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Old 03-21-2012, 03:37 PM
Jaiden Jaiden is a male United States Jaiden is offline
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Tanis Sonata

Name: Tanis Sonata

Gender: Male

Age: 17

Race: Sehrli (looks like humans)

Height: 6 feet, 2 inches

Weight: 172 pounds

Eye color: Reddish brown

Hair color: Black, shoulder-length and straight

Skin color: Tan

Appearance: Tanis is tall, but thin. He is moderately muscled, and at first glance, seems somewhat unfriendly. His hair frames his face, and falls in a straight line to his shoulders. He is flexible, and moves easily in combat.

Weapons: Tanis is most accomplished with his longsword. This sword was forged by one of his race, who imbued it with magic. The magic within the sword allows Tanis to channel his own power through it, making it a deadly, versatile weapon. He also carries a bow, but no arrows. The bow was also forged by one of his own, so he can use magic through it.

Armor: Tanis, being a Sehrli, uses his magic to protect him. He does not wear armor, but a simple black shirt and green pants, with a pair of worn hunting boots.

Magic: Tanis is part of an ancient race of arcane warriors. He has trained his entire life, and can now easily use magic for combative and healing functions. His father taught him to "channel the power of crystal within," giving him the ability to manipulate flames, lightning, ice, or water.

Limits: Tanis' magical powers are limited by the availability of the elements he can manipulate. There must be a storm for him to manipulate lightning, a fire to manipulate, or water in it's liquid or solid state. If more than one element is present, Tanis can manipulate only one at a time.

Strengths: Tanis has always been more adept with storm magic. Whenever there happens to be a storm, Tanis can simply harness that power, and let nature do the work. He is also deadly with his sword, even without using magic.

Weaknesses: Tanis is vulnerable to any kind of mental attack, as he has opened his mind further with the use of his powers. Another problem is that Tanis is a regular hero, and tends to protect others. His Sehrli blood gives him magical protection, from both physical and magical attacks, but it is easily breached if he does not concentrate on keeping it strong.

Personality: Tanis is likable and charming. He is easygoing, but won't tolerate anyone who has a superior attitude. While he is definitely able enough to defeat them, Tanis is somewhat afraid of regular humans, as most have no sense of fair play, and all are cunning. Tanis always follows through with things, making sure his words are not empty. However, he will also immediately aid anyone who he thinks needs it, making him very easy to catch in a trap or ambush.

Other: The "power of crystal" that I refer to is a gift given to every race of the Sehrli by their goddess. Within their minds, there is literally a crystal that allows the mind to manipulate any sort of energy. Once, the Sehrli could manipulate everything, but most of those secrets have been lost. The shape and color of the crystal is different for every person. Tanis' is a bow, light blue in the middle, becoming darker blue at the edges.

History:
Tanis was born into a dying race. The Sehrli were once very numerous and powerful, but eventually their own powers destroyed them. Throughout his childhood, Tanis was taught never to trust humans. For years, humans afraid of the Sehrli power had attacked and killed his race whenever they could. Eventually, humans managed to find the family of three. His mother died in a fight with humans when Tanis was only six. She used a spell of telepathy that allowed her to enter the minds of her opponents, and trap their souls within their heads. They were all alive, but incapable of thought and feeling. By using this spell, Tanis' mother condemned herself to the same fate. She was technically alive, but it was impossible to retrieve her soul. Tanis understood her reasoning for using this double-edged technique, (to save Tanis himself) but he never quite managed to overcome the sadness which burdened, and still burdens, him.

As a teenager, Tanis showed much promise in both the field of arcane mastery and physical combat. His father, now on the run from humans with Tanis, kept training Tanis until his father, now very old, could no longer. It was only on his deathbed that the father told the son the truth: unlocking the crystal within oneself did not come without penalty. All Sehrli were given a task, which must be fulfilled before their natural death. If it was, they would die normally, and leave this life as everyone else. If not, they would be transformed into a creature driven mad with regret. Tanis' father had completed his task, but Tanis own task was unknown. Tanis never quite forgave his father for keeping this terrible secret from him, but he still felt sad after his father died, with the realization that he was probably the only one of his race left alive.

Unwilling to accept his fate of becoming a monster, Tanis ventured to his homeland, and prayed in the ruined temple for an answer. The Sehrli goddess, Etro, freed him of the burden of his task, but at a price. When Tanis died, he would go to the realm of the goddess and protect her for all eternity...
Last Edited by Jaiden; 04-05-2012 at 09:24 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 04-04-2012, 06:26 PM
Sakume Sakume is offline
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Re: Tanis Sonata

I think there are a few things that need polishing before I can approve this character. I'm a little confused.

Quote:
His master taught him to "channel the power of crystal within," giving him the ability to conjure flames, lightning, ice, or wind, and the power to heal wounds and cure poisons.
His master did that? I never hear him mentioned. I only read that his father taught him, is his father his master here? And wow, that's quite a lot to conjure. He can do all that? I hope I see some serious reciprocation or explanation here in weaknesses or flaws...

Quote:
Tanis' magical powers are limited only by what he can stand.
Okay so there's a limits section, that's good. Only limited by what he can stand. That doesn't exactly narrow it down quite enough, because I have no idea what he can stand. Maybe you can be a little more specific. What is it that he can stand? How fast can he switch between his powers? Are any more adept than others? I assume that lightning is one of his best considering you mention "storms" as being one of his best professions? It just isn't quite enough.

Quote:
Tanis is vulnerable to any kind of mental attack, as he has opened his mind further with the use of his powers.
This isn't quite acceptable either. You have to think of the people you might be battling, there are a lot of people with no mental powers or manipulation at all. What kind of mental attack are you talking about? Someone with telepathy might best him then, but what about regular fighters? Or magic users without mental attacks? Does he need to concentrate really hard using his powers? Maybe that can count?

Quote:
She consumed her entire life force so she could bind her attackers inside their own heads.
I think you're talking about Tanis' mother? What does this mean? How does she do this?

Quote:
unlocking the crystal within oneself did not come without penalty.
You don't go into much detail about this crystal inside them, what is it? Are they all born with it?
Quote:
Unwilling to accept his fate, Tanis ventured to his homeland, and prayed in the ruined tempe for an answer.
When you say he's unwilling to accept his fate, what fate are you referring to? His task that he doesn't know? Also temple had a typo there. Also why is he going to his homeland? Where was he before? I just assumed he was there the whole time.

Quote:
The Sehrli goddess, Etro, lifted his curse,
What curse is this? His task that every one of their species has to follow through with?

Once you've posted answers to these and fixed what I've talked about, let me know and we'll relook it over.
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Old 04-05-2012, 05:32 PM
Jaiden Jaiden is a male United States Jaiden is offline
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Re: Tanis Sonata

Thanks for looking it over. I never know what something I write needs until I show someone else.

So, I rethought the limits section, and gave magic a different system. I also added more details about those things you were confused about, and gave the crystal power thing it's own section. Tell me about anything else!
Last Edited by Jaiden; 04-05-2012 at 05:32 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:47 PM
Sakume Sakume is offline
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Re: Tanis Sonata

Much better. I only have a few more little tidbits.

Quote:
However, he will also immediately aid anyone who he thinks needs it, making him very easy to catch.
I assume you mean catch off guard, but you might want to clarify that because otherwise it just sounds like he's a really fast guy or something.

Quote:
His mother died in a fight with other Sehrli when Tanis was only six. She used a spell of telepathy that allowed her to enter the minds of her opponents, and trap their souls within their heads. They were all alive, but incapable of thought and feeling. By using this spell, Tanis' mother condemned herself to the same fate. She was technically alive, but it was impossible to retrieve her soul.
I would have liked to see a little more how his parent's deaths affect him. Is he sad? Does he care? Does he care more about his mother than father? Is he angry she used this technique? Also I still don't understand why his mother did this technique in the first place. What is her motivation/reasoning? Why was she fighting with the others?

Quote:
His father, now on the run
Same thing, I don't get why. What did he do? Is it because his wife used that technique?

History really helps flesh out your character, I personally think it's the most important part of a character. You're doing very well.
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Old 04-05-2012, 09:35 PM
Jaiden Jaiden is a male United States Jaiden is offline
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Re: Tanis Sonata

Alright! Anything else need fixing?
Last Edited by Jaiden; 04-05-2012 at 09:36 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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Old 04-05-2012, 11:00 PM
Sakume Sakume is offline
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Re: Tanis Sonata

Much better. Go enjoy, have any questions, feel free to ask.

~Approved~
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