Trophy

Name: Trophy
Age: 18
Race: Human
Gender: Female
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 130 pounds

Weapon: http://www.kultofathena.com/images%5C500360_l.jpg just the sword
Armor: None
Strengths: She 's quick on her feet and can dodge attacks because she's agile. Her fireball attack is so hot that it can ignite almost anything.
Weakenesses: She's easy to hurt since she's small, and she doesn't do very good at staying calm in battle. She misses alot with her fireballs.
Skills and Magic: She can make a fireball shoot out from her hand or if she's holding a sword out of that.

Appearance: She's really pretty, and has short blonde hair. It reaches to about her chin, and she has really nice golden eyes that are wide set on her oval face. She's built skinny but still has some curves. She wears white leggings, a white tunic, and white leather boots that cover her shins.
Personality: She's a nice person, but she can get suspicious when someone gets angry at her for no reason. She likes to fight, but doesn't like killing people. She trusts people really easily and likes to meet guys. She really wants friends but doesn't know very many people.
Bio: Trophy was born a farmgirl. She didn't like playing other girls since she was really young and didn't like her toys either. When she was about five she got out of the house by herself and tried to find something else she liked doing but was only interested in the boys' games. They wouldn't let her play since she was a girl but she still watched them all day. Her mom got really mad when she came home and wouldn't let her out of the house at all and even took away her girl toys.

When she was eleven she had gotten old enough to go out of the house when her brother went with her, and she followed him everywhere. He got the other boys to let her play with them since he was the oldest and everyone in the town trusted him. She played with them alot from then on, and got really good at their games. But when her mom found out this time she got in even worse trouble and got spanked too.

By the time she turned fifteen Trophy snuck out of the house alot by herself and ignored what her parents told her. She didn't like to do the things her mom made her do, and envied the boys that got to run around and play all day every day. She started playing with them a lot more and even started to win their games.

She turned sixteen during a huge heatwave. It was so hot that even a few people died but her dad knew what to do in a heat wave this bad. He had them all dig holes under a big tree they had on their farm to keep themselves closer to the ground and cool. They draped sheets over the opennings to their holes to keep the hot wind from blowing in. The whole family except Trophy's brother survived, but he died because his friend convinced him it was okay to go swimming. They passed out from heat exhaustion on the way to the lake and no one found them in time to help.

Trophy never told anyone what she found in her hole since she really wanted to keep the sword. It was just the right size for her and after the heat had cooled off she used it to connect the holes they'd dug. She was really secretive about it and covered all but one of the opennings, and she left that one clogged to give people the impression that they were still abandoned. She connected them all in a small fort under the tree's roots and made it her secret hideout. She would stay there for days even and pretend to be someone else. When one of the boys saw her going in he ran off and told the others and they all tried to storm the fort.

When they cape trophy as just starting to loosen the dirt on one of the walls with her sword so she could make it bigger. They came in to scare her and she spun around really fast with the sword still in her hand. The boys all took it the wrong way and ran to tell their parents that she'd threatened them. The whole town was outraged and kciked her out.

On her way out of town Trophy managed to convince a traveling magician not to go there. He was an entertainer, but knew enough magic to protect himself and refused at her first warnings that they would kill him, but she brought him around when she told him they were crazed and evil. She kept lying and told the man that she was a great warrior, and wished to learn some magic from him. The man agreed under threat and taught her to cast a fireball. When she finally left the guy alone some days later she started wandering around the world for no special reason.

Okay, you need to expand on EVERYTHING, most importantly, the appearance, personality, and bio. Your strengths and weaknesses leave something to be desired as well. You need to elaborate a bit more. "She's easy to hurt" doesn't really cut it as a weakness. Try to be a bit more creative in coming up with weaknesses and strengths.

Now, as for the appearance, try to describe EVERYTHING about your character in DETAIL. For some good examples of appearances, you should check out some of the Council members' characters. The same goes for the personality entry. Tell us as much as possible about your character.

The bio...needs a lot of work, too. It's pretty bland right now. Expand, expand, expand. And try to come up with a more original concept, too. Just have a look around at some of the Council members' characters, and you'll get a good idea of what we're looking for.

Is that any better?

A little bit, but I'm really not diggin' this whole "met a fire user on her way out of town that taught her fire magic" thing. Could you try to think of a more creative way for her to have obtained the ability to use fire magic?

Also, the new strength you added...seems to be a bit much. Her fireballs can melt almost anything? That's pretty strong. I suggest you tone that down a bit.

Ok I fixed it again but the strength said the fireball could ignite almost anything, that just means set it on fire.