Nox

Name: Nox

Nickname /Alias: Will only respond to Nox, though bonehead, dimwit and such are other names people call him.

Occupation: Guard of the forsaken fortress

Age: 30

Apparent Age: 30

Gender: Male

Race: Moblin

Height: 7'3

Weight: 450lbs

Eye Color: Forest green. He has no whites of his eyes, only a slightly lighter olive green.

Hair Color/Style: none

Skin Color/Complexion: Brown with some black swirls on his back.

General Appearance: He has a very large upper body and short legs, as most moblins do. He wears a pair of black shorts and wears a knight's crest around his waist, a skull necklace around his neck, and a ring of keys around his crest.

His face usually has the same foolish grin. He has the nose of a pig and the ears of one as well. He wears a headband to hold them down. He also has the wicked, curled tail of a pig and his legs are crooked back and arched as a goat's.

Weapon(s): Nox carries a six foot spear tipped with a foot long crescent shaped blade at the edge. The staff's weight is so large that most regular men couldn't lift it, let alone swing it. This slows him down immensely as each swing to the waist or ankles will take a full six seconds, though is devastatingly powerful.

The tip is crafted out of lutetium, a rare, hard metal. The weight of the foot long tip of his staff is 20 pounds itself. It is held on with four red ribbons, the mark of a moblin official. The swing of this staff will depredate anyone within its radius.

Armor: Nox uses a pair of leather shoes tipped with bronze to cover his large feet. He wears regular blue shorts with knee pads in their respective place. As for his upper body, Nox uses no armor, but has skin as thick as an oxen. This serves well against most sharp weapons, though maces and hammers are his bane.

His spear is very thick as well, around the diameter of the butt end of a new titanium baseball bat. He uses it as a shield, or to counter and block vertical swings.

Carried Possessions: None

Powers/Magic/Skills: A berserk mode like ability in which, once hit enough, with swing at everything he sees. He focuses his swings to hit direct, mortal blows to either the neck or head and doesn't stop until he kills somebody. Luckily, this only happens when he is extremely angry, afraid and torn.

Battle Strengths: He Is extremely strong. He has the ability to lift things two or three times the weight of himself. Despite his very large size, he also can dodge things very quickly. His Hearing and smelling capabilities are well above average. He can sense someone coming before their first attack.

Battle Weaknesses: He isn't very smart, and relies on brute strength most of the time. The swing of his mighty staff may be strong enough to slice through solid concrete, his attack is devastatingly slow. Another more comical debility is the fact that if he falls down, he may not be able to get up, due to his massive weight.

Other: None

Personality: Extremely inane and incapable of understanding most situations. Nox is loudmouthed, rowdy, turbulent and disrespectful. His language usually brings him more enemies then it does allies. because of his nature, Nox is an extremely aggressive fighter, swinging frantically and powerfully every chance he gets.

Though he sees everyone as an ally until they prove not to be, he is still the loudmouthed, rude and unpleasant moblin he is to everyone. He keeps no comments to himself. In addition, he tragically doesn't realize his gruff nature.

his dexterity is well below average, even for something as barbaric as a moblin. The main weapon he uses, a spear, is easy for him to use as it mainly uses lunges and swipe.

Likes: Fighting, killing, pain, jokes, swear words.
Dislikes: Being judged, called names.
Fears: Dying
Virtues: Kind (but stupid), friendly, and will remember favors that others do for him.
Vices: Very dumb.

History: Nox's past is shrouded in mystery, though one thing is for sure. Nox was not born. He was crafted in the very mind of the dark prince Gannon, who created a wicked, evil beast in his own image. This race was known as the moblin, and are the bane of the Hylian world for centuries.

Nox is a simple underling of the dark Prince Gannon, always on patrol around Hyrule. His main mission is to keep the Hylians out of trouble, maintain 'peace', and buy time for Gannon to gain his power of both the dark and light world of Hyrule. Although his past is wicked and evil, Nox is more human than most moblins. He enjoys drinking anything alcoholic when he can get his hands on it, and has given himself a reputation of being a very rowdy and boisterous creature.

Although nothing very significant has ever happened to him, Nox is anything but a normal common moblin himself. He pretends to fight monsters around Hyrule field and practices using his spear on small, defenseless animals.

OKay, first off, let me say that generally, basing a character around here off a Zelda character, or monster, isn't generally wise. Moreover, you history for him seems extremely cliched and somewhat lacking in much detail. I'm sorry if this is contrary to reality, but it looks like you slapped this guy together in 10 minutes. =/

But, if we must, then let's get into it.

- More detail for the following sections: History, Personality, Weaponry, Appearance and Weaknesses.

Don't just tell the reader what they are like, try and paint a picture with words. I know it's a little difficult if you've just started writing, but you will get better in time. For and off-the-cuff example:

Nox weilds a mighty spear as long as he is tall. However, he doesn't let it slow him down at all, despite the weight being focused towards the end. The spear itself is long and skinny, with a razor sharp, elegantly crafted blade making up about the top foot of the over all staff. Where the blade and pole meet, fine red threads hang and drift in the breeze, or move with every stroke. He likes to keep the blade well polished at all times.

>> If I catch you using that example, I will gut you. I s*** you not. xD

- You need a Battle Strengths section. No ifs ands or buts about it.

- Armour: How well does his skin funtion as armour? Is it the same as human skin, or a little tougher? If it is tougher, then how mush so? Is it like steel, or leather, or what? (I will shank you if you say Diamonds. =P)

- History: As I said, his history is riddled with cliches. In of themselves, Cliches are not a bad thing... but when there is no substance it becomes exasperating (painful) for a person to read it. SO please, scrap this and start from the beginning.

I don't mean to sound mean. I am only trying to help, albeit and a very tongue-and-cheek style. ^^

If you need an example of an approvable character, please click THIS LINK.

Have a good day.

This was a draft I've been working on, and It's not completely finished... I was hoping nobody would notice while i still finish the character. I used to do this a lot, but its been about a year and I'm pretty rusty. also, The history was very slapped together, and I just typed it up in a metter of minutes. I've been worknig on it, but I've never been good at writing them. as you said, it is filled with cliches, but I did the best I could in a few moments. I'll continue to work on it. Thanks for the tips though...

EDIT: I apologize if that came off angrily. I didn't mean for it to be that way, I only felt that you were downing, or even mocking me. After a hard day at school, coming home, checking ZU, seeing a post on my character's thread and seeing that I wasn't accepted made me outraged. I've cooled off now. Sorry.

Originally Posted by Cook

This was a draft I've been working on, and It's not completely finished... I was hoping nobody would notice while i still finish the character. I used to do this a lot, but its been about a year and I'm pretty rusty. also, The history was very slapped together, and I just typed it up in a metter of minutes. I've been worknig on it, but I've never been good at writing them. as you said, it is filled with cliches, but I did the best I could in a few moments. I'll continue to work on it. Thanks for the tips though...

EDIT: I apologize if that came off angrily. I didn't mean for it to be that way, I only felt that you were downing, or even mocking me. After a hard day at school, coming home, checking ZU, seeing a post on my character's thread and seeing that I wasn't accepted made me outraged. I've cooled off now. Sorry.

No worries, mate.

All you gotta do is PM (Private Message) or WM (Wall Message, or Profile Message) me when you finish and then I will evaluate, okay? I just hope my suggestions helped.

Okie dokie lokie! This guy is ready for evaluation. I only have a couple of things to say.

What does 'depredate' mean? I'm just curious, but it might benefit to include a tiny description in brackets. Example: "Arachnophobia (fear of spiders)" Or, is it a spelling error? I've seen a couple of them, as well as a few grammar mistakes, but I won't penalize you for them.

So, in his berserk mode he swings at everything, but fosuses on the head and neck? That seems like a contridiction, and could use clarification if it isn't.

Ah right. Depredate means to Crush or level things. and I'll fix that. That is pretty contradicting, Lol