Da bestest Ork 'round 'ere!

Name: M'name's Grubtoof Snotsnaga da Ork.

Age: Foght in thfree waaaaghs[1], dat makes 'em... tirty-five cyclez[2]

Race: If'n ya can't dat origins've me, I'm an Ork; ya 'ere me ya snot?

Sex: Dem 'umies[3] like you always calls me a 'he.' Den again all dem Orkz are 'he's.

Hair: Gots no hair, stupid squishy snot.

Eyes: Look in 'em; dem's yellow 'round da edge wif a black spot in da center. Da left one's from anudda grot so it ain't fittin' quite right.

Weight: thfree-fifty, I'd say.

Height: 'M a shorty; 'bout five o' dem feets.

Weapon: Gots me a chain knife for emergency surg'ry, some vials've burny bug acid in m'coat, and a shoota[4] fer dakka[5]. Gots me krushin' klaw[6], too, but it's slow.

Armor: Orkz dun need armour; dey's gots tuff 'ides and strong bones 'n' metal gubbins[7] in deir arms

Strengths: Gots m'strong krusha[8] right 'ere; 's good at what it does [sidenote: krushing]. Got Waaaghs of experience at fixin' Orky bitz togetha, 'n' I'm small 'n' fast fer fightin' slow 'umies when I'm not krushin' dem. Dees potions'll fix up lotsa small 'urts if I get klobba'd[9] by a tricky 'umie.

Weakness: 'S ya can see I's not so good at int'ractin'. M'krusha klaw's slow ta krush, too, so it's a little tricky to klobba quick grubbins. Not a very good shot, either.

Skills/Magic: =][= THIS IS A IMPERIUM REPORT REGARDING ORK TECHNOLOGY, LOG 563329.56b =][=
It has now become well known among the mechanics of the Imperium that Ork teknology does not follow the same principals or limitations that the Imperium's weaponry and armour systems follow. Indeed, there have been many occasions where an Ork Shoota is broken up only to find loose nuts and bolts inside. It appears that Ork teknology works purely through sheer willpower; if the Orks think it will work, it will work. This theory can explain many other of their advances, including working Dreadnaught systems, Warp travel, hover bikes, and Shokk guns.


In effect, a single Ork can throw together any amounts of junk into a contraption, and if they expect it to work, it will.


This ability also appears in their biological accomplishments to similar effect.

Appearance: I'm an Ork, see?! I'm green, I'm muscley, an' I'm mean-lookin'! If ya want ta go into da details of it, I like ta wear dis long, black coat I ripped off a squishy 'umie 'while ago, where I keep m'toolz 'n' my gubbins 'n' my potions. My left 'and's dis 'ere krusha klaw, like a crabby or on o' dem lobstas. Dis eye 'ere I stole from one o' da grots dat touched my stuff, so ot's a little bigger than da udder one. Under da coat I have some brown Ork clothin' an' a black belt wif some pouches fer more gubbins an' toolz 'n' stuff

Personality: Like I said b'fore, I'm mean an' green like a propa' Ork aught ta be! I like fightin' 'n' fixin' up things 'n' takin' things apart like bugs 'n' other squishies. Don't like fightin' tings too big though; might get stomped or klobba'd or sumfin. I like mek things and da insides of squishies do most tho.

Biography: I was born on da Waagh lead by da Warboss Gutklobba when it ended. We Orks produce little spores when we die an' den da sopres grow inta new Orks an' den dose Orks fight an' den dey die an' more Orks come. When my spore was planted it was on da ground where another spore came, an' da spores went on toppa each other, and den da mekboy spore an' da Mad Dok spore mixed. So I like doin' Mekboy[10] things like fixin' trukks an' I like doin' Mad Dok[11] stuff like fixin' udder Orks. Anyway den all da spores grew an' we started our own Ork colony, but den while we was trav'lin' in da Warp[12] we got stuck. Da daemons in da Warp tried ta snuff us out but we fought 'em an' escapes, but we didn't know where we were. Da udder Meks an' me rigged up a radar an' we found dis 'ere planet we're on now. It looked like a 'umie colony but dey didn't 'ave Lasshootas or nuttin'. Dey 'ad some low-tek shootas though, and dere were lots o' dem so we gots ded. I tried ta fix da boyz up but I couldn't so I ran, and then da 'umie shoota boyz caught me, but dey chained me up 'n' dey send me 'ere, ta talk ta you.


Any otha questions, ya squishy?

Footnotes:
[1] Waaaagh: War
[2] Cyclez: Years
[3] 'Umie: Human
[4] Shoota: Gun
[5] Dakka: Gunfire
[6] Krushin' Klaw: A metal claw, like the jaws of life but smaller (read: man-portable). Shaped like a hand with two fingers and a thumb
[7] Gubbins: Spare parts, metal or otherwise
[8] Krusha: see "Krushin' Klaw"
[9] Klobba['d]: Beaten, but not killed.
[10] Mekboy: An ork who is innately good at mechanics.
[11] Mad Dok: An ork who is innately good at performing surgical procedures.
[12] The Warp: aka The Immaterium. A dimensional space used for faster than light travel. Daemons, servants of the chaos gods, inhabit it.

Lovely. X3 But poo on you for posting an ork before I had a chance to post my orc.