Lathirius Caumith

Name: Lathirius Caumith

Nickname /Alias: Lath

Age: 62

Gender: Male

Race: High Elf:
A race that are similar to other Elves, but they are quite tall and good at archery and Spirit Energy.

Height: 7"4 ft

Weight: 76 kg 12 stone

Eye Colour: Light Grey

Hair Colour/Style: Light Grey hair in a smooth curved haircut.

Skin Colour/Complexion: Light

General Appearance: He stands up right,he wears a traditional grey Elven Senior High Mage Robe with a grey hood, and a tunic underneath, he wears an Amulet of the Soul it's helps with his staff, on his forehead is a symbol, which is a Ellipses which is a darkish blueish colour but it has no middle but the Colour bits are still thick, his small, thin, brown, Leather chest plate is under his Robe but on top of the tunic. Rather slender skittel face.

Weapon(s): His Staff is Soul-chopped wood that is one handed when walking and sometimes two handed when doing certain spells and the wood is as tall as him attached to Element Crystal of the Soul,the wood looks old and wet reddish gingerish kind of look, although it is strong and dry. as for the crystal, it is a kind of a gem as big as a 20 year old human's fist when clenched and emit a kind of Aqua-Crystal-ish light and it fades as it loses energy(I know I used "kind of "a lot but this is from what I can word it out in.)

Armour: thin, small, weak, brown, leather chest plate over the Tunic,it acts as a fail safe guard so when the shield fails it can protect most of his vital organs from arrows, (one of the organs not protected is the brain.) it protects all organ on the torso.

Carried Possessions:A old brittle white scroll called the Physics Soul Scroll that has a number of spells in it that have to do with Physics within grasp of the Spirit energy. a grey cloth scroll sheath.

Powers/Magic/Skills: He can summon these spells

Hinotama
He can shoot small fireballs at will mostly the size of his palm and used as a straight ranged attack, they can be fast and slow depends on his Spirit Energy at the moment of firing, faster if more Spirit Energy and slower with less Spirit Energy, it will be bigger if caster is enraged.

Tamashī no tate
He can summon a Shield of pure energy from his Spirit energy, it would take approximately a fair amount of energy to take down but can be less or more depends on the level of Spirit energy at that moment of time.

Chikara parusu
He can send a pulse out wards of gravitational force, causing a general region that it is aimed at the be pushed back. (e.g: if there is two ordinary people in a room and it is fired in their general region they, most likely, will be pushed back into the wall behind them.) It in a visual form looks as if it is a blue vertical circle expanding as it moves it is in one direction and can be avoided, it is quick.

Scroll
He can use the spells out of the scroll including:
Gravi-raise(5)
It raises the Gravity in the room
Gravi-lower(4)
It lowers the Gravity in the room
Magnetise(3)
It magnetises a ferromagnetic material, the larger the object the higher energy requirements from the crystal to use it with the staff to magnetise.
Demagnetise (2)
It demagnetises a magnetised material, the larger or stronger the magnetic object the higher energy requirements from the crystal to use it with the staff to demagnetise.
Time freeze (1)
It stops time for 0.5 seconds to the caster
Unlock(6)
Unlocks doors that does not have an enchanted seal

Match up the limit and side affect from the numbers.



Limits: The Fireballs have 80% chance of hitting, the shield can only contain three people, The pulse out wards can be used 10 times each 10 hours and(1,2,3,4,5&6) He has to revise the spell from the scroll for 10 seconds and has to so it from his scroll or staff, if he choose to use it from the scroll the words will fade for at least 1 full moons

Side-Effects: Using any of this will drain his spirit energy which only can be tamed by 5 hour meditation or a 12 hour sleep, When the shield is hit he receives a small like bang of a headache and if the shield wares out by being hit it will give him a major headache not being able to use it until his headache is clear, the pulse has recoil sometimes, and(1,2,3,4,5&6) his staff has a crystal which when all power is taken from it, it will need a new one (like a light bulb) but he can only get more crystals by the Ruins of the Temple of the Spirits just outside his home city, plus all of the scroll's spells are deducted from his staff's crystal if used by staff.

Battle Strengths: He has great focus and is very strategic and he is quick to think, Also when he is very immensely angered his energy levels improve greatly (Although after this he is unconscious for 24 hours and he remains weak for 12 hours after the unconscious period.)

Battle Weaknesses: His Spirit Energy is limited and it takes a lot of time to gather, Being old he is weaker physically but he uses his Spirit energy to balance it thus he is physically hurt when Mentally hurt, the brain is the conducter or control room of his power.

Other: I(ShadowAssassin) know what the symbol given to Lath means so that the meaning of it is set in the profile (You know this in OOC, if your character knows this and I have not asked for this to happen it will probably count as metagaming. (I do not know if there's rule against it but please don't.) so the Meaning is "The Link". (no it is not a Zelda reference)

Personality: Born with a natural smartness he also has a friendly trait and seems very glad to help.

Likes: True spirit power, The Moon, Fairness
Dislikes: Fake Power, Dis-order, Rebels
Fears: Being Spirit-power-less, Losing the Amulet, Returning to Darithis
Virtues: Logical, Quick thinking,
Vices: Short-temper when very very provoked.

History: Born into the Eleven City of Darithis, at his birth he was gave to the Seer, he saw something remarkable, he knew the symbol which each newborn was given, for him his symbol will be and was never used again or before, after thinking very thoroughly through his thoughts, he gave Lath the Unique Symbol that was bestowed in the vision to this person, No one ever knew what this sign is symbolizing.

Because days after the giving came Rebels and killed the seer and burnt the hut but of course the last seer enclosed the meaning to him only, after this he grew up learning to conduct the Soul Energy, He learnt various spells.

Once it was time for him to step up and be the Rei no shugo-sha,(Translation from Japanese: Guardian of the Spirits) he was confronted by Aokui(Ay-oo-ki) The newest Seer, He wanted a battle, He confessed he was a rebel and he took Lath away and killed the newest Rei no shugo-sha, Aokui stole the Amulet of the Soul and the Physics Soul Scroll, Lath tracked down Aokui and got hold of the Stolen Objects.

He set off to Darithis when he came back everything was burnt down or was crumbling , He could not help him. He kept the things and he looked around and built and lived in a cabin near the ruins of Darithis.(Da-ris-th-is)

Hiya, I'm Sabbo, and shall be going over this character for approval.

So... I'm guessing you consider this character complete? Honestly, there needs to be quite a bit more information added here, and some sections fixed up.

Firstly, the Apparent Age section is unneeded when it is the same as the Age section.

Second, what is special about "high elves"? Be descriptive.

Next, please use a second measurement of weight as well as stones; stones is only rarely used, and I honestly have no idea how much it is. (And really, if he's only twelve stone, it can't be a particularly accurate measurement...)

Next... you need to go over the following sections again and be more descriptive: General Appearance, Weapons, Armor, Carried Possessions*, Powers/Magic/Skills (And name all his spells), Battle Strengths, Battle Weaknesses, Personality**, and History.

*Does it do something, or is just decoration?

**The Likes, Dislikes, Fears, Virtues & Vices sections are all also lacking, but they are a part of the Personality section. :/

I suggest you read some characters which have already been approved if you are having trouble knowing how much detail you'll need. I suggest looking at any of the recently approved profiles for direction.



If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I have updated it, can I just say we use Stone through out the United Kingdoms.

You can say that, but you have to keep the bit saying his weight in a more common measurement (as you have with kilograms).

That aside, this is still very much a bare-bones profile here.

For one thing, the Apparent Age section is completely unnecessary if it is the same as the age. Omit it entirely.

For another, while you have been a little bit more descriptive in the places I pointed out, I strongly suggest you read an approved profile to see the level of description you should be writing with your own profile. Try reading ones like Baltonias (although you don't need anywhere near that long a history if you can't manage it; 2-3 paragraphs will do), Ningan, Aida (Although don't feel the need to copy his formatting; it's admittedly kinda awkward), or Mirela.

I should note though that his Carried Possessions is fine now except for describing what the scroll looks like, so long as you detail the spells contained within the scroll in the Powers/Magic/Skills section. (And as far as detailing that section goes, I am a fan of this method, for its clarity.)

Re-reading the profile guidelines may help too.

Updated!, Compare that to the old one.

It's certainly better, again, but there's still a lot of improvement to be had. I suppose though, that it would now be better to go over this one section at a time.

Firstly, use a spellcheck. If you don't have something like MS Word, there are almost certainly free spellcheckers on the internet, easily found through Google.

Second, you still need to say what shade of grey his hair is.

Third, General Appearance needs to be elaborated on. You say what his clothes are, but what do they look like? Also, how does Lathirius stand - Does he slouch, for example?

Next, what does his weapon - his staff - look like? Also, magic as a weapon doesn't go here.

Also his armor: what does that look like? If he wears this most of the time, then it should go in the General Appearance section too.

What does the Physics Soul Scroll look like? How does he carry it around? If he carries it in something else, that must be listed and detailed here too.

Please lay out and detail the Powers/Magic/Skills section better, and include the spells of the scroll. I suggest using the layout formatting I used for my character Tatek, as I linked near the end of my previous post.



After you have fixed these, we can move on to the rest. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you too much.

I'm Going to a Chinese/Japanese Restruant so don't expect me to reply too quickly.

Sure. Oh, and before I forget, you also need to describe what his hair looks like in the Hair Color/Style section, as well as what his face looks like (that goes in the General Appearance section).

Have a look at it Sabbo.

Elves use Japanese to name their spells? No matter; I don't look downly on that as much as some others would. (That said, "Hinotama" should technically be "Hi no tama", and I suspect "Chikara parusu" may be better as either "Rikikan parusu". And if you want to avoid Engrish with that second one, parusu should be substituted with myaku or myakuhaku, I think. I'm not an expert in Japanese, but I'm very good at looking up stuff.)


All that aside, I repeat my previous posts (albeit edited to suit):

Originally Posted by Sabbo

You still have yet to state what shade of grey his hair is.

Third, General Appearance needs to be elaborated on. You say what his clothes are, but what do they look like? Also, how does Lathirius stand - Does he slouch, for example?

Next, what does his weapon - his staff - look like?

Also his armor: what does that look like? If he wears this most of the time, then it should go in the General Appearance section too.

What does the Physics Soul Scroll look like? How does he carry it around? If he carries it in something else, that must be listed and detailed here too.

Please detail the Powers/Magic/Skills section better, and include the spells of the scroll.



After you have fixed these, we can move on to the rest. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you too much.

Originally Posted by Sabbo

Sure. Oh, and before I forget, you also need to describe what his hair looks like in the Hair Color/Style section, as well as what his face looks like (that goes in the General Appearance section).

We can worry about adding detail & description to the Powers/Magic/Skills section later though, if you want.


EDIT: Ah, and I just noticed the Japanese and pronunciation notes you added in the History section.

Firstly, why is it "Rei no shugo-sha"? I understand what the first bits mean, but I can't seem to figure out why "-sha" is upended to it. Secondly, "Aokui" would more correctly be phonetically written as ah-o-koo-i (the ao is very similar to the ou of the word "our"); "Ay-oo-ki" would be written in Japanese as either eiuki, aeuki, eiuuki, or aeuuki. Thirdly, did you mean for the name to be gibberish? Because there is no name nor word spelled like that in Japanese. Finally, "Darithis" has a self-evident pronunciation, as far as English speakers go. (And "th" isn't a syllable anyway. )

None of what I'm asking in the above paragraph needs to be changed though; I fully admit that I used artistic license regarding the Chinese language when making my character Tatek. It's just some stuff to think about, really.

Okay, I am directly translating it through this,

Also Darithis is a made up word, I made it when I was younge and named a city in a story called Darithis, I made up Aokui on the spot and the way you put on phonetics on Aokui is very much the same, and finally this is not asking you to look at the profile again just to clear up some stuff for you.

Ah, Google Translate. Always a source of amusement. (To point: Translation Party)

Don't take this the wrong way though; I love to discuss translations, romanization, transliterations, and the like. Particularly of Japanese, which I am learning.

That said, may I ask what the English words & phrases you used to translate were? While I think it's safe to assume hinotama was fireball, I am curious about the others.

Also, I realized Darithis was an original word; I didn't even attempt to translate it. As for Aokui, your pronunciation guide implied it to be spelled (Assuming it an English-like spelling) closer to Ayuki. (Which, coincidentally, is a name in Japanese. A woman's name though. :/)

Tamashī no tate is Shield of the soul
Chikara parusu is Force pulse so yeah I will upgrade it asap.

I see. For the level of accuracy you're going for (ie. not a lot), chikara and rikikan are pretty much interchangeable, and Parusu is accurate enough too. Tamashii no tate is also exactly as you translated.

Also I've looked it up a bit more, and Rei no Shugosha (Or "Rei no Shugo-sha", as you had it) means exactly as you translated, so long as the guardian is a person. (As opposed to, for example, an animal)


But yeah. Tell me when you've fixed up the bits which are actually problems. (as listed in post #10)

I've edited it and I might just need a little polish and cleaning up but here it is.

Please post again when you are ready (otherwise I may forget about this thread. I have many subscribed threads, so one can easily become lost)

Erm the polishing is you anwsering what I asked you, it's like ready for you.

You said you still needed to edit in spelling fixes, or something like that. Interestingly, it seems that I juuuuust missed your fix, as my computer says your edits and my post were at the same time.

That aside...

• You still need to fix the Hair section.
• While the appearance section has now adequately described his clothing, the only other thing you've mentioned is the symbol on his head. And as for the picture which you haven't put there yet, remember the the profile guidelines state that while an image can help, it cannot be a substitute for a written description.
• How long is his staff, and does he wield it with one or two hands?
• Well how can I know whether the brain is the only organ unprotected? "Leather chest plate" is not as descriptive as you may think. :/ (Considering that this is just a starting character though, it will be fine if you just state whether it covers any parts of his arms and legs, and if so, which parts. Also, does it protect his belly?)
• What does the Physics Soul Scroll look like?

After you fix up these, we can move on to the Powers/Magic/Skills section.



Remember the phrase, "a picture is worth a thousand words"? Well, in lack of pictures, you'll need a lot of words. The picture is your character as a concept, and the "thousand words" is this character profile. The BA, moreso than just saying the bare basics of what something is, is all about describing the details of it. To put it simply: Be descriptive. I'd rather read overly-flowery words than words which have no flavour at all, and I know I'm not the only one.

And again, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Finally, I found a few seconds to polish it up, any way have a look at it.

Have you changed anything other than the Weapon, Armor & Carried Possessions sections since you last posted a week ago? More specifically, I don't see the clarifications I asked for in the General Appearance section, or in the Hair Color/Style section, where you should have described what his hair looks like. Sure it's grey (which is still anything from here to here. A wide range.), but you have said nothing of the style. Perhaps you may want to look at how other people have handled this section?

As well as that though, I think it's time to start fixing the Magic section as well now...

For his fireball, how fast and far does it go? Does it fly straight (like a bullet) or in an arc (like an arrow)? How big is it/can it be?

How strong is the tamashii no tate? What kinds of force would need to be put on it for it to break or be breached?

The description of chikara parusu doesn't make sense; you might want to go over it again and check your grammar & punctuation. That said, what does it look like?

And finally, you need to state all the spells in the scroll, and how they work. Just like his innate magic, they too require appropriate limits and side effects.