(Fan)Super Short Story(T)

Short prologue to a story Im writing. I might post more to the story (Chapter 1) once I finish.

Beginning of Darkness

By: Aqua Mage

Darkness consumed him; he was engulfed in it and could not escape. He struggled but it was of no use, the Darkness just bit at him with more fury. He struggled for a few more minutes, the pain was excruciating, gnawing at his insides, clawing its way into his heart. The pain eventually overcame him, he could no longer breath and his heart felt as it would burst. He gave in, the pain began to subside, but not without consequence. The Darkness seized his heart, it was chilling, but oddly… it felt… right; as if this was meant to be… his destiny.

Hatred crept through him. Hatred so wretched and foul, that it could barely be contained within his body. He began to feel something trickling throughout his body. At first it started out as a mere inconvenience, but it quickly grew into pain that was like no other. His eyes burned with such intensity, that the fires of Hell could not compare. His arms and legs were crushed into hundreds of pieces. His muscles were torn off his bones, he could no longer move.

He tried to scream, but no noise would come out. Tears and blood trickled down his face, each drop burned as if they were molten magma. The pain was agonizing, pain so intense, that he wished death would come and take him soon.

The pain grew and he lost consciousness. The Darkness had taken him.


Criticize away, any help or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Interesting...
Very nicely written I must say.
Tell me, was that about the villian of the story or is the main character going to be evil?

That was the main character of my story who so happens to be the evil. This story happens to be the prologue to another story im writing. This one is going to be how the evil guy came to power and the second will be the good guy taking him down.

Anyways, I might have the first chapter up by mid next week.

hmm......... theres nothing to point out except........................*evil music* dun dun dun!!!!............... you did great!

wow, great atention to detail! Good job, can't wait for ch. 1!

So this is my next installment to my story.

One thing though, when I was making the thread I was a bit tired so, the rating is wrong. This story is rated M.

Enjoy

Chapter 1

He awoke to a cold sweat. His heart was beating fast, and his eyes felt different. He sat up in the bed he lay on and found himself to be in a room. To the right of where he lay was a desk; on it were parchment, ink, a quill, and a pair of slightly curved daggers. About twenty feet in front of him was a window, the sun shone through the thin curtains, illuminating the room in an eerie shade of red. On the walls were two finely crafted tapestries and an assortment of spears and other weapons.
He passed his hand through his hair. He tried to remember where he was and what he had done. He couldn’t even remember his own name. Minutes passed and yet he could not remember a thing. Still tired from what seemed to be an uneasy sleep, he dozed off.
---------
He awoke once more, this time to a knock on the door knock on the door.
“Lord Harrat! Lord Harrat! Are you in there?”
It all came rushing back to him. He finally remembered who he was. Recollection of the night’s activities flew through his mind. He remembered all that fire brandy he had the night before, and the women he had pleased in his bed.
“What do you want?” He yelled out.
“Lord, your brother wants to see you in the practice field.”
“Argh…tell him I’ll be right there.”
Argh…damn…that must have been one hell of a night. Maybe I drank a little too much fire brandy. Kinda strange how I couldn’t remember who I was.
He picked up his daggers and his sword, and left to meet his brother. He left the room knowing who he was. He was Maras Harrat, Son of Darkness.




I know their a bit short, but they should get longer when I get more indepth in the story

Pronounciation

Maras - (Ma-res)
Harrat - (Ha-rrat)
In pronouncing the names, you have to roll the R.