Nikudemon

Name: Nikudemon

Age: 18

Race: Human

Sex: Male

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Weight: 170 lbs.

Height:6' 0"

Weapon: Katana, His sword has a silver hilt, also with a engraving of a snake and dragon fighting on the hilt. The blade of the sword is made out of steel and was painted black. The sheath has a snake running up along the sheath. The pendant has a design of a snake and a dragon fighting and in the back it has Nikudemon's name on it.

Armor: A short sleeve shirt made out of tin

Strength: He can run as fast as gray hound and can quickly sheath and unsheathe his sword. After dropping below a point of weakness the pendant transforms him into a demon which gives him a boost of strength and speed for short period of time.

Weakness: He gets hungry after like 30 min of hard battle and soon after that he starts to become slower both at running and swinging his sword around and will slowly weaken. After he gets turned into a demon he has 2 min to finish the battle after that he runs out of energy and he is weak to all kinds of magic.

Skills/Magic: Quick draw-he will quickly draw his sword and sheath it back. Quick step- allow him to run faster than normal for a short period of time. All these skills make him hungrier faster.

Appearance: Wear green shorts that blend with grass, brown shoes that has the look of dirt, a short sleeve shirt made out of tin that colored green to blend in with grass. Wears a bandana that's red and a gold pendant. He is average build with light brown skin with a painting of a dragon on his back and a snake on his left arm. On his legs there is the same painting on his right leg of a snake and the left leg has another dragon.

Personality: Nikudemon is a loner. He likes walking around by the water at night. He go from village to village getting jobs like murder for hire (he only accepts this kind of job when its a good reason it kill the man any other times he persuade with the person.) or escort (were he disable the killer and does not kill them). When he takes a job, he completes it to the best of his ability. When and if he calls some one friend or comrade he will fight to protect them to the death when its necessary.

Biography: Nikudemon lived in a small village where he was born. His father was a black smith and his mother was a farmer. Nikudemon used to watch his father forge swords. His father also was a decent swordsmen and alway believed that a man should have a reason to kill a man so he never did business with a man that had no good reason to kill. When Nikudemon was five year old, a customer that Niku's father know came in with a blood-dripping sword and asked him to clean and sharpen his sword. When his father asked why does the sword have blood on it the guy said that he killed a man over money and needs the sword fixed. Niku's father said that he did not have a good reason to kill the man and that he was not going to clean or sharpen the sword. The man got anger because the black smith had dared tell him what was right and wrong. He was also a feared that Niku father would call the authority and tell them what happen. So he let his fear and anger get the best of him and he killed Niku’s father. Niku, in a rage and with pendant that his father gave him transformed Niku into a demon. Niku killed the man and destroyed the village after that Nikudemon came back to reality. After seeing what he had done, he went and got his father's sword which he didn't know had a curse on it that would stay with him if his son takes his sword. A curse that for as long as he fights, it make him become hungry and weak but also allow him to control his demon form for 2 minutes. After that it sapped him of his remaining strength, turn back into a human, and leaving him with no energy to fight.
Nikudemon ran to his grand father's house. When his grand father asked him what happened, Niku told him that he destroyed his village and killed everyone. His grand father asked Nikudemon who’s sword was that and Niku said his father's. His grand father then told Niku that his father had put a curse on the sword to keep the evil pendant from taking control of him and that Nikudemon will now always be cursed. After hearing about the curse, Nikudemon asked his grand father to train him so that he wouldn't have to turn into a demon all the time. His grand father said he will teach him how to quick draw and run, but nothing else. It took him ten years to learn how to run fast and draw his sword so he does not cut himself. Nikudemon also learned not kill for no reason because his grand father taught him the same believes that his father believed in. At the age of fiftteen, he left saying that he was go to help other people with bandit problems. He is now doing a demon extermination for a village.

*It's called a space bar. Use it.

*Normal people don't write in all lower-case.

*Use some proper grammar. Run your character through a grammar check, like on MS Word. It would clear TONS of stuff up, like your Personality section, and various parts of your Bio. I have NO idea what you're trying to say.

*Give me some description of his katana and pendant. Designs, material, colours, ANYTHING. That pendant is pretty important if it makes him a half-demon; certainly it has some unique design.

*Did his father know the pendant/sword would make him a demon?

Ok, I made the changes, fix the grammar and put detail on the sword and pandant. I hope it fine thank you. Sorry about the space bar problem.

Ok, I still have a few complaints, this time w/ the bio. A few...discrepancies, if you will.

#1:

He go from village to village getting jobs like murder for hire (only when its a good reason) or escort

But Nikudemon also does not like to kill even though he can.

It seems that if his only jobs usually involve assassination, I don't see why he would have a problem with killing.

#2:

When Nikudemon was five year old, a customer came in with a blood-dripping sword and asked him to clean and sharpen his sword. When his father asked why does the sword have blood on it the guy said that he killed a man over money and needs the sword fixed. Niku's father said that he did not have a good reason to kill the man and that he was not going to clean or sharpen the sword. The man, out of anger, killed Niku’s father. Niku, in a rage and with pendant that his father gave him transformed Niku into a demon. Niku killed the man and destroyed the village after that Nikudemon came back to reality.

Call me a realist, but it just seems rather odd that a complete stranger would open to the sword-maker, and then the sword-maker would pass judgement. It's not in human nature. Can you somehow give a better justification for why the man would just kill the sword-maker? Use some creativity -- you've got plenty of it.

Ok, I think the problems are fixed. I hope it is ok now.

Much improved. A few little grammar errors still, but those will take care of themselves with further writing. *approved* Nice work. ^_^