(com)OOT Parody - 3x Link [T]

No rubric today, but I will tell you what I liked. I liked the angry scientist, all the stuff they put on the pizza (Including the Triforce) only to have Epona eat it, all of the Epona gags, and Biggoron's good grammar. I agree you overused the Sun's Song, and this chapter wasn't one of your best, but I still give this chapter a 4/5!

Keep it up, mate!

Okay, today I'm posting two chapters. Partially because I forgot to post one yesterday >_> And partially because I didn't find chapter 52 very funny, but I thought 53 was alright, so I figured posting them together would balance it out.

Enjoy.

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO: ENTERING THE ICE CAVERN

The four climb down Death Mountain and arrive at the entrance to Dodongo’s cavern.

Black: Man, this Biggoron’s Sword is so awesome! I can’t wait to chop some monster’s head off with this!

White: Yeah, it looks pretty awesome!

Yellow: …So, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Black: No, what?

Yellow: D-

Biggoron: You ATE the rock that was here?

Goron: ya

Yellow: …Oh, snap.

Biggoron: That rock was the love of my life! I’ve been waiting seven years to come down and be reunited with my darling and you ATE her?

Goron: i jus said ya

Biggoron: Why? WHY? Why would anyone ever commit such a cruel act of murder to my sweet, beautiful loved one? Why would you ever be such a sadistic, homicidal maniac? WHY?

Goron: i wuz hungry lol

Biggoron: THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE!

Goron: if it maeks u feel beter, the big rok tasted relli gud…

Navi: Guys, I think we should get out of here before we get involved in their feud…

Biggoron: I don’t care how the love of my life tasted! The point is, you committed a cruel act of manslaughter and I’ll never forgi-

Yellow: Hey, wouldn’t it be “rockslaughter”?

Navi: Yellow! Shut up!

Biggoron: …Um… I guess so?

Goron: o ya! dese r da guyz hoo told me to eat the rock in da 1st place so u cant blame me!!

Navi: Damn, he noticed us… nice going, Yellow!

Biggoron: …You guys told him to eat her?

Black: Well… uh… we needed to move the rock out of the way, and…

Biggoron: So you made him EAT her? Wasn’t there any other way you could have gotten her to move?

Yellow: …Oh yeah! We should have used a bomb and blown the rock up! That would have been so much more-

Biggoron: Blow her up? You violent little- I- I can’t take this! *runs off sobbing*

Goron: …*snore*

Navi: …Right… Let’s just go now…

White: Yeah, where are we going now?

Navi: Hm, we should go back to Zora’s Domain. I’m really curious as to what exactly happened to all the Zoras, and why the whole place is frozen in the first place, aren’t you guys?

White: Good point! Let’s head over there, then.

The four walk all the way to Zora’s Domain.

White: Ah, there’s the King… Hey, King Zora!

King Zora: Ah, did you manage to get the eyeball frog to the scientist in time?

White: Yeah, that’s all fine, thanks. We wanted to ask exactly what happened here, what with everything being frozen.

King Zora: Y’know, I really have no idea… however, I have been feeling this weird chill from the place behind me, where our Lord Jabu-Jabu once resided…

White: Hm, okay, thanks. Let’s go check that out, guys… King Zora?

King Zora: Yes?

White: You’re in our way.

King Zora: …I’m sorry?

White: Move.

King Zora: Oh… um… well, you see, seven years of not exercising has kind of… made me… fat.

White: Hah, as if you weren’t fat before!

Black: Hah, as if you actually exercised before!

Yellow: Wouldn’t not eating anything for seven years make you really skinny?

King Zora: Actually, the day that I got frozen in this red ice, I had just finished emerging triumphant in the annual Zoran “How Many Boiled Octoroks Can You Eat in Fifty Seconds” contest… so I guess I had a lot to survive on…

White: …Woah…

Yellow: …So, how many boiled octoroks could you eat in fifty seconds?

King Zora: Ten tho-

Black: We really don’t give a crap. We need to get past you, so move!

King Zora: Sorry, I’m too fat.

Black: I’m well aware of that. Now move!

King Zora: No!

Black: *takes out Biggoron’s Sword* If you don’t move, I’ll slice you in half with this! I’m not kidding!

King Zora: For the pride and glory of all Zoras I shall not yield to such vagabonds as you!

Yellow: What does the pride and glory of Zoras have to do with your morbid obesity?

King Zora: …Dunno, but it sounds c-

Black: *slashes King Zora with Biggoron’s Sword*

Nothing: *happens*

Black: Wha- nothing happened?

King Zora: HAHAHAHA! That’s all you got? AHAHAHAHA!

Black: Damn, I missed! *slices King Zora with Biggoron’s Sword*

That: *doesn’t do anything*

Black: That didn’t do ANYTHING?

That: Nope, sorry.

King Zora: AHAHAHA! That’s hilarious!

That: I am? Thanks!

King Zora: I can’t believe your sword is so wimpy! Oh, it’s cracking me up! You slashed me and I didn’t even get hurt! HAHAHAHA!

Black: Grr…

King Zora: HAHAHAHAHA- woah- woah! *falls off ledge, is knocked unconscious*

White: …Um, I guess that does the trick. Let’s go!

Black: What’s wrong with my Biggoron’s sword, though? It didn’t hurt him at all!

Navi: Hm, maybe you hit him with the blunt edge? Come on, you can try it out on some other monster, let’s just go.

Black: Well… alright, I guess…

The four enter Zora’s Fountain.

Navi: That cave over there… There’s a strong chill coming from it. I bet that’s where we need to go. Let’s go!

Yellow: Hm… looks like we’ll have to hop over these ice platforms in the water! Let’s see… *hops over ice platforms to the other side* They’re kinda wobbly, guys, watch out!

White: They are? Alright, here goes… *carefully hops over ice platforms to the other side*

Yellow: Your turn, Black!

Black: Er…

Yellow: Come on!

Black: Well… you said they were wobbly, and… I don’t wanna fall in…

White: Don’t be such a wuss, just jump!

Black: Come on, guys! You know I can’t swim, and this is too scary, I… well…

Yellow: You can do it! It’s not that bad!

Black: …Um… I… I have a better idea! *runs back into Zora’s Domain*

Yellow: What’s he up to?

White: Dunno, but I’m getting impatient… He’d better hurry up…

Black: *returns, rolling the unconscious King Zora along the ground* Here we go!

White: …What’re you bringing him here for?

Black: *pushes King Zora into the water* Hah! He floats!

White: …Woah, a fatty like that actually floats?

Black: *steps on King Zora, paddles to the other side* Awesome, made it!

King Zora: *wakes up* What am I doing here? What is the meaning of this?

Black: Oh, you’re awake. I just used you as a raft to get over here.

King Zora: A raft? I, the venerable King of all Zoras, used as a lowly raft?

Black: Yup.

King Zora: Of all the impudent little… that does it! You three are hereby banished from Zora’s Domain!

Yellow: Isn’t that what you said seven years ago?

King Zora: …Is it now? …Well, then, you’re banished again! A total of two times! Meaning if you ever step foot in here after today you will be killed twice!

White: Twice, eh? That’s quite a serious threat! I’m shaking in my boots!

Yellow: *snickers*

King Zora: I’m not joking around! Begone with ye! *swims gracefully to the other side, rolls back to the throne*

Navi: …Right, onwards to the cavern!

The four enter the Ice Cavern.

White: So, what exactly is this place?

Navi: No clue, I just have a feeling we should explore a bit… Hey, watch out!

Icicle: *drops from ceiling, shatters on the ground*

White: *dodges* Yikes! That would’ve hurt!

Icicle 2: *drops from ceiling, shatters on the ground*

Navi: Hm, we better watch our step…

Yellow: Hey, there’s a big icicle blocking the doorway…

Black: I’ll take care of it! *slashes icicle with Biggoron’s Sword*

Icicle 3: *does not shatter*

Black: Wha- not even this stupid little…

Icicle 3: HAHAHAHA! That is the weakest sword I have ever seen!

That: I’m not a sword!

Icicle 3: I can’t believe it! I just can’t!

It: Nobody believes me…

Icicle 3: You slashed me and I barely even felt it! What a wimpy sword! AHAHAHAHA!

Black: Man, what’s with this worthless thing?

Icicle 3: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- erk! *suffocates, explodes*

Black: …

Navi: That sword sure does have a strange effect on people…

Black: It didn’t even scratch him… but I swung really hard…

Yellow: Eh, I bet it’s bad luck.

White: Yeah, don’t worry about it. Let’s just continue exploring.

The four enter the door and proceed further into the Ice Cavern.








CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: THE ICE CAVERN

The four proceed further into the Ice Cavern.

Door: *is locked*

Silver Rupee 1: So what happened next?

Silver Rupee 2: You won’t believe it! He got so mad, that his face turned…

White: Hm… how do we unlock this door?

Silver Rupee 3: Oh no! Humans!

Yellow: Actually, we’re Hylians.

Silver Rupee 3: …Hylians?

Yellow: Yeah, we used to think we were Kokiri, but then this little arboreal son of a pothead told us we were Hylians because we grew and everything. And even then, “humans” live in a universe that is parallel to ours, so there isn’t any chance of us-

Silver Rupee 3: Oh no! Hylians!

Silver Rupee 1: Run!

White: …What’s with them?

Navi: Dunno, forget it. How do we open this door?

Door: Feed me…

Navi: Feed you?

Door: Feed me…

Black: Feed you what, a key or something?

Door: No… keys aren’t edible…

Yellow: You want some spinach or something? I think I have some in my pock-

Door: Eyuck! I hate spinach!

Popeye: You shouldn’t hate spinach. It’s good for you! It’ll build up your muscles and make you strong!

Door: I have no muscles…

Popeye: That’s because you don’t eat enough spinach!

Door: No, it’s because I’m a freaking door.

Popeye: There’s no excuse for not eating spinach! Watch! *grabs some of the spinach from Yellow’s pocket, eats it*

Muscles: *grow to ridiculously large proportions*

Popeye: *singing* I’m Popeye the sailor man!

Door: …

Popeye: I’m Popeye the sailor maaaaan!

Door: …

Popeye: *runs off, singing* I’m Popeye the sailor man!

Black: Yellow, why do you have spinach in your pocket in the first place?

Yellow: I dunno, I guess I just- *reaches into pocket* Oops, nevermind. It wasn’t spinach, it was just pocket lint.

Popeye: WHAT?! Disgusting! *gags*

Yellow: Heh, sorry.

White: That’s weird, why did your muscles still grow to ridiculously large pro-

Inflatable Muscles (TM): *deflate, sag*

Popeye: Erm…

White: …Oh.

Popeye: …*sprints away, singing* I’m Popeye the sailor man!

White: …Who the heck was that?

Yellow: I think it was Popeye the sail-

Door: FEED ME, DAMNIT! What’s wrong with you kids? Don’t you have any sympathy for a starving door? Hmmm?

Black: No. Now unlock yourself so we can get through.

Door: Only if you feed me…

Black: Ah, fine. What do you want?

Door: I want flesh… raw meat…

Black: You can have Navi.

Navi: Excuse me?

Black: How do you want your fairy, cooked or boi-

Navi: *whacks Black* I’m not being anyone’s food, you moron!

Black: …Boiled it is. I’ll prepare the pot, White, go get th-

Door: No… I desire the succulent flesh of the Silver Rupees…

Black: …silver Rupees?

Yellow: Oh, we saw some of those just now. Where’d they go…?

Silver Rupee 1: We left, we’re not here anymore.

Yellow: Oh, okay.

Silver Rupee 2: Honey, you’re so brilliant!

Silver Rupee 1: I know, I totally fooled them, didn’t I?

Silver Rupee 3: Daddy, you’re so smart!

Yellow: …There they are!

Silver Rupee 1: …Crap.

Yellow: *catches Silver Rupee 1* Got one!

Silver Rupee 1: No! NO! Please! Don’t feed me to him!

Yellow: Aw… I feel sorry for him.

White: We need to sacrifice his life in order to save Hyrule. In the grand scheme of things, he’s insignificant.

Silver Rupee 1: Yeah? You want me to kick your ass and then you tell me how “insignificant” I am-

Yellow: In you go. *throws Silver Rupee 1 into Door’s mouth*

Silver Rupee 1: AIEEEE!

Door: *devours Silver Rupee 1*

Blood: *splatters everywhere*

Navi: …Gross.

Silver Rupee 3: Daddy! No!

Door: More…

The four collect all three Silver Rupees and feed them to the door.

Door: Ah… my appetite is satisfied now… Thank you…

Black: How would you like some fairy cake for dessert? All I have to do is mix some eggs, flour, Navi, and milk, then stick it all in an oven and-

Navi: *whacks Black* Screw you!

Door: *unlocks* Anyways, go on through…

White: Thanks.

The four enter the next room.

White: Hm, the next door is covered with that red ice stuff…

Yellow: Look, we can use the Blue Fire from that fire up there to melt it.

Navi: HEY LOOK WATCH OUT LISTEN HEY LOOK HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS

White: …what?

Navi: That flame over there is blue. Isn’t that interesting?

Black: What’s wrong with a blue flame? When a fire becomes very, very hot, it turns blue.

Navi: Right, but I’m trying to hint that you should use this blue fire to melt the r-

Black: Just like the flames that I would use in cooking if I wanted to prepare a boiled fairy dish. Want me to demonstrate?

Navi: …No, I’ll shut up now.

Yellow: Heh, good one. *approaches blue flame*

Riddleman: *finishes roasting marshmallows, eats them* Yum!

White: Riddleman?!

Black: What? I thought you got eaten by Volvagia!

Riddleman: What goes in, must come out.

Black: …Ew, you’re saying you came out in Volvagia’s cr-

Riddleman: Hey! Time to answer some riddles unless you want me to piss on this flame and douse it out!

Black: …Sure.

Riddleman: Riddle one!

Mario obtains the Fire Flower, but accidentally burns himself with a fire ball three times in a row. Are his burns first-degree, second-degree, or third degree?

White: Hm… second?

Riddleman: Sorry, third. Mario had collected 100 coins before, so he still has three lives even after killing himself.

Mario: Mamma mia!

White: Wait, what the hell?

Riddleman: Next riddle!

If it takes King Zora half a minute to move four feet, how long does it take him to get through one of Fred Astaire’s dance routines?

Black: That fatass? Probably half a day.

Riddleman: Wrong, ten minutes! King Zora is surprisingly nimble on his feet!

Black: You’re kidding, right?

Riddleman: Nope! And that’s the second riddle you got wrong, so… *unzips pants, aims at blue flame*

White: Hey, wait! Why are you here in the first place? This isn’t a dungeon. You only appear in dungeons, don’t you?

Riddleman: Yeah, I do. This is a dungeon.

White: No, it’s a mini-dungeon. It doesn’t count.

Riddleman: No, it’s not!

Shigeru Miyamoto: Actually, it is.

Riddleman: …really?

Shigeru Miyamoto: Yup.

Riddleman: Oh, then I guess I shouldn’t be here, should I?

Shigeru Miyamoto: Nope.

Riddleman: Okay, I’ll just mosey on outta here then-

Shigeru Miyamoto: Wait, who are you? I don’t remember seeing you in the character list!

Riddleman: …*flee*

Navi: …Well, that was a close one.

White: Have you noticed that guy’s riddles are getting progressively stupider?

Black: Yeah, whatever. Let’s hurry up and finish exploring this place.

The four melt the red ice with the blue fire and proceed through the Ice Cavern.

Great chapters, Grass! I'll give them both a 4/5. I liked how all the words like it and that reacted like they were characters. And a lot of randomness, like Popeye and Mario. King Zora is the same fatass we know and love. And Riddleman's back ! I liked how he agured with Miyamoto about the Ice Cavern being a mini dungeon, and how Miyamoto doesn't remember putting him in there.

Sorry if I'm getting lazy about the rubric, but I just got back from a road trip, and I'm pretty damn tired. Anyway, keep 'em coming!

AHM' BUSTIN OUT YO RUBRIC !

GRASS' COMEDY WRITING GRADING RUBRIC OF DOOM
Used by Kekenkenka
HUMOR: (39/40)


General Humor: (20/20)
Was it funny in general?

Yup. Especially the second one.

Originality: (10/10)
Were the jokes original, or were they just stolen or clichéd?

All but the Deku Tree rhyme were, and I don't think that should count.

Swearing, Violence, and Raciness: (9/10)
If there is no swearing, violence, or raciness, this gets a 10/10.
If there is, this is graded based upon how effective it is- if it’s only occasional and used properly, it gets a high grade, but if it appears too often or is confusing, it gets a low grade.

Yeah, there was a little bit of swearing.

STORY: (30/30)


Characters and Personalities: (15/15)
Are the characters well-defined? Are they all unique and not clichéd? Do they add humor to the story, or do they not add much at all?

YES. That's definitely your strong point, your great characters.

Plot: (15/15)
If this story is a parody: Does the plot adhere well to the plot of the original story? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?
If this story is not a parody: Is the plot well-defined and easy to follow? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?

Yeah, I had no problems.

READABILITY: (30/30)


General Readability: (15/15)
Is there a space between each line of dialogue? Are action lines put in “*”s? Did the author make an effort to bold the name before each line of dialogue? Is it easy to read?

You invented this, didn't ya? And you do fine.

Spelling and Grammar: (15/15)
Are there any notable spelling or grammar mistakes?

Nope.

GRAND TOTAL: (99/100) A+

By the time I started reading your Parody it was already locked the first time. I must say, bravo! even better than the bloopers on youtube! keep up the good work.

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!! I followed your parody almost religiously before it got locked, and I've been waiting for it to come back.

Anyway, these were great chapters. I loved the random appearances of other characters (Mario and Popeye). Yay for Riddleman and Miyamoto!!! I cant think of anything I didnt like right now. I give the chapters a 9.5/10.

(I got a new rating system and I'll try it out on your parody. You should feel very lucky xD) Here is my review of chapter 51: the biggoron's sword quest part six


Jokes: The jokes were very original and funny as always (with only two exceptions, but lets not focus on that right now) Pizza delivery men at that time in history? And where did the old man get his “hostility” (bazooka) from? That was pretty hilarious! The funniest part (and also the worst part) was Epona. That horse is so hilarious, she had me laughing on the ground all day long! Now the bad part about it was the call for Epona. Yellow playing “sexy back” in his ocarina and Epona appearing out of nowhere saying “I love that song!” has gotten overuse and unfunny already (I actually think is kind of annoying). The second bad joke in this chapter was the sun’s song. Although it was fun at first, it got annoying when you had the moon and the sun repeat almost the same words over and over again. 4/5

Entertainment: This parody has always been entertaining and from the looks of it, every chapter will continue to be as funny or funnier than the last one. This chapter was pretty entertaining like all the others. The only thing you need to watch out for are things like the sun’s song joke in this chapter, and the overuse Epona’s “I love that song!” phrase. 5/6

Grammar: Grammar was perfect as far as I could see, but I don’t need to trust my eyes, you always have good grammar. 3/3

Plot: the plot is understandable and easy to follow. There’s the right amount of things happening in this chapter, and that makes the plot clearer, and that shows the time and effort you put into each chapter. 6/6
Overall: 18/20 = -A (90%)
I kind of got grounded and that’s why I’m a little bit behind, but I’ll catch up. Meanwhile I’ll get to work on chapter fifty-two and fifty-three. I hope my reviews can be of any help

Hey! It's great to see you got the thread back up! ^_^

As always: Your parody is the one of few things that entertained me on ZU, and these chapters are wonderful! =)

Yellow, still stupid, and still my favorite: as nothing has changed. Lets keep this thread going guys! ^_^ Great job Grass, keep it up on making funnies!

Hello Grass!! good to see you back man

Alright, your chapters, the last 2 were great except the whole "it and that" thing was a bit overused but i didn't mind, because the rest was still good. Overall, the characters are still kinda the same, though in a good way, it's good to see black's hatred for Navi is still alive and well.

Keep up the good work

Great work on the chapters Grass! I thought that the three Links had the perfect chemistry (mostly hatred, sarcasm, and plain stupidity) thoughout the ice cavern sagas! Nice work!

Are we almost up to where you are on gamefaqs?

Sorry I haven't commented in a while, Grass. You can't expect me to comment on weekdays. I'm too busy with scool, y'know?

So....comments on the chapters now. Chapter 52 definately made me laugh a lot on the King Zora part! I mean really, that intelligent little fat dude never fails to make me laugh! Ten thousand octoroks? Kill you twice? Pure brilliance! The rest of the chapter, though, was dull and didn't make me laugh or smile much. I mean really, all the good jokes were with King Zora. The rest of the chapter was pretty disappointing. Oh, and you also overused that/it.

And then there's chapter 52. It was okay, but the jokes got a little boring after a while. I dunno why, but the jokes here weren't really some of your best. You also broke the fourth wall WAY too much with popeye, Miyamoto, and all that other stuff. I'm not saying the breaking the fourth wall is bad, but you really overdid it on this one. Good job with the Riddleman, though. He's really hilarious!

Overall, these two chapters aren't really that good compared to the rest. Very entertaining, yes, but they don't reach your standards.

They were still entertaining, though.

GRASS' COMEDY WRITING GRADING RUBRIC OF DOOM
Used by Zeldadudetp


HUMOR: (37/40)



General Humor: (20/20)
Was it funny in general?

Yes. The second more than the first

Originality: (10/10)
Were the jokes original, or were they just stolen or clichéd?

Original

Swearing, Violence, and Raciness: (9/10)
If there is no swearing, violence, or raciness, this gets a 10/10.
If there is, this is graded based upon how effective it is- if it’s only occasional and used properly, it gets a high grade, but if it appears too often or is confusing, it gets a low grade.

Swearing.


STORY: (30/30)



Characters and Personalities: (15/15)
Are the characters well-defined? Are they all unique and not clichéd? Do they add humor to the story, or do they not add much at all?

This is the best part of the parody.

Plot: (13/15)
If this story is a parody: Does the plot adhere well to the plot of the original story? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?
If this story is not a parody: Is the plot well-defined and easy to follow? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?

Sometimes....


READABILITY: (30/30)



General Readability: (15/15)
Is there a space between each line of dialogue? Are action lines put in “*”s? Did the author make an effort to bold the name before each line of dialogue? Is it easy to read?

Yes .

Spelling and Grammar: (15/15)
Are there any notable spelling or grammar mistakes?

No.


GRAND TOTAL: (97/100) A

Good job Grass! Happy too see it back again! I think the visual comics are doing quite nicely.

Zeldadude, work on your adding and go more in depth. Otherwise it's kind of useless.

And where the manky fish is Grass? We haven't had a chapter in "ages"! We can't be caught up already, are we?

Wow! That's a lot of awesome feedback!

Keep up the good work, guys. (If SD came back, he'd be proud ;P)

Seriously, the feedback is helping me a lot. Of course, I can't use it until we catch up with GameFAQs >.> But don't stop.

Here's next chapter-s. i don't have anything to say about the lateness so shatup

This is 54 + 55. First of all- I've added more interesting titles! Isn't that great? Isn't it? Isn't it? ...Yes, it is! >_>




CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR: THE ICE CAVERN, PART TWO- THE MINI-BOSS AND A VERY BAD PUN

The four enter a room in the Ice Cavern.

Door: *locks*

White: Look, we’re locked in again.

Navi: Wonder what’ll happen now…

White Wolfos: *digs out of the ground* Yo, dudes!

White: Hey there.

White Wolfos: So... what’s up?

White: Nothing much. We were just exploring this ice cavern, that’s all.

White Wolfos: Ah, cool. This is actually my home, so make yourself comfortable.

Yellow: Thanks!

Black: *whispering* Hm… there’s a chest right behind him. Should I ask him if what’s in it?

Navi: *whispering* Yeah, go ahead. It might be something cool.

Black: Hey, about that chest…

White Wolfos: My chest?

Black: Yeah, what’s in it-

White Wolfos: Quit staring at my chest!

Black: …I just wanna know what’s in it-

White Wolfos: You tryin’ to be funny, pervert? Quit staring at my chest!

Black: …Uh, okay, I’ll just go open it.

White Wolfos: If you grab my chest, I’ll land a sexual harassment lawsuit on your butt so fast it’ll make your head spin!

Black: …Uh, okay, I’ll just stand right here.

White Wolfos: That’s better.

Navi: Guys… we should think of some way to get whatever’s in that chest. I bet it would help us.

White: Yeah, same, except I don’t wanna make this guy mad. He seems pretty nice…

Black: Oh, whatever, let’s just kill him.

Yellow: That would be mean!

Black: Oh, shut up!

White Wolfos: …You guys tryin’ to figure out some way to grab my chest? Nothing happening, buddy.

White: No, we’re not doing that at all, really.

Black: So, here’s the plan- you guys distract him, I’ll hookshot over to the chest and-

White Wolfos: My chest looks hot? What kinda pervert are you, huh?

Black: …Okay, nevermind. Yellow, shoot him with an arrow, and we’ll-

White Wolfos: My chest is narrow? How insulting!

Black: …White, pull out a bomb and throw it at-

White Wolfos: My full chest makes me look like a ho? You perv!

Black: …Dude, shut up! I’m not talking about your chest, I’m talking about the chest behind you!

White Wolfos: …Oh, that worthless box thing? Go ahead, take it. I thought you were talking about my boo-

Chest: Worthless? I’ve been your friend for fifteen years and I’m worthless?

White Wolfos: Well yeah, kind of. I can’t even open you because they’re always getting in the way, my boo-

Chest: Screw you! *lunges at White Wolfos, bounces off*

White Wolfos: …Wow, looks like I got saved by my humongous boo-

Chest: *impales White Wolfos*

White Wolfos: *dies*

Chest: …Here, take this. *throws Iron Boots at White*

White: *gets hit in the head* Ow! …Uh, thanks.

Chest: See ya. *leaves*

White: …

Yellow: …So, y’know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: No, what?

Yellow: D-

Sheik: *drops down* Hi…

Navi: Oh, hi, Princess Zelda.

Sheik: *looks around* Princess Zelda? Where?

Navi: Oh, shut up! You know you’re-

Sheik: Time passes… like a river’s flow… it never ends…

White: Wow, that’s deep.

Sheik: Once, I took such a long piss… it seemed like it would never end… but it ended after like, an hour… unlike time… which never ends… unlike piss… and that is why I must teach you the Serenade of Water.

Yellow: Wow, that’s deep.

Sheik: Yeah, it made a pretty deep puddle.

Yellow: …

Sheik: *plays Serenade of Water on harp*

Yellow: *plays Serenade of Water on ocarina*

Sheik: *plays Serenade of Water on flute*

Yellow: *plays Serenade of Water on piano*

Sheik: *plays Serenade of Water on trombone*

Yellow: *plays Serenade of Water on bagpipes*

Jimmy Page: *plays Serenade of Water on electric guitar while improvising guitar licks and ending with a shredding solo*

Sheik: …You win.

Yellow: Yeah, there’s no competing there.

Jimmy Page: *is teleported to Lake Hylia*

Sheik: …SHAZAM! *throws Deku Nut*

Deku Nut: *explodes*

Sheik: *runs away*

White: …Right, anyways, what the hell is with these iron boots? What’s the point of them?

Navi: You guys can use them to sink down to the bottom of that pond and get out of here. I’m not sure how you’ll divide two boots between three people, though…

Black: You guys can have one each, if that’ll work, I’ll, uh, just walk back the long way…

White: …Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re scared of sinking! All you have to do is hold your breath and walk underwater, there’s not even any swimming involved!

Black: Yeah, I know, but I… uh… anyways, bye.

Yellow: …Come on, let’s go.

White and Yellow use the Iron Boots to sink down and exit the Ice Cavern, and enter Zora’s Domain.

King Zora: …AHOY!

White: Oh, hi there, fatty.

King Zora: Didn’t I tell you vagabonds you were banished twice from here?

Yellow: Oh yeah, huh?

King Zora: Now I’m going to have to kill you! Twice!

Yellow: You sure you wanna do that? That would require lifting yourself up and walking all the way over here.

King Zora: …Ooh, that does sound like too much exercise… but it matters not! Guards! Kill these criminals!

White: What guards? Everyone’s frozen.

King Zora: …Okay, how about you guys come over here and I’ll kill you.

White: Hm… no.

King Zora: …Okay, fine, fine! Whatever! Just torment the old king whose people are all frozen and whose daughter is off in some strange temple doing some crazy stuff…

Navi: Hm? Where’s Ruto?

King Zora: The Water Temple, I have no idea why. She just stopped by while you were gone. Y’know, I think she’s gone a bit crazy after seven years of being deprived of her fatherly figure… alas, poor soul, without me her mental state crumbled like a fragile crystal being dropped onto the harsh, hard rocks of life…

Black: *returning from Ice Cavern* Actually, she’s always been a total nutcase.

White: Yeah, real wacko.

Yellow: Must’ve been dropped on the head at birth or something.

King Zora: …THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!

Yellow: …

King Zora: …Anyways, are you guys planning on going there, to the Water Temple?

Navi: Well, maybe. It might hold a clue as to why this place got frozen or something.

King Zora: Ah, how lovely. Take these Zora Tunics then- there’s three of them, one for each of you. They’ll enable you to breathe underwater!

White: Awesome!

Yellow: Sweet!

Black: …Sounds like hell…

Navi: Thanks. We’ll be heading out now, see ya.

King Zora: Farewell. And thank you for making the effort to save my daughter as well!

Yellow: Who cares about your daughter? We can breathe underwater! That’s so cool!

King Zora: …Right, but I gave you those so you could save my daughter-

Yellow: Eh, the world would be better place without that mental case. Seriously, it’s almost as if somebody gave her cocaine when she was a baby or something.

King Zora: …THAT WAS ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!

White: …Uh, bye.

The four exit Zora’s Domain and head towards Lake Hylia.




CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE: LAKE HYLIA- SHUT UP, SLAVE!

White: Yellow, go ahead and call Epona so we don’t have to waste time walkin-

Yellow: Hold up! What about that song Sheik just taught us?

White: What about it?

Yellow: Let’s just try… *plays Serenade of Water on ocarina*

The four are teleported to Lake Hylia.

Navi: …Woah!

White: That was awesome!

Black: That was great!

Yellow: Hey, that’s pretty cool! …woah, woah, what happened to the Lake?

White: …It all… dried up…

Black: *grins*

White: Oh, wait, there’s still a little bit left. Still, that’s weird!

Black: *ungrins*

Navi: It looks like the Water Temple is over there… Shall we go take a look, then?

Yellow: Sure… hey, y’know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: No, what?

Yellow: D-

Jimmy Page: *rocks out*

Scarecrow: Oh yeah! That’s great!

Jimmy Page: Uh, I gotta go now, the rest of Led Zeppelin is waiting for me.

Scarecrow: No prob, man. Thanks for the sweet jam session!

Jimmy Page: *plays the Bolero of Fire, teleports to Death Mountain Crater*

White: …

Scarecrow: Boy, that guy was awesome!

Yellow: Who are you?

Scarecrow: Oh, hey, fellas! I’m a scarecrow.

White: Gee, that sure wasn’t evident enough already.

Yellow: What do you do?

Scarecrow: Well, I scare crows.

White: Gee, that sure wasn’t evident enough already.

Scarecrow: I’m also a musical genius!

White: …Okay, that’s interesting.

Yellow: Really?

Scarecrow: Yeah! I never forget a tune that I hear!

Scarecrow Slave: That’s because he makes me record them whenever he hears one…

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had feet I’d kick you right now!

Scarecrow Slave: …yes, master…

Scarecrow: Say… you know how to play an instrument?

Yellow: Yeah, I can play the ocarina.

Scarecrow: Sweet! Play me something!

Yellow: *plays “SexyBack” by Justin Timberlake on the ocarina*

Epona: I LOVE THAT SONG! *gallops over to Lake Hylia*

Scarecrow: Awesome tune, dude! I’ll never forget it!

Scarecrow Slave: Because I recorded it…

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had hands I’d strangle you right now! …Hey, who’re you all of a sudden?

Epona: Sorry, I just came because I love that song he played! It’s by Justin Timberlake! He’s sooooo hot!

Scarecrow: …Aw, it wasn’t original? Dude, play me something or-

Epona: …WOAH, YOU’RE SCARY! *flies away*

Scarecrow: …Yeah, I tend to have that effect on crows, what with me being a scarecrow and all…

White: Gee, that-

Scarecrow: Anyways, just improvise me a little tune. Something made up, y’know?

Yellow: Okay… let’s see… *plays a high note*

Scarecrow: *puts his hands in the air*

Yellow: …Whatcha doin’?

Scarecrow: I’m just dancing to your tune, man!

Yellow: Oh, I see. *plays a low note*

Scarecrow: *puts his hands down*

Yellow: *does a trill*

Scarecrow: *shakes his butt*

Yellow: *plays a long and complicated melody with several ornaments and ascending/descending scales, finishing with a cadence of two chords

Scarecrow: *does the Soulja Boy dance*

Yellow: Nice!

Scarecrow: That’s awesome, man! I’ll never forget that!

Scarecrow Slave: Yeah, because I recorded it…

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had feet I’d make you kiss them!

Scarecrow Slave: …yes, master…

Scarecrow: …But seriously, dude, that’s an amazing tune! We gotta make it official! Give it a name or something!

Yellow: …How about pancake?

Scarecrow: …Pancake?

White: I’ve had enough pancakes, thank you very much.

Black: Yeah, forget that.

Yellow: But wouldn’t it be cool? If someone asked you “Hey, whatcha listenin’ to?” and you could respond “P-

White: NO.

Scarecrow: …I’ve got it! How about “Scarecrow’s Song”?

Yellow: …What? But it’s not your song!

Scarecrow: It is now! My slave recorded it and made an mp3 file out of it, and we’re now publishing it on iTunes and making it available on Limewire! We now hold all the copyrights to it!

Yellow: …You piece of… of… straw!

Scarecrow: …That was cold, man.

Scarecrow Slave: Yeah, real cold, man.

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had genitals, I’d make you-

White: Hey, seriously! You can’t just take his music like that!

Black: Yeah, you jackass! You looking for a fight?

Scarecrow: Hey, easy, easy… Look, let’s compromise. I’ll let you have my slave to use for a while. Whenever you play my song, I’ll make him appear wherever you want, and you can do whatever you want with him.

White: …Hey, a slave? That’s pretty cool.

Black: Yeah, let’s try it! Yellow, play the song!

Yellow: *walks over to the Mad Scientist’s house, plays Scarecrow’s Song*

Scarecrow Slave: …Okay, whaddya want?

Black: Get on up on the roof of that house.

Scarecrow Slave: Why? What’s the point of that?

Black: Because I said so! Do it!

Scarecrow Slave: No, that’s stupid.

Black: Shut up, slave! If I had hands, I’d punch you in the gut!

Navi: You do have hands.

Black: …*punches Scarecrow Slave in the gut*

Scarecrow Slave: Uh, ow.

Black: Now get on that roof!

Scarecrow Slave: Fine, whatever. *gets on the roof of the Mad Scientist’s house*

Black: Let’s see if this works… *hookshots the scarecrow, grapples to the top of the roof*

Scarecrow Slave: …OW! HOLY CRAP! THAT HURT LIKE CRAZY, MAN! WHAT THE HELL’D YOU DO THAT FOR?

Black: Cool, I got on the roof!

Scarecrow Slave: EAAAAAGH! *goes back down*

Black: *jumps back down* That was awesome. Having a slave is going to be fun!

Scarecrow Slave: I hate you!

Yellow: Shut up, slave! If I had fingers, I’d tickle you!

White: …That’s not much of a threat.

Navi: Yeah, and you do have fingers.

Yellow: …*tickles Scarecrow Slave’s hookshot wound*

Scarecrow Slave: …OW! MY WOUND! THAT HURTS!

Yellow: …You’re supposed to giggle and beg me to stop!

Scarecrow Slave: STOP! PLEASE, STOP!

Yellow: Okay, now giggle-

Scarecrow: *yells in pain*

Yellow: …close enough! *stops tickling*

Scarecrow: Well, there you go! I get the profit from your song, you get to use my slave as you will. Fair deal?

Yellow: Yeah, that’s fair. Thanks!

Scarecrow: Awesome! …Hey, can I use you four to make a music video and stick it on YouTube or something?

Scarecrow Slave: …We don’t even have a video camera.

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had a video camera, I’d make you eat it!

Scarecrow Slave: …But then you wouldn’t have a video camera anymore.

Scarecrow: Shut up, slave! If I had two video cameras I’d make you eat one! …So, how about it, guys?

White: We’d love to, but we have to go save the world.

Scarecrow: When do you have to do that?

White: Like, now.

Scarecrow: Aw… well, call me after that’s done, and we’ll set something up!

White: Sounds good. See ya!

The four head towards the edge of the vastly smaller Lake Hylia.

White: So… we can probably use the Iron Boots and the Zora Tunics King Zora gave us to get down there and explore, and see where Ruto is, I suppose.

Black: …Oh, hell no! I’m not going! No way!

Yellow: Come on! It’ll be fun! Beside, you don’t even have to swim, you just have to sink-

Black: That’s freaking scary!

White: Look, we have Zora Tunics, so you can breathe under water-

Black: That’s even scarier!

Navi: What, are you just afraid of going underwater in general?

Black: I… uh… I guess so…

White: Man, you suck.

Black: Shut up, slave!

White: Wha-

Black: …Look, just go on without me. And hurry up, or I’ll get bored.

Yellow: Okay, fine. I’m telling you though, it won’t be that bad…

Black: Just go.

Navi: I’d better go with them, Black. See ya.

White: Don’t get yourself killed by one of those Tektites, wimp.

Black: Just because I’m afraid of going underwater doesn’t mean I’m so much of a wimp that I can’t kill a stupid Tektite!

Tektite: Doth not misunderstimate us! We are fearsome warriors!

Black: *punches Tektite*

Tektite: *dies*

White: …Okay, they suck even more than I thought… whatever, see ya, Black. We’ll try to be back as soon as possible.

Black: Yeah, good luck and all that… here, take my Hookshot, you might need it.

White: Oh yeah, thanks! Yellow, you take it, you’re probably better than me at that stuff.

Yellow: Sure. *takes Hookshot* See ya!

Black: Bye!

White, Yellow, and Navi descend into the Water Temple.

Black: …Man, I wish I wasn’t so afraid of the water like that… what am I going to do now that they’re gone?

Scarecrow: Rock out!

Black: …No, you’ll just steal my song and profit off of it.

Scarecrow: …Maybe…

Black: Idiot.

Scarecrow: Why don’t you try your hand at fishing? There’s a fisherman guy over there that, like, never gets any customers.

Black: …Fishing, huh? That sounds fun! I’m going to try that!

Black heads off to the Fishing Pond.

Nice one, grass! I'm reserving a spot to edit and put a rubric here after school.... see you in 6 hours, then.

GRASS' COMEDY WRITING GRADING RUBRIC OF DOOM
Used by Kekenkenka
HUMOR: (38/40)


General Humor: (20/20)
Was it funny in general?

You kiddin'? I was giggling through the entire thing like a hippie with a new pair of organic comic books about Supergreen!

Originality: (9/10)
Were the jokes original, or were they just stolen or clichéd?

Epona's same old is getting a little old, but- I WANNA KNOW WHAT RHYMES WITH DEKU TREE!

Swearing, Violence, and Raciness: (9/10)
If there is no swearing, violence, or raciness, this gets a 10/10.
If there is, this is graded based upon how effective it is- if it’s only occasional and used properly, it gets a high grade, but if it appears too often or is confusing, it gets a low grade.

Um, I should've done this yesterday. I think there was a little but not too much.

STORY: (29/30)


Characters and Personalities: (15/15)
Are the characters well-defined? Are they all unique and not clichéd? Do they add humor to the story, or do they not add much at all?

Of course they are! Yellow is still the crowd favorite, obviously- but I like white. Call me rascist, but...

Plot: (14/15)
If this story is a parody: Does the plot adhere well to the plot of the original story? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?
If this story is not a parody: Is the plot well-defined and easy to follow? Is it easy to understand what’s going on?

Reasonably, but you did confuzzle meh poor head with your ph34rsome intelligerence.

READABILITY: (30/30)


General Readability: (15/15)
Is there a space between each line of dialogue? Are action lines put in “*”s? Did the author make an effort to bold the name before each line of dialogue? Is it easy to read?

Of course, this is Grass we're talking about!

Spelling and Grammar: (15/15)
Are there any notable spelling or grammar mistakes?

Might've been, but if so you hid them well.

GRAND TOTAL: (97/100) A+

Hey, Grass. So glad to see you've revived the Parody; 'tis as good as ever. Epona is definitely my favourite character; she's bloody hilarious. The only thing I would recommend is more cliffhangers in the multi-part stories, and when they make a journey, for example from Zora's Domain to Lake Hylia (although they now have the Serenade of Water), you could describe it better, ie what happens on the way. Apart from that, it's pretty much perfect, as ever. Keep it up!

Excellent work! I love Pierre being a slave and the other scarecrow stealing yellows music.

"Shut up, slave! If I had genitals, I'd make you-"

I busted one of my few remaining guts after I read this.

Keep it up, or you will experience PAINFUL DEATH! (Ahhhh, the memories... )

nice chapter. i laughed really hard at this one, but seriously, you need to change the epona thing, make it more original. By the way, im sorry i havent post the review for the last chapters and for this one, but i got terribly sick and i dont have enough time to do it right now.

I will definitely change the Epona joke in the future. She won't be appearing until after the Water Temple, of course.

By the way, one more chapter after this and we'll have caught up with GameFAQs. Then I can actually start using your advice!

Wyvern, there are too many journeys for me to describe them all and not get monotonous. Epona's already repetitive.

Cliffhangers... that's a good idea, actually, I'll try that out in the Water Temple!

(By the way, "cliffhanger" at the end of this chapter is just a coincidence ;P)



Okay, here's the next chapter.



CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX: THE FISHING POND- UNDER THE SEA

Black: *enters Fishing Pond* Hello?

Fisherman: Hello there! Are you a customer?

Black: Yeah, I suppose so.

Fisherman: Oh, thank god! I haven’t had a customer in seven years!

Black: …Wow, this place must really suck. I’m outta here.

Fisherman: Er, no, it’s not that! It’s just that… uh… Ganondorf prohibits fishing!

Black: …Oh, well, I don’t care about him, so I’ll fish.

Fisherman: Phew… okay, you got money?

Black: Oh… White usually carries around all the money, but I think I have… let’s see… fifty-three Rupees.

Fisherman: …Ah, what a coincidence! The fee is exactly fifty-three Rupees!

Black: …Gee, what a coincidence, hm?

Fisherman: …Give me the money.

Black: Moocher. *pays fee*

Fisherman: Alright, here’s your fishing rod, and here’s your Playfish magazine.

Black: …Playfish?

Fisherman: It’s a, um, “naughty” magazine of fishes.

Black: …That just isn’t my kind of thing, man.

Fisherman: I know, I know, it’s bait for the fishes! Once they set their eyes on the half-naked fish hotties in there they’ll come running and grab the hook!

Black: Half-naked fish? As opposed to fully clothed fish, hm?

Fisherman: Yup.

Black: …Um, okay… *attaches bait, casts line* Here goes.

Fish 1: …Hot mama! Check out the hot fish babe on the centerfold!

Fish 2: Oh, yeah! I’d love to run my fins over those scales!

Fish 3: I’d love to swim up her stream!

Cook: I’d love to chop her up into little slices, put them between sticky rice wrapped with seaweed and dip it in soy sauce and spicy wasabi and eat it!

Fish 3: …

Black: …Y’know, this isn’t what I imagined fishing to be like.

Fisherman: You’ll get used to it. Just sit back and relax.

Black: I can do that. *sits back, relaxes*

Fish 1: I’m going to get that magazine! *bites magazine, gets caught on hook*

Black: A bite! *reels fish in* Alright! A 7-pounder!

Fisherman: Hey, not bad for a first-timer! Just keep that for now, okay?

Black: Alright. *casts line* Say… what’s that poster rolled up on your desk?

Fisherman: This? This is what I call the “Sinking Lure”! It’s an amazing bait guaranteed to attract the biggest fishes!

Black: …So, it’s a big picture of a half-naked fish.

Fisherman: …precisely!

Black: Cool. Can I use it?

Fisherman: …no!

Black: Huh? Why not?

Fisherman: Because… you might attract the Hylian Loach.

Black: Ooh, what’s that?

Fisherman: It’s a 35-pound fish that lives at the bottom of this fishing pond. It’s been known to kill people by drowning them.

Black: …Why, because it’s so strong?

Fisherman: Yeah, it’s-

Black: Oh, whatever. I can outmuscle a stupid fish! Give me the sinking lure.

Fisherman: …No!

Black: …Dude, come on.

Fisherman: I don’t want my customers dying! That’s my final word!

Black: …Okay, fine. *looks back into pond*

Fisherman: *looks outside the window*

Black: …Now’s my chance! *throws hook towards Fisherman’s hat, catches it, reels it in*

Fisherman: HEY! Gimme back my hat!

Black: Oops! My mist- woah, you’re bald!

Fisherman: I know I’m bald! You don’t have to make fun of me for it! Now gimme my hat!

Black: Sure, but first gimme the sinking lure.

Fisherman: But… I… oh, fine! Take the stupid thing! *gives the sinking lure*

Black: Thanks! *walks off*

Fisherman: …Hey! Gimme my hat!

Black: Nah, I’ll keep it. It looks good on me.

Fisherman: Why you- I- I- I’m speechless!

Black: Good, stay that way. *casts line*

Fish 1: Hot diggidy dog! That’s the hottest fish I’ve ever seen! Come to papa, baby!

Fish 2: Oh baby! I’d love ripple her waves!

Fish 3: Oh, wow! I’d love to think of a clever euphemism having to do with fish!

Cook: I’d love to chop off and throw away the head, and then grill the rest of the body on a-

Fish 1: Dude, go away. You’re creeping the rest of us out.

Fish 2: Yeah, seriously.

Cook: …

Hylian Loach: OUTTA THE WAY! This is just another trap to catch us! I was almost foolish enough to be caught, but now I’m going to teach this murderer a lesson!

Black: Here it comes!

Hylian Loach: *grabs hook, pulls Black down into the lake*

Black: …AAAAAH!

Hylian Loach: Hah! Now drown to death, you worthless human!

Black: HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!

Hylian Loach: Mwahahahaha!

Black: I’M DROWNING! I’M DROWNING! I’M DROWNING!

Hylian Loach: Mwahahahahaha…

Black: HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP!

Hylian Loach: …Okay, how long does it take for you to drown?

Black: …Why haven’t I died yet?

Hylian Loach: That’s what I wanna know!

Black: …Oooooh, it must be this Zora Tunic I’m wearing. It lets me breathe underwater.

Hylian Loach: Oh… that makes sense… damn!

Black: …I’M UNDERWATER! HELP! HELP! AAAAH!

Hylian Loach: …hey, if this keeps up, maybe he’ll die of a panic attack!

Black: I HATE BEING UNDERWATER! HEEEELP!

Hylian Loach: …Hey, now, what’s so bad about being underwater?

Black: Are you KIDDING? It’s my worst nightmare!

Hylian Loach: Hey! I’ll have you know life is much better under the sea!

Sebastian: Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there!

Under the sea, under the sea
Darling it's better down where it's wetter,
Take it from me!
Up…

Black: Woah, there, did you just call me “darling”?

Sebastian: …Yeah, um, about that, normally I’m singing this song for redhead female mermaids and stuff, so, like,

Black: *kills Sebastian* Okay, seriously, I’m getting outta here! I’m going to go crazy underwater!

Hylian Loach: Whassamatter, you scared of the water or something?

Black: Of course I am! I can’t swim! If it weren’t for this tunic I’d be dead!

Hylian Loach: …Alright, look here, fella. I’m gonna teach you how to overcome your fear of water. Now, tell me, what’s going on in the outside world?

Black: Uh… the outside world? …Well, this guy named Ganondorf took over the world, and me and my brothers have to stop him, otherwise he could obtain all the pieces of the Triforce and then become completely unstoppable, at which point he would wreak even more havoc than he-

Hylian Loach: Alright, cool, cool, stop. Now, what’s going on here, under the sea?

Black: …Not much.

Hylian Loach: There, you see? It’s so much more serene here… No violence, no murder, no chaos…

Black: …Say, you’re right! Maybe I can get used to-

Cook: YAAA! *slices Hylian Loach into pieces, wraps it with sticky rice and seaweed*

Black: …AAAH! HOMICIDAL COOKS UNDERWATER!

Cook: *offers plate* Would you like a sushi?

Black: …No thanks.

Cook: Okay. *eats sushi*

Black: …Murderous chefs aside, this really isn’t so bad. It’s kinda quiet… serene…

Fisherman: What the hell are you doing? Get up!

Black: Huh? …Oh, yeah! *floats back to surface* Here’s your hat. And here’s that poster of the hot fish.

Fisherman: *puts on hat, takes poster* Aw, you got them all wet!

Black: Oh, cry me a river.

Fisherman: *cries a river*

Fish 1: Sweet! We can get out of here now! *swims down river, escapes*

Fisherman: I hope you’ve learned your lesson! The Hylian Loach could have drowned you!

Black: Oh, whatever. He taught me not to be afraid of the water anymore. I’m grateful to him!

Cook: Yeah, and he tastes great!

Fisherman: Whatever, just leave. …Oh, and I’m supposed to give you this since you, er, kinda caught the Hylian Loach. *gives Black the Golden Scale*

Black: Cool. See ya! …Oh, and why don’t you just throw away the poster?

Fisherman: …throw… throw it away?

Black: Yeah, if you’re worried about people getting killed by the Hylian Loach so much, just throw it away.

Fisherman: …Oh… but… uh, the Hylian Loach got eaten!

Black: Okay, so now it doesn’t serve any use, right? Just throw it away.

Fisherman: …Okay… heh heh… here goes! *throws poster away*

Black: There, now you don’t have any more problems. Bye!

Black leaves the Fishing Pond.

Fisherman: …*grabs poster from trash can, unrolls it, stares* Oh, baby… I’d love to breathe through her gills!

Outside…

Black: Heh, loser didn’t even realize I took the fishing pole… *puts fishing pole away* Alright, I think I may be able to handle going after those guys in the Water Temple… but… it’s kind of a nice day, so maybe I should just hang out…

Shadowy Figure: *appears*

Black: …What the heck is that?

Cliff: *hanger*

Fourth Wall: *broken, again*

First, Second, and Third Wall: *perfectly intact*

Fifth Wall: *does not exist*

Chapter: *ends on a very awkward note*