(Fan/Act/Rom/Tra)LoZ: The Age of Darkness[T]

Here's my new story, The Age of Darkness. I just made it up, so mind that it may be a bit cruddy. It's a remake of a story I made a few years ago and it's inspired by Shrub's story, The Empire of Darkness. This takes place ofter MM. Welp, here it is.
Chapter 1
Return of the Hero
Thunder crackled over the raging sea. Waves flew high up. "Mother, are we almost there?" said a girl on a small boat. The mother didn't answer. The girl looked up and saw a cliff with buildings on it. "Mother, look! Land!" yelled the girl. Once again, the mother didn't answer. As the boat got closer to the land, the better the girl could see it. Her eyes focused onto the buildings. All the buildings were on fire. The girl looked at it and grabbed an oar and started paddling around to turn the boat. The eyes opened of a beautiful woman. She raised her hands and blocked the sun out of her eyes. She walked to the edge of the balcony and looked out on the town of Hyrule. "Link, where are you?" she whispered to herself as the pigeons flew into the sky. "It's been seven years. Where can he be?"

A young boy named Link stepped into a small puddle in the Lost Woods. "It feels like it's been so long since I've been here. I wonder how everyone has been." he said to himself. He turned to his horse, Epona. "We'll go see Zelda first, then see how Malon's doing." he said petting her nose. He paused for a second, and pulled out his sword. Flames rose out of the ground and two large pruple knights with long cpes rose from the ground and pulled out their swords and charged at him. Epona nayed. Link jumped over one and grabbed his cape and wrapped it around the monster's head. The other monster charged up his sword and charged. Link grabbed the monster's wriest and pulled it above he waist. He untied the strings on the back of the monster's armor and the armor fell off. He did the same to the other one. Then he charged up his sword and did the spin attack on their backs. The two monsters fell and disappeared into smoke. The flames disappeared. "What where those?" he asked himself.

Link took a breath then raised his sword. He turned around and threw his sword at a shadow. "So you found me." said a voice. A boy walked out of the shadows. He wore a red tunic with a crimson cape, red bandanna around his mouth, white tights, brown boots. His blue hair waved in the wind with his cape. "The Hero of Time has returned." He picked up Links sword and walked towards him. "How long has it been? Five years or seven?" Link glared at him. He handed Link his sword. "Nevertheless, you've taken all that time to find your friend, even when she's been near you the whole time." Link's eyes widened. "Where's Navi?!" he yelled. "In the fairies forest just north of here, if you can get through the barrier." Link thought for a second. 'North of here is the Forest Temple. How am I suppose to get passed there? Unless there's a passage in there.' "Yes, the barrier is past the Forest Temple. You need to find the painting with the castle in the room you fought the Evil King's Phantom." Link looked around the forest. "Who are you?" he asked. "Many questions are asked, but some cannot be answered. We will meet again." He backed up. Link followed him. Flames rose around the boy. He raised his hand and threw a deku nut and disappeared. The flames disappeared. Link looked around for him and shrugged and ran towards the Forest Temple.

Good first chapter, but you need to work on being more descriptive. It takes time so be patient and don't lose heart. Keep up the good work.

Thanks. I haven't written any stories in a while so it's not that good.

The Passage in the Painting
Link walked into the maze in the Sacred Forest. The gate creaked open. He walked past the gate and then froze. "I forgot about the moblins!" he said. He pulled out his bow and put an arrow in and got ready to shoot the moblins. He ran past the gate and aimed his arrow, then dropped his bow. "No." he whispered. Kokiri were petrified. All of them were frozen in the stone. Link followed the maze to his and his friend Saria's secret place in front of the Forest Temple. Link's eyes widened. "No. How could this happen?" He ran to the stump Saria always sat on. She was standing in front of it. She was petrified as well. He ran to her and fell to his knees. "How could I let this happen? Who did this?" Tears dripped down his cheek. He punched the ground in his anger. "How could I let this happen? Damn it!" He looked at the stone Kokiri. "I have to go on. Maybe Navi could help me." He wiped his tears away and got up. He got his Hook Shot out and shot onto the dead tree and entered the temple. "I need to take the elevator down to the basement level." he said to himself as he went to the main room . He opened the door and saw the elevator. "Just as it was before I beat Ganon." He ran to the elevator and took it to the basement. When he made it to the basement, he saw a green coin on the ground. He walked up to it and picked it up. "It's the Forest Medallion!" he said. "I thought I collected it. Oh well." He put it in his pocket and went on to the room were he fought Ganon's Phantom. "Now you need to find the right painting." said a voice. Link looked around. The boy from the forest appeared on the Triforce symbol.

"Where is the passage?" asked Link. "Don't ask me, ask your left hand." Link opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then shrugged and looked at his hand. A golden triangle appeared and pointed to the middle picture. He looked up. The boy was gone. He walked to the painting and put his hand on it. It went through the painting to the other side. He lifted himself up and crawled through the path. "It looks so big in the painting, but it's tiny inside." said Link. He continued crawling through the path until he saw a large dead tree. "Is that light?" he said as he crawled, He crawled through the dead tree and saw a large beautiful meadow. "This must be the place with the barrier." said Link getting up. He followed the pathway. The sun gleamed over him. "The breeze feels nice." he said. He continued walking. The was a strange electric noise. Link stopped and raised his and. The sound came back. There was a green wall appeared. "This must be the barrier." said Link still touching it. "I wonder how I get through this." "You don't." The boy appeared on the other side of the barrier. "Only a child of the forest or a member of the Royal Family can get passed it. "When you say "Child of the Forest", do you mean the Kokiri?" Link asked still tapping the barrier. "But there is a spell to open it for a few seconds." Can you tell me the spell?" "The spell can only be cast by Sheikahs." "How do you know this? Are you a Sheikah?" The boy didn't answer. "Kasu Delay Sinta." the boy said. He repeated it and lifted his ands up. A large hole appeared in the barrier. "Quickly! Go through the opening!" Link stopped tapping the barrier and ran through the portal. "Just past the hill is the entrance to the Fairie's Village. Go find your lost friend." Link looked at the boy and began to walk towards him. "Tell me, who are you?" He asked when he stopped in front of him. "You will find out in time..." he said and he dissappeared in the wind. "Weird. Forget him, I need to find Navi!" He turned back tot he path and followed it.

I like it! The story really seems to flow, and that's what I like about it. I also like how you incorporated the use of the Triforce on Link's hand. Very nice! If you want me to get technical, then here are a few criticisms that I suggest you use. I hope they are helpful!
1. You need to do a little bit of a spell check. I don't expect it to be perfect, but it's pretty close! Your spelling's pretty good!
2. In grammar, whenever a different speaker starts to speak, you need to start a new paragraph and indent. This will make things clearer between Link and the boy. Right now, it's a bit confusing.
3. Make some more paragraphs. It sort of just looks like two giant blobs. Looks are important, as well. I would suggest maybe 5-10 sentences per paragraph? Just a thought. You don't have to.
4. I agree with Shrub. It's great so far, but it could use a tiny bit more detail. One thing you could do: maybe you could describe the setting a bit more. I know everyone knows what things look like, but you could describe the painting a bit more. Is it a painting of a Poe, or of something else? Also, what does the Fairie's Forest look like? Is it sparkling and bright, or is it dim and ugly? Just think of those kinds of questions and you should be fine.
That's all for now!!!! I hope this helps! Your story's off to a great start! Keep up the good work!