Ultra-Condensed MM Story

This is an idea I had- the whole story of Majora's Mask, but super-condensed. Tell me what you think.

Once there was a BOY named LINK who crept AWAY from the LAND that made him a LEGEND in SEARCH of a BELOVED and VALUABLE friend. But THEN he got TIRED and slept ON his horse EPONA.

Link: Yawn.

Then a SKULL kid comes and MUGS him and STEALS his horse.

Link: Hwa?

Link FOLLOWS him but gets TURNED into a PLANT.

Skull Kid: Rotfl!

Link: Not cool.

One of the FAIRIES gets left BEHIND and accompanies LINK to CLOCK town where they met a SCARY man with a BACKPACK that is BIGGER than a HIGH schooler’s.

Mask Salesman: You’ve met a terrible fate, haven’t you?

Link: Yup.

Mask Salesman: If you get back that which was stolen from you, I can make you normal again.

Link: Cool.

Mask Salesman: Oh, and get me back Majora’s Mask too.

Link: Cool.

Mask Salesman: Oh, and do it all in three days.

Link: Not cool.

So LINK goes to CLOCK town and gets MAULED by a DOG then collects STRAY fairies and returns THEM to the GREAT fairy FOUNTAIN.

Great Fairy: Thanks.

Link: No problem.

THEN Link gets magic and can SHOOT bubbles and plays HIDE-and-SEEK with some KIDS and enters an OBSERVATORY and makes the MOON cry and picks up a ROCK and trades it for LAND and flies up to a PLATFORM on the THIRD night and meets the SKULL kid.

Skull Kid: I am all-powerful and I will destroy the world and you cannot stop me.

Link: I’m going to shoot a bubble at you.

Skull Kid: AIEEEE!

Then the skull KID drops the OCARINA and Link takes IT and plays the SONG of TIME and goes back to the FIRST day and goes back to the MASK salesman.

Link: I got my ocarina back.

Mask Salesman: Cool. I’ll change you back to normal.

Link: Cool. I forgot your mask.

Mask Salesman: BLEARGH!

Then THE mask SALESMAN goes totally BALLISTIC on Link and then CALMS down and tells LINK to go get the MASK so LINK leaves the TOWN and goes to the SWAMP and meets a LOSER wearing RED underwear.

Tingle: Tingle-Tingle-Koolooh-Limpah!

Link: Give me a map, loser.

Tingle: Okay.

Then LINK finds a WITCH in the WOODS and heals HER and takes a BOAT ride down to the PALACE and turns into a DEKU scrub AGAIN and ENTERS the PALACE.

Deku Guard: Don’t go anywhere but the throne room.

Link: Cool.

Link GOES into a room OTHER than the THRONE room and SNEAKS in to SEE the MONKEY prisoner and LEARNS a SONG but then gets BOOTED out

Deku Guard: wtf dumbass i told u not 2 go dere but u still went dere wtf!

Link: Sorry.

Deku Guard: It’s okay.

THEN he goes to the TEMPLE and gets a BOW and arrow and KILLS a JUNGLE dude and meets a GIANT.

Tatl: Who are you?

Giant: Hurrrrh huhhhh urrrrrrh!

Then Link STUFFS a FAT chick in a BOTTLE and DUMPS her on her FATHER and the MONKEY gets RELEASED.

Monkey: Thanks.

Link: No problem.

Deku King: Sorry.

Monkey: No problem.

Deku Princess: Now we are all happy.

THEN the MOON crashes into TERMINA and kills EVERYONE except LINK who played the song OF time and went back to the FIRST day. Then HE goes to the LAUNDROMAT at the FIRST night.

Guru-Guru: When I was a kid, I stole a mask from a dog, I pirated music off of Limewire, I smoked pot, I drank milk when it was past its expiration date, I poisoned my neighbor’s cat, I concealed WMDs, I kidnapped Princess Peach, I stole the one ring to rule them all, and I assassinated Lincoln.

Link: Cool.

Guru-Guru: Here, have a mask.

Then LINK heads towards the GORON village where HE meets an OWL that drops FEATHERS on INVISIBLE platforms that leads TO a CAVE with the lens of TRUTH. Then he goes back and USES the LENS of TRUTH to see the ghost of DARMANI.

Darmani: Follow me.

Link: Okay.

LINK follows DARMANI.

Darmani: Heal me.

Link: Okay.

LINK heals DARMANI and his FACE falls off.

Darmani: Be me.

Link: Okay.

LINK puts the MASK on and becomes a FAT guy. Then he goes to the GORON shrine and SHUTS up a CRYING baby and LEARNS a SONG and USES it to make a REALLY fat Goron FALL off a CLIFF. Then he GOES into the SNOWHEAD temple and GETS fire arrows and DEFEATS a mechanical BULL and meets another GIANT.

Tatl: Who are you?

Giant: Hurrrrh? Huhhh urrrh, huuhhhh!

Then the MOUNTAIN unfreezes.

Goron: Hurray, it’s spring again!

Frog: Now we can sing!

Smithies: Now we can make swords!

Elder Goron: Now everyone is happy!

Then the MOON crashes INTO termina and KILLS everyone except LINK who PLAYED the song OF time and went BACK to the first DAY. THEN he leaves town AGAIN and goes to the GREAT bay and sees a DYING fish and brings him BACK to SHORE and listens TO his FINAL message.

Mikau: Listen to my final message.

Link: Okay.

Mikau: Oh! Baby!

Link: Cool.

THEN Mikau DIES and Link HEALS him and his FACE falls of and LINK turns into a FISH and goes into the GERUDO’s FORTRESS and EAVESDROPS on a CONVERSATION.

Gerudo: Once we get the eggs, we will become extremely wealthy and all-powerful! Nothing will stand in our way!

Bee: Buzz.

Gerudo: AAAAIEEEEE!

Then the GERUDO runs away like a GIRL because she IS a girl and LINK gets the HOOKshot. Then LINK dumps the EGGS in a TANK and learns a SONG. Then he GOES to ZORA hall and plays THE song for LULU and summons a TURTLE and goes to GREAT bay TEMPLE and gets ICE arrows and kills a FISH and meets a GIANT.

Tatl: Who are you?

Giant: Hurrrrr Hurrrrr Hurrrrrhurrrrrr…. Urrr?

Then LINK goes back to ZORA Hall.

Lulu:I got my voice back but I still sing like crap.

Band members: ROCK ON!

Zora Fans: Now we are all happy.

THEN the moon CRASHES into TERMINA and kills everyone EXCEPT Link who PLAYED the song OF time and went back to THE first DAY. Then he GOES to ROMANI ranch.

Link: Give me back my horse.

Romani: Only if you kill some aliens!

Link: Whatever.

Romani: Be at the ranch at 2:00. Don’t forget about it!

Link FORGETS about IT and goes to IKANA canyon and meets an INVISIBLE guy.

Shiro: I’m cool! I’m real cool! I’m super cool!

Link: No.

Shiro: Oh. Have this mask.

Link gets the STONE mask and goes to IKANA CASTLE and defeats a KING and his SOLDIERS and learns a SONG goes to STONE tower and KILLS a garo MASTER.

Garo Master: Shoot an arrow of light into the blood-stained insignia in the front of the tower and the tower will become upside-down.

Link: Cool.

Garo Master: To die without leaving a corpse… That is the way of us Garos.

Link: Not cool.

Link SHOOTS an ARROW of LIGHT into the BLOOD-stained INSIGNIA in the FRONT of the TOWER and the TOWER becomes upside-DOWN.

Link: Woah, I shot an arrow of light into the blood-stained insignia in the front of the tower and the tower became upside-down.

Tatl: Kickass.

Link gets the GIANT’s mask and becomes REALLY big and kills TWO worms and MEETS a GIANT.

Tatl: Who are you?

Giant: Bond. James Bond.

Tatl: What?

Giant: I mean, hurrrrrrh urrrrrrrh, uhhhhhhh? Uhrrrrrrrr hurrrr!

[I] Then LINK goes to the TOP of the PLATFORM on the THIRD night AGAIN. [\I]

Skull Kid: I am all-powerful and I will destroy the world and you cannot stop me.

Giants: HURRRRRH URRRRRH HUHHHHH URRRRR!

Skull Kid: AIEEEEEEEE!

Then the GIANTS pick up the MOON but the MASK goes into the MOON and creates a PORTAL,

Moon: I… I shall consume. Consume… consume everything.

Link: Cool.

Then the MOON consumes… CONSUMES Link and LINK goes into a GRASSY field with a TREE with lots of KIDS.

Kid: Play with me.

Link: Okay.

Kid: Give me all your masks.

Link: No.

Kid: Piss off.

Link goes to a KID underneath the TREE wearing MAJORA’s mask and goes INTO a room with MAJORA and KILLS him. THEN Link goes BACK outside of CLOCK town.

Skull Kid: You guys haven’t forgotten about me? You still thought of me as a friend?

Giant: Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr uhhhhhhhr

Skull Kid: Friends are nice things to have. Will you be my friend too?

Link: Cool.

Mask Salesman: g2g. cya l8r.

Link: Cool.

Then ANJU and Kafei MARRY and the INDIGO-gos have a CONCERT and the DEKU SCRUBS and the GORONS are at PEACE and the DANCERS do their DANCE and EVERYONE is HAPPY except for the DEKU butler because his SON got turned into a TREE but it’s OKAY because NOBODY cares about him ANYWAYS.

Link: Cool.

THE END

Hilarious! There is only one way to describe this thing, and it is "hilarious".

This was fantastic . I couldn't stop laughing.

Originally Posted by Grass

Link FOLLOWS him but gets TURNED into a PLANT.

Skull Kid: Rotfl!



Deku Guard: wtf dumbass i told u not 2 go dere but u still went dere wtf!

Link: Sorry.

Deku Guard: It’s okay.



Guru-Guru: When I was a kid, I stole a mask from a dog, I pirated music off of Limewire, I smoked pot, I drank milk when it was past its expiration date, I poisoned my neighbor’s cat, I concealed WMDs, I kidnapped Princess Peach, I stole the one ring to rule them all, and I assassinated Lincoln.

Link: Cool.



[I] LINK puts the MASK on and becomes a FAT guy. Then he goes to the GORON shrine and SHUTS up a CRYING baby and LEARNS a SONG and USES it to make a REALLY fat Goron FALL off a CLIFF.



Gerudo: Once we get the eggs, we will become extremely wealthy and all-powerful! Nothing will stand in our way!

Bee: Buzz.

Gerudo: AAAAIEEEEE!

[I] Then the GERUDO runs away like a GIRL because she IS a girl and LINK gets the HOOKshot.




Lulu:I got my voice back but I still sing like crap.




Link: Give me back my horse.

Romani: Only if you kill some aliens!

Link: Whatever.

Romani: Be at the ranch at 2:00. Don’t forget about it!

Link FORGETS about IT and goes to IKANA canyon and meets an INVISIBLE guy.

Shiro: I’m cool! I’m real cool! I’m super cool!

Link: No.

Shiro: Oh. Have this mask.




Garo Master: Shoot an arrow of light into the blood-stained insignia in the front of the tower and the tower will become upside-down.

Link: Cool.

Garo Master: To die without leaving a corpse… That is the way of us Garos.

Link: Not cool.

Link SHOOTS an ARROW of LIGHT into the BLOOD-stained INSIGNIA in the FRONT of the TOWER and the TOWER becomes upside-DOWN.

Link: Woah, I shot an arrow of light into the blood-stained insignia in the front of the tower and the tower became upside-down.

Tatl: Kickass.





Tatl: Who are you?

Giant: Bond. James Bond.

Tatl: What?

Giant: I mean, hurrrrrrh urrrrrrrh, uhhhhhhh? Uhrrrrrrrr hurrrr!




Kid: Play with me.

Link: Okay.

Kid: Give me all your masks.

Link: No.

Kid: Piss off.




Mask Salesman: g2g. cya l8r.

Link: Cool.

Then ANJU and Kafei MARRY and the INDIGO-gos have a CONCERT and the DEKU SCRUBS and the GORONS are at PEACE and the DANCERS do their DANCE and EVERYONE is HAPPY except for the DEKU butler because his SON got turned into a TREE but it’s OKAY because NOBODY cares about him ANYWAYS.

Link: Cool.

THE END

Rofl, my fav. parts^.


Wondeful condensation. It's so hilarious...only people who've beaten the game can trully appreciate its brilliance...

Grass...

You are one cool dude.