Alaik

[Alaik]

* fixed*

Name: Alaik
Age: 16
Race: Arron/ Human
Sex: Male
Hair: Golden
Eyes: Ice Blue
Weight: 135 lbs.
Height: 5 feet 10 inches

Weapon: Dual Swords of the Royal Family
Armor: Silver breastplate

Strengths: Very agile, moderate physical strength, swordplay is lightning fast
Weakness: Relatively unskilled in battle/ not good at battling against bosses.
Skills/Magic: Time freeze. Ability to fire beams of pure light energy from body.

Personality: Inquisitive, somewhat clumsy, and easygoing. He’s very shy around pretty girls. His greatest powers [ time freeze, beams] only appear at the times of greatest need. Alaik has the mannerisms of a true gentleman, and is kind, thoughtful and chivalrous. However, his flesh hides a more vulnerable and sometimes dark persona, just as every person has their own masks that hide another person within. A constant battle wages inside for possession of this young man, light against dark.
Appearance: He has shaggy golden hair and pointed ears. He’s rather slender looking, appears lithe and nimble. He wears a brown cloak, green on the shoulders and hood, it goes all the way down to his feet, and is large enough that it amply covers his breastplate and weapons within. He wears his dual blades on his back, crisscrossed.

History: Alaik is a child from the future. Born in the city of Alpha Home One, Alaik and his family were always different from the others around him, mainly in physical form. He spent his days in school, unraveling the secrets of the universe- or so he thought. Much of life’s mysteries he had not yet seen. When he was 16 years of age, he was separated from his family in a giant thunderstorm that destroyed the city. Wandering in the wreckage afterwards, he tumbled down a shaft uncovered by the storm’s fury. Within, an ancient city’s secrets lay undisturbed, until this hapless teenager came along. In a cataclysmic event, Alaik was swept through time and space to a time long past, to a time where the earth was untouched by man’s machinations. In this time, it was discovered that he was of the race of Arron, the native race of the land of Ahpla. As the king of this proud race took him in as his own to train him as a hero, the sad tale of the land of Ahpla bloomed before his eyes.
He found that Ahpla was, despite its appearance, was a land in turmoil. Wicked forces were stirring in the land, turning the very forces of nature to their own twisted uses. As the natives of the land, the Arron were the self proclaimed protectors of this sacred expanse, and had for thousands of years, held the forces of Mystery and Darkness at bay. Now, the power of evil proved too great, and only a miracle, in the form of a young hero, could change the fate of this ancient land…

[Alaik]

*stares at the floor* heh... hello!

[Puck]

icy Breeze please STOP POSTING IN CHARACTER THREADS! Sorry for yelling, but you have done it before, and have been scholded for it. No more, Mmmmkay?

Onto topic. I am going to need you to expand the following sections:

Weapons: What do they look like? Do they have an special powers? What type of swords are they?

Strength's: Put them in sentence form, and explain them a little better.

Weaknesses: There are no bosses in the BA, so get rid of that weakness and add at the very least two more weaknesses. Explain what you mean by unskilled.

Magic/Skills: Explain how he freezes time. Does it take time to do? Are there any drawbacks? Can he move while time is frozen? if so how long can he freeze it for? How strong are these light beams? Do they take time to charge up? What are the drawbacks?

I will take another look after you fix that up. If you have any questions PM me.

[Alaik]

* fixed*

Name: Alaik
Age: 16
Race: Arron/ Human
Sex: Male
Hair: Golden
Eyes: Ice Blue
Weight: 135 lbs.
Height: 5 feet 10 inches

Weapon: Dual Swords of the Royal Family- Katanas with a rapier-like hilt. They're very ornate, inscribed with the names of the Ahplan kings since the first. The blade is very thin, allowing for maximum speed, and they are forged by smelting many layers of metal leaf upon each other, making them both light and very strong. They have no special functions otherwise.
Armor: Silver breastplate

Strengths: Being as slight as he is, Alaik is very quick, often dancing around his opponents without even attempting to do so. Alaik has moderate physical strength. Unless the life of a friend is threatened, you won't see him pulling off any spectacular feats of strength. After training with the King, his swordplay has become lightning fast, to the point where it seems his twin blades whirl like propellers about him when fighting.
Weakness: Alaik is relatively unskilled in battle. At this point in his life, he has been in genuine battles not more than two or three times. Because of this, his attacks still frequently go awry, or simply fail. Because of his stature and mild nature, he isn't very resilient. He relys on his speed to persevere through battle.
Skills/Magic: Time freeze is an act of will Alaik can initiate without gestures. While others are " frozen", Alaik is free to move about for the duration of the attack. The downside of the attack is that it disengages without warning, due to Alaik's inexperience and lack of control over the technique. He also has the ability to fire beams of pure light energy from body. This technique, though powerful, is also rather uncontrolled. If Alaik has time to focus, he can control the attack with precision, using his swords as a sight of sorts for the beam. However, if he doesn't have time to prepare, the attack is random and dangerous, often destroying everything in a wide arc around him.

Personality: Inquisitive, somewhat clumsy, and easygoing. He’s very shy around pretty girls. His greatest powers [ time freeze, beams] only appear at the times of greatest need. Alaik has the mannerisms of a true gentleman, and is kind, thoughtful and chivalrous. However, his flesh hides a more vulnerable and sometimes dark persona, just as every person has their own masks that hide another person within. A constant battle wages inside for possession of this young man, light against dark.
Appearance: He has shaggy golden hair and pointed ears. He’s rather slender looking, appears lithe and nimble. He wears a brown cloak, green on the shoulders and hood, it goes all the way down to his feet, and is large enough that it amply covers his breastplate and weapons within. He wears his dual blades on his back, crisscrossed.

History: Alaik is a child from the future. Born in the city of Alpha Home One, Alaik and his family were always different from the others around him, mainly in physical form. He spent his days in school, unraveling the secrets of the universe- or so he thought. Much of life’s mysteries he had not yet seen. When he was 16 years of age, he was separated from his family in a giant thunderstorm that destroyed the city. Wandering in the wreckage afterwards, he tumbled down a shaft uncovered by the storm’s fury. Within, an ancient city’s secrets lay undisturbed, until this hapless teenager came along. In a cataclysmic event, Alaik was swept through time and space to a time long past, to a time where the earth was untouched by man’s machinations. In this time, it was discovered that he was of the race of Arron, the native race of the land of Ahpla. As the king of this proud race took him in as his own to train him as a hero, the sad tale of the land of Ahpla bloomed before his eyes.
He found that Ahpla was, despite its appearance, was a land in turmoil. Wicked forces were stirring in the land, turning the very forces of nature to their own twisted uses. As the natives of the land, the Arron were the self proclaimed protectors of this sacred expanse, and had for thousands of years, held the forces of Mystery and Darkness at bay. Now, the power of evil proved too great, and only a miracle, in the form of a young hero, could change the fate of this ancient land…

[Puck]

Much better, still needs a little bit of work. I am going to need a time limit on this freeze move, it is far to powerful without one.

Also please sperate the different skills into sepereate paragraphs, and expand the history just a tad. Unless I have forgotten something that is about it.

[Alaik]

* fixed fixed FIXED and edited*

Name: Alaik
Age: 16
Race: Arron/ Human
Sex: Male
Hair: Golden
Eyes: Ice Blue
Weight: 135 lbs.
Height: 5 feet 10 inches

Weapon: Dual Swords of the Royal Family- Katanas with a rapier-like hilt. They're very ornate, inscribed with the names of the Ahplan kings since the first. The blade is very thin, allowing for maximum speed, and they are forged by smelting many layers of metal leaf upon each other, making them both light and very strong. They have no special functions otherwise.
Armor: Silver breastplate

Strengths: Being as slight as he is, Alaik is very quick, often dancing around his opponents without even attempting to do so. Alaik has moderate physical strength. Unless the life of a friend is threatened, you won't see him pulling off any spectacular feats of strength. After training with the King, his swordplay has become lightning fast, to the point where it seems his twin blades whirl like propellers about him when fighting.
Weakness: Alaik is relatively unskilled in battle. At this point in his life, he has been in genuine battles not more than two or three times. Because of this, his attacks still frequently go awry, or simply fail. Because of his stature and mild nature, he isn't very resilient. He relys on his speed to persevere through battle.
Skills/Magic:
Time freeze is an act of will Alaik can initiate without gestures. While others are " frozen", Alaik is free to move about for the duration of the attack. The downside of the attack is that it disengages without warning, due to Alaik's inexperience and lack of control over the technique. At maximum, it can last no longer than 10 seconds.
He also has the ability to fire beams of pure light energy from body. This technique, though powerful, is also rather uncontrolled. If Alaik has time to focus, he can control the attack with precision, using his swords as a sight of sorts for the beam. However, if he doesn't have time to prepare, the attack is random and dangerous, often destroying everything in a wide arc around him.

Personality: Inquisitive, somewhat clumsy, and easygoing. He’s very shy around pretty girls. His greatest powers [ time freeze, beams] only appear at the times of greatest need. Alaik has the mannerisms of a true gentleman, and is kind, thoughtful and chivalrous. However, his flesh hides a more vulnerable and sometimes dark persona, just as every person has their own masks that hide another person within. A constant battle wages inside for possession of this young man, light against dark.
Appearance: He has shaggy golden hair and pointed ears. He’s rather slender looking, appears lithe and nimble. He wears a brown cloak, green on the shoulders and hood, it goes all the way down to his feet, and is large enough that it amply covers his breastplate and weapons within. He wears his dual blades on his back, crisscrossed.

History: Alaik is a child from a different world, in a different future. Born in the city of Alpha Home One, Alaik and his family were always different from the others around him, mainly in physical form. He spent his days in school attempting to unraveling the secrets of the universe in the classroom-much to the disdain of his teachers. However, curious and intelligent as he was, much of life’s mysteries he had not yet seen or pondered. Alaik's home life was surprisingly docile. His family adjusted to the disconnection from the rest of the world, and they lived happy lives together. His parents had flaws, as all parents do, but they worked hard to teach and encourage their children. He had a younger brother, as well as a sister.
When he was 16 years of age, he was separated from his family during a monstrous thunderstorm that destroyed the city. Alaik survived, but his home was demolished, as well as the entirety of Alpha Home One. Wandering in the wreckage afterwards, he tumbled down a shaft uncovered by the storm’s fury. Within, an ancient civilization's secrets lay undisturbed, until this hapless teenager came along. In a cataclysmic event, Alaik was swept through time and space to a time long past, to a time where the earth was untouched by man’s machinations. Alaik soon found himself in a palace, with the King at his bedside. In this time, it was discovered that Alaik was of the race of Arron, the native race of the ancient land of Ahpla. As Alaik talked with the gracious King, the sad tale of the land of Ahpla began to bloom before his eyes.
He found that Ahpla was, despite its awe-inspiring appearance, a land in turmoil. Wicked forces were stirring in the land, turning the very forces of nature to their own twisted uses. As the natives of the land, the Arron were the self proclaimed protectors of this sacred expanse, and had for thousands of years, held the forces of Mystery and Darkness at bay. As the years had passed, a race of cave-dwellers known as the Okmazh slowly crept down from the Northwestern plains, nocturnally consuming the resources and the fortunes of those who lived within their expanding reach. As Alaik arrived, the Okmazh had advanced dangerously close to the Fortress of Nymr, putting the Ahplans within on a constant state of anxiety and alarm. Compounding anxiety upon anxiety, a previously unknown force clad in dark armor attacked the Fortress. During this attack, Alaik was nearly killed, but was saved by a miraculous manifestation of his previously untapped abilities. After seeing the battle unfold, The King was convinced that Alaik was of warrior stock, and proceeded to give him royal training in combat.
Despite the King's hopefulness, time proved to hold no beneficial incident. Alaik began to weary as the realization that he would not see his family again settled within his mind. He grew reclusive, only leaving the safety of his room for training, which the King had to constantly insist upon for Alaik's continued participation. In an attempt to console Alaik, the King allowed him to partake in the Congregation of the Estates, an annual discussion of the condition of Ahpla which took place within the royal chambers. It was here that Alaik met the King's Daughter, Iv. Alaik, though stand-offish at first, hoped within himself that she would be a friend he could relate to and share his struggles with. As the King had hoped, Alaik's spirits soon seemed to brighten, and he grew more eager to continue his training.
On the evening following the Congregation of the Estates, The King's daughter disappeared. The King despaired that the evidence pointed towards an abduction of foul intent. Distraught in losing his newfound friend and source of hope, he set off with the King's blessing to track her down.

As Alaik stepped into the vast, beautiful wilderness of Ahpla, the King watched from behind and whispered " May Providence spare and return you to my throne, Alaik, for in your forced determination you have risen beyond your doubts and sufferings, proving to me you have the strength of will to be the one that could finally vindicate this world."




-This brings us to Alaik's current time-

[Puck]

You do realize there is an "Edit" button that you can use to edit your posts right?

Anyway, change the time limit to ten seconds(A really long time in a battle) and we have ourselfs an approved character.

[Puck]

Look good enough (Got your PM about the change).

*APPROVED*

I would suggest checking out The Dome, it is a good place to advance your writing skills, and get used to what we do here.