Pyroth

Name: Pyroth
Age: 18
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Hair: Red
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 156 lbs.
Height: 5'11

Weapon: A normal sword. There's nothing special about it.
Armor: None

Strengths: His father trained him in sword fighting and martial arts, so he knows what he is doing when it comes to combat. He also doesn’t give up; he'll do anything to reach his goal.
Weakness: Pyroth is afraid of fire because his family died when a fire burned their house down. He is also no that strong physically because of his age so he will probley be over powered by people older than he is. He also gets extremely nervous around girls because of his age. His alchemy is limited to basic ground and metal transmutation. After about 7 or 8 transmutations he looses most of his energy and can’t transmute until tomorrow.
Skills/Magic:
Transmutation: Pyroth can turn objects into other objects as long as there is the matter necessary for the object.
Transmute Sword: Pyroth can transmute a sword from the ground.

Personality: Pyroth seems to be just like a normal kid and doesn’t like to draw attention to himself. He is naturally cautious. He gets real nevus around girls, and he is also very shy around people he doesn’t know. He as a good sense of humor and doesn’t hesitate to use it in a bad situation. Pyroth doesn’t like to fight but if he has too I will.
Appearance:

He also has this tattooed on his hands so he doesn’t have to draw a circle to use alchemy.


History: Pyroth grew up in a small farming town. His Father, was a retired soldier from the army, though he fought in only one war. His mother was a nurse at the time of the war. Pyroth's father met his mother in the war after a stray arrow injured his side. After the war his father retired from the army and moved out to the country with his wife. They had a baby on October 4th and named him Pyroth. Pyroth when to school like any other kid. He got a 11th grade education when his father took him out of school to work on his farm. Pyroth's father started teaching him alchemy when he was 11 years old. He learned all of the basic skills, like ground transmutation and had a good grasp for it. When he turned 15 his father gave him the sword he used in the war and taught him about the art of sword fighting. When Pyroth was 17 years old, his house caught on fire. He managed to escape but his parents and brother did not. No one knows the cause of the fire that day, but the villagers think that it was started by a cooking accident, though he thinks that someone burned it down intentionally. Pyroth has been traveling ever since the fire. He thinks there might be a way to bring his parents back somewhere in the world and his trying to find it. He is traveling all over the world in search for a way to bring his parents back from the dead. He earns his pay as a type of bounty hunter. Whenever he sees a wanted poster for a good amount of money he'll go after them. He has only caught a few criminals but likes to do a good deed for the world.

Wandering around the world Pyroth has found out many things. He discovered how to make medicine out of herbs and a criminal he caught taught him how to pick locks. He can't pick very advanced locks but he knows enough of the skill to pick door locks and some chests. On one of his adventures he got a tip from someone that his brother was still alive. He doesn’t want to believe this rumor because if it turns out false than it would break his heart again if it really is false.

A good effort, but not quite enough.

1) I want you to introduce downsides for his transmutation skills. Right now, you could use it again and again and again with no problems.

2) Add more detail to the Personality. That's not much more than one line, and doesn't tell us much of anything.

3) Please provide at least a brief written appearance, or find a better/bigger full-body picture. That one isn't good enough.

4) Make the History longer, and please change some of those age points. I'm getting tired of everyone learning to use a sword before they're even teenagers. Kids that young can't even LIFT a sword, much less learn to use one!

That is all.

EDIT: Oh. Post 1,999. You should feel privileged.

Ok, I think I fixed everything you said. Hope it's awlright.

Originally Posted by Me

4) Make the History longer, and please change some of those age points.

Tiroth, I have extended his history. I hope it is to your likeing.

You still need to work on the History. First, it's too short. Second, half of it is talking about his parents, not Pyroth himself. A little information is okay, but not half the History.

Ok, sorry it took so long to reply. I'll get right on it.

Sorry for double posting but I just wanted to let you know that I have updated the history and I hope it is to your liking.

My apologies for the extended wait.

*approves*

No apologies nessisary, thank you verry much.