Linuel (and companion Yin)

Okay, so here is my character (please think of Yin and Lin as one character, for there is more to the story than there seems)

Name: Linuel
Nickname /Alias: Lin
Occupation: adventurer/wanderer
Age/Birthdate: 14, summer solstice, 1997
Apparent Age: 14-15
Gender: Female
Race: elf
Height: 5" 7
Weight: 75 lbs
Eye Color: Gold near pupil, forest green/ green-blue on edges
Hair Color/Style: Long dark black hair, held in back by forest-style hair clasp
Skin Color/Complexion: fair skinned/ light

General Appearance: tallish, impish face, young, slender, light, alert, shadowy. Has large black feathery wings hidden under her clothes, with white swirls twisting and intertwining around each wing.

Weapon(s): long thin sword, almost as long as her arm, that she calls Taure, with a green jade-colored jewel in hilt that stores magic power. She can use the magic power when she is low, and will restore about half of her magic. She can also use it to use a magic attack with her sword (causes a small explosion in the direction of most threatening enemy), although she can only use it once a day, for it will deplete all but a fragment of her magic and energy. She does not use it often. Also a elfen longbow with silver runes

Armor: hard, virtually impenetrable silver armor with swirling engraved designs and runes (decorative only), but so light it is hardly felt. Covers the torso.

Carried Possessions: leather pouch around neck holding a crystal the color of the jewel in sword hilt. also holds magic power.

Powers/Magic/Skills:
Skills: Fast, good at hiding/can blend in surroundings, good climber, can speak to and hear Yin, excellent flyer, good at sprinting, okay at distance running, is good at judging characters/ can tell truth from a lie. None of these skills are magic-based. Telepathy can only be used with Yin.

Magic: basic elemental magic, advanced earth and air magic. Basic elemental: Can create small fires and flameballs, can pull water from air to use as ice shards or hail.
Advanced: Can control air currents (to use when flying, or to knock down or cut a foe), and can manipulate the earth (can create boulders or earthquakes to harm enemies)

Limits: tires about as fast as an average human, has limited reserved magic power, cannot use magic and bow at same time, can only use magic with sword once per battle, and cannot blend in as well if most magic is gone.
Side-Effects: tiredness, fatigue, hunger, may pass out if it is serious.

Battle Strengths: exceptional senses (sight, hearing, smell, etc.), aim, speed, and skill. Good strength as well.
Battle Weaknesses: Has average stamina; when stamina is low, battle strengths diminish slightly.

Other: Has a Bright white wolf with swirling black patterns on back, head, and tail. Wolf's name is Yin, will sometimes help in battle, but mostly warns Lin when battles or enemies are near. Is slightly larger, slimmer, and faster than average wolf. There is something mysterious about him.

Personality: Bright, funny, and good to be around. Only acts that way with close friends. Otherwise is mysterious, quiet, and shadowy. Strengthens others, even through silence.

Likes: Food: meat, fruits, and most desserts. Other: Her best friend, Yin. The forest, animals, and her sword, Taure (meaning forest).
Dislikes: Food: Fish Other: villians, bats, caves, and oceans
Fears: Drowning (as in an ocean or sea) more than anything.
Virtues: Will not kill if doesn't have to. will not betray friends, or most strangers, if she feels they are of good character.
Vices: will stop at almost nothing to learn of her past

History: She does not remember much. She remembers waking up in a forest, wearing armor and holding a sword in her hand (both are what she still currently holds). She was very drowsy when she woke, and lay there staring at the trees for a while. Then she heard a dark, smooth voice that she almost recognized. A bright white figure stood above her, and her vision cleared. Slightly startled, she realized it was a beautiful white wolf, with soft, silky fur and black swirls surrounding its slightly large, muscled body. It spoke again, telling her to get up. She obeyed. She found out a couple things about herself that day. The wolf had been watching her for quite a while. He wouldn't tell her much, but it insisted on her giving herself a name. She wasn't sure why, but Linuel felt right. Lin then insisted on naming the wolf, for he said he had no name. She chose Yin, because of his odd black and white coloring. Yin also waned to know if Lin felt a name for her sword. She called it Taure. The wolf looked surprised, and asked about this choice. she said the word reminds her of the forest, and it was a word holding many emotions that she did not quite understand. Yin accepted this, his wise eyes betraying his happiness at finding her.

After that, they began to travel. It was an unspoken consent that neither cared where they ended up, but they knew that they were tied by such a twisted, gnarled, unintelligible line that they could never be truly separated. Yin also had no memories but this, although a vast store of untapped knowledge lay deep in the recesses of his mind. There they began their journey, searching for the truth of themselves and their past.

YIN
B]Name:[/B] Yin
Nickname /Alias: Yin
Occupation: Wanderer/Adventurer
Age/Birthdate: 14 (in human years), Unknown as of now
Apparent Age: 14
Gender: Male
Race: (large-ish) Wolf
Height: Up to Lin's waist, about/almost 4" 2
Weight: 80 lbs
Eye Color: Gold
Hair Color/Style: pure white fur with black swirls that look very much like Lin's.
Skin Color/Complexion: N/A

General Appearance: A large, beautiful, yet terrifying (to enemies and strangers) wolf. He has shiny, white fur, and stands tall and proud. His eyes look very intelligent, and his black swirls are complicated and give him a sense of power and beauty.

Weapon(s): Claws/teeth

Armor: N/A

Carried Possessions: Has a pouch around neck similar to Yin's, with the same kind of crystal inside, but red

Powers/Magic/Skills: Heightened senses, fast, intelligent, wise, and very strong. He can also fly (transforming is black swirls into wings using magic)*Has unlimited magic
Type of magic: light magic (similar to holy magic, if you don't know what light magic is) fire magic, and healing magic.
Limits: *The seal on his back (the black patterns) prevent him from using powerful magic (more powerful than perhaps lighting a fire or curing a small wound) the only light magic he can use is to transform his swirls into wings, and he can fly for as long as he doesnt tire, in which case he would run out of energy and tumble to the ground. He can go for about an hour at average speed before tiring.
Side-Effects: Passes out, terrible burning feeling

Battle Strengths: Fast, smart, strong, can jump pretty high, more advanced than average wolf, better senses (battle senses and normal senses)
Battle Weaknesses: Can only help in battle if seal permits him, tail is weak spot, cannot fly and fight at same time.

Other: His seal can transform into large wings, with the same black pattern.

Personality: Very wise, loyal, and smart. He can be funny as well, but is more often serious and silent.

Likes: Meat, jumping, running, flying (with Lin), forest.
Dislikes: Deserts, most people, and venomous snakes.
Fears: Losing Lin, otherwise fears are minor.
Virtues: Will never desert or disobey Lin
Vices: Will stop at nothing to keep his virtues.

History:
Found Lin in forest. He could not remember much, same as her. He recognized her though, and noticed that before she woke, the pattern on her wings and the one on his back glowed when he came near.

Hi ZeldaGirl; welcome to the BA. I'm here to help you get this character to approval standards, so let's get started shall we?

First, and most importantly, Yin needs a profile too. Not necessarily as big as Lin's, but should include all relevant sections of a normal profile, unless they are already covered by Lin's profile, except Nickname, Occupation and Apparent Age. The subsections of Personality are also unneeded so long as the Personality section itself is descriptive enough.

Since I figure that will be quite a bit to think about, I'll leave the rest of the approval until after you've done that. If you're unsure where to put Yin's profile, underneath Lin's (but still in the same post) is probably a good idea. When you've done this, please make a new post here saying so.

I also changed the color of Lin's jewels, if that's okay

Cool, cool. Sorry about having the first edit be so big, but as I said, it was definitely the most important edit you'll make in this thread as far as I can see. As for the rest of the profile...

Firstly, I notice that you call Lin an elf. When trying to figure out which type she is, I looked at her General Appearance, only to see both "tallish" and "impish". Typically, these are opposing characteristics, so I'll ask straight out: Is she a Tolkien-esque (tallish) elf or more like how Santa's helpers (impish) are portrayed? To fix this, simply remove the word which applies less. (Of course, if she is unlike either of these types, then I am curious to know what she ''is'' like.)

Second, and further regarding the appearance, what do you mean when you say "You cannot tell, but also has large black (almost indigo) feathery wings, with white swirls twisting and intertwining around each wing." Of particular issue is the "You cannot tell" part, which I don't think I understand what you mean by it.

Next, the jewel in the sword which "holds magic power". By this do you mean that it causes the sword to be magical and thus able to do magical things, or that it works as a reserve source of magic which Lin can access when she needs to? If the former, then you will need to state exactly what it lets the sword do. If the latter, then you will need to state how much power it can hold compared to Lin when she is fully-powered.

Also relating to her weapon, how long is the blade? Feel free to look up on Google or Wikipedia for an example length of the type of sword you're thinking of.

Lastly for now, her armor. The only really important things to note here is whether the runes are just decorative or whether they have a purpose, as well as what parts of Lin's body the armor covers (torso, shoulders, waist, arms, legs, head?)

If you want for me to cover more (or fewer) things at once per post, feel free to say so. I look forward to your edits.

Originally Posted by Sabbo

Firstly, I notice that you call Lin an elf. When trying to figure out which type she is, I looked at her General Appearance, only to see both "tallish" and "impish". Typically, these are opposing characteristics, so I'll ask straight out: Is she a Tolkien-esque (tallish) elf or more like how Santa's helpers (impish) are portrayed? To fix this, simply remove the word which applies less. (Of course, if she is unlike either of these types, then I am curious to know what she ''is'' like.)

Second, and further regarding the appearance, what do you mean when you say "You cannot tell, but also has large black (almost indigo) feathery wings, with white swirls twisting and intertwining around each wing." Of particular issue is the "You cannot tell" part, which I don't think I understand what you mean by it.

Next, the jewel in the sword which "holds magic power". By this do you mean that it causes the sword to be magical and thus able to do magical things, or that it works as a reserve source of magic which Lin can access when she needs to? If the former, then you will need to state exactly what it lets the sword do. If the latter, then you will need to state how much power it can hold compared to Lin when she is fully-powered.

Also relating to her weapon, how long is the blade? Feel free to look up on Google or Wikipedia for an example length of the type of sword you're thinking of.

Lastly for now, her armor. The only really important things to note here is whether the runes are just decorative or whether they have a purpose, as well as what parts of Lin's body the armor covers (torso, shoulders, waist, arms, legs, head?)

If you want for me to cover more (or fewer) things at once per post, feel free to say so. I look forward to your edits.

Okay, I will edit them all in a second. To explain a few things, though, I will tell you here.
When I said "impish", I meant that she has a sort of imp-like appearance, and has nothing to do with height (small, mousy features). Sorry if I used the wrong word to describe this, its just thats what impish always sounded like to me.
regarding the wings, I meant that you can't actually see the wings until she brings them out, otherwise it just looks like she has a normal back.
For the jewel, It mostly just stores magic power that she can use when needed, although she could also potentially use the magic to make her blade do a magic attack, which I will explain in the edit. I do not know a specific length, but i was thinking almost as long as her arm (slightly shorter so as not to make it clumsy).
The runes on her armor are solely for appearance, and serve no purpose other than that. It covers her whole torso, her biceps and forearms, and her thighs and forelegs. (the vulnerable spots are elbows and, um...leg-bows?)
anyway, I'll go and fix it, I just wanted to give you a general idea because I don't know how many little details I'll be able to put in the edit.

okay, i think that covers it if theres anything more i should edit, please tell me

Sorry for taking so long.

Regarding the "impish" bit, perhaps you could say Lin has an "impish face"? Your edit there is definitely an improvement, but some people may still misinterpret it.

Hmm... "You cannot see it at first" says essentially the same thing as what you had before. If you want I could suggest a clearer phrasing... but before I do, I would like to ask something: In what manner do the wings appear? Is magic involved?

Sword edits are good.

Regarding the armor, you should state in the profile what parts of the body it covers. As for the weaknesses, they can go in the armor section, the battle weaknesses section, or both. Please also keep in mind that heavy armor (even if it doesn't weigh much) tends to leave its wearer prone to damage from blunt force, such as from mauls or maces. It's a shock thing. Whether you state that in the profile is up to you, however.

Now for the new stuff!

Firstly, the Powers/Magic/Skills section. Right now you have lots of different things in there, so for the sake of readability, could you please more clearly separate the "Magic" and "Skills" subsections? Regarding the magic in particular, you will need to state exactly what her limits are: What constitutes "basic elemental magic" and "advanced earth and air magic"?

Relatedly, some of her skills sound like they're magic-based. For example, is her ability to tell truth from lies a magic thing or a psychological thing? How can something the size and shape of a human fly, and where do her wings come from? Is her telepathy limited to Yin, or does it work with others?

Regarding her Battle Strengths and Weaknesses, you say she has good endurance, but bad stamina; please correct this.

She fears drowning? Just giving you things to think about here, but does this extend to baths and other mundane instances of water deep enough to drown in? Would she be more uncomfortable than normal in heavy rain, perhaps? I won't make you change anything here, but it's good to think about this sort of thing, I think.


I think that will do for now. I look forward to your edits.

Thats fine, it took a while for me to get back here too.

Okay I tried to fix all of that for you. If I still wasn't clear with the wings, its that she hides them under her clothes (but they have slits so that she can remove armor or jacket if she needs to fly). The wings aren't magic, just think of like Maximum Ride, if you've read that series. Other than that, I think im good

No problem.

Lin's looking good now; time to check Yin...

I realize you may think it redundant, but could you please restate Yin's fur color and patterning in his Hair Color section?

This is merely a suggestion rather than a requirement, but Yin's General Appearance section seems lacking. With animals, their appearance & personality often overlap (actually, this is true of people too, but is rarely associated as such), so perhaps you could partially reword here one or two of his personality traits as visual cues? Pride and cowardice for example are two traits which are usually easy to think of visually, even in regards with animals. That said, restating the patterning of his fur - if you didn't already do so in Yin's General Appearance section - would be a good idea.

Exactly what magic can he use?

Flight should be listed in the Powers/Magic/Skills section.


After you've fixed all that up, I can take another look. Hopefully, this will be the last set of edits you'll need to make.

Okay! I finally got it all

I hope thats it lol

Thanks.

...There is one last thing: Yin's limits of magic. Yes he has unlimited magic, and yes the seal prevents its full use (Without the seal he would be unapprovable. ), but you have only stated limits for his fire & healing magic; could you please list a limit for his light magic?

okaaay! off to work again lol
Sorry it took so long, i had been busy and any time i went on ZU it was to answer messages, i had almost forgotten about these two D:

Looking good. And while I realize this is the second time I've said this, there is one last thing I want to bring up: When you say Yin "can fly for as long as he doesnt tire" (that "doesn't" should have an apostrophe, but whatever), what kinds of things could cause him to tire, considering how he has unlimited magic (thus wouldn't tire from flying for too long) and can't fly and fight at the same time (thus wouldn't tire from using the rest of his magic a lot)?

I don't know if I should put it in there, but consider his magic (when he is flying) as stamina, like how he could tire if he was running for very long. It doesn't have an exact point of where it would just stop, but say if he were going at an average speed, with no rests or anything, he could probably fly for an hour before having to stop.

Probably best to put it in there, yes. Just say that he can only fly for about an hour before tiring, or shorter if he's flying fast or with many sudden movements. Phrase it in whatever way you think is suitable.

Oh, and if Lin has the same or a similar limit, please add that into her profile as well.

okay, all done! at least, i hope im done. lol

You are!



Sorry for how long things sometimes took on my end. Don't forget to post in the Character Directory here, and you're welcome to join in the fun of the OoC Thread in the Battle Arena subforum. (Don't worry, we don't bite. Well, most of us anyway. )

YEEESSSS!!!!!! oh i am so glad....lol