Aries

Well I never used the first character I created, so I'll create a new one. I also would have had a picture, but, I have to outline and color it, don't feel like it.

Name: Aries

Age: 15

Race: Human

Gender:Male

Hair Color/Style: Dark Green

Eye Color: Green

Weight: 150lb

Height: 5'6 (yep short)

Weapon: Swords. Anything from Twinblades, Large Broad Swords, to Katanas. He also has a special bracelet called the Soul Seeker, that has the power to manipulate one's soul.

Armor: None, he always felt it slowed him down.

Strengths: This boy taught hisself how to fight. He can use almost any sword thats not to heavy for him, and can fight almost just as good weaponless. He has great speed for a human and a master at picking locks and making and disarming bombs.

Weaknesses: Fear of heights. Because of his fear, he can't focus in certian places such as high mountains and towers where the ground is visible. The Soul Seeker can only be used twice a day, or else it will backfire and manipulate and allies soul.

Skills/Magic: Aries has a special attack the "Coup de Grace" (Blow of Mercy) which he uses mainly to kill. For the Soul Seeker, it has 3 special powers:
Soul Drain- Temporaly utterly weakens or makes opponent vulnerable.
Soul Freze- Paralizes opponent for 5 minutes.
Gate Hack- Travel to another dimention (only at a warp point)
(He can also at times break the 4th wall)

Apperance: Looks like a normal human, only with long green hair that reachs his shoulders. He has two birth marks, a small sideways Z under his left eye and a spot on the right side of his mouth that people mistake for a mole and beauty mark.

Personality: Aries loves fighting and adventure. He is always searching for something weird and unusual, or ether trying to increase his skills. Because of his constant movement, he becomes very impatient and tries to find the quick easy way out of problems. He has 3 pet peeves, stupid people, people calling him short, and he HATES it when people calls his birthmark a "beauty mark."

Bio: Aries was raised by a hidden clan, whom was on the constant run from the government body, Los Eligasha. Los Eligasha named the clan trators, for reasons Aries never found out. His parents died in an attack from the government body, which left Aries under the care of his uncle. His brother Cress left the clan when Aries was 6 years old, and hasn't returned since.

Los Eligasha is very persistant, and found the clan several times. As a result, Aries had to learn how to weild a sword. His uncle, whom was once a military officer for Los Eligasha, forbidded Aries to learn how to use weapons, as a result, Aries taught himself how to fight.

Los Eligasha resently discovered the hidden clan again, and sent a mercenary group to destroy it. The group arrived in the late night. The clan was very tired and weary, for they have just climbed down a mountian, hoping to escape Los Eligasha once an for all. When the mercinaries attacked, the clan was not at 100% and fought terribly.

Aries fought his hardest to potect his clan and his uncle, but ultamately failed. His uncle was killed, and more then half the clan was destroyed. Devistated, the clan seperated, leaving Aries alone. After a few days, Aries realised that he had to find the only family he had, his brother Cress. 6 years passed since that day.

In order to make money Aries took on all sorts of jobs, from temporary farming to mercinary jobs. On one of his missions to explore a mountian, he discovered an anchent chaple. In the chaple he found a mysterious bracelet that attached itself to his wrist. That same day he fought a monster and used a special attack called the "Soul Drain." The monster was left weakened and Aries finished it off with a magic sword slash he learned prior to that day, the "Coup de Grace." From then on he called the bracelete the Soul Seeker, and continued his jouney with it to this day.

Okay. Problems abound. Let's get started.

1) Aries is a little young to have any skill with weapons at all. You may wish to consider changing that.

2) The Weapons section is meant for what he habitually carries, not everything he can use. What is his normal weapon?

3) Give the kid a weakness worth having. Right now, he doesn't have one.

4) Put in a downside to using each of those magical abilities, and lose the "Soul Freze" - that one is an instant win.

5) Expand the Appearance.

6) Biggest problem with the Bio has already been mantioned (age), but I'd like you to go through it very carefully and eliminate the host of spelling and grammar mistakes in it. You might want to do that for the rest of the profile, too.

That should do for now.

Might I interject, Tiroth?

Aries is a little young to have any skill with weapons at all. You may wish to consider changing that.

As someone stated before, its the BA. Anything's possible!

Now, I'm not saying that you meant that he must change it, but considering all the characters up in the Approval section, this one would have to be the normalest. Not even besides the fact that he can wield all those weapons at age 15.

I apologize for posting in another's character thread, but I believe that I should atleast be allowed SOME constructive criticism!

Err, but spit on me and warn me if I'm wrong.

Forget about this charter for now. Eventually I'll come up with a new profile for him, but not now.