Rathen Bennet

Name: Rathen (usually just called Rath) Bennet

Age:15

Race: Human

Sex: Male

Hair: Brown hair like the oak of a tree. Hair is raggedy but long.

Eyes: Brown

Weight: 163lbs.

Height: 6 foot exact

Weapon: A medium sized, single handed, blade that was forged from the scales of an ice breathing dragon. It chills all to the bone who touch it except its true owner. Freezes whatever it cuts at owners will.
Armor: Where's some light tunic's (usually orange) and chain mail. When he's on a job and not wandering about aimlessly, where's a knights armor (no helm) which is the color of the night sky.

Strengths: Can keep up with consistent speedy attacks.Fights better with his own fists. Intelligent and always goes into battle with a plan.

Weakness: Does not fight well against fire. Not superbly strong. Fights more with his head and sometimes leaves self open for attacks in midst of strategy.
Skills/Magic: Excels in ice type magic because of his constant use of the element. Has played around with a little lightning magic so he gets a wider perspective on magic. In situations where he's losing, he always thinks clearer and faster.

Appearance: Has a headband wrapped around his head under his hair, which grows down to his eyes. His cloak hides most of his sword which hangs onto a golden belt loosely. His chain mail is well hidden by the orange tunics and farmer slacks that he wears. There is also always a huge backpack on his shoulders which contain all his armor, food, fishing rod, and money.

Personality: A person who like's to be off in their own thoughts doing as he pleases. The only thing he believes is that he's alive so he has to live. Prefers to travel alone and to keep traveling aimlessly because he finds it calming. In a fight, he snaps from his stupor and becomes intensely serious, always calculating plans to stay one step ahead of his opponent and not afraid to try anything with a risk.

Biography:Three years after Rath was born his mother had suddenly vanished. His father had always told him that she had gone to god and would be forever happy, but even at three he could tell his father was lying. Rath's father was a pastor at a church and he had been raised in his father's beliefs, but he had never believed that the church held any power in the world. Due to difficulties with his father (which ended in him getting kicked out), Rath decided to become a wandering mercenary and travel the world in search for something to keep him from dieing. Over a years course, he had gotten no business and was left hungry. After wandering for a few days he collapsed outside the village of Terrage. A man by the name of Harrow Boyd found him and brought him into his home. Harrow was the town blacksmith and the town of Terrage was being tormented by a mysterious dragon that breathed ice. Rath who was looking for a way to get some money more then a way to live decided to take on the dragon. After four days of fighting, Rath toppled the dragon. Everyone in Terrage was very pleased with the news and rewarded him heavily. Harrow offered to make him a sword out of the dragon scales and he took it gladly. News had gotten around of his slaying of the dragon and there was no where he couldn't go where his name wasn't whispered between the people.

Couple of quick tips up front: A person wears clothing, so they can go where they are going in comfort. A single tunic is nice, but two tunics gives you a spare. If those sentences seem really off-the-wall, I suggest going back and looking at what you've written. (Paying careful attention to the words "tunics" and "where.")


Okay, with that out of the way, this character is not approved.


I find several things that need fixing.

• First, grammatical things like I mentioned indirectly above. You use "where" when you should use "wear," and you use apostrophes way too much.
  
• For armor, please describe it more carefully. "Tunics and chain mail" really doesn't give a decent idea. Nor does "knight's armor." What kind of knight?
  
• "Freezes whatever it cuts at owner's will." Are there limitations on that? How frozen? Instant-kill things are a big no-no, remember.
  
• Magic. You don't need to give specific spells or whatever, but go into a little more detail of what he can do with his ice & lightning magic.
  
• Appearance. Pretty good overall...except that what he looks like is a bit up in the air. I, having some understanding of weights and heights know that he is a very skinny individual, so is probably rather gaunt-looking. You should say that, since not everyone can pick that out of numbers.
  
• Plus, how huge is "huge"?
  
• Biography. Lots of things missing here, let's see if I can break it down a bit.
  • Why would a three year old question his faith? That doesn't make sense. Especially not with a preacher father.
  • Along that line, why doesn't he believe? There would be a reason for something like that, whether it's poor relations with dad, or something different.
  • How would a child have the experience to beat a dragon?
  • Where did he get that armor?

Fix that stuff up, and we'll see how it goes.