientily for the next chapter. *waits and stis till next chapter*

Wait and sit no longer!

...Or maybe just a little bit longer. First, check this link out:

ImageShack - Hosting :: tunicen8.jpg

I took those pictures by using this Gameshark cheat- apparently, there are codes for Link's tunic to be those exact colors. Talk about coincidential.

Okay, on with the next chapter.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: LON LON RANCH

White: Pretty nice ranch. What do you say we look around in these houses before we go over there?

Navi: Okay, let’s go in this door to the left.

Yellow: Hmph.

The four go through the door.

White: That’s odd, I don’t see anyone… just a bunch of Cuccos.

Yellow: Say, you guys know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: No, what?

Yellow: D-

Talon: Hey! Ain’t you the @#$%ing little kids who woke me up that day?

White: That would be us, yes.

Talon: Ha ha ha! What a @#$%ing coincidence! How you guys doing?

White: Good, thanks.

Talon: Great. You guys want to play a game for a big prize?

Yellow: Cool! What game?

Talon: Okay, you see these stupid little @#$%ing Cuccos? Well, out of all the stupid Cucco there’s a special one. A really @#$%ing special one. You find that one within one minute and I’ll give you a prize!

White: Sounds good.

Talon: Okay, go!

*Yellow walks over to a golden, sparkling Cucco with red horns and fangs.*

Yellow: Is this the one?

Talon: @#$%! How the @#$% did you know?

Yellow: …It just seemed a little unique, compared to the others.

Talon: Okay… prize… I didn’t really have a @#$%ing prize, I didn’t think you’d actually @#$%ing get it…

Black: You’re going to have to give us something.

Talon: …Hey! How’d you guys like to marry my daughter, Malon?

White: YES!

Black: YES!

Yellow: NO!

Malon: EXCUSE ME?

Talon: Aw, @#$%!

Malon: Dad, what the @#$% are you doing?

Talon: Nothing… Go back to those horses of yours…

Malon: You’d actually give up your own @#$%ing daughter just because you lost a @#$%ing game?

Talon: Look, I-

Malon: I bet this is what happened to mom! You @#$%ing sold her off!

Talon: Hey! Maybe I wouldn’t have had to, if this ranch could actually make some @#$%ing money!

Malon: Maybe you should get off your @#$%ing ass and work, then!

Talon: Maybe you should stop being such a @#$%ing little lazy @#$% and do something productive to help out!

Malon: Maybe if you didn’t @#$%ing sit around all day @#$%ing mutating your @#$%ing Cuccos!

Talon: Maybe if you stopped @#$%ing around with those @#$%ing horses!

White: Maybe we should leave.

Yellow: Maybe so.

The four leave the house and head towards the corral, where the horses are.

White: Say, that horse looks a lot longer than the others… it looks like it could fit all three of us! *goes up to the horse* Hey there, horsie! What’s your name?

Epona: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! *gallops away*

White: …Not very social, are you?

Malon: Yeah, that little @#$% of a horse’s name is Epona.

Navi: Oh, you’re back!

Malon: Yeah, sorry about that argument. So Epona can be a @#$% to handle, sometimes-

Epona: NEIGH!

Malon: *to Epona* SHADDUP! *to Links* She only responds when you sing or play this song. *sings SexyBack by Justin Timberlake*

Epona: Oh! Oh! Oh! That’s my favorite song! *gallops towards them*I’m bringing sexy back, uh! And all these @#$%ers don’t know…

Malon: Yeah, shut the @#$% up already. So-

Epona: NEIGH!

Malon: *to Epona*SHADDUP! *to Links* Epona looks like she could fit all three of you, so maybe when you’re old enough to ride a horse, you could-

Epona: NEIGH!

Malon: *to Epona* IF YOU DON’T SHADDUP, I’M GOING TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE @#$%ING HOT BRANDING IRONS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR @#$%ING YOU-KNOW-WHERE!

Cow: That’s no empty threat. Those things hurt like a @#$%.

Malon: …Where the @#$% did you come from? You’re supposed to be in that barn.

Cow: Oh, sorry. *leaves*

Epona: I’m bringing sexy back, uh! And…

Malon: *to Epona*SHADDUP! *to Links* So just remember that song, SexyBack, okay?

Yellow: Sounds good.

Epona: I’m bringing sexy back, NEIGH!

Malon: THAT’S IT! YOU’RE @#$%ING DEAD MEAT, EPONA!

Epona: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! *gallops away*

Yellow: So, uh, this has been wonderful, but I think it’s time to leave.

Navi: Sounds good.

The four begin to leave the ranch.

Yellow: Okay, guys, what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: I don’t know, what?

White: Wait, what’s in this building to the left?

Ingo: I HATE MY LIFE!

White: …Forget about it.

Navi: So I think we should go to Kakariko Village now, to continue with our quest.

Epona: *in the distance*NEIGH!

White: Sure thing.

The four head over to Kakariko Village.

wait paiently for the next episode? NEIGH
*realises that he is not epona and sits and waits patiently for the next episode*

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I knew it! There's tons of swear words in the form of "@%$" and such, just as I predicted ^_^
And of course, I laughed at loud, and of course, I enjoyed it and am going to wait for more. ^_^
I haven't seen such a hilarious fanfic in a while, since I wrote my fanfic over 2 years ago.

Thanks again, everyone. ...I've got nothing else to say, so here's the next chapter.

CHAPTER TWELVE: KAKARIKO VILLAGE

White: This looks like a peaceful place, compared to Hyrule Castle Town.

Front Guard: DING DONG!

Yellow: Yeah, there aren’t any fat women, just that fat man next to that tree…

Carpenter Boss:: Hey! Who you callin’ fat, you little twitch?

Yellow: You.

Carpenter Boss:: Oh. *sobs* I diet, and I diet, and I exercise, and I exercise, and what good comes of it? Nothing! *breaks down and cries*

White: Let’s move on… Hey, let’s go to that windmill house up there!

The four begin walking, but are almost knocked over by a carpenter carrying a huge beam of wood.

Carpenter: Hey! Out of the way!

White: What? You’re the one who-

Carpenter: I’m on a very busy schedule!

Black: Doing what?

Carpenter: We’re building a new building! I’ve got to take this beam of wood from here, to there, and back!

Black: That’s kind of futile, isn’t it?

Carpenter: I know! *sobs* I try, and I try so hard, but I don’t get anywhere! Where has my life gone in the past few years? Where, I ask?

Black: …Um…

Carpenter: NOWHERE! *breaks down and cries*

White: Right, well, good luck with that.

The four continue walking.

Cucco Lady: AAAAAAAH!

White: Woah! Take an aspirin!

Cucco Lady: WAAAAAAH!

Yellow: Nice to meet you too. My name is Yellow, and this-

Cucco Lady: GAAAAAAH!

Yellow: …Oh, really? That’s quite unfortunate.

Cucco Lady: AAAAAAAAH!

Yellow: Oh my! Is there anything we can do to help?

Cucco Lady: YAAAAAAH!

Yellow: Okay, we’ll begin looking immediately. *To Links* She said she lost her Cuccos, and she can’t go looking for them because she’s allergic to them.

White: …Of course she did.

Navi: I suppose we’d better go looking for them, then!

Cucco Lady: GAAAAAAH!

The four walk around, and encounter all the Cuccos hiding behind a building.

White: There we are. Come on, Cuccos, you gotta go home-

Cucco: Whaaat? To… to that l-l-lady? D-do we have to?

White: Well sure. She misses you.

Cucco 2: Like… like hell she does! Sh-she-she’s a menace! She t-t-tortures us to no e-end!

Cucco 3: Oh, no, they’re going to make us go back, aren’t they?

Cucco 4: I-I-I don’t wanna go back!

Cucco 5: P-p-please have mercy! I saw what happened to one of my friends, Cojiro. She took him inside the house, and all night we heard screaming and cawing, and when he came out he was blue! W-what kind of sick, twisted mind would do that, I ask you?

Navi: That’s terrible! We can’t return these Cuccos to her.

White: Okay, fine. We’ll keep it a secret.

Cucco: Thank you very much! You truly are kind and noble souls-

Cucco Lady: YAAAAAAH! *captures all the Cuccos with a net* We’re having Roast Cucco tonight! *leaves*

Black: …Moving on.

The four enter the windmill room.

Windmill Man: Hump! Hump! Hump! Hump!

Black: …Moving on.

The four exit the windmill room.

White: This place may not have any fat women, but everyone here is a psychopath!

Navi: Yeah, and it’s kind of boring…

Black: Say, it’s getting dark… you guys wanna go to the graveyard?

Navi: Are you kidding? There’ll be ghosts and zombies and vampires!

Black: Vampires aren’t real, stupid.

Navi: What about ghosts and zombies?

Black: …Come on, it’ll be fun!

Navi: Fine…

The four enter the graveyard area.

Black: See? No vampires, or zombies, or-

Navi: AIEEEE! A GHOST!

Dampe: *singing in deep voice*
Don’t be frightened, little fairy,
Just because my chest is hairy.
I may have a face that’s scary,
But there’s no need to be wary.

White: …Who are you?

Dampe: *singing in deep voice*
I’m Dampe, and I’m a gravedigger.
Did you know nothing rhymes with gravedigger?

Yellow: You suck at singing.

Dampe: *singing in deep voice*
What’s going to come out?
What’s going to come out?
Pay me 10 Rupees, and we’ll find out!

Black: …Come out of where?

Dampe: The ground, you pervert.

White: Okay, here’s 10 Rupees. Dig.

Dampe: *digs up a rotten corpse* Ta dah!

White: Gross! That was not worth 10 Rupees, you rip-off!

Dampe: *singing in deep voice*
I’ve unearthed a rotten corpse,
Filled with stink and rot, of course.
You may retch, but I’m a winner,
For now I’ve found my dinner!

…Would you like to play again? 10 Rupees.

Black: Hell no!

Dampe: Your loss. *begins chewing on nose*

Navi: …I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! *flees*

The four reenter Kakariko Village.

Yellow: I hate this place.

Navi: Guys, let’s start heading towards Death Mountain, okay?

White: Okay.

Cucco: HEEEEEEELP! I’M SHRINKING!

White: …Let’s hurry up.

The four approach the gate to Death Mountain.

White: Hey, guard, can you let us through?

Guard: No, it’s too dangerous.

White: We can handle it. See-

Guard: Why do you think they call it DEATH Mountain, huh? It’s not because it’s filled with puppy dogs and rainbows, you know.

White: Still, we-

Guard: It’s because if you go there, you will experience DEATH! Or, if not, at least a lot of PAIN! And AGONY! And… DEATH!

White: Right, we know. But we-

Guard: DEATH!

White: Seriously, though, we’re ready to-

Guard: PAINFUL DEATH!

White: Can we please go through?

Guard: No! The only thing that will change my mind is if you get me a Keaton Mask.

Black: …The hell?

Guard: You know, those little Keaton masks… They’re so cute… If you can go get one, only then will I allow you to climb this dangerous DEATH Mountain!

White: …Great. Let’s go guys.

The four begin to leave Kakariko Village.

Front Guard: DING DONG!

Carpenter Boss:: WAAAH! I’M FAT!

Carpenter: WAAAH! I’M LAZY!

Cucco: AAAAAH! I’M HALF MY SIZE!

Cucco Lady: GAAAAAAAH!

Guard: DEATH!

Yellow: …We’re getting the hell out of here, right now.

These are great. I've been lol'ing at just about every one. I love the guard in that last one: "DEATH! PAINFUL DEATH!"
Hilarious, 10/10.

Thanks again, guys. I'm going to be gone on a short vacation until Sunday, though, so no updates until then. Hopefully in that time some new posters will have flocked to this thread. Sorry, and see you then!

(Actually, there's a small chance that I'll get internet there- we have a house there, so we'll be relaxing at home most of the time, so if we DO have internet, then the above paragraph doesn't matter. Otherwise...)

aw.... hope u do have internet there lolz :p if you do not then you will experience DEATH horrible DEATH or if not at least a lot of PAIN and SUFFERING

We have internet! ...Thank god, because DEATH and PAIN and SUFFERING doesn't sound too fun.

LOL! And of course, the chapter is crazy awesome!! 10 stars!! I loved the part when the guard was shouting "DEATH!!" and such. Have fun at your vacation ^_^
...Weee!

You know what sucks? Skiing in April. Or, rather, trying to keep balance while zooming down puddles and slush in April.

Anyways, I didn't post this earlier because the "internet" I had was actually my neighbors, and using it was illegal... so sorry about that.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: SCALING DEATH MOUNTAIN

The four enter Hyrule Castle Town.

White: This place is a lot more sane, thank god. Let’s enter that Happy Mask Shop over there.

The four enter the Happy Mask Shop.

Happy Mask Shop Owner: Hello there, kids! I’ve got a special offer for you!

White: Say, is that a “Keaton” Mask?

Happy Mask Shop Owner: …Yes, yes. But listen up! You guys can be Happy Mask Salesmen, and-

White: We’ll buy it. How much is it?

Happy Mask Shop Owner: 10 Rupees, but guess what? If you buy that, then sell it somewhere else for more, you’ll make a profit!

Navi: Yeah, you’re a mathematical genius. Now give us the mask.

Happy Mask Shop Owner: I will, but remember- if you make a profit, come back and buy another one so you can profit off of that one too. And if you sell both of them for a 15 Rupee profit, you can buy this other mask, which will be able to be sold for even more of a profit! Then you can come back and buy these two masks, and the one you make more of a profit will make your profits more profitable, so you can profit on another mask by buying and profiting off of it and then coming back and-

Black: *draws sword* GIVE US THE MASK!

Happy Mask Shop Owner: *gives mask*

All four leave the shop, and make it all the way back to the guard in Kakariko Village.

White: Hey, we-

Guard: DEATH!

White: We know. We got the Keaton Mask you wanted.

Guard: DE- ooh! Keaton! He’s so cute, with his pointed nose and beady little eyes… ahem! I’ll buy that, for my SON, for… 20 Rupees.

The guard puts on the mask, and opens the gate.

Guard: I guess I’ll wear this, just so… um… that my son doesn’t wear an unused mask… heh heh…

Yellow: Right. …Hey guys, guess what?

Navi: What?

Yellow: We made a PROFIT! Ahahaha!

Black: …Don’t make me stab you.

Navi: So what’s so dangerous and DEATH- er, deadly, about this mountain anyways?

White: I’m sure we’ll encounter many dangerous monsters. Everyone, be armed. *draws sword and shield*

Yellow: …So you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: What?

Black: Watch out! A monster!

Teketite: *bounce*

Black: *stab*

Teketite: *die*

Black: …DEATH Mountain, my ass.

White: Well, I’m sure we’ll meet more dangerous monsters as we… hey, what’s with this rock?

Goron: *gets up*

White: IT’S A MONSTER! *whacks Goron with sword, but blade bounces off*

Goron: lol y did u hit me with sword? i no enemy!

White: …Um… I’m sorry.

Goron: itsok dun worry bout it

White: …Thanks.

The four continue up Death Mountain, and reach Goron City.

Yellow: Wow! This place his huge!

Navi: And confusing… We should ask this nearby Goron for help.

Goron: huh?

White: Excuse me, do you know where the Spiritual Stone of your people is?

Goron: srry i havnt herd of any spirital stone

White: Are you sure? It’s a small gem… and it’s probably red, too.

Goron: o i no! i saw a red rock over dere on dat high up platform by thos ropes

White: Okay, thanks.

The four walk across ropes to reach an elevated platform.

Yellow: I don’t see it…

Goron: see wat?

Yellow: We’re looking for a red gem.

Goron: omg omg da red gem dat wuz here???? i no i want it 2 man! it loked so delicus…

Yellow: Where is it?

Goron: darunia took it and den he lockd himself in dat room down dere i dunno y. he say he waitin 4 like da msngr 4m royal fmily or watever i relli hav no cloo srry

Yellow: Thanks anyways.

The four go up in front of the door where Darunia is.

White: So, I-

Navi: THE CARPET FEELS SO PLUSH UNDER YOUR FEET!

White: …Thanks. So-

Navi: The sign reads, “will reman here til royl fmily msngr arives”.

White: Okay, so I think we’re the “royl fmily msngr”s. So how do we prove it?

Yellow: How about this? *plays Zelda’s Lullaby*

Door: o lol u guyz r royal msngrs? kk i will open up then *opens*

The four enter Darunia’s room.

White: Hi, Darunia, we’re-

Darunia: hey man! wtf r u doin here i ask 4 royal msngrs to come here but u guys r just lil kidz! wtf?!?!

White: We may be kids, but-

Darunia: wat kinda bs is dis huh i totly pisd off now!!!!!!11 k u get outa my sight or i beat u up

White: Look, Darunia, sir, we just-

Darunia: HEY MAN I R PISSD OFF!!! U WIL NOT LIKE ME WEN I PISSD OF K?!?!?!??/

Navi: Man, he’s pissed off… Maybe you guys should cheer him up?

White: How do we cheer him up?

Black: I’ll try tickling him. *reaches hand out to tickle Darunia*

Darunia: WAT U DO??!?! I NO LET YOU FONDLE MY BELY!!1

Black: …Okay, what’s Plan B?

White: I know a good joke. Why did the Cucco cross the road?

Darunia: how the heck am i spposed 2 no?

White: To get to the other side!

Darunia: not funni. totly lame joke

White: …How many Gorons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Darunia: wat is a litebulb?

White: …Nevermind. Um… how many knuckles could an Iron Knuckle iron if an Iron Knuckle could iron knuckles?

Darunia: wat is a iron knckle?

White: …Do we have a Plan C?

Yellow: Let me try. *plays Saria’s Song*

Darunia: WOAH! DAT IZ HOT BEAT MAN! *dances* o ya! shake dat booty! oh oh! I CANT STOP DANCIN!

Yellow: This is fun! *continues playing Saria’s Song*

Darunia: YES! O YES! I LUV DIS BEAT MAN! CANT STP DAANCN!

Yellow: *continues playing Saria’s Song

Darunia: ok ok! srsly now stop my legs r hurtin!

Yellow: *continues playing Saria’s Song*

Darunia: AAA! *collapses and faints due to over-exhaustion

Yellow: *stops playing* Heh.

Black: Nice one! Let’s see what he has on him. *looks through Darunia’s stuff* Great, nothing but a bracelet…

White: Let me see that. *puts bracelet on* Hmm… I feel a bit different…

Navi: That’s the Goron’s Bracelet! It’ll make you strong enough to lift lots of stuff!

White: Awesome!

Black: Cool. Now let’s leave, before fatty here gets up…

*The four leave the room.*

Darunia: i swear wen i recover i r gong 2 brake evry bone in ur bodys!!!1

...hahahahhaha!! Aw geez, funny again, as usual! Gotta love how the Gorons used a bunch of improper langauge and such! Can't wait for more!

SOOOO funny, you really oughta post these more often, man!

Great issue! he just kept dancing 'till he dropped! Oh, man!
So funny, you really outdid yourself this time

Originally Posted by Carge

SOOOO funny, you really oughta post these more often, man!

Nope, too lazy.

...Just kidding. But I have been busy lately. I'll probably post one before tomorrow- I've written a little bit, but dungeons are always harder to parodize (is that a word?)

Really this pretty hilarious. My favorite part

The four approach the gate to Death Mountain.

White: Hey, guard, can you let us through?

Guard: No, it’s too dangerous.

White: We can handle it. See-

Guard: Why do you think they call it DEATH Mountain, huh? It’s not because it’s filled with puppy dogs and rainbows, you know.

White: Still, we-

Guard: It’s because if you go there, you will experience DEATH! Or, if not, at least a lot of PAIN! And AGONY! And… DEATH!

White: Right, we know. But we-

Guard: DEATH!

White: Seriously, though, we’re ready to-

Guard: PAINFUL DEATH!

White: Can we please go through?

Guard: No! The only thing that will change my mind is if you get me a Keaton Mask.

Black: …The hell?

^I liked that part also, i should try that also but im not a jack-ass who does stuff like that but i know a guy who does. but anyway its funny, so keep them comming.

Thanks to everyone who posted with comments and support.

As you can see, I've got a poll going on! Because I'm at a loss for what to do for the Zoras- lots of possibilities, but I can't decide. So you can decide for me. Please vote.

So, here is the next chapter. I originally wrote a large part of the dungeon, then looked back and said, "This sucks!" So I thought of a more original idea, which involves one of the members of the group not being able to continue (for this dungeon only, of course) (and no, it's not Navi). The rest of the dungeon part that I had written, I deleted because it really did suck. Except for the Beamos part, which I included in this chapter.

It's not like you really care, though. On with the next chapter.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: GETTING INTO DODONGO’S CAVERN

White: So, Navi, exactly how strong am I with these Goron Bracelets?

Navi: Strong enough to lift these Bomb Flowers and throw them somewhere.

White: Those? They look heavy! I’ll try… *picks up Bomb Flower and holds it over his head* Wow, I did it! I’m strong!

Yellow: That’s awesome! I wonder how much that weighs?

Navi: Yeah, good job- but I should warn you, that-

Black: I guess I won’t be able to beat you at arm wrestling anymore, huh?

Navi: White, I think you should put it down now, because-

White: It’s alright! I’m strong now! I could carry this all day!

Navi: No! It’s not that! Just… put it down now! Seriously! I-

Yellow: …Say, what’s that sizzling sound?

Navi: IT’S THE FREAKING BOMB FLOWER THAT’S ABOUT TO EXPLODE OVER YOUR HEAD!

White: Oh, sh-

White throws the Bomb Flower, but it explodes moments after it leaves White’s hands and the explosion’s shockwave hits White in the chest and sends him flying at a high velocity against the wall.

White: *falls unconscious*

Yellow: White? White? …Are you okay? …I think he’s unconscious!

Black: Why didn’t you warn him, Navi?

Navi: I swear, if I wasn’t so much smaller than you, I’d-

Yellow: What are we going to do?

Navi: …Come on, guys, lift him up and bring him down the mountain. We can go back to Kakariko Village and ask for help.

The three walk down the Death Mountain Trail; Yellow and Black work together to carry White.

Guard: KEATON!

Yellow: Why didn’t you give it to your son yet?

Guard: …Oh, the mask? Well… he’s… um… he’s in school.

Yellow: …Sure he is.

Navi: Let’s see if this potion shop has anything for him.

The four enter the potion shop.

Old Hag: What can I do for- oh my, what happened here?

Navi: He held a Bomb Flower for too long, and the explosion threw him against the wall and knocked him out.

Old Hag: …He was holding a bomb for too long?

Navi: Yeah.

Old Hag: …And it just exploded?

Navi: Uh huh.

Old Hag: …And now he’s unconscious?

Navi: That’s right.

Old Hag: …WAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT IS THE MOST HILARIOUS STORY I’VE HEARD IN YEARS! WAHAHAHAHA!

Navi: …A concussion isn’t funny.

Old Hag: WAHAHAHAHA! HE JUST HELD ON TO THE BOMB AND IT WENT… BOOM! WAHAHAHAHA!

Yellow: Could you just take care of our friend until we-

Old Hag: Of course, of course… heh heh.. heh heh… heh heh heh…

Yellow: …Now what are you laughing at?

Old Hag: …it just went BOOM! RIGHT IN HIS FACE! WAHAHAHAHA!

Yellow: Let’s just go. I’ll take the Goron Bracelet from White. *puts on Goron Bracelet

Old Hag: WAHAHAHA!

The three head out of Kakariko Village.

Guard: KEATON!

Yellow: DEATH!

Guard: …Ooh, touché.

The three go up to the rock blocking the way to Dodongo’s Cavern.

Goron: hey watup? …wait wait how com wen i c u go up to goron city dere wuz three of u kids but now dere is only 2??

Yellow: Our friend, White, had an accident with a bomb.

Black: And if you even think about laughing about it, I’m going to-

Goron: no no no bomb accidents rnt funni i shud no i had one myself a cuple years ago

Yellow: Anyways, we still have to figure out how to get past this rock. I can’t imagine why it would be here… Maybe it’s because of Ganondorf.

Goron: lol no who iz ganondorf? i wuz da one hoo put dis rock here cuz lotsa monsters wer coming out and it wuz scary

Navi: We need to get past this rock. Can you move it?

Black: Or just eat it.

Goron: …hey datz a gud idea! *eats entire boulder* boy dat wuz gud dinner i havnt eaten 4 liek 3 hours

Yellow: Thanks. Let’s go, Black!

The three enter Dodongo’s Cavern.

Black: This is a pretty big place… I don’t feel right doing this without White.

Yellow: Yeah, he’s usually the ones that can figure stuff out… Oh well, we’ll try our best. Let’s jump over these platforms to that-

Navi:*points at Dodongo skull* LOOK! A BIG HEAD!

Black: *points at Navi*Look! A big mouth!

Navi: *turns around* Where? I don’t see any.

Black: *whistles*

Navi: …Oh, that’s not even funny. You made that same joke in the Deku Tree.

Yellow: You did? I don’t remember that. Where was I?

Black: …High.

Yellow: What?

Black: Let’s just go.

The three hop across a couple of platforms to the central platform.

Yellow: So, you guys know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Black: Hey, what’s with this spinning yellow statue?

Navi: It’s a Beamos! Watch out or it’ll zap you with its laser!

Yellow: Oh no! It’s looking at us! *flinches*

Beamos: Warning! Intruder alert! Commencing security sequences. Retreiving file “laser.exe”… … … ERROR! File not found! Commencing hard drive scan for “laser.exe”… Searching in “Program Files” folder… Searching in “My Documents” folder… Searching in “Secret Porno Stash” folder… “laser.exe” found! Program running…

Yellow: What’s going on?

Beamos: Welcome to Laser.exe. Choose your type of laser:
-Weak
-Kind of powerful
-All-powerful, all-destroying ultra super mega chaos laser (comes in 8 different colors)

… … … “Weak” laser selected. Firing weak laser…

Black: Here it comes!

Beamos: Loading laser… 1%... … … … … …1.1% … … … … …

Black: …Okay, how do we kill this dumb thing?

Navi: It’s subsceptible to bombs, I think.

Yellow: *picks up nearby Bomb Flower and throws it at Beamos*

Beamos: FATAL ERROR! HARD DISK NOT FOUND! PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTIN- *explodes*

Yellow: …Okay. So, how do we get inside that big skull thing?

Navi: I don’t know, but I suggest going up to that top floor. You’ll probably find something there.

Yellow: Okay, let’s go!