A Collection Of Short Stories!

Thank you Drewy for making me the banner!
This is where i will posting all my short stories that i make. I am currently writing the secound one. It will be called "A Flight To Remeber PART 2", i wont reveal anything about it but if you would like some of the plot to be revealed to you pm me. Also if you have a short story that isnt in another thread pm me and i'll read it and if its not to long i will post in this thread.

NOTE: All of my stories will be Zelda based yours doesnt have to be, if your story isnt Zelda based you can still pm it to me!

im sorry i have to double post but my first story is ready for reading i hope you like it!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Flight To Remember

One day the great hero Link was riding on his Gango bird through the clouds, through the mountains and under the trees. His Gango bird was named Gojoo and he was very good at flying. Link and Gojoo connected so much that link could shoot his bow and slash his almighty sword while flying and link didn’t need to hold on!

When that day had almost ended link and Gojoo landed at Hyrule castle and link had a very nice dinner with Zelda. The feast had so many foods link couldn’t believe it. At the end link was so full he had to lye down and take a nap.

In his nap he had a dream, in the dream he was riding Gojoo around the sea and out of the water came a Zora on a giant fish that could some how fly in the air! The zora started to attack link with its water sword. The link suddenly woke up.

Link thought that he better check out around the area where his dream took place. To his surprise the water under him and Gojoo started to splash around as if something was going to emerge from it!
Then with huge amount of speed out came a zora but not on a fish like in links dream it appeared to be flying its self.

“Amazing” link said with astonishment.

The Zora flew up and punched link in the face breaking one of his teeth.

“I am king Jabou Jabous assistant, he has sent me to kill you because you were the one who went onto him and hurt him in so many ways!” said the assistant with anger and rage.

“Ok I guess that means I will have kill you before you can kill me!” muttered Link.

Link pulled out his bow and started to shoot light arrows at her. They seemed to hurt her a lot lucky for her link ran out of light arrows and had to use his hookshot to pull her closer and then slash her with his sword.

The Zora had been hookshoted and slashed many time before she started spit out huge water balls which hit Link and Gojoo forcing them to fly over a great amount, then with them gilding over to the side the Zora attacked them with tiny but hurtful water pellets

Link had almost fallen off Gojoo when he luckily grabbed on to his wing and climbed back up. Link then with fury in his heart threw his sword at the Zora, which stabbed her badly.

She then took the sword out of her and gave it back to Link.

“Good fight” she said with her last bit of breath as she fell down into the water and sadly died.

Link flew back all the to Hyrule castle and all the way back he couldn’t stop think of how he had killed her.

The End

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know its short but my next one will be much longer!

Wow! I know this isn't as good compared to other writers on ZU, but they are twice as old as you... and you write very well for your age ^^ same as me when i was a bit younger. Interesting characters too!

he couldn’t stop think of hoe

And... you might need to edit this.

thank you very much i fixed the spelling mistake and i think a mod must of merged my first post with my secound one who ever did that thank you!

Is this all your writing? Because i am looking forward to a second installment if your not ^.^ I think i just found your plotline very interesting and attention capturing. XD *gives cookie and adds to friend list*

well i was going to start a new story but after i thought about iti would liek to continue the story so i will start typing a secound part. i will probally make 3 or 4 parts erach longer then the other.
EDIT: oh yeah thanks ill add you to my friend list too!

EDIT 2: heres part 2

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Flight To Remember PART 2

Link was soaring towards Hyrule castle on Gojoo quite fast because they were about half an hour late! When they had got there the party had only just begun.

“Hello there my hero” said princess Zelda with joy.

“Its nice to see you too Zelda” link said happily

“Get me a paper bag,” moaned Navi.

Navi was staying with princess Zelda at Hyrule castle while link was out on Gojoo once and Navi then decided to stay at the castle permanently unless of course link went on another adventure.

When link played the song he made to princess Zelda she was happy that Link had thought of her.

“Oh thank you Link that’s such a nice song” princess Zelda said

“Well I ah wrote it myself” Said Link nervously

“Well you did a very good job there” princess Zelda said with joy

Meanwhile under the sea in a cavern…………………………

“WHAT, SHE DIDN’T MAKE IT ALVIE!” yelled king Jabou Jabou

“Yes sir, she was found lying in the ocean” king Jabou Jabou’s assistants assistant

“Then you must kill him,” the king said with so much anger you couldn’t measure it.

So the Zora went to Hyrule castle and found link and princess Zelda and then grabbed the princess and took her hostage. Link followed them all the way to lake Hylia and watched as the zora walked on the water to an island far out in the lake.

Link swam as fast as he could to the island and he feared that it would be too late and they were already hurting the innocent princess. When Link entered he found king Jabou Jabou and the zora who kidnapped Zelda talking about him.

When had heard what they said he entered the room and tried to rescues Zelda but before he could the zora who kidnapped her threw a piece of hard coral at him and link almost fell over it was so hard.

“I guess this means war, I will rage war against the Zoras and I will win” said link while he was wiping the blood off his forehead from the coral.

“YEAH, you and what army?” asked the Zora

“The Hyrule army.” Link said with courage
So Link gathered up the army of hylians and the Zora gathered up the army of Zoras. The army of hylians were fierce but they didn’t show much interest in going the water. So Link decided to fight the Zoras on the beach so it wasn’t to far into the water.

There was one last thing link had to do before he headed into battle. He had to saddle up Epona and ride her to the great temple of time and get the master sword.

The End

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if there are any questions that you have please ask me on this thread or pm me

look im sorry duke jono but unless i get more people posting on this thread and giving my reviews i kight just get a mod to lock the thread.

Ok, you want a review? I'll give you one:

-I don't think you ought to title these as "short stories". These installments are rather more like chapters of one big story (because they just keep going on the same plot). Short stories are for plots that are totally unrelated, and have a beginning, middle, and an end. Your writing is set-up more like a chapter-book: you have a beginning (part 1), and some action and some follow-up and intros into sub-plots of the story (part 2). No middle and end (yet).

-I find some grammatical errors here and there, but you're better than the average joe fanfic writer. That makes me happy. ^__^ Lot of the errors just happen to be nit-picky details that you'll probably learn as you grow older.

-Am I mistaken in the fact that you are using "Jabu Jabu" as the main evil villain? Because seriously, he's a big, fat, lazy fish, and just doesn't seem like the type of evil, going-to-destroy-Link-and-rule-the-world type of villain. But whatever. This is fanfic, after all.

-I would say your main problem (which I've seen perpetually since I started reading fanfic so you'r not alone), is that you just kinda go from action to action. There is no description of scene, setting, character development (well, not a lot); it's all action. Even in the action scenes, it's all just the base action and then we move one. No description, no background, no character thoughts or reactions..... But you know, when I was your age, my writing looked somewhat similar. However, a great story is made with details and precision and good mechanics.

Keep it up! This looks good for a start! ^__~

Your friendly neighborhood fiction critic,
~Zanza

Originally Posted by zeldagamesrule

look im sorry duke jono but unless i get more people posting on this thread and giving my reviews i kight just get a mod to lock the thread.

Don't worry I'm reading them. =D I think jabu jabu being the main evil dude is funny....But like zanza said maybe you should put them in word and do spelling check. Other than that, i'm still looking forward to your next one.

Originally Posted by Zanza

Ok, you want a review? I'll give you one:

-I don't think you ought to title these as "short stories". These installments are rather more like chapters of one big story (because they just keep going on the same plot). Short stories are for plots that are totally unrelated, and have a beginning, middle, and an end. Your writing is set-up more like a chapter-book: you have a beginning (part 1), and some action and some follow-up and intros into sub-plots of the story (part 2). No middle and end (yet).

-I find some grammatical errors here and there, but you're better than the average joe fanfic writer. That makes me happy. ^__^ Lot of the errors just happen to be nit-picky details that you'll probably learn as you grow older.

-Am I mistaken in the fact that you are using "Jabu Jabu" as the main evil villain? Because seriously, he's a big, fat, lazy fish, and just doesn't seem like the type of evil, going-to-destroy-Link-and-rule-the-world type of villain. But whatever. This is fanfic, after all.

-I would say your main problem (which I've seen perpetually since I started reading fanfic so you'r not alone), is that you just kinda go from action to action. There is no description of scene, setting, character development (well, not a lot); it's all action. Even in the action scenes, it's all just the base action and then we move one. No description, no background, no character thoughts or reactions..... But you know, when I was your age, my writing looked somewhat similar. However, a great story is made with details and precision and good mechanics.

Keep it up! This looks good for a start! ^__~

Your friendly neighborhood fiction critic,
~Zanza

-well i was origanly going to just do some short stories but i decided to ****inue this one.

-yes king jabou jabou is kinda the evil villan but he is only mad at link for going inside of him in OOT.

- guess wqhat your the 3rd person who has said that my writing it similar yo theirs when they were younger.

thanks for the review!

EDIT: the next one would of been done today but i have a friend coming over so i wont be on ZU much today.

it's cool Alex, but Zanza's kinda right

kinda right about what and how do you know my name?
EDIT: im on to you ADAM!

Well, I do not want to be offensive, and remember, this is constructive criticism. I just don't think this is real writing. Well, before you jump at my throat, I'll tell you that by my definition, writing has to come from the heart. It isn't just something you scribble down, no, those are essays. Writing has to reflect you, and it has to be real. The reader has to feel like they're there, breathing the air of the story, seeing the characters.

But, you're not at that stage yet. Don't take it personally, when I started writing, mine was like yours. Now, I'm not going to patronize you: a ten-year old can write just as well as a 12 or 18-year old, if they have experience and put their minds to it.

So, although you won't learn writing in one quick post, here are some tips to improve your "collection". By the way, this really isn't a collection.

A. Here, let me show you something. I'm going to use an excerpt from your story, with an extra addition.

One day the great hero Link was riding on his Gango bird through the clouds, through the mountains and under the trees. His Gango bird was named Gojoo and he was very good at flying. Link and Gojoo connected so much that link could shoot his bow and slash his almighty sword while flying and link didn’t need to hold on!

The great hero Link, savior of Hyrule, greatest warrior of the land, and above all, the Hero of Time, was having a blast as he soared around, through and over the Great Hylia Peaks, the southern mountain range of Hyrule. The young Hero was riding the back of a golden, phoenix-like creature called a Gango bird. Its eyes were sapphire, glistening in the bright afternoon sun.

Affectionately, Link petted the seasoned Gango. "Are you all right, Gojoo?" He addressed his Gango, who cawed in response. Link turned the reins on the bird ever so slightly, and Gojoo spun, velocity of speed at its fingertips. As dark figures sprang up on the mountaintops, the Hero side of Link kicked up and he sprang into action. His sword and bow flashing, he barely even stumbled as he let loose his mighty attacks.

In no way am I saying that I'm a good writer, but your fic is original. It could be so much more than it is! You can't pick up excellent writing off the top, and I haven't either, really. But keep practicing: this is good for a start!

Think about it,
Milk Duds

thanks for the comments and help. with me (this will probally change as i gte older) i can ues those words that make it way more interesting but i just sometimes can never word it well and most of the time forget to use at all in the story. but yeah thanks!

Originally Posted by zeldagamesrule

thanks for the comments and help. with me (this will probally change as i gte older) i can ues those words that make it way more interesting but i just sometimes can never word it well and most of the time forget to use at all in the story. but yeah thanks!

well i you ever need help with your writing you can ask me if your having trouble. And if you need wording, well a dictionary is a great place to start (but it IS boring to look through a dictionary)

Your plot is very original, and perhaps we can learn how goojo and link met each other, in more detail? That would be good =D

yeah your right! when i can be botherd and when its not so hot i will edit both of the parts with more of how they met and all that stuff!

Originally Posted by zeldagamesrule

thanks for the comments and help. with me (this will probally change as i gte older) i can ues those words that make it way more interesting but i just sometimes can never word it well and most of the time forget to use at all in the story. but yeah thanks!

Older? No. I am not old, and yet I consider myself a fair writer. Like I said, if you focus and actually try, you can be great at your age.