(ZGen) The Legend of Zelda: Pearl of Darkness [G]

After the events of Majora's Mask, Link is thrust into a new adventure in Myrennia, the land adjacent to Termina. Dark Link arrives to complicate things, and Link gets wrapped up in Myrennia's cumulating history of warfare and hatred.

Status: 32 chapters completed

Comments and stuff would be nice. I'll post one chapter at a time, but if nobody replies for a while I guess I'm allowed to post a new chapter. Also, sorry about the quality of the first half or so; I started it a long time ago.

If you haven't been keeping up, you can check it out and leave a review at FanFiction.Net. It'll be easier to find the right chapter there.

And if you're thinking about stealing this, consider the fact that I can search for it on google. I've already caught two people plagiarizing. So get over yourself and learn how to write.


Chapter One

Puffs of steam blew from Link's nostrils in the crisp morning air. He looked up into the trees above, but there was still no sign of Navi, his old guardian fairy. It had been almost a year since he last saw her, and he was beginning to think about giving up his search. Epona snorted and shifted her position. Link looked over at his horse and sighed.

"Well, it's about time we get moving again," he said, standing up and brushing off the dirt on his tunic. "Sitting around here won't do any good."

During his search for Navi, he had been transported to the world of Termina. Termina was a world parallel to Hyrule. When he arrived, he found a skullkid wearing a strange, powerful mask, causing the moon to fall toward the land, and in three days it would collide. He had to save the land from destruction by befriending the four giants and calling them to stop the moon.

Then, he locked the evil powers of Majora back into the mask, releasing its prisoner, the skullkid. This skullkid had two fairies as friends, Tatl and Tael, who were sister and brother. After saving Termina from its fate, he was on his way again.

Link hopped up onto Epona and they resumed the journey. The forest looked exactly the same as it had the whole morning. A slight mist covered the ground. The leaves were still; there was no wind.

Suddenly he noticed a small purple glow off to the side. A purple ball of light with wings flew into view. It was Tael, the fairy brother of Tatl. Tael seemed to be out of breath, and made dinging sounds every once in a while.

"Link! Link! I found you! You've got to help me!"

"What's going on?" Link asked, confused.

"It's Tatl! She's gone!"

"Slow down there!" Link said, wrinkling his brow, "so you're saying she just randomly disappeared somehow? What were you doing?"

Tael gasped for breath. "We were just playing hide-and-seek with skullkid in the bushes, and then I heard someone laugh. It sounded just like you, but a little lower in pitch, and it sounded evil. Just then, I looked over the tops of the bushes and saw her being sucked into this weird hole!

"I saw a glimpse of a land that looked familiar inside the portal before it disappeared. It looked like Myrennia, a place to the east of Termina, past the canyon. Please! You have to help me look!"

Link glanced back at the section of the forest he would have explored next. He was having no luck in his search for Navi. Besides, there was a chance she was taken to the same place Tatl was...however that had happened. He looked back at Tael, sighed, and then nodded, hopping back on Epona.

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Climbing up to the top of the Ikana castle ruins, Link was able to pull himself over the top of the canyon. He looked down the hill of reddish dirt as it disappeared into more trees. He could see mountains far away, and he looked at Tael. Tael nodded as if to say, "that's it."

Link looked back toward Termina Field. Epona couldn't come with them; she wouldn't be able to get out on top of the canyon. So he had left her with Romani and her older sister, Cremia, at the ranch. He trusted she would be fine until he got back, assuming he did.

Tael flew ahead impatiently, and Link turned to follow him down into the forest. It was going to be a long walk.

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Finally emerging from the forest at night, Link found he wasn't at the mountains, but a large clearing of the forest, and he could see groups of stone houses with thatched rooftops nearby.

"Hayen village," Tael said sleepily. "We've entered Myrennia." As he was drifting about aimlessly above, Link looked around. Something didn't feel right. The shadows seemed to be moving...whispering...calling his name...

"So you've finally come?" He whirled around at the sound of the raspy voice. In front of Link was an exact copy of himself, only black. It was just like his shadow, but in 3D. Link backed away in horror.

"Who – who a-are you?" He stammered. Wisps of the shadow whirled around him.

"Why, I'm Dark Link. Exactly the same as you, and at the same time, exactly the opposite." He unsheathed his shadowy sword, letting forth a puff of black mist.

"But...who...how...I don't get it!" Tael stammered, looking back and forth.

"Master Ganon created me as an evil copy of you, and ordered me to kill you. Well, here we are." Link took the opportunity to swing his sword at the shadow. In the blink of an eye, Dark Link ducked, then shot his arm out and grabbed Link's wrist, twisting it around. There was a sharp snapping sound.

"AAAGH!" Link yelled in pain. His eyes watered, blurring his vision, and his arm burned, throbbing with the warm blood rushing through it. He slumped to the ground. Tael watched in shock as Dark Link strolled away into the night, disappearing into the shadows of the forest.

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"He looks all right...it's just a small fracture..." Link slowly opened his eyes to find a bright light shining in his face. He squinted, closing his eyes again. "Look! I told you he's okay! Hey, Link! Can you open your eyes for a minute?"

"How do you know my name?" Link asked. As he tried to lift his arm to shield his eyes from the light, he winced in pain.

"Whoa, careful now! You need to keep that up in a sling for a while so it can heal. Are you left handed, or what?"

Link's hope dropped to the floor, smacking right through it and continuing on into the ground. Being left handed, the only thing he used his right hand for was his shield. He lifted his right arm to shield his eyes, then slowly opened them to adjust to the light, and saw Tael flying above, along with a few people standing around him. The bright light shining in his eyes hurt, and he sat up carefully. He found himself sitting on a table in a small room.

"Oh, I almost forgot your question," said a short, middle-aged man with brown hair and a moustache. Your fairy here was telling us all about you, and that's how I know your name."

"I hope you don't mind," Tael said, laughing nervously. "And I forgot to tell you, Link...these people use these really cool stones as a power source. They have really bright lights," Tael said. "Now, are you okay? That shadowy guy left toward the mountains. I recognized his voice as the one I heard when Tatl disappeared. Do you think he took her?"

"I don't know," Link said, rubbing his head. Maybe Tael should learn to keep his mouth shut. The people crowded around the table even closer.

"You saw the shadow kid?"

"You know of him?" Link asked the older man who had spoken.

"I hear he has a hideout in those haunted mountains, to the east. I've seen him, standing on a ledge, just staring at nothing." He shuddered. "Lately I've been hearing strange sounds from way up there. Almost like a little bell. It was very odd."

"Tatl!" I whispered to Tael. Both fairies made sounds like a bell sometimes, especially when they were excited or angry.

"Unfortunately, nobody can go see what he's up to, because the mountains are inaccessible from the light world. There are legends of a secret dark world, much like the light, only darker of course, and there are evil things everywhere. I hear there are ancient catacombs up there in the light world. Nobody knows what the dark world holds."

"Stop it, Garod! I hate hearing those dark world tales! It's best if we just leave that dark child alone! I don't want anything to do with him!" Argued a woman in the room.

"Oh come on! It can't hurt to talk!"

"Well, you're just going to encourage young Link or scare him away! You don't need to bring him into this!"

"Then you can leave! I'm telling the stories, whether you want it or not!"

"Why, you grumpy old-" The Hayens started arguing, and Link slipped off the table and out of the house to find it was morning.

"Tael, do you think Dark Link has Tatl up in the mountains?"

"I can't think of anything else that could be making a dinging sound in that place."

"Well, let's go!" Link started off toward the forest between Hayen and the mountains. Tael flew in front of him.

"You heard him! He said the mountains are inaccessible from the light world! We have to find a way into the dark world first! Besides, you can't go with that fractured wrist! Face it, your right hand is near useless with a sword!"

"You're partly right," Link sighed, "we'll have to find some way into the dark world...but we can't wait around here! What will Dark Link do to Tatl? We'll wait for the Hayens to stop arguing, and we can go ask that one old guy to tell us more later. What was his name...Garod!"

Tael sighed and gave in. "All right...we'll go talk with him. I do think you're being a little reckless, though."



I'll post chapter two after I get some comments.

Pretty good but I lost interest quickly, It wasn't the story, I just have a short attention span.(really)-_-
Good though. Or else I wouldn't have clicked on it at all.
And I don't think Link would be looking for Navi, but I don't know.
I wouldn't be anyway she yells too much. lol

Lol, sure. Here we go. This chapter isn't quite as exciting as the others, but after this, it gets more interesting.

[(O)}-{Chapter 2}-{(O)]

As they explored the village, Link came across a sign, pointing north, that said "To the lake." A path led through the woods past the sign. It curved out of sight a few yards in. Turning around, he saw that the Hayens were out in the streets looking for him. He quickly grabbed Tael and ducked behind a nearby building.

Garod went straight across the street and entered another building, except this one was made of wood, unlike the other stone houses. As soon as the other villagers had passed out of view, Link ran across the path and knocked on the door. A small hole opened up in the door and Link saw an eye peering out from the dark. The door opened and he was quickly pulled inside as the door shut. It smelled of cedar and rock dust in the old, dark house.

Link couldn't imagine what could be causing that strange, burning, powdery smell in there. Suddenly he heard a grinding sound and a small glow appeared in front of him. He jumped as he saw the small, frail old man's face illuminated from below. The man called Garod was rubbing stones together, and they had started glowing.

"Follow me," he whispered and creaked across the floorboards toward the wall to the right of the front door. Fumbling around with his buttoned pocket, he pulled out a small key, shaped like a snake, with an emerald embedded in its eye. Then, prying out a small wood chip from the wall, he shoved the key into the hole and turned it.

There was a small click from somewhere in the room. Garod stumbled over to a table and pushed it aside. "Help me lift this, will you?" he said quietly, beckoning to Link. He cautiously walked over to Garod, and the man started feeling around on the floor. Link squatted down next to him and noticed a rusting hinge in the old boards at his feet.

"Oh! Here we are. Move over a bit, you're standing on the trapdoor," Garod said, and shoved his fingers into a crack between the floorboards. Link watched as he lifted a small square of the floor up, revealing a stairway below. He followed closely behind Garod as they started down the stairs. Garod turned around and pointed to the opening above.

"Make sure to close that!" he whispered. Link reluctantly backed up and grabbed the trapdoor, lowering it until it was closed. Now the only light came from Garod's glowing rocks. Stopping near the bottom of the stairway, Garod turned and placed one stone in a small notch in the wall.

It started glowing brighter, and Link squinted to see past the light shining in his eyes. Garod gasped and stumbled over, and Link tried to grab him with his left hand. Realizing it was in a sling, his right arm shot out in front of Garod. He would have to get used to this.

"My books..." Garod mumbled in pain. Link looked up, and as his eyes adjusted to the odd light, he saw a small room, with hundreds of papers scattered across the floor, books lying face down, pages torn out, bookshelves leaning against each other, some with broken shelves. He couldn't even see the floor.

The old man grasped the edge of a bookcase, and Link flinched as it creaked, leaning over the slightest bit. Garod didn't seem to notice and continued to mumble worriedly as he shuffled through the papers, trying to get them in order. Link quickly stepped down to the floor and tried to help him sort the papers, asking him which should go where. They started organized piles on the stairs, and worked their way through the room, trying to create enough room to stack papers on the floor.

Tael flew around above, trying to help but not able to lift anything. He flew along a few inches above the papers and read off page numbers and titles, anything he could find. Noticing a bit of color in the sea of yellowed paper, he hovered closer and took a look at the piece of paper. It looked like a map.

"Link, come over here," he called. Link shuffled through the papers as quickly as he could, and lifted the map. It was in good condition, compared with the rest of the library. Seeing Hayen village upside down on the right side of the paper, he quickly flipped it over and continued looking. This could be useful later on.

"Hey, would you let me borrow this, or at least copy it or something?" he asked in Garod's direction, holding up the map.

"Ah! That's what I was looking for! Come over here," the old man replied with a toothless grin. Link found his way along the path he had created, and sat down on the bottom step next to Garod. "Now, this is a map of Myrennia. Over here is where the haunted mountains are, that's where I think the dark kid hides." He pointed to the east edge of the map.

"You know, if you went into the dark world, I'm sure you would look just like him – " he stopped and then turned to look at Link, scooting away a little. Link sighed.

"Look, I'm not him...just...how can I get into the dark world?"

"Well, if one wants to travel between the light and dark worlds, one needs the pearl of darkness. Supposedly, the king knows something about it, so he would be the one to talk to," Garod said. "I'm not sure how that kid got the pearl, but...well, anyway, I wanted to help you, so take this map, and I also have a spare Glode rock for you."

He held his hand out to Link, holding the other rock he had been using. "Rub it against any hard surface nearby to make it glow, but it'll wear off after about an hour, so use it wisely."

"Thanks," Link said, "here, let me help you clean the rest of this up."

"Oh, you don't have to!" protested Garod.

"No, you need the help, and I need some way to thank you. I'll put all the paper into stacks, and you can sort them," Link said, standing up and getting to work straightening his previous piles.

"Well...thank you, you're too kind...I just wish I knew how this happened..."

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Link set off down the path into the forest in the direction of the lake. Taking a look at his map one more time, he confirmed the location of the castle, on the other side of the lake. As soon as the trees parted, he froze. One eyebrow raised. Over the center of the lake, nearly black clouds were crowding above a small island.

As far as he could tell, the island was covered in snow. It looked half a mile away, and there was white mist or something blocking his view. Suddenly a cold breeze swooped in from the lake, and he shivered. He started moving again, and as he rounded the lake along a path between sand dunes, a huge palace came out from behind the storm, just where it was shown on the map.

"Hey...do you think we'll have an easy time talking with the king? We probably won't be allowed in..." Tael mumbled.

"...You're right," Link said, stopping again. "Well, let's go anyway, and we'll see when we get there. There may be another town there."

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As they approached the castle, Link noticed how large it was. Getting a look through the archway on the other side of the drawbridge, he saw there was a small village within the outer wall, and then behind another wall lay the castle. A small stream connected the moat and the lake ahead. There was a stone road stretching west into the forest, and it crossed the stream, leading to the drawbridge.

Before he went through the gateway, he turned around and looked at the small island again, shaking his head. The clouds were still there, and only there. "You know, I think it would be a good idea if I went alone," Link said, recalling Tael's big mouth.

"That's not fair!" Tael shouted. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have found anything out about Dark Link!"

"Well, if...if..." Link looked at Tael for a few seconds, then groaned and said, "fine. But we don't want to attract attention. Just hide under my hat or something." With that, he grabbed Tael, lifted his hat, and shoved him in, pulling the hat back over his head.

"Hey! Let me out!" Tael screeched from inside.

"Be quiet. You can either hide under my hat or stay out here."

"Fine! So let me go already!"

Link sighed and took his hat off again, and Tael flew around in a circle a few times to stretch himself. "Now, just stay here until I get back. If you get bored, too bad, this was your choice." He adjusted his hat until it was comfortable, and then casually walked through the market gates.

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The market was full of vibrant red, blue and yellow flowers, banners and glass jars. He could hear fiddles, flutes and tambourines playing throughout the market, playing different songs. The delicious aroma of freshly baked bread wafted into his nostrils. Link looked around with wide eyes and a crooked open-mouthed smile.

"The freshest fish in Myrennia! Get them while you can!"

"Beautiful beaded necklaces from afar! They're on sale only today!"

Link pushed his way through the crowd, looking at each booth he passed. He was just about ready to buy a rug when he realized how stupid he was acting. Shaking his head, he tried to block out the vendors' shouts, and headed toward the inner wall.

Finding his way through the crowd, he found that an iron gate guarded by a soldier blocked the path up to the castle. Link approached him, imagining what to say. The guard looked down at him and cleared his throat.

"Can I help you?"

"Well...I need to see the king," Link replied.

"I'm sorry, but you can't get in without the king's permission," he said. "Were you invited?"

"No, but...I need to see him...I have to ask him some questions."

"Well, like I said, unless you have a signed letter allowing you inside, I can't let you through."

"Ok, well...thanks anyway..." Link said, wandering off into the crowd. He had to see the king. It was his only hope for stopping Dark Link. But how could he get in?

Time for chapter 3...

[(O)}-{Chapter 3}-{(O)]

"We should go back to Hayen and ask Garod where we should go from here," Tael offered. Link sat against a rock in a small grove of trees outside the castle walls, and Tael was hovering above him.

"Then we'd have to go all the way back around the lake," Link said, "and it'll be night before we get back. Plus, I'm starving. Maybe we should look around the market for a while, and then maybe we can stay the night. I saw an inn while I was there. You'll have to stay under my hat until it's safe, though."

Tael sighed and looked up at the sky. It was already getting reddish, and the sun was getting ready to drop beneath the treetops. The lake reflected the brilliant color. "I guess you're right...but please, try to hurry. I'll probably suffocate in there."

"All right. We'll go find the inn, and you can stay in our room while I look around for a bit and get some food," Link said, taking off his hat. "We'll go back to Hayen first thing tomorrow." Tael sighed again and then flew in, and Link pulled it over his head loosely. Looking around, he stood up, stretched his arms, and then left the shelter of the trees to head back into the market.

As they entered through the gate, some shops were already closing up. Link spotted the inn across the way and made his way to the door. A sign hung above with the picture of a bed on it. "Now, keep quiet until I tell you it's ok," Link whispered, opening the door.

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By the time Link got back outside, the sky was a dark blue, and faint stars were appearing. A soft reddish glow lingered in the west. There was only the slap of feet leaving the market and a few friendly good byes. The market was pretty much empty, but there were a few shops open, and one of them was a restaurant. Link decided to get some food and head back; there would be more shops to browse through in the morning.

The stocky restaurant owner was just getting ready to close up as Link came into the narrow, long building. Fortunately, he let Link order some food to go, eyeing the boy suspiciously. Link ordered a bottle of Octorok Stew, and stood around waiting while the man went into the back room. After a few minutes, he came back with a bottle full of the hot, brown, meaty liquid.

"Can I get anything else for you?" The man said, rubbing his hands in a dirty white cloth.

"That'll be fine. Thanks," Link said, leaving the restaurant awkwardly as the man continued to watch him. The sun was completely gone, and the sky was turning black. Crickets chirped somewhere, and the cool wind rustled through the small trees planted around the market. The square was empty.

Suddenly, he swore he heard someone call his name. Spinning around, he was still alone. A few stray dead leaves spun up into the air, circling around a dark spot on the ground. Link squinted at it, and noticed blackish bubbles pouring out.

The whispering started up again, but he couldn't make out what it was saying. After looking around for a few more seconds, he broke toward the inn in a mad dash. He heard what sounded like a splash behind him, but he didn't turn around. The sound of feet clicking on the stone street echoed behind him, and he pushed harder. There was the inn!

When he reached the door, he noisily swung the door open and slammed it behind him, tripping over his own feet as he rushed toward the stairs. The innkeeper was nowhere in sight, so he headed straight for his room. He heard the door open and close again behind him, and he ran down the hallway desperately, looking for his room. Suddenly he stopped. The numbers on the doors were too high. They were getting higher. He was going in the wrong direction, he realized in terror.

Skidding to a halt, he started dashing in the opposite direction, his heart feeling as if it would explode from the pressure. As he approached the stairway, a shadow barreled out of the hallway connecting with the stairs, ramming into his right side. He slammed into the wall and rolled to the side, dropping the bottle of stew to the red carpeted floor, holding his left arm in pain. Something was on his chest. He opened his eyes to see Dark Link crouching on top of him, his sword drawn.

"You just don't give up, do you? You should've taken your idiot fairy and gotten out of here while you had the chance!"

"Why didn't you kill me before? You told me Ganon ordered you to do it. If I had run, you would've lost your chance," Link said, trying to keep calm, although his fear was plainly visible.

"Ganon can't control me. I can do as I please. I felt you had to suffer at least a little before your death. I knew you'd keep coming back."

"I'm only here because you kidnapped a friend of mine, and I won't leave until you let her go."

"Well then! You won't be leaving anytime soon." Dark Link raised his sword.

Link brought his feet up on either side of his dark twin's neck and flung him off, then scrambled to his feet. Stuffing the bottle of stew into his sling, he ran down the hallway toward his room. There was a loud growl behind him, and quickening footsteps. He saw his room, there at the end of the hallway. Fumbling for his key as he ran, he kept his eye on the window straight ahead.

He could see a reflection of the hallway...but Dark Link was not there. He spun around, confused, to see the 3d shadow diving toward him. Before he could figure out what was going on, he ducked, and Dark Link flew over him, exploding through the window in a smoking ball of shadow. Link quickly unlocked his door and entered the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Tael, we may have a slight problem," he said, leaning against the door. The fuzzy purple ball of light rose from sitting on the bed.

"Ah...I thought I heard something. What's going on?" he yawned. Link pushed off from the door and went to the window. It was too dark to see anything down there.

"Dark Link chased me here...he flew out the window outside, but I'm not sure what happened to him. I don't feel too safe here."

"I thought something like this would happen," Tael sighed. "Now you're going to suggest we run off to the other side of the map in pitch darkness."

"Actually, I was thinking more of going to Hayen, and find out a little more about this whole deal with the king. Maybe there's another way into the mountains. We won't be going exploring at this time of night, don't worry," Link said. Suddenly he stopped talking. There was a thumping sound coming up the hallway. He ran to lock the door, then stepped back to the other side of the room.

The thumping stopped, and Link's heart followed its example. Shadows were pouring in from under the door like smoke. He took one look at Tael, and with the first whack on the door, he frantically opened the window as fast as he could with one hand and climbed out onto the windowsill, holding his breath. Tael flew out with him.

"How does he know we're here?!" Link whispered in confusion.

"Never mind that right now! We need to get down from here. There's an awning below," Tael whispered, "to your left."

"I can't see anything," Link whispered back, his heart in his throat. The sound of hacking at the door continued. "Quick, fly down there! Your light should be enough for me to see where it is." Tael did so, and Link could see the blue and white striped cloth stretching out from the building across the alley. "I can't jump that far!" Link half whispered, half shouted.

The sound of the heavy wooden door crashing to the ground seemed to propel Link forward, and he leaped with all his might.



I don't have chapter 4 written, so it may be a while. Feel free to comment, though.

ooo. nice story, but the only thing i see stupid abuot it is your anouther navi thinker. lol. I hate ppl that think it's navi he searched for. there isn't anything that points to navi. Saria all the way. im sorry but the evidence just leads to saria . Lost woods lost, an invaluable friend, technically he only new navi for like a week. in story the amount of time is very short. so i doubt the nvaluable friend thing would be correct...
And what about the sarias song tune at the end of majoras mask?
they didn't play navis song.

ah sorry im gettin carried away, it's just annoying to see people that think that.

Originally Posted by young link111

ooo. nice story, but the only thing i see stupid abuot it is your anouther navi thinker. lol. I hate ppl that think it's navi he searched for. there isn't anything that points to navi. Saria all the way.

Hearing the fairy sound right after it says "invaluable friend" is mighty suspicious if you ask me. But I'd rather not start an argument about who he was looking for.

Anyway, thanks for the replies, I guess I'm ready to post chapter 4.


[(O)}-{Chapter 4}-{(O)]

The awning held under Link's weight, but it felt like it would tear any second. His mind racing, he climbed onto the reddish ceramic roof tiles a foot above the awning. His boots clacked against the shingles as he ran along the top of the roof. He didn't know where he was going, but for now, the plan was simple: run. A two-story building rose from the rooftop ahead, blocking his escape.

Leaping to the top of an archway going over the street to his right, Link teetered on the edge for a few seconds and then continued across to the next rooftop, a flat open patio with plants scattered throughout. He paused for a few seconds and looked back toward the inn. A dark shape stood in the window. Suddenly it disappeared.

"Hurry, Tael," Link whispered, and started running again. The outer wall of the market was just ahead; a small gap separated it from the roof. There were no guards up there, but a narrow walkway stretched along the length of the wall. With one more jump, Link was across. He lost his balance and tripped over the other side, splashing into the moat below.

"Link, what is wrong with you?" Tael gasped for breath, flying down next to him. "You're going to freeze to death!"

"The drawbridge is closed at night! And we had to get out somehow or Dark Link would-" Suddenly there was a noise. A sort of clicking, squeaking, or groaning. "Tael! The drawbridge is going down! Hurry, under my hat!"

Link grabbed the reluctant fairy and shoved him under the hat, then quickly swam underneath the lowering drawbridge. The thick planks of wood hit the ground, and it was quiet for a few seconds. There were footsteps above, and Link held his breath. The current threatened to pull him out into the open, and he dug his heels into the muddy bottom.

The footsteps had changed from the hollow wooden sound to a quiet slapping against the stone path. Waiting for a few seconds, Link cautiously swam out from under the drawbridge and pulled his head up to ground level by grasping a dirt-covered root sticking out of the bank. He could barely make out the dark shape heading southwest, using the dirt path around the lake.

"Who is it?" Came a whisper from under his hat.

"I think it might be Dark Link," Link replied, "heading around the lake." He lifted his hat to release Tael.

"How'd he lower the drawbridge? The guards should have been watching it...and he made it there so fast," the fairy said, flying around in a circle.

"It doesn't matter. I think he's going to Hayen, figuring I must have gone back...come on. We need to follow him...I don't want him to do anything."

Link climbed out of the water into the chilly night air. A soft breeze blew past him, and he shivered, his teeth chattering. His hair and tunic were soaked. Taking a look at Tael, who then flew behind his back to block the light, he set off to follow Dark Link, his Kokiri boots squishing and squeaking across the dark, dusty path. Aside from that, it was quiet for a few minutes.

"I'm hungry, Link...did you get the food?" Tael groaned.

Link reached into his sling and pulled out the stew. "Must be a pretty tough bottle. Looks like it's all there, and I don't think any water got in. Might be useful later."

"Is that Octorok Stew? That stuff is disgusting! Don't you have any taste?"

"Shush," Link whispered, holding the bottle in his right hand and untwisting the glass lid with his left, "it happens to be my favorite. And it's this or lake water." He lifted the rim to his lips and let the boiled, gravy-smothered chunks of meat slide down his throat. "And next time, tell me what kind of food you like, if you're going to be so picky," he finished, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"I don't remember this," Tael said, referring to the field of corn ahead. Link looked around and noticed he couldn't see the lake any more.

"Must have gone off the path. It's probably over those dunes...do you see Dark?"

"I think we lost him. Come on, let's get back on - " Rustle.Crack.

"What was that...?" Suddenly Link saw the dark shadowy clone standing on the edge of the woods. "Tael, under the hat!"

But Dark Link had already seen him. The shadow started to walk towards the two, becoming faster with each step. Shoving the fairy under his hat, Link dove into the corn stalks. Wet, dew covered leaves slapped his face, and he ran through a spider web.

There was a flash of black to his left. Link swerved to the right, through a couple of rows, and then turned left again, trying to brush the web off. He skidded to a halt and squatted on the ground, looking around through the corn stalks. All he could hear was the chirping of crickets. Suddenly, there was a rustle coming from somewhere in front of him.

He started running in the opposite direction, trying to weave his way through the field randomly. After turning countless times, he suddenly broke out of the crops. Looking around, Dark Link was nowhere in sight. After climbing over a dune nearby, he found the lake and started running along the path away from the castle, nearly tripping on the rough ground.

"Link, let me out!"

"Quiet," Link whispered, "not yet." He wiped his forehead. His head was starting to ache. The thud of his feet against the ground throbbed through his ears, and he winced in pain with every step.

Managing to open the bottle as he ran, he took another sip, hoping it would help. Suddenly he tripped in a hole in the path, sending the bottle flying onto the ground. It spilled onto the grass, but luckily the bottle hadn't broken. He got to his feet, picked up the bottle, and kept running, piping hot stew dripping onto his hand.

The path went into the woods just ahead. He was almost there. His eyes started to close, and he let out a deep breath, trying to stay awake. A sharp pain shot through his gut, and he bent over, still running, pressing his left arm across his stomach.

He felt his hat fly off, but his legs wouldn't stop moving. It was if they were machines, programmed to dash down the almost invisible trail through the trees, stopping for nothing. Just as he burst into the clearing of Hayen Village, his left leg cramped up, and he winced, trying to keep from fainting. What in the world was going on?

Stumbling blindly past the houses, he looked for Garod's. It was too dark, and he didn't remember which one was which. His vision blurred, and the houses began to split into two images. He couldn't take it any more. His legs gave way and he thumped to the ground, gasping for breath, before everything went black.



I'm a little stuck in the fifth chapter. I need a bit of help figuring out Ikana's past. If you want to help, go here.

Well, it was pretty good, better then most Zelda stories I've seen. However, there is stuff you could improve on.

Your sentence structure is pretty good, I didn't see many typos. Tael's character is okay, but Link seems a little flat. Link is a tough character to write, butcause he doesn't seem to have much personality as seen through the games, so you have to use your mind and creativity to come up wioth your own personality for him and be consistent, but to make the story seem real and full, he needs to have a rich, real-world personality, no matter how uncommon the situations he's in.

The story seems to be missing something, I think. You could probably do to wirte the backgrounds a bit more fully, make the world around your characters come alive a bit more. Instead of saying

There were bright reds, blues and yellows everywhere, and the shouts of produce vendors and fish sellers filled the air. There were people playing their fiddles, flutes, and harps, and they were getting quite irritating. Looking around the market, he almost forgot the main reason he was here.

try something more to describe the mood of the place then what exactly was going on. What is done here is describing what people are doing; it should be more centered around how people are feeling to give an appropriate backdrop for your scene. For instance, if your scene is happy, you may want to describe the market like this:

A cascade of blue, yellow and red ribbons and banners came alive and practically lit up the square. All around, street preformers played jubilant tunes on flutes and fiddles as coins dropped into thier baskets. There were shouts vendors at stands advertising the freshest breads straight from the oven, the finest silks from overseas and the most exotic and wonderful of fruits.

The fact that here are mood and overall atmosphere should take a front seat to the details of what every person is doing. All one has to do is skim the paragraph and they'll see the words alive, jubilant, freshest, etc. to know what kind of place he's in. Link's reaction to all of this, when consistent in all simmilar joyful instances, will also help bolster the fullness of his personality.

Sorry if I seem like a critic; it's really well-written, you're definately one ot the better writers I've read on message boards, but I can never pass up the opportunity to help people improve thier skills. ^^;

-SC

okay it wasn't that bad, This story is like chocolate if the chocolate is bad then the story has no point writing it, But if it's good there is a point in writing it, but link does need a beter personality.

Ok, thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll try and be more descriptive, and I just might go back and edit the previous chapters.

But, if you would, please, I'd prefer it if you just tell me what's wrong from now on, rather than editing my work. It just bothers me when people do that.

Ooo! Two pages!

Anyway. The fifth chapter is on it's way, I might edit the previous chapters first, though. I'll make sure and tell everyone when I've edited them, so they can go read.

Well, it's editing via example, which is something an editor did to me once. Yeah, sorry, I guess it can get annoying. It's just an easier way for editors and critics to get thier point across, but hey, if ya don't want me to, I won't. ^^;

Keep up thine good work, man!

-SC

All right, I made slight changes in the first two chapters, particularily the market scene. How is it now?

Lakayal, the reason I don't like it is because then I have to rewrite it differently AND avoid sounding too similar to the example. Also, it makes the original look terrible, and it feels almost like the person is showing off.