My first Zelda fan fic!

its called The Legend Of Zelda: The Harp of Justice
i will post the first 4 chapters now cos thats all i have done. i want to know wat u think even if its bad coments i want to hear them!



Chapter one
Busted!

Link was practicing his sword fighting with Harry. It was an intense fight, Harry using an old hylian sword and link using his good old Kokiri sword. Link got cut in the face and fell to the ground, but that didn’t stop him from fighting. Link met Harry at Hyrule market. Harry was working at the bomb shop at the time and they have been friends ever since. Harry had orange hair with blue pants and a Green t-shirt. Link had blonde hair and he wore a green tunic with brown boots and a green hood.

Link taught him how to sword fight and had taught him well. Harry beat him, so link decided to make his way to Lon Lon Ranch. Lon Lon ranch was a big ranch where link got Epona.

At Lon Lon Ranch Link visited Epona and bought some milk. While he was there a man named Gandwarf who was short, skinny and wore a little jacket looking thing asked him if he was interested in a new wallet that could hold up to 100,000 Rupes.

“Why not.” said link.

“Then you will have to tell me your name and age,” replied Gandwarf.

“Ok well my name is Link and my age is 22”.

The man thanked him for his help and told him that his wallet would come very soon.

But just three days later at Kakariko Village a Gango bird flew over link dropping a letter. It said that link had been charged of stealing from all the temples of the seven sages and from Ganon’s Tower. He had to attend court in just seven days.


Chapter Two
The Harp

Link asked navi if she could be his lawyer and she gladly accepted. Navi for some reason went to law school at Hyrule University when link was holidaying at Lake Hylia’s resort. Navi was a little blue fairy that has helped link through his journeys.

After hours of research about the Court of Doom Navi found out that out that it is located in The Dark world. Navi also found out that the only way to win was to play the Harp of Justice in the courtroom, or else the Plaintiff would win.

Navi was very confused but when she found out that the judge favours the Plaintiff in every case, and that the Harp makes the whole case go to the Court Of Anti Doom it made more sense.





Chapter Three
But where does it lie?

Navi told link all about this and Link asked.

“But where is it?”

“Well you see it kind of needs the Power of the Triforce to open the gate and um well, be able to hold it.” Replied Navi

“But no one has ever had the whole Triforce to themselves.” Said link

“I know but your are going to have to go to the three temples and Take the Three pieces of the Triforce, and then go to the Harp’s temple and take the Harp.”

“Not more stealing.” Moaned Link.

So they went and got supplies. First they went and got some food then some Bombs and then finally a new Sword and Shield.

Links new sword was a nice sharp hylian sword with the Triforce engraved on the handle. Links new shield wasn’t a hylian shield but a rock hard goron shield with the goron symbol on the front. Luckily link didn’t have to go to goron city to get because it was at a shop in Hyrule market.




Chapter Four
Maps, maps and more maps

Since neither Navi nor link new the way they went to a good friend Tingle.

“Welcome to tingles maps and maps. O its you Link my boy how have you been eh?” Said Tingle.

“Good and we need a map to eastern Hyrule Please.” Replied Link.

“Well right this way Please. Here is your map.”

“Um………..how do you read this?” Asked Link.

“Didn’t you go to school my boy? Well surly navi can read it. See you later.”

Luckily navi could read maps and didn’t have trouble with it either.

The map was a very elaborate map of eastern Hyrule with all the mountains and even the river that crossed through the temple of Wisdom and out to the mountains.

PART 2

Chapter One:
Going, Going, gone!

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Kokiri Forest and set off for Hyrule castle that was pretty close.

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Hyrule castle and at Hyrule market and then set off to Lon Lon Ranch to saddle up Epona.

Link hoped up on Epona and waved to everyone as he left Lon Lon Ranch and set off for the Temple of wisdom.

The temple of wisdom was where the Triforce of Wisdom lay protected by the Gango Queen.

The Gango, which I have already mentioned but I haven’t described them are large birds with a golden beak and beautiful wings that are brown with bronze ends.

The queen was the biggest one of them all but I will tell more about her later in the story.

good start i like it

Moved to Art/Fiction section.

I love the plot of this story, but you are moving way too fast. If I didn't play OoT, then I'd have no idea what you are talking about. Here are some questions to help with descriptions.

1. What does Harry look like is he a stick figure, or a Hylian; you decide.
2. On that fact, describe everyone. Don't assume that everyone who reads the fic knows how Link looks like. He has three different swords, three shields, and three tunics.
3. Where is Tingle and Gandwarf? Describe their location.

Again, don't assume your reader knows the Zelda games.

I must say, for a ten year old I am impressed with this. Sadly I cannot say I like it one bit, but it is decent for your ae none the less.

You really need to be descriptive in your work. You cn make pararaphs upon paragraphs just describing charachters. The main point of stories is to show the way life is and the way people are. You do none of the such. This seems like random acts with not theme strung together. Though, to expect a 10 year old to have knowedge of a theme would be insane.

Also the comma is your friend. I'm sure you will learn this in later years of schooling but I really think you should ask your teacher about comma placing. There are places in your work where a break needs to be present, but isn't. I will show you an example.

"Harry beat him and Link decided to make his way to Lon Lon Ranch."

It should be Harry Beat him, so Link decided to make his way to Lon Lon Ranch.

Also, spell check your work. We all make mistakes, but there were a couple errors there that spell check would surely pick up. I see you are trying to use grammar, and are to the best of your ability. So good job with that, and keep writing. I can see some great work coming from you in a few years, you just need to learn a bit more.

A very nice fanfic. One of the most common mistakes of many fan fictions and fictions is the descriptions. We'll never know about the expressions on their faces when the truth has been uncovered, or Harry and Link's swordfight. But don't worry, that is a common mistake. I believe you can get this story to look better.

i have added some discripition but probally not enough since then but i will try and make it more realistic. also your advice was good thanks everyone!

im sorry about this double post but i just have to tell you all that i have made it more dicriptive. i have also put in the first chapter of the secound part

The second part's first chapter was short and pretty much left me in a dark hole in nowhere. Okay, first, the grammar.

Originally Posted by zeldagamesrule

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Kokiri Forest and set off for Hyrule castle that was pretty close.

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Hyrule castle and at Hyrule market and then set off to Lon Lon Ranch to saddle up Epona.

This, my friend, is where compound predicates come in.

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Kokiri Forest, set off for Hyrule Castle, said goodbye to their friend there, and set off to Lon Lon Ranch to saddle up Epona.

You could even add the third sentence in there. If you want to keep it seperate, then you have a run on in the first sentence.

Originally Posted by zeldagamesrule

Link and navi said goodbye to all their friends at Kokiri Forest and set off for Hyrule castle that was pretty close.

Make these two sentences actually appear like two sentences.

Besides that, the description still needs some work. I'll continue to read this.

dont just jump from one to the next like "but that didnt stop him from fighting.link met harry at the hyrule market." you didnt really fill it in put "after they fought, link promised harry the would meet at the market so link went to the market" or somthing like that. other than that it was cool. i like the story

Well... did you just type this up on ZU? Or did you actually do it in an editing program? Really, you should work on capitalization and grammar. And flow. Good stories need flow. More description, too. A chapter that is not even half a page... sheesh. Keep working. =/

Originally Posted by twilightrul3r

dont just jump from one to the next like "but that didnt stop him from fighting.link met harry at the hyrule market." you didnt really fill it in put "after they fought, link promised harry the would meet at the market so link went to the market" or somthing like that. other than that it was cool. i like the story

i do admit that there are some things that need fixing but i will get to that when i write some more