Dorven

Name: Dorven
Race:spirit of human
Age:50076
Eyes:Red
sex:None.when alive was Male
hair:none
weight:none
height:unknown
Magic/skills: Dark blasts. teleporting himself and his helper. Can possess objects,and living beings,and he floats because he has no legs. He lives for internity,cant be killed can be beaten. Can control the dead as he is a necromancer but can only control 2 at a time.
Weaknesses:Water,light,and frost elements. Can be hit with a solid is his eyes. He can be hit with solid when using magic.
Items:None
apperance:A shining black form of smoke with red eyes.He changes colors when using magic.
Personality:A mean spirit,who hates all living things,he really hates elves the most. He is a lier and cheater,and a killer above all else. He will do anything to get what he wants.

Bio: Dorven was born into a rich family,and was soon trained in the way of war at age 4. At age 7 he could already beat the 13 year olds. On his 15 birthday he was made commander of his fathers vast army.

He had many wins and no losses,and was said to be unkillable. Then after years past his father was still alive and still leader of the army. So he killed him and took the army,and the city he had leaded.

Then attacked a smaller city and found that a necromancer lived there. He pleaded mercy and said he would do any thing to live. So the necromancer was told to teach him the magic he knew. So he did just that,and soon Dorven was more powerful that him,So he had him killed.

Soon he had a nation as big as the usa which was big for back then. He killed and pillaged other places. Then an elf came and attacked him. The battle lasted 5 days,then when he was about to kill the elf another came up from behind and stabed him. Before this he put his spirit into his strongest sword which became unbreakable. The elf used magic to stick into a tree.

Now read yingling raw troll for the end of this Bio
Yingling is coming soon
They go together,they are two beings but they both go into battle like one.

Dude... read what you've written. Then write it again. First off, for the love of God, run this through a spellchecker and grammarchecker. Also, learn the rules of punctuation. For instance:

1) A space does not come before a comma.
2) A space always comes after a period.
3) There's this thing we call capitalization. I goes at the beginning of a sentence.

If I sound patronizing, my apologies, but you hardly even tried to use proper grammar here. Do yourself and everyone else a favor, and correct this. The last thing the BA needs is rampant abuse of punctuation.

Now, for the character evaluation. First off, this guy is far too powerful. You're basically saying that he's a spirit and cannot be harmed by physical attacks; only magic. Not every character in the BA has magic, so you're going to have to boot that first of all. Give him a weakness that can be exploited by every character to some degree; preferrably a physical one. And start him out with only one or two different elemental powers. What you've given this character is infinite magic power, an inexhaustible legion of undead soldiers, and the abilities to not take damage from conventional weapons and take command of his foes' bodies instantaneously. You've gotta work on this profile big time.

According to lore, necromancy uses one's own spiritual energy to resurrect the fallen; so let's say that he can only resurrect one person at a time, or else he loses the strength to fight and cast magic. Next, specify the strength of his magic; is it weak, intermediate, or powerful? The higher you go, the more you have to cut back on everything else. What are his speed, physical strength, and defensive capabilities?

To be honest, you should have included both of those characters in the same post if they're going to fight as a team all the time. It saves space in the forum and in your signature. Not only that, but the reader won't have to keep switching threads if they miss something.

Originally Posted by Wielder of the Sword

Dude... read what you've written. Then write it again. First off, for the love of God, run this through a spellchecker and grammarchecker. Also, learn the rules of punctuation. For instance:

1) A space does not come before a comma.
2) A space always comes after a period.
3) There's this thing we call capitalization. I goes at the beginning of a sentence.

If I sound patronizing, my apologies, but you hardly even tried to use proper grammar here. Do yourself and everyone else a favor, and correct this. The last thing the BA needs is rampant abuse of punctuation.

Now, for the character evaluation. First off, this guy is far too powerful. You're basically saying that he's a spirit and cannot be harmed by physical attacks; only magic. Not every character in the BA has magic, so you're going to have to boot that first of all. Give him a weakness that can be exploited by every character to some degree; preferrably a physical one. And start him out with only one or two different elemental powers. What you've given this character is infinite magic power, an inexhaustible legion of undead soldiers, and the abilities to not take damage from conventional weapons and take command of his foes' bodies instantaneously. You've gotta work on this profile big time.

According to lore, necromancy uses one's own spiritual energy to resurrect the fallen; so let's say that he can only resurrect one person at a time, or else he loses the strength to fight and cast magic. Next, specify the strength of his magic; is it weak, intermediate, or powerful? The higher you go, the more you have to cut back on everything else. What are his speed, physical strength, and defensive capabilities?

To be honest, you should have included both of those characters in the same post if they're going to fight as a team all the time. It saves space in the forum and in your signature. Not only that, but the reader won't have to keep switching threads if they miss something.

I did but H A told me to make them like this

look at not done in the making of making them

Originally Posted by Zelda's Guard

I did but H A told me to make them like this

look at not done in the making of making them

...Who? I don't know who HA happens to be (you really should avoid using acronyms for any person who isn't well known across the boards), but it's best to ask someone who's more experienced with this kind of thing than a fellow newbie who joined the forums with you. ...No offense, of course. I was a newbie once, too.

And I apologize again if what I say sounds patronizing. I've been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the past two-and-a-half weeks. >_>

Seriously, though, run this through a spellchecker. It needs a spellchecker desperately. On a side-note, please don't submit unfinished characters. It's stressful for us approvers. Finish the bio entirely, then have us evaluate it. It'll spare both of us a lot of unecessary effort.