Exin Denama

My last attempt was a complete failure, so I'm doing a better, detailed person.

Name: Exin Denama

Age: 17

Race: Elf

Sex: Male

Hair: Red

Eyes: Blue

Weight: 160

Height: 5'11

Weapons: Exin weilds mostly staves of different elements. Each one allows him to weild a specific element. Will be later decribed in magic section. He also has a plain, ordinary dagger.

Armor: None

Strengths: Exin knows a ton of magic, and can use it at will. He reads a lot and knows even more. And a plus side is that he owns a pegasus, witch allows him to fly.

Weakness: Exin dosent do well against any weapon against him, he dosen't know the sword arts, so he can't dodge that well. As for his magic, he can't concentarte that well, so when he is attacked by other magic, Exins attack dissapates.

SKills and magic: His abilites depend on which staff he's using:

Fire staff:

1. Eruption: Causes fire to rise from the ground

2. Ifrit summon: A ifrit appears for 30 seconds, and can only be used when Exin is at full strength.
3.: Basic fire control
WEAKNESS: against water

Earth staff:

1. Earth quake, a massive earthquake shakes the area, casing cracks to appear.
2. Landslide: Causes a nearby mountain or hill to fall rocks down it's summit.
Can only be used near a mountain/ hill
3. Basic earth control.
Weqakness: Fire

Water staff:
1. Tsunami: a tidal wave rises up and sweeps the enemy.
2. Ice storm: Causes Icecicles to drop down.
3. Breathe under water: Can breathe underwater for a limted time.
4. Basic water control
Weakness: Wind

Unarmed magic:

Berserk: If oppents resistance is less than half of Exin's, he can cast a spell to make charge wildly.

Sleep: If the oppent appears to be tired, Exin makes him/her fall asleep on the spot

The spirit cuffs: Exin was given spirit cuffs as a child, witch binds his true power. If Exin breaks them, then a gaint, magical bird swoops up to hit the enemy, while the feathers give Exin a few abilites:

Beam of light: Exin jumps and fires a gaint, radiant light witch severly damages dark powered enemies.

FLight of the summons: Summons a gaint bird to grab an enemy and throw them back to the ground.

Starburst: Exin calls a shooting star to hit the enemy.



Appearnce: Exin is rather tall, with light blue eyes and fire-red hair. He's normally caring one of his staffs around.He always smiling when he's concentrating. He normally wears a red-green tunic and forest green shorts.
His fire staff is fire/ gold with a small orange orb at the top.
His earth staff is pure prown with a few cracks in it. A black orb rets on the top.
His water staff is sapphire blue with obsidain streaks threough it. A large sapphire is home to it.


Personallity:Exin cares about his friends, and will not let them get hurt. He sometimes can be a daredevil at helping people. He dosen't have many enemies, but the ones he does have, he scopes them out and destroy them.



History:

Exin was born in an elven city of Deshan. His father was the king of the land, so Exin was expected to become heir
He was raised in learning everything from geography(Exin's worst subject) to stratgies of combat( Exin's best subject.)
As soon as he completed a subject fully, he would move on to another subject.
Magic was very hard for Exin to learn, at the beginning, Exin couldn't move a drop of water.
The head sage, knowing that if he failed to teach Exin, devised staffs in order to help him concentrate. THey worked perfectly and soon Exin was became a full-fledged mage.
On the days the he wasn't learning, his father would allow hm to listen in on royal matters. "It will help you to become a better kng" The king told him.

*2 years ago.*

A solider came dashing into a room where Exin and his father were conversing.
"Sir, I just look around the perimeter...we're surronded." He said.

"What?...this is just what I need. Tell our men to fortify our defenses and prepare for an assualt." His father said.

As the solider sped out of the room, Exin's father turned to him. "Exin, have you learned the magic from our sage?" He asked.

"Yes father...you want me to help fight?" Exin asked.

"No...I want you to head to the basement. There's a passasge there that will take you a safe distance." Was the knigs reply.

"NO father, I want to stay and help."
"Exin, If someting happens to me, then you will become king...But what if something happens to you? Our land will become heirless... besides I must know why the Trena's attacks us...
AM I somehow responsible for this? Trena has been our allies for years...
Go, now." His father said.

"I...I understand." Exin said as he headed down the hall. Exin knew the area quite well, and before long, he was inside the basement.

'Father said there would be a passage...here.' Exin thought as he pulled open a doorway and steeped inside.

A few hours passed while Exin made his way through a maze of dark tunnels, until he finally reached the exit.
He straddled His pegasus, Tensai and begged her to hurry. Tensai could feel his distress, so she took off with a hitch.
His llast looik at the castle wasd that of the imperial guard of Tensan entering the castle.

A few days later Exin woke up in a neirboring city. He tried despratly to figure out what had happened... It all seemed like a dream.

Sub profile:

NAme: Tensai
Race: Pegasus
Sex: Female
Hair: WHite
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 270
Height: 6'0
Weapons: Tensai's weapon is her hooves, witch are pretty hard.
Armor: Tensai's fur is magically resistant to any magic, while any archer could seriously harm her.

Strength: One of Tensai's best abilites is that of flight... not to metion she's pretty good and fast. Her hooves are very hard
Skills:
1. Wind: BAsic wind contol
2.: Rapid hoof: Tensai flies over an enermy and began to bash her hooves on them.
3.:Mental connection, Tensai can talk to Exin mentally.

Appearnce: Never heard of a pegasus? A gaint white horse with wings. She's pretty tall, and people often bask in her raidnce.

Personallity: Tensai is pretty carefree about pretty much everything. Depending on Exin, Tensai can love or hate her enemy.

Bio:
Tensai was born to the Exin's family and was raised lovenlgy by Exin himself.
SHe really didn't remeber her child hood, so its impossible for me to know it!
After a few months, Exin starting riding her everyday, both enjoying the open air.
A few years later, Denshan's invasion occured. She didn't know that much about what was going on, just that she had to get Exin out of there...
Like I said, she can't remeber it that well.

Alrighty, this character needs a few tweaks before approval.

First off, you need to add some downsides to his magicks. Their a little strong for a beginning version of a character. The Searing Demise spell was one that really caught my eye as being too powerful.

Second, his appearance is a little weak. Could you describe what he's wearing and what his staves look like?

Finally, the Biography Section needs to be added to. Describe what his childhood was like. How was he raised as the sole heir to the king? Did he live a sheltered life or was he able to go out and different things? How was he taught magic and by whom? Why would someone want to attack his father? Please describe what happened before he fled from the castle.

Okay, work on those things and I'll take another look at him.

Okay, I edited it.

Alright, that's better but you still need a bit more detail.

First, you still need to at least describe what Exin is wearing. Also, I would like you to describe what his staves look like.

Secondly, I would like you to put some more detail into his biography. There isn't any detail on what his childhood was like. How was he raised as the heir to a kingdom? Did he like the fact that he would someday rule? Was it hard for him to learn magic? Details such as that.

Okay, I'll check back on him once you've added onto to those two sections.

Allright...this should do it... I edited it again

Great. ^_^ *Approvedeth*

THANK YOU!