Essence

Name: Essence

Nickname: DragonFire

Age: 13

Race: Half Human, Half Pure fire essence

Sex: Female

Hair: Long, Black Hair

Eyes: Red eyes with large pupils

Weight: 100 lbs.

Height: 5’5”

Weapon: A grey and silver scimitar with the power of fire in it (Scimitar is a curved sword)

Armor: A Steel shield

Appearance: Overall, is Gorguse
Head: Essence has long Black hair with sparkling red eyes that have large pupils. She always seems to smile.

Upper Body: She has a Black Tank top on with a red scarf wrapped around her neck. Her left hand has a fire symbol on it.

Lower body: She has a Black velvet skirt with red sparkles on it.

Feet: She has black leather clogs on her feet

Strengths: Good at sword play, advantage in a volcano, blizzard, snowy, and mountain battlefields

Weaknesses: Can’t be dipped in any water, afraid of water, afraid of the fire temple (Not from Oot).

Skills/magic:
Dragon Flames: Turns into dragon when angry or when calls out “Dragon Flames”
Phoenix Wings: Grows Fire wings
Phoenix feathers: Turns into Phoenix
Fire fists: Puts arms on fire

Personallity: Is very nice. Never likes it when people die or get hurt for her. Likes people that are nice. Hates all who search for her for the power…………inside her. She is very tough when it comes to fights.

Bio: Essence was a 3 year old that loved everything all together. One day she wandered into a strange forest. The forest was forbidden, but Essence did not know this. She wandered into a building. As she entered, a sudden force spoke to her. She was glued to the spot. It spoke in her ear.

“Come………to…………me…………chosen…………the………fire……ABSORB!! !!” Essence was helpless as a hole appeared in her forehead. Fire came out of nowhere and went in the hole. She felt burning in her head. She struggled to keep alive as death was around the corner. As she gripped to life a figure crept toward her.

“You…………are………………key to…………power………………Fire Temple………………destined to go there” the figure disappeared leaving Essence in her bloody puddle. Miraculously she lived and came to her village to find it destroyed. 7 years later………she looked into this and found a book.

The book told about the Fire Temple and its legend. That 1 who controls fire will come and give his/her life to make dragons be reborn and all people and civisations will crumble by fire. Essence was caught as being this legends girl/boy and people started to chase her. These people are mad for power. She is now 13 hiding where ever is safe from those people.

Complete sentences. You made some fragments in there and it makes it odd to read. Add to the Weaknesses, Personality, and Bio. You only have one real weakness, the personality is a little short winded, and the bio just needs a little umph. Also, your strengths baffle me. How is she advantageous in snow if snow is frozen water? Either explain it or ditch it.