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Old 11-13-2006, 06:09 PM
Midna/Link Japan Midna/Link is offline
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Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

True Name: Kris Diromengeru

Alias: Kiba

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Race: Werewolf

Eyes: Yellow, glows when angry

Hair: Black, wild and sticks up in the back

Strengths: Smell, Hearing, Balence, Speed

Weaknesses: Wolfsbane, having his tail pulled, Strength

Appearence: Long, black robe over a skintight white shirt and dark camos. Walks barefoot. Has lunpine ears and tail.

Personality: Secretive, fun-loving, risktaker, very lucky. Likes ramen and Staring at the moon. Dislikes over-obsesive women and rain.

Biography: Born in a village of Werewolves and banished at a young age because he transformed only at the new moon. He was hunted by humans simply because of who he was. Soon came to hate all humans who hated weres. Resorted to theivery because not many would give him a job and those who would soon went out of buisness thanks to the prejudiced humans who were against him.
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Old 11-19-2006, 07:16 PM
Ranarath Ranarath is a female United States Ranarath is offline
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Re: Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

Okay, this character isn't too bad but you need a lot more information.

First off, you forgot the Weapon and Armor category. If he doesn't have either of those, just put something like 'Weapon: None'.

Second, you need to expand his Strengths and Weaknesses. Just how fast is he? Super-fast and can run circles around people or just a little above average speed? From how far away can he hear and smell things? In his Weaknesses, why is having his tail pulled one of them? Does it just make him mad or does he lose balance when it's pulled? Also, exactly how is strength a weakness? Is he easily over-powered or does he lose strength the longer the fight goes on? Add much more detail to those sections and you should probably add one more weakness to balance out the two categories.

Third, you need to add quite a bit more to the Appearance section. Does he have a tan or is his skin practically white? Does he look extrememly muscular or is he simply lean? Are his finger- and toenails sharp because he is werewolf? What color fur does his ear and tail have? Speaking of that, you didn't even include what he looks like in his wolf form. Add at least a paragraph to this section, please.

His personality needs to be expanded as well. Why does he like ramen? How secretive is he? Will he not talk to people, talk only to those that he thinks are trustworthy, or is he rather social but just doesn't like to talk about himself? Also, what kind of risks does he like to take? When it come to girls, does he not trust most because he thinks they'll be over-obsessive or does he like to charm them until they become that way? Please add at least a paragraph to this section as well.

Finally, you need to expand his biography. We're talking about his life here. His entire life. Why was he banished because he only transformed at a new moon? Was that just too strange for the werewolf village to deal with? What did he do after he was banished? Did he try to hide the fact that he was a werewolf or did he declare it everywhere he went? Did he travel many place and sleep under the stars or did he try to find another place to settle down for good? What kind of jobs did he take? What does he do now? Please add as much detail as possible to this section. Remember, it's his entire life you're writing about.

Okay, fix these things and I'll take another look at him.
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  #3 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 11-27-2006, 06:03 PM
Midna/Link Japan Midna/Link is offline
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Re: Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

True Name: Kris Diromengeru

Alias: Kiba

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Race: Werewolf

Eyes: Yellow, glows when angry

Hair: Black, wild and sticks up in the back

Skin: Light Tan, natural caucasion

Strengths: Can distinct between different scents, Can hear a pin drop ten miles away, Balence, Can run circles around people.

Weaknesses: Wolfsbane, having his tail pulled knocks him offbalence, Easily overpowered

Appearence: Looks wise for his age and has a large scar across his right eye. Slightly toned in otherwords about average looking. Long, black robe over a skintight white shirt and dark camos. Walks barefoot. Has lunpine black ears and tail. He is rather tall for his age which helps with his balence. Tail is extremely flexible and could be used as an extra arm. Small claws and talons which he can retract. His teeth are also finely sharpened into minute fangs.

Wolf Form: Sleek black fur and a two long tails tipped with silver.

Personality: Hides his past and lunpine form from most people, talks only to those who gain his respect, fun-loving, risktaker, very lucky. Likes "the easiness to eat and prepare" of ramen and staring at the moon. Dislikes women, because he thinks they'll be over-obessive, and rain.

Biography: Born in a village of Werewolves and banished at a young age because he transformed only at the new moon and the villagers couldn't handle a freak. He was hunted by humans simply because of who and what he was, being unable to hide his ears and tail. Lived abroud and slept anywhere where he could see the stars. Soon came to hate all humans who hated weres. Resorted to theivery because not many would give him a job and those who would, which was the military (To be a suiside soldier), soon went out of buisness thanks to the prejudiced humans who were against him. Now lives in a quiet village were a kindly old witch feeds him a potion that hides his ears and tail and suppresses his lunpine form.

~~~
How's that?
__________________

My newest Character...Kiba!
You have got to watch this video!
Formally known as Kyubi, Generator Gawl, Son of an Angle, and Hanekio.
Last Edited by Kyubi; 12-06-2006 at 08:45 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 12-04-2006, 04:45 PM
Ranarath Ranarath is a female United States Ranarath is offline
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Re: Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

Sorry about the wait. Okay, I still want you to add more to the appearance section. What color is his skin? Is he a pale white or darkly tanned from the sun? Does he appear muscular or extremely weak? Does he look his age or does he appear older/younger? Try to add more than just what his clothes are.

Edit this again and I'll take another look. Oh, and you don't have to repost his profile. You can simply use the Edit button to make changes.
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Wake up, lose your hesitation. Wake up, it's time for us to realize.
Wake up, show appreciation. Wake up, it's time for us to realize.

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  #5 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 12-07-2006, 05:40 PM
Midna/Link Japan Midna/Link is offline
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Re: Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

Just so you know...I edited him.
__________________

My newest Character...Kiba!
You have got to watch this video!
Formally known as Kyubi, Generator Gawl, Son of an Angle, and Hanekio.
Last Edited by Kyubi; 12-07-2006 at 05:40 PM. Reason: SP Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 12-07-2006, 08:27 PM
Ranarath Ranarath is a female United States Ranarath is offline
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Re: Kris Diromengeru (Kiba)

Mmm... alright.

*Approvedeth*
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[Draculla's Magic]

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Wake up, show appreciation. Wake up, it's time for us to realize.

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