5th time...wow...I'm really bad at this...Blaze

Can a member of staff change the title of the thread?

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Name: Gawl
Age: 10
Race: Hylian
Gender: Male
Appearance: Small, even for his age, (4' 2"). He wears a light brown lab coat...nothing underneath. Also has blood red shorts, from all the injuries he has sustanded over the years of his life. he has pure blue eyes untainted by the evils of man. His hair is firy in color and of feel. He walks barefoot.
Personality: Gawl is a sweet kid who has faced much hardship but mantains a cheery disposition. Often keeps his true feelings hidden to avoid spiritual injury as well as constant physical injuries from in magic. When he does get angry is when he's alone and frustrated. He is sad if someone gets hurt from anything, expecially if it's by his magic and often loses control all over again. The sign that he is about to lose control is noted in his eyes...if they turn blood red...run for it.
Occupation: Magic Student
Weapon of choice/discipline: Magic/Taught magic by an abusive, impatient teacher that is often angered by Gawl's incomplete control of his skill in magic.
Areas of skill: Incredibile skill in magic.
Areas of little skill: Gawl cannot keep control of his powers and often injures himself and other people in his lack of skill.
Bio:
Gawl is a small child that never knew his parents for soon after being born they disappeared never to be seen again for quite some time.
He was raised in an orphange on Windfall Island and given some spare clothes...the lab coat and pants...although the pants were brown. During his time there he was constantly teased by the other orphens.
In his angish of being teased his eyes glowed blood red while the local magic teacher was looking for a son. His magic unleased and sent the teasing kids to the celing and refused to let them down. When he collapsed from exahastion the magic teacher picked him up and said, "I'm adopting this one...got it!?"
"I got it..." The attendant replied.
When the magic teacher arrived at home he woke up Gawl. Gawl slowly opened his eyes and looked around and his eyes finally settled on the magic teacher. "You are to obey every command I give you...got it!?"
"Hmm? What.?" Gawl said lazily, relaxing in the most comfortable bed he had ever been in.
"Listen to me!!!" The magic teacher said, " My name is G'reth...but you may only know me by SIR. Got that?"
"Uh-uh" Gawl said starting to doze off.
"Good then get to work on learning to control your powers already!"
As Gawl grew up he was taught in the ways of magic.
He often lost control and hurt himself and the other students. His so called father never cared for him...all he cared about was Gawl's magical skill.
Eventually some odd figure appeared and confronted SIR.
"Yes?" SIR replied.
"I wish to know...do you have a child by the name of, Gawl?"
"Yes I do...but what do you want with him?"
"I wish to see him because he is my son...I have the papers to prove it."
"WHAT!?" SIR yelled.
'WHAT!?' Just about summed up GAwl's thoughts at the moment.
Gawl watched the figure carefully...to see any kind of resemblence. He saw no resemblence except the eyes. His were blood red, and Gawl's eyes turn blood red when using his powers. The man looked evil, with long purple hair, the bangs overshadowing his eyes that gleamed out from under them. The man also had one long fang sticking out of his mouth and wore a loosely woven black tunic.
The man noticed Gawl watching from the shadows his hair crackling slightly from confusion. The mysterious man beckoned to Gawl but Gawl stayed stock still. "GAWL!" SIR shouted, "ATTENSION!"
Gawl immdeiantly stood up and rushed to them. SIR glared at Gawl and pushed him roughly out the door. Before he could fall however the man caught him and had surprisingly gentle hands even if they had claws on them.
Gawl looked up and asked, "What's your name Mr.?"
"My name is Hasumure Kojiie, son."
"Are you really my dad?"
"Yes."
"Why were you gone so long?"
"I was trapped in another demension."
"...Why?..."
"I don't know why, Gawl."
"Oh...lets play a game!! Come on daddy!" Gawl called from his high perch. Gawl then had fun for the rest of his life. At least till this very day.

~~~

Either I'm really bad at this or I just lose intrest.
I will not lose intrest in fixing this, this time!!!

Got a PM about the name. So I'll just name him after my username's namesake.

Right, this guys needs some work.

1) He needs a few more strengths and a few more weaknesses. Like say, three each.

2) What does his uncontrollable magic do? Why is it uncontrollable? You need to explain what it does in detail. What does it draw its power from (like say, which element?)?

3) I'm a little hesitant to approve a character without a weapon. Well, you might say his weapon is magic and that's fine, but I don't think the mods and I will pass some chaotic 10-year-old magician with no control. How do you plan to fight with him if he can't even control his own power?

4) Bio needs work. I like the story so far, but it's not done yet. It just leaves off with him living with his so-called purple-haired dad. This needs closure. Where are they now? What is Gawl doing? Is he happy? What's his father like? <--some questions you might want to answer. You might also want to include some of his adventures w/ G'reth (or SIR, if you wish) and why life was so hard for him. All I can get out of it is that G'reth likes magic and is really snappish and loves to snap "Got it?", but not very abusive like you say above. Oh, and does Grawl ever get control of his magic? And another thing: you don't have to press 'enter' every time you start a new sentence. I want some paragraphs (note: a paragraph is 3-5 sentences in length). Oh, and make sure you put a space between paragraphs. That makes it easier to read.

5) What do these mean?

Also has blood red shorts, from all the injuries he has sustanded over the years of his life.

he has pure blue eyes untainted by the evils of man.

His hair is firy in color and of feel.

So, am I correct in assuming his shorts are stained with blood from unmentioned injuries (which should be mentioned); he is a pure being with no evil and/or innocent (is that what you mean?); and he has hot hair?

6) Run the whole thing through a spellchecker and do a little proof-reading. It will clear lots of little mistakes.

Details and clarity. I know you can do it -- your appearance/personailty descriptions were awesome. ^__^

Name: Gawl

Age: 10

Race: Hylian

Gender: Male

Appearance: Small, even for his age, (4' 2"). He wears a light brown lab coat...nothing underneath. Also has blood red shorts, from all the injuries, from lack of total control of his powers, he has sustanded over the years of his life. He has pure blue eyes untainted by the evils of man, meaning that he has no knowledge of war, revenge, etc.. His hair is flame colored. He walks barefoot. He keeps his collapsable staff in his coat pocket.

Personality: Gawl is a sweet kid who has faced much hardship but mantains a cheery disposition. Often keeps his true feelings hidden to avoid spiritual injury as well as constant physical injuries from in magic. When he does get angry is when he's alone and frustrated. He is sad if someone gets hurt from anything, expecially if it's by his magic and often loses control all over again. The sign that he is about to lose control is noted in his eyes...if they turn blood red...run for it.

Occupation: Magic Student

Weapon of choice/discipline: Magic, concentrated by a shaort collapsable staff/Taught magic by an unattentive, impatient teacher that is often angered by Gawl's incomplete control of his skill in magic.

Areas of skill: Incredibile skill in magic that stretches to all of the 4 elements (Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water(Earth is varius defensive spells, Fire is varius attack spells, Wind is varius traveling spells, and Water is varius healing spells). Because of his small stature he can crawl into small spaces. He can take a strong blow to any part of his body from all the self -inflicted injuries.

Areas of little skill: Gawl cannot keep control of his powers and often injures himself and other people in his lack of skill, the one power he can never control unless in dire need is his Wind powers. His small stature keeps him from reaching high places. He cannot stand jokes about his size and will often use magic to teach them a lesson.

Bio:
Gawl is a small child that never knew his parents for soon after being born they disappeared never to be seen again for quite some time.
He was raised in an orphange on Windfall Island and given some spare clothes...the lab coat and pants...although the pants were brown. During his time there he was constantly teased by the other orphens.

In his angish of being teased his eyes glowed blood red while the local magic teacher was looking for a son. His magic unleased and sent the teasing kids to the celing and refused to let them down. When he collapsed from exahastion the magic teacher picked him up and said, "I'm adopting this one...got it!?"

"I got it..." The attendant replied.

When the magic teacher arrived at home he woke up Gawl. Gawl slowly opened his eyes and looked around and his eyes finally settled on the magic teacher. "You are to obey every command I give you...got it!?"

"Hmm? What.?" Gawl said lazily, relaxing in the most comfortable bed he had ever been in.

"Listen to me!!!" The magic teacher said, " My name is G'reth...but you may only know me by SIR. Got that?"

"Uh-uh" Gawl said starting to doze off.

"Good then get to work on learning to control your powers already! GOT IT!?"
As Gawl grew up he was taught in the ways of magic.

~~~

One the very random adventures Gawl had was when he discovered he couldn't control his Wind powers and was transported far away. He was being tested for power placement and when the Wind attribute power was tested he lost control and was transported to the middle of the jail cell. Gawl was scared out of his wits...he had no idea where he was and looked around. He was sitting on a hard rock with a treasure chest behind him there were skulls lying around the circular room...often dotted with the occasional mushroom. He sat there for 2 days eating the odd mushrooms. Then a small child crawled through the small space in the wall in front of him. He walked to the chest opened it and beckoned to Gawl. Gawl followed him to the outside of the cell. When he got out he was confronted by SIR. "And where have you been?!"
"I...uh...I..."
"Never mind! Get back to the school! GOT THAT!?"
"Yes...sir."

~~~

He often lost control and hurt himself and the other students. His so called father never cared for him...all he cared about was Gawl's magical skill.
Eventually some odd figure appeared and confronted SIR.

"Yes?" SIR replied.

"I wish to know...do you have a child by the name of, Gawl?"

"Yes I do...but what do you want with him?"

"I wish to see him because he is my son...I have the papers to prove it."

"WHAT!?" SIR yelled.

'WHAT!?' Just about summed up GAwl's thoughts at the moment.

Gawl watched the figure carefully...to see any kind of resemblence. He saw no resemblence except the eyes. His were blood red, and Gawl's eyes turn blood red when using his powers. The man looked evil, with long purple hair, the bangs overshadowing his eyes that gleamed out from under them. The man also had one long fang sticking out of his mouth and wore a loosely woven black tunic.

The man noticed Gawl watching from the shadows his hair crackling slightly from confusion. The mysterious man beckoned to Gawl but Gawl stayed stock still. "GAWL!" SIR shouted, "ATTENSION!"

Gawl immdeiantly stood up and rushed to them. SIR glared at Gawl and pushed him roughly out the door. Before he could fall however the man caught him and had surprisingly gentle hands even if they had claws on them.
Gawl looked up and asked, "What's your name Mr.?"
"My name is Hasumure Kojiie, son."

"Are you really my dad?"

"Yes."

"Why were you gone so long?"

"I was trapped in another demension."

"...Why?..."

"I don't know why, Gawl."

"Oh...lets play a game!! Come on daddy!" Gawl called from his high perch.

When Hasumure caught up to Gawl he brought him to his home right next to the Pub. Gawl loved it there, he had his own room that his dad let him decorated himself. He painted the walls with varius weather patterns. Otherwise he kept the floor rather bare and picked out a pillow and a blanket to sleep in. Still determined to master his magic studied hard both practical, out in the ocean, and literate, studying out of books. Hasumure was a very caring, loving father and always tried to get Gawl whatever he wanted. Gawl loved to read any type of book and always had a steady supply of books to read and is happy as long as he has some books to read.

Much improved. Now he's got some control, and we know where he's at. Good job.

For future reference, you can just hit the edit button on your previous post instead of re-typing everything.

*approved*