Jack

Name: Tomahawk Greywind

Age: 29

Sex: Male

Fur: Brown with white areas

Eyes: grayish blue

Height: 7' 1"

Weight: 450 lbs.

Race: Tauren(thats a page about em)WoW -> Info -> Races -> Tauren They a large race of gentle(usually) cow men, that walk on 2 hooves. they specialize in herbalism and work at healing the earth

personality: pre Death knight training: he was a goofy tauren, always cracking wise, and lookin for a laugh anywhere he could find it. After Death knight training: a hardened tauren wishing for nothing other then a strong foe, to turn into a strong minion. despite his tauren heritage, he loves a good keg of ale, at the local bar, and despite being a death knight, tell a few good jokes and break loose a bit.

Appearance: A tall tauren, with slightly grayed fur with darker eyes. he has 2 massive horns on his head, with an ear thats slighty cut. He has fuz on the side of hisface, with a long thing braided beard hanging down his chin.

Class: Death Knight

Mount: a Kodo(a gaint animal that looks something between a rhino and an elephant)/Arctic wolf

Weapon: Tom(ahawk) carrys a large dai katana cast from Dark iron ore, mined from the blackrock mountains of the burning steppes/searing gorge. it appears to have a glow about it of blood red and black. arthas himself enchanted the sword to never grow dull, or ding.the sword was forged by the wolvar, wolverine people of the howling fjord, in central northrend. it is infused with there primal shadowy insticts, occasionally, there spirit will enter him, and he will become a beast.

Armor:http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/wrath/ it is thick broad plated armor, made of metal and bones of fallen victims(arthas in the piccy)

Skills/magic: He is a Frost magic based death knight, with lesser abilitys in blood and unholy magic.

Frost magic:

Ice lance:he breaths a breath of freezing air, and the breath hardens into a razor sharp icicle, that soars to its target, due to its magicle properties, it pinatrates anything that is chain mail of weaker. it is high speed, but it cant curve. its a straight shooter. if it hitsa barrier it shatters into miniture shards, if they drop shield to early, they still fly into them

Icey Gauntlets: right behind the hand cover of his gauntlets he can create small thin spikes of ice. they are thin, so they are very weak, meant for assassination/last resort

Freezing chains: he takes the water molicules around him, and uses his frosty presence to turn them into ice chains, that constrict the target, by the neck, arms, and legs. a stronger person can usually break them.(they apear already on the victim)

Chilling blood: Tom locks his apponent with an icey stare that freezes your blood, for a total of 10 seconds. only works on living beings/things that arnt evil(the reason behind the only non evil people is because, cuz they are evil, and arnt easily fearful, its kinda of a freezing fear thing...i hope you kinda understand that)

Blood magic:

Bloody arms: he can coat his weapons/armour with vile blood, solidifying it, wich makes his armour virtually invincable, and his sword grows to double its size. this move leaves him physically drained for a good 20-30 minutes, and can possable make him feint

Unholy magic: Undead army: he calls upons the dead, promising not to harm them in the afterlife, if they serve him. he is unable to act while he raises his army, deep in concentration. he gives them orders, they obey. the skeletons boens can be easily shattered..

Strengths: Because of his tauren-ness and thick armor he is hard to hit good
along with his incredible training with his sword. his excellence in frost magic, with the ability to conjure weapons makes him a tough foe to fight.

Weakness: His spells, especially his unholy, drain him horribly, leaving him weakened and unable to use them for atleast 2 hours(using an abbundance of moves anyway). also is rather slow because of his size and armor also do to his attacks and being mostly ice, he is extremely suseptable to fire attacks.

Biography: During the war for Nordrassil, he and his father were captured and sent to an Alliance camp in northrend, where they were tortured. after just 4 months at the camp, his father passed, and was tossed into the freezing waters of the northern sea, to be swallowed by the vicous northern nar-whales. For years Tom wished to be dead...just to be free once more. then a great prince, Arthas, of silver hand, was looking for recruits to help build Lordaeron, the greatest city of northern azeroth.

tomahawk, being a strapping young 20 year old tauren, practically promising a strong worker, was drafted. as it turned out, Arthas was recruiting strong people to turn into his army..Death Knights. feeling he had nothing else, he accepted arthas' promise of power. There on the brutal continent of northrend, he learned the way of the sword, and of the death knight. After 6 years of back breaking training, he was put to death. to join the ranks of lich and undead, known only as death knights. He woke from his deathly slumber confused, only remembering Arthas, shoving Frostmourne through his heart. confused and angry, he stormed from his crypt where he lay, up to the world above.

right outside, he found Arthas, with a brand new Dai-katana, an a set of powerful armor. half please, have angry, he took his sword and, and struck at arthas. much to quick for tom, he fended of the blow. "Yes, you will be one of my most powerful commanders." he said with a malicous grin and maniacle cackle. Tom was sent to the high elf city of Silvermoon, after the Sun well, at the citys center.. Sagearas, the leader of Kel'thuzud, The lich king, destroyed the city, and drank from the waters of the well.

it tainted and turned all High elfs into Arcane magic thirsty blood elves. Seeing the hordes of elves rising quickly, tomahawk abandoned the war effort and went off on his own, too knew lands..looking for a fight, a reason, and himself.

Bear with me, please because he needs quite a bit of work.

Everything but the first seven fields (Name through weight) Is all well and good. The rest, however, needs explanation and expansion. Just don't tell the reader who they are, or what they can do, show it to them. Details are key, especially with a race description, class description appearance, weapons, armour and skills. The biography could also use a little expansion, perhaps you could explore is feelings regarding his faters death, or his training with the Death Knight and how it effected him. Furthermore, please break up the Bio into proper paragraphs. (Three [3] to Five [5] sentences each.)

After you're done that, I'll take another look and go into the skills.

ah.. kk..its just i dont really know a whole lot about the class yet(its due for release) so ill work at it.

His Biography is fine for now, but you haven't expanded all the other stuff enough. If you want an example of an approved character with a fair amount of description, I invite you to look at my first character, Arin Bryant. You'll find him in my signature, and that should give you a good scope on the amout of detail I would like to see. Also, his appearence is confusing because you say he is a different race, but his picture is of a human wearing armour. I don't think such a short cut, unless you can draw him yourself, will work in this case.

well thats not a pic of him, thats arthas....my dude is made up, completely. and i suck at drawing so >> and oops, i meant to put that link in the armor part, not his appearance..

Originally Posted by Urban Ninja

well thats not a pic of him, thats arthas....my dude is made up, completely. and i suck at drawing so >> and oops, i meant to put that link in the armor part, not his appearance..

I see. Well, his appearence still needs alot of work, as with the other sections excluding the Biography and Name through weight.

messed with him some more, i think he's a right good bit more detailed.

Personality, Appearence, Strengths, and Weaknesses need a little more detail. For personality, tell what he's like out of battle, since many BA characters go on quests, or go through training in the Dome.

riiight..ill keep working at it, till i finally get it

Originally Posted by Urban Ninja

riiight..ill keep working at it, till i finally get it

That's the spirit. ^_^

hey, i think i finally got it on teh appearance/personallity/weakness/strengths!

Let me comment on each magic skill invdividually.

Frost magic:

Ice lance:he breaths a breath of freezing air, and the breath hardens into a razor sharp icicle, that soars to its target, due to its magicle properties, it pinatrates anything that is chain mail of weaker. it is high speed, but it cant curve. its a straight shooter.

This is alright, but how does it interact with magical barriers, and the like?

Icey Gauntlets: right behind the hand cover of his gauntlets he can create small thin spikes of ice. they are thin, so they are very weak, meant for assassination/last resort

This is also fine.

Freezing chains: he takes the water molicules around him, and uses his frosty presence to turn them into ice chains, that constrict the target, by the neck, arms, and legs. a stronger person can usually break them.

Now, do they chain appear on the target, or are they in his hands first? Make sure to include this.

Chilling blood: Tom locks his apponent with an icey stare that freezes your blood, for a total of 10 seconds. only works on living beings/things that arnt evil

Makes sence on the living people, but why doesn't it work on the evil folks?

Blood magic:

Burning blood: using the same magic of chilling blood, he instead increases his opponent blood, wich can cause an overheat, and they internally explode.

No. Just no. This attack is far too stong. In fact, by the sounds of it, this is an instant kill attack. Of you want him to still have it, then weaken it significantly.

Bloody arms: he can coat his weapons/armour with vile blood, solidifying it, wich makes his armour virtually unconcorable, and his sword grows to double its size. this move leaves him virtually harmless

"Render him virtually harmless?" Please explain, and include it.

Unholy magic: Undead army: he calls upons the dead, promising not to harm them in the afterlife, if they serve him. he is unable to act while he raises his army, deep in concentration. he gives them orders, they obey.

Good drawback, but how do you kill what's already dead? Details like this are vital to the person fighting so they can exploit it. If they can. If not, then tough beans. =P

i think i have a bingo here.

Although I still don't understand the attack working only on non-evil beings, I find it is not pressing, and can be updated once you find the words to describe your meaning.

I still don't get bloody arms, you say it makes his armour invincable, but it renders him harmless for the next ten minutes by making him a skin? Please, explain.

... That last point is all I can see stopping him from approval. Don't give up now. ^_^