jake swift

Name: Jake swift

Age: 13

Race: human

Sex: boy

Hair: dark brown with golden tips

Eyes: yellow

Weight: 105 lb

Height: 5ft 1in

Weapons: two water katana, 2 throwing knives
the water katana are made so they can be used in and out of the water
Armor: cloak

Strengths: fast, a master swordsman who can usually figure out a move before you make it but not always

Weakness: ice because its slippery he cant go so fast and he also does not have the best of hearing

Skills: smart, fast and sharp eyes

Magic: he knows one and its called shield
it lasts for 3 seconds then it starts to get weaker after another 7 seconds its gone
he cant use it again until he gets a good rest the first 3 seconds it is impervious but nothing
can enter or leave it until the 3 seconds are up it stays in one spot it does not follow him

Appearance: tanned skin well built long legs kinda skinny.
Always carry's a canteen and his two katakana are always on his back (when he is not fighting)

Personality: quiet yet when he does speak they are good words. he can be stubborn
but helpful

Biography: when jake was born his mother hid him in a tree because she was under attack jake was 4
and his older sister who was 9 at the time took care of him until he was 9 then one day he woke and she was gone she had left him a ruby necklace his mom gave her with a not saying goodbye he wandered around for about a year until he met a zora named Liaku. Liaku gave him a horse who he named cessna
and the zora gave jake his two water katana later liaku became jakes closest thing to a mother.
As time went by jake searched and found many treasures but most of them he cast aside. He kept a map , 2 throwing knives, a cloak, and learned a spell but he never found a trace of his sis. Then he bumped into a cloaked traveler the traveler pushed jake off his horse and then came at him with a sword but jake was to fast and blocked the blow with his katanas he challenged the traveler to a duel right then and there they battled long and hard until jake threw a knife it knocked off the the hood and jake saw that it was his sister and his sister he had finally found her he is now searching for new chalenges and treasures.

Please don't double post. If your character hasn't been looked at for awhile, it's best to PM a BA Councilor. Now, down to business.

Expand everything, please. Everything from the Weapons section down needs more detail.

First off, how are his katanas made so that they can be used in and out of water? Technically, a sword can be used underwater, it's just not effective because of the water resistance. So, put a little more detail into that.

How is a cloak armor?

Ice as a weakness just isn't going to work. Unless you plan to always fight with him in an arctic setting, this weakness isn't going to come into play very often, if at all. So, add in a couple more realistic weakness and expand on how his hearing might be a weakness.

I would merge his Skills section with his Strengths section. Skills are more like techniques that aren't magical.

Appearance, Personality, and Biography: Expand. Put in much more detail than what you have.

Finally, it's best if you run Jake's profile through a word processor like Microsoft Word. It will help you pick out some of the grammical errors in this profile. Right now, it's hard to read and understand what you're trying to say.

Okay, work on those things and I'll take another look at him. If you need some examples, feel free to look at my characters or any characters in the Character List.