Grand Inquisitor Gohan-Uto Sensei

PLEASE. BEFORE YOU START, PROMISE YOU WILL READ ALL OF THIS. I KNOW YOU WILL COME TO LOVE HIM.

This is dedicated to Librairian, Andross, Insaney, Hungry Gamer, Gracie, Fish Head, and anyone else I partied on here with.

Name: Grand Inquisitor Gohan-uto Sensei
Race: Lycanthropic Vampiric Half-Fallen-Arch-Angel of Death Half-Daemon Warlord Half-Dragon Half-Cyborg Half-Dark Elf
Gender: Male
Age: 782,679,547,342,875^1337 years old (looks 22)
Eye Colour: Really really really dark blue, extremely mysterious.
Hair Colour: Silver
Height: 7 feet 2 inches
Weight: 220 pounds
Laterality: Ambidextrous

Profession(s): Assassin/Shinobi/Samurai/Bounty Huntar/Knight/Thief

Weapon(s): Uses two katanas. One is named Shuki (Shoe-key!) and the other is Ryoki (Rye-oh-key!). Shuki is enchanted with a fire enchantment so when it strikes, the enemy ignites in a burst of Hellfire, which kills them instantly. Ryoki is linked directly with the Nether world, and if you’re hit by it, you’re pretty much screwed. He also uses duel AK-47s and he has a rocket launcher too.

Armour: Gohan-uto wears the Legendary Armour of the Drow Grand Inquisitor (Sensei), which makes him totally invulernable to all attacks, but it weighs nothing and gives him the ability to have insanely absurd psycho-crazy agility. The armour is pure black and he can use it to turn invisible at will.

Skills/Magic:

Fieerubaarru-Jutsu-Chakra: Launches a fireball that instantly fries everything in the same room when it explodes, except himself.

Friizu-Jutsu-Chakra: Freezes the enemy in place permanently.

Attomu-Sprittu-Jutsu-Chakra: Ancient ability taught only by t3h 1337 mast4rz of teh unarverse. This ability splits an atom. Screws everyone in the BA over when used.

Appearance: [Link to a random anime drawing found with Google]

Personality: Gohan-uto never talks to anyone, and he has a very dark and brooding personality. He loves to rip the spines and hearts and brains out of his enemies and devour all three before their very eyes before they drop dead. Gohan-uto is merciless in combat and holds grudges. He’ll stop at nothing to get revenge. Despite his over-exaggerated anti-social sado-masochistic personality, Gohan-uto is loyal to his friends ‘till the end of time, is very romantic, and is morally and ethically good. He prefers to travel alone.

Bio: Gohan-uto was born in the drow city of Menzoberrazen, the product of a horribly sick and twisted coupling ((Ed: Seriously, did you read his race?)), and he never knew his parents, who were killed by random drunk bandits when he was 2. All he was left with was Shuki, Ryoki, two AK-47s, and a rocket launcher. He trained himself to use them all at 1337 skillz in one month. He was always shunned and outcasted by all the other drow. One day he randomly learned from a wandering drunk prophet that he was the destined one to save all of the entire space-time continuum. Burdened by this, he tried to tell random people about it, but they didn’t listen, so he killed craploads of people for it. Then an angel came to him and told him to behave, and so he reformed suddenly to the good side even though he stayed all dark and mysterious. Because he’d reformed, suddenly all the drow loved him and they randomly made him Grand Inquisitor and gave him armour to boot the rank, even though he was a homicidal maniac a few moments ago. Then he decided he wanted to leave Underdark, so he led all the drow out, reformed them all to be good, and set up a drow city on the surface. Now he wanders the land, waiting for the Destined Moment when he will need to save the entire space-time continuum.

Strengths: He is totally invincible. He can dodge anything. He can headshot people on the other side of the planet one-handed with an AK-47. He has a rocket launcher. He knows everything to know about anything. He is a vampire but is immune to sunlight. He is a werewolf. He eats his enemies for lunch. He is more manly than Chuck Norris. He has the ability to make any and all female characters immediately fall in love with him on sight. He can lift fifteen trucks on a finger. He uses his two katanas at 1337 skillz. He is blessed by the mast0rz of the universe. He can see just fine in the dark. He can hold his breath forever. He never gets tired. He can run faster than the speed of light. His pee is highly acidic. He can breathe fire. He can breathe frost. He can control lighting. He can open any jar, no matter how stuck the lid is. He’s too awesome to be contained. He’s psychic. He’s telekinetic. He can see the future. He can time travel. He can turn invisible. He can rap. His wedgies are lethal. His farts are nerve gas. He can move totally silently. He can make bazillions of clones of himself at any time. He can shape-shift whenever he wants. He can poop feces the size of Jupiter. He doesn’t feel pain. He pwnz at Halo. He has unlimited money. Everyone is either A) liking him immediately on sight, B) in awe of him, C) in fear of him. When he drops bread, it always lands buttered-side up (not that he’d drop it in the first place. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t drop anything he doesn’t mean to. Ever). He has X-ray vision. He has spidey-sense. He can tame any wild animal in less than .5 seconds. He can take on a planet-load of daemons and not die. He can deflect any attack. He can walk on the sun. He never loses.

Weaknesses: Sometimes he stubs his toe, which slows him down a bit for a short period of time.

((Your Mary Sue Score: 288))

You are my lyfe.

'Tis fabulous, the standard has been set, and I feel that no one can best it.

You've pretty much summed up 50% of all characters posted here.

I'm looking at YOU deku scrubs

most relevant to what I see

Originally Posted by Specter

Age: 782,679,547,342,875^1337 years old (looks 22)
Weapon(s): Uses two katanas. One is named Shuki and the other is Ryoki
Appearance: [Link to a random anime drawing found with Google]
Strengths: He is totally invincible.

Looking at this character makes me think how much worse I could have done with mine...there needs to be a link in the Character FAQ to this character titled "What not to do"

This is a joke, right?

Originally Posted by Mohammad Titanium

This is a joke, right?

Originally Posted by Mohammad Titanium

This is a joke, right?

If it is hard for you to tell if this character is a joke, you should read this.

Also, I caught wind of the earlier remark about it being a "typical Din character" or something to that effect. While an amusing remark, it is unfortunately untrue, since I penned this character, and as you can see, I am not the member of any clan. Kudos to Specter for helping me come up with this guy, as well as for posting it. But this is beside the point.

This isn't supposed to be a "typically Din" character; it's supposed to be a "typically BA" character. What I'm saying here is this character was created because, as Monty Burns puts it, it sums up pretty much "50% of all characters posted here," and that's a problem.

I honestly think that no one takes the Character Guidelines seriously -- if they even read them at all -- and Specter and I were both so disgusted with the amount of ridiculously overpowered, over-idealized, unoriginal characters that we had to do something, and that something turned out to be a satirical parody of some (read: most) of the characters around here. People are just too concerned with winning and being badasses, it seems.

Well, Grand Inquisitor Gohan-Uto Sensei is here to show you that 1337 demi-god badass characters are flat, boring, and sometimes downright ludicrous. It doesn't make good writing, and good writing is the point of the BA. Directly from the guidelines, folks:

"We don’t use the die system, instead the fights are based on your writing skills. A battle isn’t won by your character dealing heavy damage to your opponent without taking any yourself, the true victory lies in describing an interesting story that both you and the readers can enjoy."

You can go ahead and make demi-gods and/or badasses if you like, but don't set out with "uber-pwnage" in mind or anything; flesh them out, and give them some interesting, meaningful flaws. Remember that you're not creating a gladiator to win glory in battle, you're creating a character to weave a compelling story with.

Hmm...expand a little on the biography, add a few more weaknesses to counter his excessive strengths, and then it can be approved.

I'm surprised he's even able to stub his toe.

But really, this isn't every character, or even most characters; it does however, have each of its abilities/personality traits/history "shared" with at least one other character. All this says is that every characters in the BA (especially this one, but that was obviously intentional) are horribly cliched. I think that it's unavoidable though, as nearly everything in existence is cliched now days.


...I want to see this character approved purely for the hilarity of reading this guy pwn everybody.

I move to have this character approved. Anyone?

Considering it breaks literally every rule in the book, and is intended to, it cannot be approved.

It needs to be used as an example of what not to do! It'd be perfect for that!

I vote we make a petition to have it approved, but only let him use it in special threads. I think it'd be hilarious to have my face pounded by this guy

Originally Posted by |Linebeck|

I vote we make a petition to have it approved, but only let him use it in special threads. I think it'd be hilarious to have my face pounded by this guy

Why would you want a character that is literally the epitome of 'god mode' to kick everyone's ass?

Just leave it here to be a "What not to do", for newbies to the Amphitheatre.

Age: 782,679,547,342,875^1337 years old (looks 22)

The bes' show I've ever seen. xD

Although I think this is a great discussion and all, I'd say that everyone who has posted here (including me, now) shouldn't be. Someone should just turn this into a thread in the 'General discussion' board or something.

Seeing as how this thread isn't intended for approval and is meant as a guide of sorts it would be okay to post here. Infact, it should be stickied and renamed. "What Not To Do"

Originally Posted by Kanraku Tenma

Seeing as how this thread isn't intended for approval and is meant as a guide of sorts it would be okay to post here. Infact, it should be stickied and renamed. "What Not To Do"

Yes, What not to do in every which way. The crazy age, the height, his 2 Katanas and their Japanese names, the anime picture (usually found with google), the crazy race, the dark personality, the ripoff name, the cliché bio and the invincibility are all either getting really old or stupid, or horribly cheap, and they should almost be banned from the BA.

Same thing with elves. There are so god damn many.

Originally Posted by Mohammad Titanium

Yes, What not to do in every which way. The crazy age, the height, his 2 Katanas and their Japanese names, the anime picture (usually found with google), the crazy race, the dark personality, the ripoff name, the cliché bio and the invincibility are all either getting really old or stupid, or horribly cheap, and they should almost be banned from the BA.

Same thing with elves. There are so god damn many.

Just stay away from most japanese things, as they tend to be over used. I move to have this thread stickied! We should contact Power Shot, or maybe Altamira, isn't she a mod now? Or is it for another section?