Kyos

Name: Kyos
Age: 17
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 165 lbs.
Height:5'6

Weapons: Legendary Black Sword and Magic

Strengths: Kyos is very fast due to his father strengths and is very useful for his magic to distract any thing in order to get by. Also he can fight without his sword but very weak without it. He also has Steel Toe shoes there not that heavy but they can do some damage to the enemy.

Weakness: Very Powerful magic that he can't handle and his sword, he can fight with out the sword but he gets very weak without it, his sword is like his power house.

Skill/Magic: The Skills that he has for his sword is Sword dash which is he runs very fast then does a sword attack and basic Sword attacks and he uses Magic for healing but very slow and can use it to power up the sword for more useful attack like the Ranging Blast which is the sword will power up then it will explode when hit by anything in its path this power has a time period of about 2 min. Also to pull things toward him. He can use his magic to distract guards or to fight with but he uses his magic to power up the sword.
Ranging Blast: The sword will infuse with power and it will give the sword to blast anything in its path for small time period.
[b]Sword Dash[b]: Kyos gains speed and does a sword attack through the enemy.
Gravitation: Kyos can pull things and throw things in battle and trying to get by.
Healing: Kyos can heal but the healing process is very slow but it can be very helpful to him when in great damage.
Basic Sword Attack: Kyos can use different styles of Sword attacks and can perform any three hit combo.


Appearance: He wears Black Slacks and like a Black shirt (He mainly likes to wear black). His Hair is Brown and it always has his hair down and half covers his face. He also has Steel Toe shoes not very heavy though but enough to do damage. He has one scar that runs down his left eye down to his chin.

Personality: Kyos is not much of a talker but seems to manage to hold a conversation, he is very likable by people, some look up to him and he is just a very outgoing guy, he protects anybody if in need. But if you mess with him you going to pay a big price for messing with him. He can be cruel at sometimes. In battle he is very quick in fighting, when he acts in battle he is calm, steady like his father but wants get into it like his mother so there is little of both in Kyos.

Biography: Kyos was born in Kyoto, Hunten. Kyos has a brother and every time his parents went off to war Kyos always protected his brother. Him and his brother and like friends. Kyos brother look up to him and wants to be like him. He had run off when I told him not to but he wouldn't listen then I heard a scream and I ran out there and got him before the Tokos got him and went into the house and by that time Kyos was in training to use the sword. When I had told my Parents what had happen they were shocked but they knew they can count on me to protect my little brother. He had many friends but he had a very close friend named Ly. They were both very best friends. His Mother and Father were very great fighters. They fought in many wars and won them to bring peace to their Village. Kyos had looked up to them and wanted to be like them and fight for peace. So when he was ten his father gave him the Legendary Black Sword made by his father, the sword had Kyos name engraved in it so Kyos was excited. So he practices with his father every night . 4 years had past by and now Kyos seeks his own Adventure and to travel too many lands to find the Tokos and kill them so there won't be any wars and there will be peace.

(This is a Detail of the story from above.)

When Kyos was in training with his father Kyos knew that he was going to be a great Warrior and he make his father proud of him, Kyos had many skills that his father taught him and his mother taught him how to do Ranging Blast. Ranging Blast is when the sword starts to gain power and then with the 2 min time period Kyos can attack anybody within that time. His father showed how to wield the sword with great power and that power come from within your heart then you will become one with the sword and you will feel the power of the sword and Kyos manage to the power from within. Also his father showed him the basic of the sword and how to use it. Then his mother taught him the wonders of magic and how to infuse it with the sword like the Ranging Blast, the mother will teach him more but Kyos couldn't handle much Magic but he will try to conquer it by time.

One day when Kyos parents where off to the Market, the mother had told Kyos to keep an eye on his brother so Kyos did what his mother said. So Kyos goes outside with is brother and were playing around and Kyos wanted to go get a drink of water in the house and the brother started to wonder off into the woods that the parents told them not to and then when Kyos heard the scream, Kyos grab his sword and ran into the woods and grab his brother out of the woods the Tokos put up a fight and Kyos gave it to them few were dead but few escaped. Ly had found out that the Tokos were in the woods so she herself starting to train in order to protect the village. Kyos pick him up and took him back to the house and when his parents came back Kyos had told them what had happen they were very proud of Kyos who had killed some of the Tokos and bring his brother back form the woods unharmed.

When Kyos was 13 he had new some of the basic sword attacks and Ranging Blast, so one day his father had told Kyos that the General wanted to see him. So Kyos went to the General who leaded the army of the Village and others that were near by. The General wanted to see what kind of skills Kyos had so Kyos showed the basics of sword fight his father taught him and Ranging Blast. The General was amazed and said Kyos was ready for battle. Kyos was going to fight in battle against the Tokos and his Parents were going to stay with his little brother. Then one night Kyos had got his stuff ready for battle, his mom came in and told him that the battle wasn't going to be easy and to take care of himself and then gave him a good night kiss. Then his father came in and gave Kyos the sword and told him to be alert, calm and steady and don't e afraid of anything just believe in yourself and then left.

The next morning Kyos got his things and left to meet with rest of the soldiers that are with the General. The General had said that the Tokos are in great numbers and will try to do anything to kill us and our families and we will not stop at nothing to kill them before they get to us and our family.
So we starting to march towards the battle field and Kyos is thinking of what is going to happen in the next few minutes. Then we heard a trumpet sound from across and it was the Tokos, everyone was ready to fight and so was Kyos this was his first battle and he was scared to death then the General yelled out loud "KILL THEM" and everyone charged towards the Tokos and the Tokos were very powerful. So Kyos was fighting Tokos from left and right then he noticed something he saw the leader of the Tokos fighting the General. Kyos started to run towards them then he notice something else that he was running at great speed then started to chop Tokos in half and he had learned Speed Dash then before he can get to the General the Leader of the Tokos had stab him multiple times then finish him off.

The Leader of the Tokos started to fight with Kyos and Kyos was in shock to see the general dead then Kyos was starting to get mad and all of a sudden a black dark cloud started to form and everyone stop fighting and this big Dark Cloud just Swallowed up the Leader but the battle wasn't over the war had just begun. So Kyos told the soldiers to leave the battle field and start walking towards there villages. Kyos had told his parents what had happen and the new powers that he just learned front the battle but this was just the beginning of Kyos Quest.


Now four years had past by and Kyos is going to travel to different lands in search of the Tokos.
And to bring peace to the Villages that had been attack by the Tokos.

Extend everything, including the bio, for it makes me wretch. The history is so horribly cliched that it almost drove me to the point of shoving a spoon down my throat just to forget it. Lose the bio, revise it, whatever. The whole "parents died, seeking revenge" story doesn't go well, these days. It's just too pathetically overused. In the bio, you have a very long run-on sentence, as well, so fix that. Add detail to all sections, because you're quite vague on mostly everything.

Cool i fix it so i hope it meets your standards!!

You didn't change the bio at all, you just changed who died!

Sorry, but no approval. From me, that is. Ask someone else.

ok i went ahead and change it so it should be better now if you still want to check it its up to you and please approve it i beg of thee please! Not unless someone else checks it. If some one reads this please PM me if you like it or not k Thanks

Excuse the double posting but its been a week and a half and my character hasn't been approved so off with this one im going to try one more time and see if it gets approved k.

It seems a bit odd to me that a single novice, teenage soldier would set out to combat a powerful military force in foreign lands without any intel whatsoever, putting himself at an impossible disadvantage and facing certain death without any reinforcements, but eh... First, let me apologize for my colleauge's bluntness. He tends to be like that, especially when he's in a bad mood. I also apologize that your character has been waiting so long for another review. The Council has been neglecting their duties a bit recently. I'd like to approve your character now after all the waiting you did, but I can't do that. Now let's cut to the chase.

I'm concerned about the fact that your character has a one-hit-kill move. Give it a weakness of some sort. Can't go around killing people's characters in one shot, can we?

...but when he gets hit or anything he has a power to heal but he heals slow so there is not a big advantage when he is down.

If I may ask, what does that have to do with his personality? Scrap that sentence and replace it with something more relevant.

I'm very, very tempted to ask you to fix all of the grammar errors in this profile, but God knows that would take forever. *Sighs* Do you have Microsoft Word? If so, copy/paste the entire profile into Word and let it correct the mistakes for you.

After those three things, the latter being optional (although it would be greatly appreciated), you'll have your approval.

Ok i do have Microsoft Word so i went ahead and change it and fix all the grammer and i went ahead and fix the sentence ok I know this may sound stupid but what attack that has a one hit kill move

Originally Posted by bu690

Ok i do have Microsoft Word so i went ahead and change it and fix all the grammer and i went ahead and fix the sentence ok I know this may sound stupid but what attack that has a one hit kill move

Cloud of Darkness: Kyos can form a Cloud of Darkness by using his sword and can kill anyone within an instance. This is his Special Ability.

I went ahead and took it off cause Kyos have alot of moves already so there you go

I personaly think that you should elaborate on the weapon and his strenghts,weaknesses, and magic. Sword dash is a highly used name and running fast then doing a basic attack is not very descriptive, try explaining better what happens when he uses it and change the name of the attack make it more original. if any one else tells you difrent do what they say, i am not yet to good at this. Every thing else is good. keepworking on it and will have a very good character.

...Nothing I say can make up for my negligence, here. ;>> You can thank Tiroth for reminding me that I failed to approve this character. *Ahem* Right...well, you fulfilled all the tasks I set before you, and it looks pretty good now. Again, I can't tell you how sorry I am for not doing this sooner.

*Approved*