[Com] Transformers Parody

Characters:
Autobots:
Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime: Tries to do good but ultimately fails.
Optimus Prime: Heroic Leader of the Autobots.
Ultra Magnus: "Just a soldier"
Arcee: Only Female member of the autobots
Springer: Nobody special
Perceptor: All round geek/nerd
Blaster: Worst taste in music ever
Jazz: Nobody special
Bumblebee: Smallest and most picked on autobot.
Cliffjumper: Takes special pleasure in teasing poor Bumble.
Dinobots: Group of four, All not particuarly intelligent. Well meaning, but clumsy. Consists of Grimlock, Sludge, Swoop, Slag, Snarl

Decepticons:
Megatron: Tyrannical ruler of the Decepticons
Astrotrain: Egotstical jerk
Starscream: Treacherous scumbag.
Soundwave: Uncharismatic, very low attention span, none too bright.
Insecticon(s): Mostly mindless drones (3 sentient)
Devestator: Powerful Ogre of a bot. Formed by the constructicons
Unicron: Destroyer of world, Lactose intollerant

Others:
Spike: Human, father of Daniel
Daniel: Human, son of Spike

I'm going to do this as a script, becuase that's the only way I can get my ideas to work as far as i'm concerned. This story is based around The transformers movie. Not the recent ones, the old animated one, which was epic. I'm editing the storyline in places, like why Unicron died or suchlike to make it funny.

I forgot to include some characters, but It should be okay. This is the first time I've tried a script, so please give any pointers when/if I make any errors. Also, this features some swearing, but only in censor type format.

This chapter (based on scenes from the movie) is called "destruction" The decepticons have taken over cybertron and Megatron has decided to attack Autobot city. He takes over a shuttle containing Ironhide and about 2 others who I can't remember. They get killed. Then Hot rod and daniel decide to watch the shuttle landing. Then Danno notices the hole in the shuttle. Hot rod zooms in with his optical sensors and sees the dececpticons inside. He starts shooting and the decepticons fly down. Hot rod and the rest of the autobots outside retreat to the city to alert the others. Perceptor is ordered by Ultra Magnus to send orders to Blaster to send a distress call to Optimus Prime on moonbase 1. Soon, Optimus and the Dinobots arive, and a massive battle ensues.

Scene 1: Destruction
Act 1:
[The year is 2005. The Deceptions have taken over Cybertron. Prime's fprces screwed up big time Hidden on Moonbase 1, Optimus prime and his Autobots plan their attack on the Decepticons, whilst they control a factory, producing armanents and other such neccesities for battle. Meanwhile, Hot Rod and Danno are out fishing on Earth. They are surrounded by mountains, One in particular being Lookout Mountain]

Hot Rod: Fish are jumping today, huh Danno?

Daniel: (sighs) I guess so..

Hot Rod: What's up Danno? C'mon, you can tell me.

Daniel: I guess I just..miss my Dad.

Hot Rod: Don't worry, Spike'll be back soon.
(A handheld machine In Daniel's pocket starts beeping. Daniel lifts the aerial, and the beeping stops.)

Daniel: Hey! The shuttle's landing! Let's go and see!

Hot Rod: Talk about dull, Daniel.
(Hot rod releases the fish he caught and turns round, whilst Daniel climbs onto a red and orange board, and he starts riding it. It hovers over the grass, and he starts riding up the slope, whilst Hot Rod runs aftre him to keep up. Daniel hits a bush, then a rock and the board brakes. Luckily, Hot rod catches him)

Hot Rod: If you're gonna ride, Danno, ride in style!
(Hot rod transforms into a sporty futuristic Red, yellow and in some places pink car, which Daniel is now in)
(Hot Rod speeds up, going further up the hill towards the mountain.)

Daniel: Let's stop here!

Hot Rod: Why stop here, when you can see everything from Lookout Mountain?
(Up ahead, Kup and a few others are placing a barrier warning to stop.)

Kup: A little to the left. A little more..
(Kup turns round and hears the revving engine coming closer)

Kup: ####..
(Hot Rod smashes therough the barrier and slightly hits Kup with a loud crunch)

Kup: Turbo revving young Punk! I'll straighten ya out yet!
(Hot Rod reaches the peak, where the cliff becomes metal. He transforms and stands while Daniel runs over to a podium near the edge where Binoculars are On a desk sort of podium)

Daniel: Hot Rod! Look! There's a hole in the shuttle!

Hot Rod: What?
(He zooms in his optical sensors and sees a large hole in the side of the shuttle, and standing with his back to it, is none other than-)

Hot Rod: (under his breath) Starscream! ####! Decepticons!
(Hot rod starts shooting. One of the decepticons falls out, hits the platform and explodes, leaving the platform crumbling)

Hot Rod: (alarmed) Daniel!
(He runs over to Daniel and grabs him in his arms to protect him)

Megatron: Decepticons! Attack!
(The decepticons fly out of the shuttle, most of them transforming into some sort of jet.)
(The platform collapses and Hot Rod jumps, landing on a cliff with no harm to either him or Daniel)
(Kup runs over to a decepticons in Tank mode who was about to obliterate Hot Rod and daniel, jumps on it and raises the turret, which fires and hits an insecticon)

Hot Rod: (grinning) Not bad for an old timer.

Kup: Old timer? That's something you'll never be if you don't get back to
the city!

Hot Rod: Save it Kup! Let's buurn rubber!
(The pair transform and head for Autobot city)

Some replies would be nice. I need feedback.

It wasn't hysterical, but it was light hearted, and it made me smile in the end. One thing I should point out, and don't think me a grammar Nazi, but some grammar and structure in the script could be polished. It's not horrible mind, but just a quick read through wouldn't hurt.

And who is Daniel? I read it through, and couldn't find out who he is. Is he a human?

You got a hold on writing, that I can tell you, but I think a bit o' practice makes everything that much more perfect. Keep working on it, cause I really wanna see how the story progresses. Keep it up.

Yeah, Daniel's human. I've missed out several character descriptions, so I'll edit them in. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, I'll scan through what I posted and correct them mistakes. Thanks for commenting.

What you've got so far is a great beginning! Have you got ideas for where it will go from here? Think about how this moment leads to the next, and then ultimately where this will all lead (like a big climactic end battle sequence).

If you get stuck, try thinking of how each moment would be played out by the characters involved. Just for fun, throw two or three characters into an interesting situation and let them resolve their way out of (or through) it. Knowing the characters is crucial for this, so figure out what they want more than anything and what they can't stand more than anything as well as other less consequential things (like their favorite place, person, or any aversions they have).

Specifically, I'll point out some details:

Scripts usually go Act 1, Scene 1, not the other way around. Acts are a collection of scenes.

Watch spelling errors; even unintentional ones can be a hiccup in your story and pull the reader out of the action, which you'll want to avoid: Deceptions-->*Decepticons*, fprces-->*forces*.

Also, I think you meant *armaments* (with 2 m's), and the ellipsis is three dots, not two (he said sardonically...) Oh, and you probably only need to capitalize the first word of a sentence unless its a proper name (Hot Rod, yes. Binoculars, no.)

For the moment, great work on plot! What are these Decepticons doing blasting the shuttle apart? Where was the shuttle going? Where was Spike, Daniel's dad? These kinds of questions keep me interested. Keep writing!

~HoG

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate your taking the time to try and help me improve. I'llcorrect the errors, and I'll soon hopefully write up the next bit.