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  #1   [ ]
Old 02-07-2007, 05:04 PM
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Ayra Ferelrain

(New Character >.<)
---
Name: Ayra Ferelrain

Age: 4,617 yrs. (Thats about the Age of 17 in human.)

Gender: Female

Race: Elf

Weight: 77lbs. (Elves are very light weight.)

Height: 5' 2"

Weapons:
--Black Charlotte Bow, Ayra's bow is a very unique bow, carved from the elven master Vist Rageleaf. A bow given to only the finest warriors. It's Appearance is a Shade of Black with a dark Green to it. Fang of Stulik'arog, a banished beast only summoned from the masters of darkness and shadow, After the great triumph of the evil beast, a handful of Warriors who battled in the Ruins of Aren'dyreth, where given one of it's fangs. Some used it for a Trinket, others used it, as they thought it would bring good fortune. Earing, necklace, Whatever you wanted it to be it was yours, Now, Ayra used it for a dagger, Using Vines from the trees of her beloved forest, to attach it to a hand carved handle.

Skills/Abilities:
-Ayras Racial abilities allow her to see better when a stealthed foe is Nearby. She can resist any Nature attacks, but the elements of Fire give her grief. Ayras Weaponized abilities are truely one of a kind, Ayra is the best with a bow. Powered Shot: The Powered Shot is a move where Ayra takes aim and fires a Arrow full of Arcane Magic, it blast a foe back and does damage so dangerous, it's a powerful move. Applied Poisen: Applied poisen is a simple tactic, wrapping cloth around the end of an arrow, the cloth doused with snake venom, or any other kind of poisen, Leaving the enemy with poisen in there veins. Though not life threatening. Multishot: Multi shot is a move where Ayras equips three arrows and can shoot one enemy, or more.

Weakness/Strengths:
--Ayra's weakness' are (as stated above) fire, and the source of demonic power.
Her Strengths are Nature itself, and Animals, she has an amzing sense of animals, and most do not harm her.

Story:
On Ayra's past life, she was never social. She always was alone. When young she would try to invent things, such as her first creation, her robotic pal' who follows her around. She never was interested in boys. She never was into what everyone else was into, she had her own unique thing. When the age of twelve, she was given a position to watch over her sister, as her mom left for a travel into the town the three towns over, to see if she was pregnant.
When her mother returned she was beaten. She had been raped. A sad silentness followed that day....At the age of sixteen she went into battle with her father. And at the age of seventeen after all the tragic past in her life, she left home.

The cold winter night in the forest of Nar'shada was quite. The sounds of only the wind haunted the night. It was the start of the battle, Outside the Forest was a horde of Gremlins, Ogres, and Dark Riders, all waiting for it. Ayra's father had gone out to fight, as her brother. She lay in the craw space with her mother and sister. Hearing nothing, shouts came from the Forest, Screams of Dark Riders filled the air, as Ayra's sister cried, Ayra did nothing but wait. Hours Passed until all was quite, Ayra's mother looked out of the craw space, watching the street of the town. Ayra watched her leave, a few moments went by until she heard her mother scream. Ayra ran out seeing her mother lay on the ground weeping. Next to her laid her fathers corpse. Ayra began to cry until she heard her sister crying, she turned around and there was a Gremlin trying to kill her. Ayra ran over and stabbed the Gremlin with her dagger. As more and more sounds came she looked behind her and her mother laid dead from grief. Ayra was confused and angry at once. She sat on the ground waiting for her killer to arrive. Hours past of her sitting with her sister. She waited until she heard heavy footsteps. A guard came along and saw what had happened, his eyes turned with anger. Then he noticed to the two girls crying, he walked over and said "It will be okay, we drove them off for now." Ayra looked up, and just started to cry more. Years after that night Ayra joined the Warriors in the war as her sister was able to take care of herself. She was in many battles, until she resigned and strode her life alone with no one but herself. Basing back on the war:

Thur'zuk the might, and Ogre, began to hate the races and those who lived in the world of Enesl' he was outrage by the many battles that he lost. Until. He allied with the Dark Rider Demon Lord, 'Scerlis' they took over the plains of Derinwood, violently slaughtering any thing in there way. Mirin Ferelrain, the elven father of Ayra Ferelrain, was sent to be in charge of the warriors. Several months went by. Until, an arrow shot by a masked stranger into the heart of one of the Commanders. Attached to the arrow was a note, as the arrow pierced directly through the heart of the commander, he died. The not was not a good thing, it stated, "Me want war! See who is best we shall! to' night...We ca--n shee...See..." Thus...Starting the war.

On Ayra's past life, she was never social. She always was alone. When young she would try to invent things, such as her first creation, her robotic pal' who follows her around. She never was interested in boys. She never was into what everyone else was into, she had her own unique thing. When the age of twelve, she was given a position to watch over her sister, as her mom left for a travel into the town the three towns over, to see if she was pregnant.
When her mother returned she was beaten. She had been raped. A sad silentness followed that day....At the age of sixteen she went into battle with her father. And at the age of seventeen after all the tragic past in her life, she left home.

Appearance: This.

Personality: She is quite, but is kind if needed to speak. She likes to keep her past behind her and continue with life. She is very artistic, Always serious. And barely make jokes. She likes to be on her own. She is adventures, seeking out to destroy the Dark Riders. Getting Revenge on them from her past life. She lonely appearing, but not when you get to know her. She is a unique girl, who doesn't mind getting into trouble.

Engineering:
Ahh! Yes! I've forgot to tell you she is an incredible Engineer! She can make dynamite to Exploding Sheep! Guns to Cannons! She is a most smart girl when it comes to this skill!

Companions: She has one companion. It's a little Mechanical Robotic..Robot! It just follows her around doing emotions.

Armor: She wears Leather and cloth, keeping it basic, but it has good stats. All armor can be seen in the Appearance section. (=P)

---

Well?
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Last edited by Blob 2.0; 02-11-2007 at 04:05 PM.
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  #2   [ ]
Old 02-09-2007, 03:12 PM
Disturbia.
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

Very nice, there are just a few things:

- The Powered Shot seems a little bit powerful. I mean, most people don't want their characters killed. Tone it down.

- The Bio barely explains anything, apart from her parents death and a battle that is vaguely explained. Give more info on her life.

- The Personality could do with being a bit longer.

I'll be back when you fix these up.
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Last edited by Angel; 02-09-2007 at 03:29 PM.
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  #3   [ ]
Old 02-09-2007, 03:53 PM
Sage of Wisdom
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

Okly Dokly! It has been Editeth...
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  #4   [ ]
Old 02-09-2007, 04:12 PM
Disturbia.
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

Hmm...

- What you added onto the bio didn't make much sense, and you could do with adding more on what happened earlier on in her life, and also what she's trying to accomplish in the present.
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  #5   [ ]
Old 02-10-2007, 10:21 AM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

OK I did some editeding...?

That was the worst misspell ever...
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  #6   [ ]
Old 02-10-2007, 10:33 AM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

I meant put the Bio in order, such as her younger life at the start of the bio, and her most recent parts of the life at the end. Plus, you didn't add much onto it, just a few tidbits.
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  #7   [ ]
Old 02-10-2007, 10:34 AM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

Better now?
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  #8   [ ]
Old 02-11-2007, 11:09 AM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

- You've just copied and pasted the same thing above and below the original Bio you gave. Edit that and space the Bio out, and it's approved.
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  #9   [ ]
Old 02-11-2007, 04:05 PM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

Not sure what you meant by Editing, but I spaced it. lol
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  #10   [ ]
Old 02-20-2007, 02:42 PM
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Re: Ayra Ferelrain

- The first and last paragraphs are exactly the same.

Quote:
On Ayra's past life, she was never social. She always was alone. When young she would try to invent things, such as her first creation, her robotic pal' who follows her around. She never was interested in boys. She never was into what everyone else was into, she had her own unique thing. When the age of twelve, she was given a position to watch over her sister, as her mom left for a travel into the town the three towns over, to see if she was pregnant.
When her mother returned she was beaten. She had been raped. A sad silentness followed that day.
This would be the first paragraph.

Quote:
At the age of sixteen she went into battle with her father. And at the age of seventeen after all the tragic past in her life, she left home.
This is all that you have for the last part. Add more to it, and then add when the battle you described actually happened, instead of just starting it with 'The cold winter night in the forest of Nar'shada was quiet.'
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