(COM) The Mysterious Adventure of the Mysterious Mary Sue Who Is Mysterious [G]

The Mysterious Adventure of the Mysterious Mary Sue Who Is Mysterious

The Tale of the Shiniest Donkey in the Land

Mary Sue walked through the bustling market place. Throngs of people desperately clawed at the bargains, paying little heed to the solitary, mysterious figure passing through them. People buzzed to and fro, clambering over each other to get to where they were going. The blonde Mary Sue was almost knocked over in all the commotion. Something caught her eye. It was if something had caught the sun’s glare. The shine was too bright for her eyes.
“Whoever’s doing that, don’t you know how mysterious my eyes are?” desperately shouted Mary Sue with the desperation in her voice filled with desparateness.
She was met only with a strange noise. She shielded her eyes and moved towards the noise to discover that it was a donkey. Not just any donkey. This donkey was shiny. Shinier than a shining full moon at midday. The donkey seemed to be for sale. She approached the lady at the stall.
“How much for that donkey?” enquired Mary Sue.
“Not for sale,” replied the lady blatantly. “That thing’s how I get around everywhere.”
Mary Sure became angry. She was angry in fact that her eyes began changing. The lady at the stall lifted an eyebrow as a fully orchestrated laser light show with accompanying soundtrack of ‘The Final Countdown’ by hit ‘80s band Europe came shooting out of her eyes Mary Sue grabbed the lady by the collar.
“Don’t you know how mysterious I am?” questioned an angry and mysterious Mary Sue. “Look at my eyes!”

“That’s not mysterious,” replied the lady in a rather non-chalant tone. “Impressive, yes, different, yes, rather pointless, yes. Do you do birthday parties at all?”
“UGH!” groaned Mary Sue. “I want that donkey. I never get what I want…just like all my life…it began when I was three months old…my parents died from a freak paper cut related accident…I wandered off into the forest by myself…only having my wits to rely on…”
The lady rolled her eyes, “Here we go…”
“I survived with my expert sword skills despite never having been taught the sword and not actually having access to a sword. One day while I was lost and alone, my fourth cousin twice removed through marriage stumbled upon me while he was questing to find some milk for his corn flakes. I taught him the ways of the sword and also gave him three days of training for if he ever wanted to work at K-Mart. Those skills I passed on to him came in handy. One time, the most vile, evil person in all the land wanted to refund a blender. Luckily, with my expert training, my fourth cousin three times removed - ”
“I thought it was twice removed?” interjected the lady.
“Whatever. Anyway, he was able to tell that the product was faulty through actions caused by the owner, and K-Mart got to keep its twenty three dollars and seventy two cents.”
“Is there a point to this story?” requested the lady. “Because you’re not getting the donkey and that’s final.”
“It’s because I’m inferior, isn’t it?’ cried Mary Sue.
“Did I ever say that?” solicited the lady. “Do you even know what inferior means?”
“It’s a kind of spaceship, isn’t it?” thought Mary Sue. “Fine, if I can’t have your donkey, I’ll make my own donkey.”

Mary Sue lifted her chin in such a way as to inform the lady that she was not important. She pretended to swing her leg over an invisible donkey and made it look like she was trotting away. Mary Sue made her way out of the market. As she exited, she looked back. With a single point of her finger the entire market disappeared. There was nothing left at all, just the dirt on which it once stood.
“Not give me a donkey, don’t they know how mysterious I am?” mumbled Mary Sue angrily.
She came upon a passer-by. The passer-by looked quizzically at her. Mary Sue smiled. The passer-by shrugged and kept walking. Mary Sue came to a halt.
“Whoa, MoonIce,” ordered Mary Sue to her invisible ass.
She reversed up to the passer-by who had kept walking.
“Don’t you like my Donkey?!” bawled Mary Sue. “Why didn’t you acknowledge it?!”
“Because it’s a stupid donkey,” the passer-by came back with.
“HOW DARE YOU!” yelled Mary Sue in a loud exclamation. “MoonIce is NOT STUPID! How would you like it if I insulted one of your made up animals?!”
“I have real animals that love me,” responded the passer-by.
“Like what?!?” screamingly questioned Mary Sue.
“I have a donkey too,” calmly responded the passer-by to Mary Sue’s screaming question.
“Yeah?!” questioningly screamed Mary Sue. “Well, my ass could kick your ass any day. I’ll give you the time and place.”
Mary Sue wrote down something on a piece of paper and handed it to the passer-by.
“Uhhm,” the passer-by ummed. “Commas go inside the quotation marks.”
“They bloody well do not!” Mary Sue saw someone familiar out of the corner of her eye. “Hey, it’s my fourth cousin eighteen times removed.”
She called out to him. The figure in the distance could be seen shaking his head. He begrudgingly trudged over.
“For the last time, Mary Sue,” depressingly commented the boy, about her age. “We’re not related. We worked at K-Mart together for a day. You got fired remember? For pilfering office supplies.”
Mary Sue began crying. Her eyes started changing. Suddenly, a brilliant burst of laser light sprung forth. The music ‘The Spanish Flea’ began playing. The light in the air formed the words ‘temporarily out of order’. The hero who was not related to her turned to the passer-by.
“Wanna get a drink or something?” he questioned hopefully. “This’ll take a while.”

TO BE CONTINUED….MAYBE…IF I FEEL LIKE IT

Oh my, Sporky... *laughing so hard* That's hilarious. Especially the backstory bit. Tee hee hee. Excellent work, and definately let me know if you do decide to continue it. *walks off still laughing*

*is gasping for air*

I got it. It's pretty funny, actually. The backstory bit was interesting as well. I especially liked this part.

I survived with my expert sword skills despite never having been taught the sword and not actually having access to a sword. One day while I was lost and alone, my fourth cousin twice removed through marriage stumbled upon me while he was questing to find some milk for his corn flakes.

*laughs*

Are we trying to attract someone's attention here, Sporky, or did you really do this just for the fun of it?

Seriously, you should continue this. It'll be a laugh. ^_^

“Don’t you like my Donkey?!” bawled Mary Sue. “Why didn’t you acknowledge it?!”
“Because it’s a stupid donkey,” the passer-by came back with.
“HOW DARE YOU!” yelled Mary Sue in a loud exclamation. “MoonIce is NOT STUPID! How would you like it if I insulted one of your made up animals?!”
“I have real animals that love me,” responded the passer-by.

*Cracks up*

Wow, I got a cameo! Mr Spork, I think I love you now. I'd love if you kept going.

*Mutters* Stupid Mary Sue donkey...

P.S. I don't know where else I can discuss this, but I have proof/strong evidence that Zmaster5 = Kelly. I did a little snooping last night; I think Kelly got a little upset over this issue and made her own playground here.

Kelly is Kyto on that forum, as well as on Nintendo Nsider forums, where she was posting advertisements last night to get new members. However... Hyrule Dreams is EXACTLY the same as ZU forums.

Is this copyright infringement? I don't know much about forum policies.

UPDATE: Turns out it's most likely just some loser who steals bad fanfics. And forums.

Somebody should definitely do something about the forum, though.

http://z14.invisionfree.com/Hyrule_D...hp?showtopic=7

http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ad.php?t=20350

I hope that Kyto is really Hylian Lemon - cause that fic is his...oh my


But the story was truly funny - did so like it

Woah... I saw that story posted on Nsider forums, and I THOUGHT it was a bit out of her league...

Kyto also posted Newfound Powers on the forums, as well as acting as her usual attention-whore self (she kept bumping the thread and whining about the lack of replies).

Interesting.

****

YUP. Probably a plagarist....

Not Kelly.

***

The sockpuppet, zmaster5, has been banned, and I've contacted several people who Kyto stole from.

That's the end of that, I should think.

“Did I ever say that?” solicited the lady. “Do you even know what inferior means?”
“It’s a kind of spaceship, isn’t it?” thought Mary Sue.

::Shock, horror, is offended by this "blatant lack of knowledge" wonders why Mary Sue has no access to a dictionary, et cetera, et cetera::

Fun stuff Mr. Spork, I hope you will continue. It would be very interesting to follow the exploits of the... mysterious Mary Sue, satirically depicted.

Awesome parody. I especially loved the overuse of adverbs and the 41908432098 ways to avoid using the word "said." *applauds*

PENOS WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR THIS POST FULL OF WIN!

Seriously Spork. This wins so ****ing hard.

We have a new winner. Spork.

Oh my gawd. I just sat here in my chair, laughing and laughing, out loud. My sister across the room was concerned.

It was insanely hillarious. Geese, wonder who Mary-Sue was based on?

But you know, Sporky, you definately beat me to this. I was gonna write something simmilar. I feel cheated... oh well. This is a bazillion times more hillarious. xD

I wonder whos fic this is a piss tka e off huh *sarcastic*. Very clever spork i bow to your godliness *bows* Moonice huh thats almost like the opposite of sunfire, where have i heard that b4 huh? lmao.

There is only one thing funnier than this story. The story that it is parodied after. But to be funnier than that you have to be divine. Mr. Spork, while comically inclined, is only human.

Grand, just Grand.

As Safer said, that was a post full of win. If you do have some intention of continuing, please do. =)

Thanks for the comments people, as for getting the attention of someone, yeah right, it's not like a certain someone actually reads other people's stuff, and if they do, it's surely met with 'it sucks'. Next chapter.

The Irrational Reaction of the Townspeople

Mary Sue spied a town on the horizon. She had been trotting on her invisible donkey for more than a day. And spent half a day prior to that being ‘temporarily out of order’. She had seen no sign of the hero that she was not related to, and nothing of the passer-by who had so meanly insulted her donkey. The town appeared to be quite small, but she needed something to drink and eat, hopefully there was somewhere that sold food and drink in the small settlement. Mary Sue trotted towards the town as someone else trotted up beside her, they too on an invisible donkey. It was a girl about her age. The girl smiled.
“Why hello there, fellow invisible donkey rider,” greeted the girl. “Might I say what a lovely day it is today. I notice you’re enjoying your invisible donkey ride. It certainly is fun. You certainly do have potential, but I’d just like to offer you a few pointers, if I might be so bold. Bend your knees a little bit more, it really helps carry off the illusion. Also, some sound effects of the donkey’s hoofs hitting the ground would do well to keep people interested. Just try to make your donkey riding a little more detailed. I hope my comments are not taken in an ill manner, I merely wish to see you riding an invisible donkey to your full potential. I’m sure if you take these suggestions on board you’ll improve significantly.”
Mary Sue sneered at the fellow invisible donkey rider. She stopped, got off her invisible donkey and pushed the girl off the other invisible donkey.
“Hey, what’s your problem?” panickly cried the girl.
Mary Sue picked up the other invisible donkey.
“Get your hands off my ass,” demandingly ordered the girl.
Mary Sue threw the invisible donkey as far as she could.
“Noooooooo!” anguishly screamed the girl. “Princess Destructor!”
“What a stupid name for a donkey,” insulted Mary Sue. “Your donkey is so much stupider than mine. Yours has no talent at all.”
In between fits of tears, the girl inquired, “What’s your donkey’s name?”
“MoonIce,” triumphantly answered Mary Sue. “I made her up, but if anyone asks, I got her from some castle or something. It ran away and I found it. They were so pleased they let me keep it.”
“Wait,” interrupted the girl. “The castle lost their donkey…they wanted it back…and as a reward for finding it…they let you keep it…even though they wanted the donkey back…that doesn’t make a lick of sense.”
“IT DOESN’T HAVE TO!” angrily angered Mary Sue. “My donkey is the most super special and prettyful donkey in all the land! I’ve never seen anyone else’s donkeys that are even remotely as good as mine. When it comes to donkeys, I’m pretty hard to impress. I’m sorry, but your donkey sucked. It sucked so bad, I couldn’t even throw it as far as I wanted.”
“Why are you being so mean?” sniffed the girl.
“Why were you?!” exclaimed Mary Sue.
Mary Sue’s eyes began changing. The girl arched an eyebrow as laser light beamed out of her eyes. It formed a picture of what appeared to be a container filled with numbered balls. One ball came rolling out of a little hatch. An accompanying voice filled the air.
“And the powerball is forty two,” boomed the voice. “Just to recap, the numbers were two, fifteen, seven, thirty three, twenty seven and the powerball is forty two.”
“Those are my numbers,” the girl recognized with glee.
With that she sprinted off to the town to claim her prize. Mary Sue trotted in the same direction.

She entered the town. There was not as much activity as in the market she had been in previously but it was still lively in its own way. Mary Sue saw a tavern, there was sure to be food and drink there. She dismounted her donkey and left it outside. Mary Sue entered the tavern and sat at the bar.
“What’ll it be?” posed a question did the barmaid.
“I’ll have something with cheese,” eagerly replied Mary Sue.
“Cheese on toast it is,” not so eagerly answered the barmaid.
“Wait, I’ll cook it,” stated Mary Sue. “You have no talent at all.”
“You haven’t seen me cook anything,” pointed out the barmaid.
Mary Sue jumped the bar. Within five minutes she had whipped up two slices of toast with cheese on top.
“What’d ya think?” asked Mary Sue.
The barmaid was busy with a customer.
“Why aren’t you replying?!” screamed Mary Sue. “It’s been nearly a whole three seconds, and you haven’t replied to my work! ANSWER ME!”
“Sheesh, calm down,” sighed the barmaid. “Your toast is poorly placed, the cooking of the toast is patchy, mediocre at best, you seem to have rushed through it, and the cheese is just piled on. How cheesy can you get? I mean, there’s potential, sure, but this is no masterpiece.”
“Geese, can’t you see how perfect it is?” demanded Mary Sue.
“Geese?” puzzled the barmaid.
“Geese, don’t you know, what geese means?” dismayed Mary Sue. “Why, I oughta…”
Mary Sue took her shoe off and threw it at the barmaid. It struck her in the middle of her face.
“What? What the hell?!” confusedly spoke the barmaid.
The barmaid looked down at Mary Sue’s barefoot. She gasped in terror.
“Your second toe is slightly longer than your big toe!” screamed the barmaid. “You’re dangerous and INFERIOR!”
“I am NOT a spaceship!” retorted Mary Sue.
“EVERYBODY, WE MUST DESTROY THE INFERIOR AND DANGEROUS PERSON!” screamingly cried the barmaid in desperate exclamation of surprised terror.
Everyone in the tavern stood up from their chairs and grabbed the nearest torches and pitchforks. Mary Sue ran out of the tavern to try and escape. She came to a stop outside the tavern. She looked at where her invisible donkey should be.
“Somebody’s stolen MoonIce!” she panickly panicked in a panicky panic.

O.M.F.G. Now THAT was even better... I loved all the ridiculous references to the flame war... you, sir, have done your homework and created a finely-tuned, well-researched story! *dies laughing* THE PULITZER PRIZE!

Seriously, though. I love the satire...

Haha! That's exactly waht I imagined. You seem to have cleared up everything pretty well.

by the way- powerballs? Priceless. :XD

Jesus, Spork. Never before has ZU seen so much win in a single thread. Awesome addition.

MOAR.

*dies laughing* Hilairious, Sporky. I loved the bit about the other invisible donkey rider. Write more, write more!

Panickly panicked in a panicky panic.

Were does the sense begin, if sense there is?

Fun chapter, again. The sweep of this parody is marvelous. Continue.