Belle's story

Okay, this is a fantasy story I've been working on for quite awhile now. It still doesn't have a title, cause I have a lot more work to do on it and I just haven't come up with anything that fits yet. ^_^ This is something that I've spent a long time on, so I already have a fair amount ready for posting. I'll be working on continuing the story as I post it bit by bit as well, so (hopefully) there should never be a need for this thread to become abandoned, lol. ^_^ The main character and a lot of her life is based on myself and my life, except for some obvious things you should be able to figure out. ^_^ Hope y'all like it! Let me know what you think please!


The loud ringing clatter of a bell over the loudspeaker signaled the end of class and the start of recess. All of the children in the class jumped up and ran to the door, hollering with glee. All except one. Casey Barns slowly sighed and got up from her desk. She walked over to her teacher and said, “Mrs. Smith. Can I just read during recess? I’m at a really good part in my book and…”
“No Casey, I’m sorry but recess is the time for you children to be active. Go and run around outside with your friends,” Mrs. Smith replied.
“But Mrs. Smith…” Casey protested.
“No Casey. That’s my final answer.”
Casey sighed and walked towards the door with her hands shoved in her pockets. By the time she reached the playground most of the kids had already started playing. She saw several kids playing a game of soccer, and considered joining them, but changed her mind. All that would get her would be bruised shins. She walked up to some kids she recognized from class and asked, “Hey guys, what are you playing?”
“Nothing much,” one of the kids replied.
“Well, can I play with you?” Casey asked.
“I don’t think so,” another said. “We’ve already got a lot of people playing as it is.”
“Oh, ok,” Casey said. She turned around and sighed as she walked away. After she was far enough away that the other kids thought she couldn’t hear them she heard them giggling to themselves. “I don’t care,” Casey thought to herself. “I’ll just go swing on the swings.”
Thirty minutes later the bell rang again, signaling the return to class. The children sighed and slowly made their way towards the door back into the building. Casey was, as always, the first back in her seat. Science was next, her favorite subject. “Okay class, turn to page 256 in your science books.” Mrs. Smith said. Casey dug out her book and got ready to get to work.

Casey got home at 4:15; exactly 15 minutes after her little brother Michael had gotten home and claimed the remote. “How was school dear?” Casey’s mother asked her.
“Fine,” Casey replied.
“Did you have fun with your friends?”
“Sure,” Casey lied.
“No she didn’t,” Mike said. “How can she. She doesn’t have any.”
“Michael, don’t say things like that to your sister!” their mother chastised.
From behind her back Casey stuck her tongue out at him and then headed upstairs to get started on her homework before he could say anything. She always worked on her homework first thing after getting home from school, because there was a supreme sort of satisfaction in getting to watch TV while her mom made Mike do his later that night.
When she was done she called to her mom that she was going for a walk and stepped out into the twilight while she pulled on her jacket. She headed down the sidewalk with her hands in her pockets. She walked for a long time with no destination or purpose other than to be moving. When it was just getting dark enough that the streetlamps were coming on she turned around to head for home. Behind her she saw a dark black cat. It was completely black except for its feet and nose, which were white. Its fur was sleek and shiny and it was very skinny. But what held Casey were the cat’s eyes. They were the pale yellow of lamplight and the pupils were small black slits. While this may not sound all that strange for a cat they held Casey entranced. The cat was fixing her with a piercing gaze. Casey felt as if it was looking through her, rather than at her. Then, all of a sudden, the cat turned with a flick of its tail and walked away, breaking the spell. Casey shook her head and told herself she was imagining things. But despite her assurances to herself that it was nothing, she found herself thinking about the cat all the way home, so that it was a surprise to her when she stopped in front of her house and knocked on the door.


-Alright, the diolouge's(sp) not that great, I've never been very good at that part of writing, lol. But, I think it's pretty good. ^_^ And it gets better from here! Let me know what you think of it please, and I'd love to hear any constructive critisism! ^_^

Edit: 1050 post! WOOT! ^_^

You're right, the diolauge isn't that strong, but has it ever occured to you that the best parts of stories isn't in the dialouge, but in the explanation of the story by the narrator itself. Since you only showed a little bit of the story I have no clue where yo are going with the cat, and sorry to say I'm not all that interested to find out. Though I am guessing since you called it a fantasy a story will pick up from here, right? I'll be sure to read it. What you wrote so far was good, but not great. Though my work probably isn't much better. We're all amatuers here, well most of us, and pracitce makes pefect, right? I do plan on reading the rest of this story, but you may want to do one thing. YOU NEED DESCRIPTIONS. You are sadly lacking those. I can only guess what the charachters look like, but I do not know for sure, do I? Now that I've gave my opinion on your story, why don't you give me your opinion on mine .

I must say that you need descriptions. Assumptions never work in a story. I haven't spotted any grammar mistakes as of now. I can't wait for the next piece. It sounds a lot like my life, except that a walk in the dark means strange people, not cats. The recess scene was exactly like my elementary school years except there is no swing. Can't wait! Until next bit!

Thanks for the comments guys! Yeah, y'all are right about the descriptions thing. I dunno why I seem to be lacking in descriptions for Casey, usually when I write descriptions are my strongest point, but I seem to have kinda left her out of it. I do add some descriptions of her here and there throughout the story, but not much. I suppose when I edit it that's one of the things I should fix. I do have better descriptions for my other characters that will soon come to the story though! ^_^ Oh, and yeah, I agree, the beginning to this story really is very boring. It's just for the first few pages or so though, while I'm trying to show what the characters are like. After that it picks up a lot. Hmmmm...I'm gonna post a little bit of a longer section of the story this time, just to try and speed up the not so interesting parts, lol. ^_^


Casey didn’t talk that much at dinner that night. For some reason, she kept thinking about that strange little cat. It had looked completely ordinary, and she was sure no one else would have spared it a second glance, but something about it had completely entranced her. “It was that piercing gaze, that was it,” she thought to herself. She knew that cats could look intense, having grown up with at least one of them around at all times, but this one was different. It seemed like it was evaluating her, measuring her worth. She shook her head again and tried to focus on dinner and the conversation her family was having.
“How was your day children?” her dad was asking.
“Mine was great!” Michael said. “We got to dissect an owl pellet in science class today!”
Casey made a face as her mother commented on how interesting that was. “Ugh, I remember having to do that,” she said. “It was disgusting.”
“Not as disgusting as looking at you!” he retorted.
“Michael!” his mother said. “Stop that this instant!”
Casey smirked and said under her breath so that only Mike would hear, “Yeah, well that’s not as disgusting as being in the same building as you.”
“Mom!” he said.
“That’s enough you two. Be nice to each other and settle down,” their father said in his end-of-discussion voice.
At that they both stopped and looked back down at their plates.
“So you never answered Casey, how was your day?” her mother inquired.
“Not bad,” Casey replied. “Science was interesting.”
“Did you enjoy your walk?” she asked.
“Yeah, it was really nice outside,” she said.
“I’m glad dear,” her mother replied.
The conversation soon became rather boring and Casey looked down at her plate and concentrated on her food as her parents discussed some new tax or other that had just been put into effect. Soon supper was over and Casey was working on the dishes. The kitchen had a faint blue tint from where the light of the TV shined in, and she could just barely hear the voices floating in over the sound of running water and clinking dishes. As she washed the dishes she looked out the kitchen window. She could see an almost full moon riding just barely above the trees in their backyard. It cast beams of light where it shone between the boughs, and she watched the shadow and light patterns with interest, barely paying the dishes any attention at all anymore. She traced the patterns with her eyes, following the soft lines of the shadows and the hard lines of light cast down from the moon. She smiled to herself, and thought up a little poem.

Darkness and light,
Swirling around.
Shadows in the night,
Dancing above the ground.

A hint of light,
A soft beam;
Sifting down from the moon,
Riding high like a queen.

Sinuous shadows,
Softly caressing the pure beams of light.
Long, lanky shadows,
So dark in the night.

They twirl round one another,
Hand in hand.
Weaving a pattern,
So marvelous and grand.

You cannot have shadows without the light,
Nor light without the shadows of night.
From their dance it’s clear to see,
That they’re in perfect harmony.

She smiled to herself. “That’s pretty good,” she thought. “I’ll have to write that one down.” She finished the last of the dishes then headed through the living room and up to her room.
“Hey, do you want to come down here and watch this with us Casey?” her mother asked. “It’s really interesting.”
She looked down from the stairs at her parents. They were watching a show about the Yellowstone National Park. “No thanks,” she replied. “I just came up with a poem and need to go write it down.”
“Alright,” her mother said. “Have fun working on your poetry sweetie.”
“Thanks Mom,” she said with a smile. “I will.” She turned around and headed back upstairs and towards her room. As she passed her brother’s room she heard the light sound of a pencil scratching back and forth across a piece of paper, and then her brother’s exasperated sigh of frustration as he crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the wastebasket. She smiled and kept walking. When she got to her room she closed the door and sat down at her desk with a piece of paper and a pencil. “Let’s see,” she said. “How did it start? Oh yeah, I remember now.” Casey smiled and started writing.

“Wake up sleepy-head!” an unrecognizable voice yelled in Casey’s ear. “What?” she said, sitting up with a start. “Wake up sleepy-head!” the voice shouted again. Casey smiled as she realized that it was her new alarm clock shouting at her. She reached over and hit the off button, then sat slumped in bed for a few minutes before mustering up the energy to get herself up out of bed. She slowly made her way downstairs, stretching and yawning the whole way. She came into the kitchen where her mother was already eating a bowl of cereal. Unlike Casey, who was still in a nightgown and whose hair was a ratted mess, her mother was already completely dressed and even had managed to get her makeup on.
“Good morning Casey. Did you sleep well?” her mother inquired.
“Okay I guess,” Casey replied, still to tired to be much good in a conversation. “How about you?”
“Not bad,” her mother replied.
Casey smiled at her mother and then focused her energy on getting and eating a bowl of cereal. Her mother made some conversation with her, but Casey was still so tired that she barely listened and didn’t think much about her replies other than to say them.
A few minutes later, Michael’s head popped around the corner of the staircase, his hair dripping water down onto the carpet and stair rails. “Shower’s free,” he called to Casey.
She nodded and then wolfed down the dregs of her cereal. She then headed for the shower.
Thirty minutes later her brother was pounding at the door. “Casey! Come on! You’ve been in there way too long, I need you to walk me to the bus stop!”
Casey called back over the sound of running water, “Oh calm down. You can wait a few more minutes.”
“Come on Casey! You’ll make me miss my bus!”
“Alright, I’m coming, I’m coming” Casey said, shutting off the water. It was another ten minutes before she emerged out of her room, fully dressed and with her long brunette hair pulled into a ponytail.
“What took so long?” Michael asked exasperatedly.
“I had to pick out my outfit,” Casey calmly replied.
“We’ll have to run all the way to the bus stop now to make it there in time,” her brother grumbled.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Casey said, feigning shock. “Come on, it’ll be good for you.” She smiled at him and then raced down the stairs. “Where’s Mom and Dad?” she asked her brother, looking around.
“You took too long, they had to leave for work,” he said.
“Oh. Oh well, let’s get going then,” she told him.
The September air was nippy and soon their noses were a bright pink. Leaves littered the sidewalk and her brother, for all his earlier grumbling, stomped through the piles with delight.
“Come on,” Casey said, grabbing her brother’s arm. “I’ll race you to the bus stop!” Her brother’s only reply was to start running as fast as his legs would carry him. Casey smiled to herself as she took off after her brother.
They were both bent over with their hands on their knees when they came to the bus stop, their breath coming in short and shallow gasps. “Ha, ha. I beat you,” Mike gasped.
Casey rolled her eyes and tried to regain a more dignified pose as her brother’s bus pulled up. Inside the bus were most of Michael’s fellow third graders. She watched a group of boys wave him over and start talking excitedly to him about something. She waved goodbye to her brother then set off towards her school.
Her school was just barely close enough that she couldn’t ride the bus, so she had to hoof it every morning and afternoon. It was one of those things her brother liked to gloat about, but she didn’t mind too much. Two years from now, he would be walking right along with her.
Although it was a chilly morning, and her nose was nearly numb with the cold, Casey took her time on her walk. She was in no hurry to get to school. Every day of fifth grade just seemed the same as every last day, and she doubted today would be much different. So she kept a moderate pace, just barely fast enough so that she knew she wouldn’t be late, and enjoyed her morning stroll.
Casey reached her school at exactly 8:10, five minutes before the bell rang. She looked up at the building with mixed feelings. Her parents often told her that this was the best middle school in this part of Colorado, but she sometimes doubted that. “Well, at least there’s music to look forward to today,” she thought.
She was entering her classroom just as the shrill bell rang over the loudspeakers, promising punishment to those who didn’t get to class soon. She heard a scurry of activity in the halls as those students who had been lingering and talking to friends rushed the rest of the way to their classrooms. She took her seat in the second row of desks and waited for class to begin.
Her teacher stood up and cleared her throat. “Good morning class,” she said.
“Good morning Mrs. Smith,” they all chorused back to her. As they were however, Casey noticed one boy who had not joined in. He was standing shyly in the doorway, holding an armful of notebooks and binders and such. He had short and spiky dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a slight smile that at the moment was filled with nervousness. Just then her teacher started talking again.
“Class, we have a new student joining us today,” she said, beckoning the shy boy into the room. “This is Adam Miller. Why don’t you go sit over there next to Casey.” She pointed to the empty seat on Casey’s right. Adam walked up and took the seat, lifting the lid of the desk and putting away his supplies. Mrs. Smith smiled and began to speak. “Everyone please get out your algebra books, and we’ll get started.”
Today, when the recess bell rang, Casey was much more enthusiastic than before. This new boy, Adam, seemed to be pretty nice, and she thought she might make a new friend. She walked over to him as the loud clatter continued ringing over the speaker and everyone else rushed like mad men out towards the playground. “Hi, I’m Casey,” she said, smiling at him. How’re you liking our school?”
Adam got up from his desk and shot her a smile. “Not bad I guess. Nowhere near as good as my old one though,” he replied, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Is that so?” she asked him as they started walking toward the playground.
“Why yes,” he replied in mock fervor. “There we had marble floors and views of mountains out of our windows.”
“Hmm, that may be true,” she replied. “But no school can top our food. I mean, who else has the legendary mystery meat?”
“Mystery meat?” he asked, not sure whether or not she was joking.
“Yeah,” Casey said. “We have a bet in our class. If you can guess what the different meats are made out of, than you get treated to a free ice cream. But the real mystery in there is the tuna surprise. I doubt there is any tuna in it, and I don’t really want to know the surprise.”
“Maybe I should start bringing my own lunch,” he said.
”Maybe you should,” she replied seriously. “I think our food’s been known to cause severe taste bud damage.”
Adam laughed and said, “Well, as I haven’t brought anything today, I’ll just have to risk it. And may my taste buds soon forgive me.”
When the bell rang, Casey was for once one of those sad to hear it do so. “Come on,” she said to Adam. “Science is next. Then you get to brave your very first lunch here.”
“Hmm,” Adam said dubiously, having still been unable to figure out how much she had been teasing about lunch.
An hour later lunch rolled around, and Casey led Adam to the lunchroom with enthusiasm. “Today’s chicken rings and mashed potatoes,” she told him.
“And how are those?” he asked. “Will my taste buds suffer too severe a beating?”
“They’re not bad,” she replied.
“Hey,” Adam said, noticing something. “If the food here’s so horrible, why aren’t you eating food from home?”
“Because the alternative to this is a bologna sandwich,” Casey said, pulling a face and grabbing herself a tray.
“I see,” Adam replied as he got his own tray. The lunch lady put two plastic plates with four chicken rings each and a small mound of mashed potatoes on their trays.
After they had each grabbed a chocolate milk and paid for their lunch they walked over to an empty table and sat down with their food. “Alright Adam,” Casey said. “Time to try your first bite of our amazing cafeteria food.
Adam pulled a grimace and picked up a chicken ring. He inspected it, and then ate half of it. His face immediately relaxed.
“Good?” Casey asked.
“No,” Adam answered with a laugh. “It instantly numbed my taste buds so I can’t taste a thing.”
Casey laughed and picked up one of her own chicken rings. She swooped up a big bite of mashed potatoes on it and bit off half of it.


-Meh, okay, so it's a pretty long section. But things are about to get interesting really soon, and like I said, I wanted to pick up the pace a little on this boring part. ^_^ And please, forgive the horribly stiff dialouge.

This is a very good story. The boring stuff that you mention isn't really that boring, as it's setting up the characters and the scene and even though it's describing rather mundane things, I can't help but feel a certain mysticism about these mundane activities due to the cat in the first section. As people have said, description needs to be worked on a bit but I did enjoy the dialogue. The descriptions in the second section were better than the first section. Keep going with this, Belle, I'm very interested in this story.

Thanks Sporky! I appreciate the comments! ^_^


The walk home was nowhere near as cold as the walk to school had been. It was just cool enough that Casey didn’t get hot or sweaty, and she almost skipped to her house. A light breeze was blowing, the birds were chirping, leaves were slowly drifting down from the trees, and, best of all, she had made a new friend! It was a perfect afternoon.
She got home from school right around 4:15, and was surprised to find that her brother Michael wasn’t there. “Mom,” she called. “Where’s Mike?”
Casey’s mother came out from the kitchen and said, “I told you a few days ago, he’s sleeping over at his friend’s house tonight.”
Casey nearly shouted with glee. “This day just keeps getting better!” she exclaimed. “To top everything off, the monkey isn’t here tonight!”
Her mother rolled her eyes at her. “It should probably distress me that having your brother gone for the night would make you so happy,” she said teasingly. “So I take it you’ve had a good day today?”
“Yeah, today was great,” Casey replied. “A new kid just moved here and is in my class. He’s really nice.”
“Well good for you! I’m glad you made a new friend,” her mother replied with a smile.
“Yeah, me too,” Casey said. “And I got to scare him with stories about mystery meat and tuna surprise.”
“Now that’s not very nice,” her mother said. “My school actually did have a tuna surprise, and the only surprise would be if it tasted moderate.”
“What about if it tasted good?” Casey asked.
”Now that wouldn’t be a surprise,” she said. “That would be a miracle.”
Casey laughed with her mother for what felt like several minutes. Soon her mother left to go work on one of her paintings and Casey plopped herself down on the couch to watch some TV.

Dinner was pretty much uneventful that night. Casey did have to suffer severe teasing about Adam from her father, but she didn’t mind so much because Michael wasn’t here to join in on the teasing. She just enjoyed her taco salad and laughed along with her parents at her father’s jokes.
Soon dinner was over and Casey was in washing dishes again. She looked out the window. The moon was a day away from being full tonight, but there was no way you could have noticed. It was really cloudy and even when the clouds separated a little all you could see to show that the moon even existed was a hazy white blur where it hung in the sky.
There weren’t many dishes, and Casey was soon done. “Casey,” her mother said. “If you’ll pop up some popcorn real quick we can watch a movie tonight since it’s not a school night.”
“Cool,” Casey said. “I’ll be right back. Don’t start the movie without me!” Soon they were all sitting on the couch watching a movie and munching on popcorn.

Interesting. Not much happens in this section, but again, the mundane things that are happening have a certain mystical element about them and it's building to something. It's interesting because from what we've seen so far, this is just an ordinary girl, yet we have the feeling that something extraordinary is going to happen.

I agree with thee, Mr. Spork. However, I think Casey is one of those sympathetic characters. (Prepare for the attack of English class) A sympathetic character is a character that the reader can easily relate to. An example is Holden Caufield in Catcher in the Rye or Sammy in the short story A&P. The weirdest thing, though, is that my fifth grade year was almost exactly like that. Something big is going to happen, like Mr. Spork said, but I have the feeling Casey is not going to like it. Other than that, no grammar mistakes!

Thanks for the comments guys! And yeah...that was an extremely short section, but there's a reason for it. And that's that I wanted this next section to be all by itself. ^_^ I hope y'all enjoy this next bit. Oh, and thanks for your comment about Casey being a sympathetic character DarkZeroHyrule. If people can relate to Casey, then that's definately a good thing, and I'm doing something right. ^_^


Darkness filled Casey’s world. She opened her eyes, but the darkness remained, heavy and choking. It seemed to cling to her and wouldn’t let her go. She struggled for a long time, but it was useless. She finally gave up and just lay there in the dark. After a while she saw a slight speck in the distance. It wasn’t really light, just an absence of the deep darkness that surrounded her. She tried to call out to that speck and willed it to come towards her, not really caring what it was as long as it was something other than this suffocating dark.
It gradually became bigger, moving its way towards her. It moved so slowly Casey wondered if she was imagining it, which then made her wonder if she was imagining all of this. At that thought she struggled slightly, but the crushing weight of the dark held her more tightly than any rope might have. With that attempt failed, Casey instead focused everything on that speck. Willing it to come nearer and trying to block out the darkness.
It was difficult to see, but as it neared the speck gradually began to take shape. It was a cat slowly slinking its way towards her through the heavy dark. It wasn’t until the cat was almost upon her that she realized it was the same cat that she had seen on her walk the other day. She could tell by its piercing eyes. In this complete absence of light they seemed to give out a slight glow of their own.
When it reached her it fixed her with its calculating gaze. It looked her up and down, and then raised its paw with its claws extended. Casey stared at the cat in horror. She couldn’t even flinch before the first swipe, but as the second one came down she found herself able to scream. And scream she did. She screamed loudly and hysterically. Screaming because of her fear of this strange cat as well as this strange place and of the dark oblivion that surrounded her.
Then she felt hands clasped about her arms. Someone was shaking her. She opened her eyes and saw her mother sitting on the edge of her bed beside her, and her father standing just behind her.
“Are you ok sweetie?” she asked in concern.
Casey slowly sat up and looked around. She was drenched in a cold sweat, but she was in her room and everything seemed normal. Casey gave a relieved sigh and nodded. “I just had a bad dream,” she told her.
“Well it’s over now, don’t worry about it,” her father told her. “Do you need anything? Or do you just want to try and go back to sleep?”
“I’m fine,” Casey replied. “I’ll just try and get back to sleep.”
“All right, if you’re sure,” her mother said. They left and Casey laid back down. She really wasn’t wild about trying to sleep again, worried that those horrible dreams would be waiting for her, but it was embarrassing enough to have needed her parents to come comfort her after a nightmare without having to tell them she was to scared to go back to sleep. She tried to tell herself that it was just a dream, and she shouldn’t worry about it, but she couldn’t help but reach up and feel her face for scratches.

-hehehe...you see why I wanted this bit by itself now don't you? ^_^ Please let me know what you think, and as always, constructive critisicism is very much appreciated. ^_^

Something big is going to happen, like Mr. Spork said, but I have the feeling Casey is not going to like it.

And the prophecy is fulfilled! Anyway, no grammar mistakes, but a thirty second story. After reading this chapter, I had a weird case of deja vu. I remembered something that never happened... and yet it felt like it actually happened. I can't explain it... weird none the less... like Casey's helplessness to just check for scratches.

Heh...strange. And are you saying I should post longer bits of the story at a time? Looking back at my posts, I think those last two segments would maybe have worked better as just one, but I was worried I was going too fast, and also, I really, REALLY wanted that dream scene by itself. I really don't think of these as chapters, just...sections. *shrug* I'll try and post longer bits in the future though. I guess my main thing was not wanting people to see a really long post, and be turned off by that and not want to read it. ^_^

I love this story so far! I seem to see a connection with the kid and the cat though. You could combine some of the posts though. It's not as boring as you think, I'm definitly intrigued by it. Update soon, I beg of you!