Lance

Name: Lance
Age: 20
Sex: Male
Race: Human
Height: 5’3 ft tall
Weight: 120 lb
Hair: brown hair with spikes in the front but flat in the back.
Eyes: brown.

Weapons: a long and swift ninja sword that is two ft long. He has ninja stars and a grappling hook.

Strengths: Lance is very fast and evasive and has lots of endurance.
Weaknesses: Lance is weak in defense and health. He can easily be knocked down by an opponent.

Skills/Magic: Summon: he is able to summon the element of Ice. Teleport: he is able to far away place very easily. Invisible: it aloes him to turn invisible. Ice Storm: it makes Ice Rain from the havens.

Personality: Lance is a cool guy. Lance is not a funny or bad tempered person. He likes to be nether good or bad. He is not really shy but doesn’t like to talk a lot. He doesn’t like to make friends ether.
Bio: One day while Lance was walking in the city there were some thugs were killing people he drew his sword and slay them all. Some clan of mercenaries asked him if he would join their clan. He said that his father and mother died and that he had nothing to do now so he said yes. He was loyal to the clan and the clan leader until some evil clan whipped out all the clan. He had no where to go no friends ether. He said to himself that there is nothing left for him and that he will just die. He wondered around Brotherhood until a clan of good people and they found him hungry and tiered so they took him and he became a part of there clan. One day the leader said that a great fort needed a marinara to protect the king of the fort. After the mission his clan leader said that he was now ready to go on his own and that is how he is on his adventure.

Appearance: Lance has a black ninja suit and a black silk cloth raped around his head. He also has silk raped around his feet and hands. At hi side is a sheath where he keeps his sword. It is all black with a long silver dragon on it. He has a silk strip of cloth that goes around him at his waist that holds his sheath.

I got a big lol out of 'Raped around his head' and 'Raped around his feet and hands'. A very big lol indeed.

I think the word you were looking for is 'Wrapped'.

*Giggles*

Anyway, lol or no lol, I can't accept this character.

Summon: he is able to summon the element of Ice.

'The element of ice'? Too inspecific. I doubt anyone else on ZU has seen an 'element of ice', even if you have. Also, it doesn't actually say what it's doing. For all I know, you could be summoning a snowman to sit around with a bubble-pipe while reading a book to teach itself basic greek. Be a little more specific please.

Teleport: he is able to far away place very easily

Again, be specific. how far away? 100 metres? 5000 kilometres? Also, this ability kind of reeks of overpoweredness, especially the 'very easily' part. If you think you can pull off teleportation without being overpowered, feel free to try, but unless you tone that ability down a lot, it's not getting past me.

Invisible: it aloes him to turn invisible

No. In a one on one battle, invisibility is just too powerful. Camoflage maybe, invisibility no.

Ice Storm: it makes Ice Rain from the havens.

No big problems with this, just the whole 'be specific' thing again. Are we talking hailstones or deadly-icicle-needles here?

I feel kind of mean having issues with all your attacks.

Personality

I don't even need to quote it, I just wanted to point out that I was now talking about the personality. It's all 'He is not', like when you ask a bunch of kids 'Who ate the sweets' and they all say 'not me!'. You don't want to know who didn't eat the sweets, you want to know who did. Similarly, I don't want to know what the character isn't like, I want to know what he is like. Also, don't use words like 'Cool', as they describe nothing (other than low tempertures in the case of 'cool', before anyone makes that 'witty' retort)

there were some thugs were killing people he drew his sword and slay them all

Why were the thugs killing people? Thugs don't randomly kill people 'because they're thugs'. Why did he kill the thugs? Did he like the people, did the screams of the innocent give him a killer headache or did some blood splash on his shirt that he just washed this morning? Things like that hold important infomation about a character's personality.

Some clan of mercenaries asked him if he would join their clan.

Randomly out of the blue or as a result of him killing the evil thuggy poeples?

He said that his father and mother died

When? Did the thuggy people kill them or did they die some years back and he just remembered then?

his clan leader said that he was now ready to go on his own

Ready to go on his own to do what? To do somthing to aid the clan? To go fulfil his long-time dream of being an oprea singer?

raped around his head. He also has silk raped around his feet and hands

I'd appreciate it if you fixed those typoes sometime before I die laughing.

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That's about it. Tough luck and please try again ^^