Demyx

Ok, this is my first character... I hope it's okay!!

Name: Demyx

Age: 26

Race: Geldus, a race of humans who were exiled to the furthest reaches of the earth for their magical skills.

Sex: Male

Hair: Dark Brown, shoulder-length and wavy. Always messy and unkempt.

Eyes: Shine with a bright, entrancing sapphire glow.

Weight: 78 kg, mostly muscle.

Height: About 6 ft.

Weapon: Can wield almost anything skillfully. Usually his trademark broadsword and shield.

Strengths: Is a weapons master who defeats his opponents with a combo of skill, strategy and pure brute force. Is also developing his magical skills.

Weakness: His cockiness can often make him blind to his faults. Is never willing to admit defeat, and is very adept at making enemies. He relies too much on his physical strength at times, and this sometimes leaves him vulnerable to planned, calculated attacks.

Skills/Magic: Is developing the magic which was hidden from him for many years. Is discovering that he can manipulate a number of things, from the movement of a grain of rice to time itself. However, he is still only learning his true potential. Also can use the elements – is most adept at using fire, but is gradually learning the others.

Appearance: Scarred by many years of battle, most noticeably a long, thin scar that runs from above his eye to just below his mouth. Always looks angry, and is very intimidating. He usually wears a black cloak and usually wears his chosen weapon (s) on his back. Is very muscular and has deep olive skin.

Personality: Filled with much anger and pain, he makes it his mission in life to make others feel his pain. He is neither good nor evil, and he will fight anyone for the right price. Cares only for his own needs and desires, and will do whatever necessary to accomplish them. His lust for revenge drives him through life.










Biography: The last known survivor of the Geldus race, his family and tribe were killed when he was only young. As their last act, the Elders of that tribe bound his powers so that his true heritage would stay hidden. For many years, he lived with the wise Ancor, who taught him all about the world. However, when Ancor, who was secretly one of the Elders, told him of his true heritage and the circumstances of their demise - which involved Ancor revealing their location to the world - when he was fifteen, he flew into a rage, killing him. Ever since, he has made it his mission to find the ones who killed his tribe and to uncover his powers. He fights with anyone and everyone, and doesn’t think twice about killing. He is a loner who spends his every waking hour searching the land for answers. He worships no gods but will do anything to achieve his goals.

Not bad, not bad. Just a few things need work.

First, I would like you to go into a little more detail about his magical abilities. One thing, manipulating time is a little strong for a beginning ability. However, you said he's still learning. Maybe you could go into detail about how much he has learned and what exactly he can do.

Second, his biography is... well, cliche. The whole story of parent getting killed, child gets revenge has been overused. Maybe you could make it a little more interesting. Also, it's too short at the moment. Remember, a biography is a person's whole life up to this point. Quite a lot can happen in one's life.

Okay, edit those two things and I'll take another look at him.

I'll try again... hope this ones the one!!!

Name: Demyx – The Fallen Hero

Age: 26

Race: Geldus, a race of humans who were exiled to the furthest reaches of the earth for their magical skills.

Sex: Male

Hair: Dark Brown, shoulder-length and wavy. Always messy and unkempt.

Eyes: Shine with a bright, entrancing sapphire glow.

Weight: 78 kg, mostly muscle.

Height: About 6 ft.

Weapon: Can wield almost anything skillfully. Usually his trademark broadsword and shield.

Strengths: Is a weapons master who defeats his opponents with a combo of skill, strategy and pure brute force. Is also developing his magical skills.

Weakness: His cockiness can often make him blind to his faults. Is never willing to admit defeat, and is very adept at making enemies. He relies too much on his physical strength at times, and this sometimes leaves him vulnerable to planned, calculated attacks.

Skills/Magic: Has a number of budding magical skills, but still does not know their full extent. He is discovering that he can manipulate certain things around him, and has also tried to use the powers of alchemy, but he has only managed to turn sand into soil so far. However, he is still only learning his true potential. He can also tap into the elements – he is most adept at conjuring fire, but is gradually learning the others as well. He also has the three Divine Powers – telekinesis, the power to freeze time and premonition - lying dormant within him. He can only harness this power, however, when he is in times of direst need. He cannot, as yet, use them at will. His powers are tied to his emotions, but he can never reach his full potential until he can learn to control the two.

He also has discovered the power to turn his emotions into physical afflictions. For example, his ability to boil the blood of others is the result of his anger – as in the expression when a person is really furious. This is his strongest skill, but he has only never been able to develop it any further than that. Once he does, however, he will gain the skills to drown people in tears when saddened, scare people to death when afraid, and send daggers through people’s hearts when betrayed, among other things. He has also experimented with ‘Extracting’ powers from others and taking them, although this power is fairly new to him and he has never actually done it successfully. However, these powers are separate to the power of his tribe – they are powers which are borne of the foulest evil, and can only be harnessed by those who are partial to it, whereas his tribe’s magic was with him at birth and can be used for both good and evil, albeit with different effects.

He has made it his mission in life to gain all the powers possible in order to become strong enough to defeat both the forces of good and evil, so he possesses a small number of both good and evil powers and desires even more.

Appearance: Scarred by many years of battle, most noticeably a long, thin scar that runs from above his eye to just below his mouth. Always looks angry, and is very intimidating. He usually wears a black cloak and usually wears his chosen weapon (s) on his back. Is very muscular and has deep olive skin.

Personality: Filled with much anger and pain, he makes it his mission in life to make others feel his pain. He is neither good nor evil, and he will fight anyone – or anything - for the right price. Cares only for his own needs and desires, and will do whatever necessary to accomplish them. His lust for revenge drives him through life.

Biography: The last known survivor of the Geldus race, his tribe was killed when he was only young. As their last act, the Elders of that tribe bound his powers so that his true heritage would stay hidden, and he would stay safe. For many years, he lived with the wise Ancor, who taught him all about the world. However, when Ancor, who was secretly one of the Elders, told him of his true heritage and the circumstances of their demise - which involved Ancor revealing their location to the world - when he was fifteen, he flew into a rage, killing him.

After that, Demyx wandered the earth with one goal in mind: revenge. His wandering eventually led him to the Dark Alliance, where magic was nurtured and praised – albeit that it was for evil. There, he was trained in the ways of darkness. Over the years, his strength grew beyond any other recruit in the entire Alliance. He also developed a skill unlike anything ever seen in the Alliance. One day, when he was training under the harsh, cruel Master Isilys, who was his archenemy, he became so maddened with the pent-up rage within him from years past that he released all of it directly at Isilys. Later, it was discovered that Isilys’s blood had boiled and he had been burned internally. Demyx knew he had caused it to occur, as he had willed Isilys to feel the same anger within him. Because of this, his blood had literally ‘boiled’, which was the expression which had crossed his thoughts as he had willed for his anger to be shared. That was the first time he had used dark magic, and saw him instantly rise through the ranks of the Alliance.

Over the next few years, his powers and skills grew until he was one of the most hailed warriors in the land. He was sent on many missions and gained quite a reputation among the magic community. However, it wasn’t until he was twenty-three that he realized the truth. The Dark Alliance had killed his tribe and planned to do the same to him once his powers had grown strong enough to be extracted. When he discovered this, he killed every member of the Alliance that he could find in the most gruesome ways he could. For a time, he allied with the forces of good, but the temptation of the evil power within him was too great, and he betrayed them. After this he became known as ‘The Fallen Hero’, and was abandoned by both good and evil.

Now, pledging allegiance to neither good nor evil, he wanders the earth alone. He fights with anyone and everyone, and doesn’t think twice about killing. He is a loner who spends his every waking hour searching the land for answers and powers – which he can steal from people via a process called ‘Extraction’, which is basically the separation of powers from their hosts. He worships no gods but will do anything to achieve his goals.

Alright, that's much better. However, I would like to see some weakness on his magical abilities. They're a little strong for a beginning character at this point. Oh yeah, and you don't need to completely make a new post, just edit the one above.

Name: Demyx – The Fallen Hero

Age: 26

Race: Geldus, a race of humans who were exiled to the furthest reaches of the earth for their magical skills.

Sex: Male

Hair: Dark Brown, shoulder-length and wavy. Always messy and unkempt.

Eyes: Shine with a bright, entrancing sapphire glow.

Weight: 78 kg, mostly muscle.

Height: About 6 ft.

Weapon: Can wield almost anything skillfully. Usually his trademark broadsword and shield.

Strengths: Is a weapons master who defeats his opponents with a combo of skill, strategy and pure brute force. Is also developing his magical skills.

Weakness: His cockiness can often make him blind to his faults. Is never willing to admit defeat, and is very adept at making enemies. He relies too much on his physical strength at times, and this sometimes leaves him vulnerable to planned, calculated attacks.

Skills/Magic: Has a number of budding magical skills, but still does not know their full extent. He is discovering that he can manipulate certain things around him, and has also tried to use the powers of alchemy, but he has only managed to turn sand into soil so far. However, he is still only learning his true potential. He can also tap into the elements – he is most adept at conjuring fire, but is gradually learning the others as well. He also has the three Divine Powers – telekinesis, the power to freeze and speed up molecules, and premonition - lying dormant within him. He can only harness this power, however, when he is in times of direst need. He cannot, as yet, use them at will. His powers are tied to his emotions, but he can never reach his full potential until he can learn to control the two.

He also has discovered the power to turn his emotions into physical afflictions. For example, his ability to boil the blood of others is the result of his anger – as in the expression when a person is really furious. This is his strongest skill, but he has only never been able to develop it any further than that. Once he does, however, he will gain the skills to drown people in tears when saddened, scare people to death when afraid, and send daggers through people’s hearts when betrayed, among other things. He has also experimented with ‘Extracting’ powers from others and taking them, although this power is fairly new to him and he has never actually done it successfully. However, these powers are separate to the power of his tribe – they are powers which are borne of the foulest evil, and can only be harnessed by those who are partial to it, whereas his tribe’s magic was with him at birth and can be used for both good and evil, albeit with different effects.

He has made it his mission in life to gain all the powers possible in order to become strong enough to defeat both the forces of good and evil, so he possesses a small number of both good and evil powers and desires even more.

Appearance: Scarred by many years of battle, most noticeably a long, thin scar that runs from above his eye to just below his mouth. Always looks angry, and is very intimidating. He usually wears a black cloak and usually wears his chosen weapon (s) on his back. Is very muscular and has deep olive skin.

Personality: Filled with much anger and pain, he makes it his mission in life to make others feel his pain. He is neither good nor evil, and he will fight anyone – or anything - for the right price. Cares only for his own needs and desires, and will do whatever necessary to accomplish them. His lust for revenge drives him through life.

Biography: The last known survivor of the Geldus race, his tribe was killed when he was only young. As their last act, the Elders of that tribe bound his powers so that his true heritage would stay hidden, and he would stay safe. For many years, he lived with the wise Ancor, who taught him all about the world. However, when Ancor, who was secretly one of the Elders, told him of his true heritage and the circumstances of their demise - which involved Ancor revealing their location to the world - when he was fifteen, he flew into a rage, killing him.

After that, Demyx wandered the earth with one goal in mind: revenge. His wandering eventually led him to the Dark Alliance, where magic was nurtured and praised – albeit that it was for evil. There, he was trained in the ways of darkness. Over the years, his strength grew beyond any other recruit in the entire Alliance. He also developed a skill unlike anything ever seen in the Alliance. One day, when he was training under the harsh, cruel Master Isilys, who was his archenemy, he became so maddened with the pent-up rage within him from years past that he released all of it directly at Isilys. Later, it was discovered that Isilys’s blood had boiled and he had been burned internally. Demyx knew he had caused it to occur, as he had willed Isilys to feel the same anger within him. Because of this, his blood had literally ‘boiled’, which was the expression which had crossed his thoughts as he had willed for his anger to be shared. That was the first time he had used dark magic, and saw him instantly rise through the ranks of the Alliance.

Over the next few years, his powers and skills grew until he was one of the most hailed warriors in the land. He was sent on many missions and gained quite a reputation among the magic community. However, it wasn’t until he was twenty-three that he realized the truth. The Dark Alliance had killed his tribe and planned to do the same to him once his powers had grown strong enough to be extracted. When he discovered this, he killed every member of the Alliance that he could find in the most gruesome ways he could. For a time, he allied with the forces of good, but the temptation of the evil power within him was too great, and he betrayed them. After this he became known as ‘The Fallen Hero’, and was abandoned by both good and evil.

Now, pledging allegiance to neither good nor evil, he wanders the earth alone. He fights with anyone and everyone, and doesn’t think twice about killing. He is a loner who spends his every waking hour searching the land for answers and powers – which he can steal from people via a process called ‘Extraction’, which is basically the separation of powers from their hosts. He worships no gods but will do anything to achieve his goals.

*Approvedeth*