(ZGen) Let the World Smile [T]

<< here on ff.net >>

...wow. This extremely well-written, well thought-out. I can't fault you in the slightest, all i can say is that i wish to see more. It truly does captivate you and draw you into the kingdom. The wording is perfect, especially the speech. A little problem i have is that some speech lacks the quotation marks at the beginning, but I am assuming it was a copy-paste fault, not your own writing. good job, friend.

That was a very interesting story. The politics of Hyrule were very well done, it brought the entire world to life. I thought the Princess would feature a bit more but, I guess, that would defeat the point of the story - that she knew nothing of it. There were a few mistakes in the form of spelling errors and what not and the writing style, as you mentioned, was a bit inconsistent. For example, the style used in Chapter 4 kept reminding me of The Twilight Zone and how the narrator speaks in that. Other than that though your writing was top notch. You make my work look like something a pre-schooler wrote.

Overall, though, it was a very well done story and kept my interest all the way through.

Thank you, e_alert and Mr Spork, for your reviews! I'll be sure to go back and correct the mechanical errors you two pointed out.

Originally Posted by Mr Spork

... the writing style, as you mentioned, was a bit inconsistent. For example, the style used in Chapter 4 kept reminding me of The Twilight Zone and how the narrator speaks in that.

::Rereads section:: Oh yes, it does! I never thought about that. ^^ I modeled that part on the expository portions of Charles Pallister's (sp?) novel The Quincunx.

<< bye, text >>

<< adios, text. and several years belatedly, thanks so much, Attor, :] >>

I really enjoyed it! Zelda's nightmares and intense reservations was creepy and I really liked the Spartan and Atheanian remakes. Also the shepard was ominous. I liked the concentration of the writing on the characters, although I think descriptions of the chambers and scenery would add to the awesome descriptions already in place, such as "pools of sunlight on the floor." Very good, can't wait to read more!