(Hor)The House[G]

Sorry wrong rating the rating is T

I wrote this last month for school. I shared it with the Farore clan but did not get any praise or criticism on it. Today I decided to share it with the rest of ZU. But because it was for school the ending was rushed.

-------------------------------------------------
Dark clouds quickly covered the setting sun as I hurried along a path unknown to me. I knew if I did not find shelter soon I would be caught in the coming storm. When I saw the house I sighed in relief

I walked along the fence, that was gray with age, until I came to a rust covered metal gate. The top looked as if they were the tips of spears, being held in perfect unison by disciplined soldiers.

I opened the gate. It created an eerie screeching howl, as if to warn that someone was coming. I made my way across the yard, the wind whistled through the trees and the first rain drops started hitting the tin roof.

I looked at the house, it was gray with age and the last of the red pant was pealing off, like blood oozing out of it. It stared back at me like a living breathing spirit.

The wood creaked as I stepped onto the porch. I reached for the door handle but stopped at a sound of a noise, a muffled faint scream coming from within. I stood there, listening. but heard nothing else. Figuring it was just the wind, I slowly turned the nob. Half expecting something or someone to jump out. But the door did not open. I've pulled harder, still it would not budge. As if something was holding it, keeping it from opening. Finally I pulled as hard as I could. The door flew open and I fell back back onto the porch.

I looked into the hall, there was nothing there, No beast, no creature, nor inhuman thing hiding in the shadows. I walked in and the door slammed closed behind me.

I walked into the parlor, the rain started coming down in sheets, rattling the tin roof. Lightning filled the room every couple of seconds. I saw that there was a fireplace and a large pile of wood. I quickly lighted a fire and within moments, the flames cast a worm but eerie glow across the room. I went over to the bookshelf and search for some forgotten novel to read. But my ears caught a sound that stood out from the rain and wind.

A loud banging sound, as if some thing was trying to force itself out of a Iron cage. I heard it again, then again. Fallowed by a clicking and chinning, rattling sound.

Curious I walked along the hallway fallowing the sound, passing several closed doors. Entrances leading to places forgotten. Each one of my steps echoed through the house. Until, I finally found the door the sound was coming from. It was slightly ajar, with flickering of lightning coming from the other side.

Slowly, I pushed opened the door. Pocked my head in and looked around. There was nothing there. Nothing but pots and kitchen utensils hanging from the ceiling banging against each other from the wind blowing through an opened window. I walked through the kitchen and closed the window. The pots and pants slowly stopped swinging.
Just than I heard a sound I knew had to be caused by some demonic being. It was someone threw their fists down on a piano keys and then stomped across the floor above.

“Who are you?” I yelled! There was no answer.

I walked up the stairs, the sound of my footsteps were covered up by the howling of the wind. I reached the top and tiptoed across to a door. I've heard a scratching sound from the other side. Like a thousand fingernails clawing at the wood.

My heart skipped a beat as I reached for the handle. Pictures of goblins waiting for me crossed my mind. Slowly, ever so slowly I turned the nob.

The door opened with a loud creaking sound, as if it itself was screaming. I looked inside of the room. There was nothing there.

Just a piano beside a large broken window. And a wet branch in the middle of the floor. It looked as if the branch crashed through the window and fell on the piano.

I turned around and jumped. I was two eyes staring at me from the darkness. They were glowing red with evil. Starring up at me from the floor.

“Leave me alone!” I yelled as I turned to run down the stairs. I felt a thing breathing a cold breath down my neck as opened the front door and ran out into the yard. I heard Thousands of voices yelling at me in the wind. I stopped yelled back at them. I grabbed my head and screamed. I then staggered around the yard.

I tripped on a root and fell landing on the gate, the spears greeted my chest with heart as I looked down and saw my blood mixing with the water and flowing down the road. I closed my eyes as everything became quiet.


I opened my eyes, the storm had past and everything was quiet. The first light of the sun was coming over the trees. I looked down at the gate and then my body. It was lifeless, and was hanging over the gate.

I looked back at the house. And walked up to it and stared at it. It looked peaceful and welcoming. I've walked onto the porch, through the closed door and up to the second story. I saw two cracks in the floor with light from the fire that I started awhile ago shinning through them. There was no human, no creature, no demonic spirit waiting for me. It was just me, and the house. There was nothing, nothing there.

Hmm...this was definately interesting to read. =]

I liked it, you had very good usage of imagery at the beginning, but, like you said, the ending seemed a bit rushed. In my opinion, (to have made it a bit more suspenseful, maybe?) you could've described what the inside of the house was like, the noises, feelings, etc. Either way, for a rushed piece of writing, it's not half bad.

Also, I noticed you had multiple typos, and in some cases you didn't use correct grammar. Did you have the original work on paper and then typed it to post it? Or had you written it on the computer?

Anyway, I think that with fixing those errors and maybe a little bit more elaboration, this could turn out to be even better. :3

It just seemed a bit rusty to me, you used to many descriptive things. Usually, less is more. It makes the writing style smoother.

The end was very unorigional. I swear I've heard very similar ends in many stories like yours, but, all in all, very good!