Name: James Rencini Nickname /Alias: Rencini Age: 7200-ish Apparent Age: 26 Sex: Male Race: Mixed (75% elf 25% Demon) Height: 6 feet 2 inches (around 2 meters for people who use the metric system) Weight: 180 pounds Eye Color: Green/dark brown/red (it changes every day on a three color cycle) Hair Color/Style: Like Alphonse Elric but black:
(a.k.a short and neat with a parting on the left side)
Skin Color/Complexion: White with a light tan/turns to dark red and black when mad due to his demon blood.
Appearance: Rencini has very pointed ears, he also has very sharp vampire like fangs. Due to being a quarter demon, Rencini has very short horns that are barely visible (about one centimeter on top of his hair) and they are colored black. Moreover, he looks athletic and graceful (like all other elves who appear in fantasy settings) with a very light muscular built due to his demonic heritage. Furthermore, Rencini has black angel-like wings which again are because of his demonic heritage, they weight a lot and sometimes slow him down. Finally, I can say that Rencini wears chain mail every day and under that chain mail he wears a doublet (short close-fitting padded jacket) of the color black with the trims of the doublet in silver, together with fine woolen tights and black boots worn above the tights.
1. Rencini has really sharp fangs.
2. Moreover, he also sports a dagger he once stole from his father (it is a heirloom). The dagger is 16 inches long with a short curve in the middle, the dagger is made out of fine silver and it stores the blood of anything that it cuts (it has veins that are only seen at night, when the dagger is transparent) and keeps the blood moving inside of the dagger. The dagger is often in a sheath that is to his left but Rencini may at times be walking with the dagger in his hand.
3. Rencini also has a bow and quiver that he carries every-where (it was given to him at the academy of royal elves as a present because of graduation). The bow is an English longbow and the arrows are made of mirthril. He keeps the bow and his quiver straped to his back. The bow is also magically enchanted (it is a graduation present from a royal elf academy after all) so that it does not lose it's elasticity when Rencini keeps it strung for extended periods of time.
4. He often wears a green scimitar (a curved sword made for slashing, 3 feet long). He keeps his scimitar in a sheath to the right of him.
5. Furthermore, James also sports two sets of hidden stilettos (a straight, dagger-like knife, 15 inches overall) when he goes into combat. He keeps his stilettos inside his doublet with his hands on the handle and just the blade revealing from the sleave of his doublet. However, when the stilettos are not in use, Rencini keeps the stilettos in sheaths to the side of his boots, one on the left, the other one on the right.
6. Finally, he also has the strength of a gorilla (that is 8-15 more times than the average man) due to him being 25% demon (let's say that he can bend 2 inch thick steel bars or break a bamboo pole).
Note: There is nothing special about the scimitar and stilettos as they were brought from a blacksmith but they are weapons used for murder and hold the lives of many people in them)... Not in a literal sence of course!
Armor: James does not really carry heavy armor considering the weapons he carries but he does wear chain mail every day. Moreover, he does sometimes wears a silver breast plate and shield but that is only when he rides into battle with his scimitar (a curved sword made for slashing) and he only rides into battle in war time or when he feels like showing up at an elven village.
Carried Possessions: As I have said, Rencini always sports a dagger that he stole from his father (and it is a family heirloom among the high elves). Rencini always carries his bow and quiver from his graduation day. Furthermore, Rencini always and always carries a pocket watch, he must know the time. Finally, I should say that Rencini always travels with his black stallion named Rocky (named after Rocky Balboa) that has served as his long time companion (Rocky is bound by a spell that does not let him age).
Powers/Magic/Skills: Rencini is a skilled swords man and marks man, due to him being trained at the royal elf academy, but nonetheless his race has always been known to be excellent shooters. Because Rencini is a skilled swords man he know how to operate almost anything and everything with a blade in a professional way (this only applies to daggers, swords and spears; it does not include anything such as a mace). Moreover, Rencini has learn by his own to do magic. He can move things here and there with just the flick of his wrist or by his mind and he can control fire and make fire almost in the same way. Finally, I should say that Rencini can make money by magic and is quite rich because of this and other things. Limits: As always, there is a limit to the magic he makes, if he moves a chair, he does not feel any different but if he tries to move things that he would not normally could have done, like a very large boulder in the middle of a trail, he will feel like if he just worked out very hard for 2 hours without break, or in other words... tired. In addition, he can only make 100 gold pieces by the hour before they start to look fake and be considered forgery. Moreover, Rencini's fire magic cannot work when it is raining or snowing nor can it work against people who know water/ice magic (it can harm them but not in a direct way) and he cannot use it unless he snaps his fingers. Likewise, Rencini can't start the fire if he cannot see his target (Rencini's fire comes from him in a very literal sense, therefore he can't start a fire inside a house considering that he would still start the fire from the outside of a house if he were to burn a house). Finally, Rencini cannot make any ball of fire bigger than himself at any given time and cannot use fire for extended periods of time (for example, he cannot battle his opponents with fire alone) because then, his fingers would start to burn. Side-Effects: Sometimes his spells go awry because he teached himself and has not had proper training. For example, he might try to get the corkscrew out of a champagne bottle but he might break the bottle instead or he might send it flying and accidently hit someone. However, he has never messed up a fire spell... yet.
Battle Strengths: He is an excellent tactician and knows many and many formations by name, their strengths, their weaknesses and how to counter-attack them (this is due to his long life or short if compared to other people of his race, I should say that this is only applicable when leading troops into battle). Rencini also has a knack of spotting his opponents weakness after a few seconds into battle (such as an uncovered spot or his opponent being over confident). Finally, Rencini has paid for all of his weapons to be magically enchanted for them to be un-breakable. Battle Weaknesses: Rencini like all humans (or elves in this occasion) can let his feelings go over wisdom and be too confident or attacking in a position too offensive because he is mad. Moreover, Rencini has a slight case of Astigmatism (he has a 30/20 vision) and when shooting from a bow, he can sometimes miss his target not because he aimed wrong but because his eyes tricked him. In addition, Rencini is always a "gentleman" and if he sees his opponent as inferior (as he often does) or as a woman, then he will "take it easy" on them, I should say that on more than one occasion, he has lost a limb (he goes to a doctor to grow it back with magic) due to this weakness. Finally, Rencini's wings slow him down and might even injure him because of their size and shape (although he can fold them to lessen the chances of somebody seeing him), thus the easiest way to harm Rencini is to go for the wings.
Other: James' race (the elves) live a long time and can live 750,000 years; however most elves die before that age in battle, life expectancy is 300,000 years. Moreover, his arrows are dipped in poison that makes the opponent have 170/20 vision or in other words, really bad eye sight (it wears off after about 30 seconds). Furthermore, Rencini is immune to the heat of fire but can get burned nonetheless, he just does not feel it due to him being part demon. Rencini's horse is unkillable and wears armor, but it can be harmed; when on the verge of death it is teleported to the nearest and safest stable to be healed. The horse can only die when Rencini dies due to a curse that was due upon him by a magical witch whose name no one dares to remember.
Likes: Rencini likes to be praised, he also likes for someone to mention the change in the color of his eyes. Moreover, James likes to go to battle often due to his demon heritage and he also likes to kill, maim and harm other people that he does not approve of and takes pleasure in it. Dislikes: Rencini does not like for people who seem too cocky or people who have swag. Moreover, he detest flying creatures with wings because he has wings but cannot fly. James also does not like for someone to try to steal from him, he can and will try to kill a person who dares to steal from him, even if it is something he was going to throw away. Fears: James fears that his father will get him one day and thus he tries to stay low when in elven cities. Moreover, he fears death itself because of his young age. Virtues: Loving and caring grandfather (he is really something else considering that his grandchildren have grandchildren who have grandchildren who have grandchildren who have grandchildren who have grandchildren who have children). Rencini also gives money to people that he thinks that need it and he knows how to make money (both with magic and without magic). Vices: Rencini is an alcoholic and always likes to pop a vodka or two (this means that he sometimes fights while drunk).
Rencini was born a bastard to a noble, high elf (his father) and ex-porn star (his mother). Because he was the bastard of a noble, he was often outcasted by the other elves and rejected by his father, but nonetheless he could still join the Royal Academy of Elves because he was of noble blood. When Rencini was 3 he was admitted into the academy by his mother and stayed there until he was 15 when, he graduated. Upon graduation he learned that his mother was killed by his father and that his mother was keeping Rencini in hiding from when he was born to when he was 3 years old; this led Rencini to steal Bloody Tharos (his father's dagger) and assassinate his father's legal family. Next, at the age of 16 he was one of the leading hit elf (hit man if he were human) in the elven kingdom and by the age of 17 he joined the Elven Mob where he stayed until the age of 71, then he retired from the Mob and went on to the Advanced Royal Academy of Elves and studied there until he was 129 years old. When he was 129 years old, Rencini joined the Royal Army of the Elves where he became an officer and won many battles for the elves, he continued on until he was 500 years old.
After Rencini retired from the army he went to visit his father to see if he could pardon James, but as it turned out he did not. Instead, Rencini's father chose to make Rencini public enemy number one and he became an exile. After 100 years, Rencini decided to become an assassin again and he did, so for 100 years Rencini was doing hit jobs and gaining money. Then when Rencini turned 700 years old he decided that he wanted to become an adventurer and he did, so for 50 years he explored the lands and found may beautiful maidens along the way. However, when he reached 7100 years old he woke up and realized that he forgot everything that happened during the years that he was 750-7099 except that he became an elf exile again and that he was being accused of mass murder. His adventure awaits him as he goes across the land to remember what has happened and why does he not remember most of his life.
About Rencini's World:
Rencini lives in a planet that has 0.1% of it's land mass the size of Jupiter and is covered 99.9% in water and that would mean that the planet it 10,000 times the size of Jupiter. Moreover, Rencini does not know it but when Rencini goes from island to island or from continent to continent he is in fact, going from world to world and this is the way that Rencini arrives in most stories. The water of the world function as a portal or as a medium when traveling from island to island. No island is smaller than the moon and the average island is the size of the Earth. Furthermore, I should say that Rencini's planet is ever expanding at the speed of light due to it's core being made out of pure magic and it actually does not revolve around a sun but it creates different suns to revolve around the planet and yes, Rencini lives in a planet that is the medium to other smaller planets. Finally, I should say that no person or thing knows about this planet being the planet of planets and that every person refers to the water of the planet as "outer space" except Rencini and other people in his continent which actually just sail across the planet to get to other areas instead of inventing a rocket and blasting towards it.
Yes, this planet is named Universe and no one is aware that the universe is actually the water of Universe and that everything in it is actually and island.
Ack; sorry. My computer was sitting on that post for quite a while, so I had forgotten to check whether you'd completed the profile before posting my post. When I began my post, the personality & history sections were both still missing.
That aside, I shall begin.
Firstly, Rencini's weight needs a unit of measurement. I assume that you mean pounds, but it needs to be specified.
Secondly, I don't see anything under "Hair color/style" except for that short line about Edward Elric. Since many people would have no idea who that is, please be more descriptive. Even if there's an image there I can't see for one reason or another, images are not a substitute for a written description, but can be used to supplement one.
Third, in the Appearance section, you lack any description of the type of clothing Rencini wears; please fix this.
As for his weapons, could you please make it clearer when listing each of the weapons he has by making each weapon a separate paragraph, or otherwise making clear distinctions between them? Once you have done this, I can go into more detail regarding these.
Next, in the armor section you mention a "scriminar"; what is a scriminar?
Regarding Rencini's fire magic, you need to give it some limits, but for now I'll leave it up to you what the extent and nature of those limits are.
Once you've fixed all this up, I'll continue. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you, after all.
I forgot to mention it earlier, but in the Skin Color section you talk about Rencini's demon blood being able to change his skin color when he's mad; are there any other demonic effects when he's mad?
As for the weapons...
I won't make this required, but I hope you are aware that vampire teeth are typically just pronounced canines/fangs, and so wouldn't really be able to "tear throught skin and flesh like butter", as that would require strong incisors.
For all of his weapons, please describe what they look like, their size, and how skilled Rencini is with each of them. I realize you mention his skill with weapons in the Skills section, but is it really your intention for him to be professionally-skilled with not only the bow, but also at least three varieties of bladed weaponry (and thus at least three very different fighting styles)? This last bit regarding skill is merely advice; it is not required for approval.
Moving on: Rencini's skill with fire is too powerful. As it is now, he would be able to effortlessly start a fire the size of Russia on the other size of the world from him and then do it again a moment later. This is of course a rather extreme example, but it's just to show a point. Giving your character constrictive limits is what makes them interesting. (I'll use one of my characters as an example: Tatek can nullify any magic, but he has to be touching it to do so, and he is literally blind to almost everything except magic. A fun power on its own, but it's the limits which make him truly fun to write with.) So yeah. Please have another think about the limits of Rencini's powers, but be realistic and if you feel it's suitable, be creative.
Arrows dipped in poison to ruin the enemy's eyesight? Creative, but lacks limitations. At the very least, there needs to be a limit on how long the poison lasts, and preferably a limit on how many of these arrows Rencini has and/or can use. Keep in mind that while having a character who can beat everyone else might be fun for you, it wouldn't really be fun for anybody else.
Moving on though... I don't really have much issue with the rest. While have cumbersome wings isn't a vice (it's more of a battle weakness, although I do note that you'd already mentioned it there), your personality section is still detailed for a first character enough even without that.
As for the History section, my only issue is the missing ~6350 years. While I don't mind too much that there are these missing years, I think saying why these years were forgotten would be a good idea. If you disagree with this, it would be nice to know why... although even if you don't, that wouldn't prevent this character from being approved.
Finally, I recommend you stick this whole profile - after editing in the above fixes - into a spellchecker of some sort, such as Microsoft Word, and then going over it all yourself one more time to look for issues spellcheck wouldn't see.
Don't worry, we're almost done - just two things remain:
1) Where does Rencini keep his stilettos hidden? And for that matter, where does he keep the rest of his weapons while he's not using them (if he keeps them with him, which I assume he does)? Sorry; I forgot to ask this earlier.
2) His fire is still too strong. The sight limitation is good, but I didn't see anything regarding the strength or heat of the fire, nor how often/much he can burn things.
Once these two issues have been addressed, I'll be happy to approve your character.
Nope; as far as required things go, that's everything. :3
That said though, there was one nitpicky issue I had which has nothing to do with this profile being approved, but rather an issue of realism: longbows (as well as other bows) aren't always strung, as this would cause them to lose their elasticity rather quickly, while you haven't given any indication of this. What most archers on the move would do however would be to keep the bowstaff unstrung, and then take a minute to restring it every time they needed to use it (using a new string each time). They probably wouldn't keep a bow strung for more than a few hours at a time, and leave it for a couple more before restringing it.
Having said all this though, I can understand perfectly well if you'd prefer to opt for simplicity in your writing rather than realism. If you indeed would rather opt for simplicity, I would suggest against writing any excuse into the profile as to why this issue wouldn't apply to Rencini's bow, since most people who read this wouldn't realize that there's an issue at all. This is entirely your choice.
Ignoring such meager nitpicks... Good luck! I hope you have fun here in the BA; feel free to wander over to the Newbie's Thread or OoC Thread and introduce yourself, or even dive straight in and find an open RP in the Crossroads.