Drake the cursed human

Name: Drake

Age: 17

Race: Lycanthrope (Werewolf)

Sex: Male

Job: Theif

Hair: Grey (once blonde)

Eyes: Yellow (once Teal)

Weight: 122lbs

Height: 5 Feet, 8 Inches

Armour: None

Weapon: Drake still has werewolf powers but they are greatly diminished in human form he combines his powers with Vajra Mushti, however when he does become a Werewolf he has no control over himself and uses his brute strength, teeth and claws.

Appearance:


Drake’s werewolf form itself is a Mutilation with red eyes and layers sharp fangs poking out at different angles from his gums.

Personality: Drake Became a very serious person ever since the "incident". He worries about the people he will put in danger just by speaking to them. Drake steals to survive and is often misunderstood.

strengths: When Drake was young he was well trained by his father in Vajra Mushti, an ancient Indian martial art similar to that of kung fu, boxing or karate. With the help of his Werewolf abilities he could jump higher and fight like no other person.
When Drake is a fully transformed werewolf he has amazing strength, his claws can tear through walls, he can leap higher than any building and his teeth and can shred or rip any object!

Weaknesses: Being a werewolf the moon is his human forms greatest weakness it kills the human part of him very gradually,. The second is silver which burns through his skin. the final weakness is strangely mistletoe, the mistletoe Viscotoxins increase the Apoptosis in lycanthrope blood and sets off a sort of temporary self destruction Phase.

Skills/Magic:: Trained by his father, Drake quickly became an expert in Vajra Mushti at the age of 15.
When he became a werewolf, his speed and strength were increased, as well as his Hearing and senses

Biography:
Drake was born in the village of Kohami, a quite happy and cheerful community.
But there was a dark history behind the village, it was said that every century a young child was poisoned by a demon wolf, However the village people thought this was just a folktale, but that was not to last.
One afternoon the Mayor of the village, Roger Thang, simply disappeared, Drake, eager to help the village, decided to investigate, so he set out, into the woods...
He spent countless hours searching and he found nothing, it was as though the mayor had never even existed. He looked up at the full moon and realised it was late;
“Hmmm...” Drake mumbled, “I guess I better head back soon.”
He ran past each and every tree to get to Kohami, but much to his dismay, he was lost!

"Umm… Hello?!" He shouted;

Echoes were heard across every corner of the wood and fog thinly poured across the trees like a stream.

"Is anybody there?!"

Again his voice echoed but no reply.
Drake ran trying to find a way out of the forest, but the fog turned so thick he couldn't see past the his own hands.

Suddenly a dark gigantic silhouette leaped from a tree onto Drake, the dark figures details were revealed as the mist cleared, it was a giant wolf with blood red eyes!
Drake reached for a broken branch lying on the floor and tried to hit the figure but the wolf resisted by sinking his teeth into Drake’s arm and snapping the bone.
Drake screamed as the warm blood gushed out from his wound. He kicked the wolf off him, jumped onto to it and continued to violently hit it, again and again, somehow he was getting stronger. Eventually the wolf stopped it’s movement.
“Oh God! No!” Drake wailed;
He stared at the Mayor’s chain around the wolf’s neck and fell to the floor before throwing up, Drake looked up to the moon momentarily, it felt like someone had scolded his eyes.
Sweat dripped from his brow and onto the floor and the hair on drakes arms stood on end, soon more hair quickly started to sprout out of his skin. There was a terrible snarling noise. Drake's head was lengthening. So was his body. His shoulders were hunching. Hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws, He then blacked out.
The bright streams of morning light shone on his eyes, his clothes were shredded and his head was throbbing with pain,
He opened his eyelids and appeared to be surrounded by small Children.

"Are you alright?" one of them asked;

"I’m...I’m fine" Drake weakly replied; "what happened?"

"We found you here" another child replied; "Well Shraft did"

"Who’s Shraft?" Drake questioned;

The children pointed to another child perched on a rock kicking his feet in a river;

"Ah, he’s awake!" Shraft babbled

Drake looked around, he wasn’t in the woods anymore; he was far from it,

"Were am I?" Drake asked

"You’re at the gates of Trelbat" Shraft replied

"Trelbat? That’s over 60,000 miles away, it’s the busiest city in the county, what am I doing here?"

"You’re a strange one" one of the children said; "You’re a young man yet your hair is grey!"

"What?!" Drake roared

"Yes, and your eyes, what a strange colour, are they yellow?"

Shraft leapt down from the rock on which he was sitting walked up to Drake;

"Your clothes are in a terrible condition" He said leaning over; "where do you come from?"

"Hey yeah!" responded a child; "Those aren't Trelbatian clothes."
Drake responded, but his answer seemed fuzzy
"I....I come from a village..... Kohami"

The children all looked at each other and then roared with laughter

"KOHAMI?!" one of them laughed "The `Village of Werewolves`? That place is a myth!"

Confused, Drake got up from the ground and sprinted from the children.
Somehow he knew what he had done, he had read the folktale of the Wolf-town hidden in Kohami’s forest.
He lay himself on the hard tiled concrete floor and wept, He wept for his village, he wept for the Mayor and wept for himself.
There was no way Drake could get back home now, He needed to protect the ones he loved but most of all he needed money, His pockets had been ripped open and the money inside must have fallen out.
In a couple of days Drake became a thief and spotted a rich man walking across the streets.
He crept over behind the man and carefully placed his hands into his pockets.
Drake Grabbed hold of his wallet and yanked it out, but the man quickly felt it, He grabbed Drakes wrist and twisted it into a locked position, obviously this man had experience fighting!

"Thief!" he shouted; "There’s only one place for thieves in this world, isn’t there? Prison or Hell!"

Drakes eyes cast a glance at the full moon glowing behind some clouds, again his eyes started to burn and he immediately became blind;

"No sir, let go!" Drake tried to run, but the man had his wrist firmly clamped, and Drake couldn’t use his Vajra Mushti in his current condition.

"So what is it then Boy?! Hell or Prison, should I kill you now?!" the man shouted.

The moon Burst out from behind the clouds and Drake fell to the floor;

“I am going to ask you one more time” Drake’s voice creaked to a impossibly low growl; “LET ME GO YOU PARASITE!!”
Drake’s hand painfully turned to gigantic claws and reversed the grasp the man had on his wrist.
“W-wait!!” The rich man panicked as Drake’s muscles began to bulge out from his ripped clothes; “You want money right? Take it!”
“I DON’T WANT YOUR MONEY!!” Drake growled; “I WANT YOUR BLOOD!”
At that moment his possessed voice finally manifested itself to a mere Growl, His transformation was complete. He picked the man up mauled him up into tiny pieces in the air above him.
The next morning he awoke with blood stained clothes;
“Oh dear God, No!” Drake fell to his knees; “I need to find an antidote, I can’t let another soul Die!”
Drake gazed at the rising red sun over Trelbat.

Okay - we definitely have a few problems in here.

1) In Strengths, please be a little more realistic. The strength of 556 men?

2) Give the char a proper weakness. Practically nobody bothers to carry around weapons made of silver, and a problem with the moon doesn't cut it either.

3) Do the Personality section properly.

4) You completely forgot the Skills/Magic section.

5) I'd appreciate it if you re-wrote the Bio, but that isn't essential.

Alright, i think i have done what you said
is it alright?
I even re-wrote the bio

My apologies for taking this long, but we still have some problems here.

1) You still don't have a decent weakness. Mistletoe?

2) Be more realistic in Skills/Magic. 13-year-olds aren't martial arts masters.

'Kay, I'm done editing, I boosted his martial arts master age to 15
(dont tell me that there are no martial arts masters at the age of 15 because i have seen some!)
and i made Drake hot tempered (I think thats a weakness)

Ah, sithspit. Sorry for making you wait so long.

Just one last thing - I'd like you to read through this very carefully and correct any spelling and grammar mistakes you find. That will be all.

Okie-dokey

done

*approves*