Lost

Name: Lost (not her real name)

Age: 20

Race: Human / ? (half breed)

Sex: Female

Hair: Long straight black hair that goes a little past her shoulders. She also has one streak of white hair on the front side of her hair, often covering the right side of her face.

Eyes: She has gray eyes that always appear to be looking off in to the distant and sometimes change color to suit a personality change. Her eyes can change from gray to purple to dark yellow depending on the personality. When her eyes are purple they have a more fierce fire look to them, seemly burning with intent to kill. When her eyes are dark yellow they seem to be looking at everything, collecting, and gathering what is presented to them. She also has slight bags under her eyes perhaps reflecting how tired or how sad she is.

Weight: 144 pounds

Height: 5’8”

Weapon: War Fan. (a war fan looks exactly like a regular fan in many ways, however it is far heavier and able to block arrows and deflect sword swings. )


Armor: nothing

Strengths:
Lost(gray eyed): cunning, resourceful.
Lost (purple eyed): More aggressive, able to take a lot of hits, strongly determined.
Lost (dark yellow eyed): Calm, cool, and collected. Cut Throat, emotionless, and firm.

Weakness:
Lost (gray eyed): Afraid of Spiders, and most kinds of bugs. Guilt ridden. Too nice.
Lost (purple eyed): over reacts, can be egged on, foolish.
Lost (dark yellow eyed): unwilling to fight.
Overall: not very strong, can’t take strong hits well.

Skills/Magic:
Lost (gray eyed): -
Lost (purple eyed): Guerrilla Combat
Lost (dark yellow eyed): -
Overall: tessenjutsu (art of tessen[a type of fan])


Appearance: Lost is young girl with pale skin, and long black hair with one streak of white hair covering her the right side of her face. She is often seen with a rather dazed face seemingly looking at something, even when there is nothing around, perhaps pondering about something in her life. She looks like a average girl at first sight, but if you look closely you can see something that looks like a tail peeping out of her clothing or out completely. She usually wears a hat with strips coming down it. She also wears a blue Kimono made by her uncle, with a Fan attached to her Obi (the sash used to close the Kimono).

Personality: Lost is a kind and gentle girl that is always trying to do the right thing, or at least what she thinks is right. Often though she is a pushover and attracted to any kind of praise she gets or anyone that needs help. Due to her wanting for need, attention and praise she often finds herself taking up tasks that may be too much for her. She is very guilt ridden as well, often blaming herself for things she didn’t even do. She hates being protected by anyone especially men, due to what happen to her father. She is also attracted to any older women, often doing anything for their attention or need. Lost is also worried about her other personalities she has traveling with her, often harassing her with comments and questions. She thinks that she is going insane, and is only sane enough to know that she is going insane. Her personalities however think otherwise.
Purple eyed Lost, (one of her personalities) is very rude and rowdy. This lost acts more like a boy, willing to fight anytime, and has a strong libido. She is fowl mouthed and is a complete foil of lost. Lost thinks this is because she can not fully express anger or desire.
Dark Yellow eyed Lost, (another personality she has) is calm, cool, and collective person. Often not willing to fight, she is rather emotionless, and rational. She never acts unless there is something to be gained. Lost believes she reflects the logical side of her.


Biography: Lost was born in a small village with a population of less than 50 people. When she was born she was considered to be a demon due to having the tail of a fox. Due to being labeled as a freak she was often bullied by local children and hated by most towns folk. Her father would always defend her if anyone was to turn on her. Then one night, after the murder of the villages’ chief, a mob gathered to kill her, believing she was the cause of the murder. During such a struggle her father was killed trying to protect her for the angry mob. Luckily some family friends came to the rescue to prevent the murder of lost, giving her and her mother the time to escape. They both then went to the big city where her mother’s brother lived and would take care of them. During their travels the mother began to resent lost and acted very harshly and cold toward her. Once they arrive Lost’s uncle decides to cut her tail in order to fit in. Lost begins to have a fever due to massive blood loss and Lost’s mother decides to leave her to die, after a big fight with her brother. Lost’s uncle sadden at her sister’s abandon of a helpless child decides to take care of her instead. Teaching her how to live on her own and defend herself with a war fan. Soon after she completes training and starts settling in her tail starts to grow back. Others soon discover this and label her as a freak. Soon Lost’s uncle starts getting beats from a local gang, not happy that he is sheltering Lost. Soon her uncle dies from the sever injuries inflicted from the beating, leaving her alone to survive on her own. Soon the city folk to get tired of her leaving there and chase her out of down one day, after burning down the house where she lived when she was gathering food for her dinner. Left alone with no home to go to, Lost decides to search for she can call home. However after several nights of rest she begins to lose memory of her former live, on top of this, she is beginning to hear other voices in her head that aren’t hers. Soon she is overwhelmed with two uninvited guests in her mind and the constant loss of her memory of her early live. She soon forgets her own name, losing her sight, and losing control of her body to her personalities from time to time during these travels. The only thing she has to go by is lost, as she thinks that is her name when people ask her that question, “Are you lost?” .

Hello, lostleader. I'm Shetani, and I'll be taking care of your character today. I'm sorry if you had to wait a little while for a response, but better late than never, right? ;3

Alright then! Your character is temporarily DENIED. We'll go through why in a little moment, first I want to assure you that just because didn't pass on your first attempt doesn't mean she won't be approved later. :] Onwards to the meaty stuff, shall we?

Originally Posted by lostleader

Name: Lost (not her real name)

Well, what is her real name then? It's fine if you want her to use her nickname all the time, but please make a note of what her real name is, then state that she goes by Lost most of the time. :]

Originally Posted by lostleader

Race: Human / ? (half breed)

What's the other half? Even if she doesn't know, you should, and so should anyone who reads her profile.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Hair: Long straight black hair that goes a little past her shoulders. She also has one streak of white hair on the front side of her hair, often covering the right side of her face.

Not really something you need to change, I'm just curious as to where the white streak comes from. It's fine if you want to leave it as it is.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Eyes: She has gray eyes that always appear to be looking off in to the distant and sometimes change color to suit a personality change. Her eyes can change from gray to purple to dark yellow depending on the personality. When her eyes are purple they have a more fierce fire look to them, seemly burning with intent to kill. When her eyes are dark yellow they seem to be looking at everything, collecting, and gathering what is presented to them. She also has slight bags under her eyes perhaps reflecting how tired or how sad she is.

You'll have to explain the color changing thing more in Skills/Magic. It's a bit cliché, but if you can make it work, it'll be fine.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Weight: 144

I assume that's in pounds? Clarify, pleae. :3 Her weight and height are normal, so it works in general.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Weapon: War Fan. (a war fan looks exactly like a regular fan in many ways, however it is far heavier and able to block arrows and deflect sword swings. )

Please describe the weapon more. What is it made of, where does she keep it, how heavy is it? How large, for that matter? Does it hold any magical properties?

Originally Posted by lostleader

Strengths:
Lost(gray eyed): cunning, resourceful.
Lost (purple eyed): More aggressive, able to take a lot of hits, strongly determined.
Lost (dark yellow eyed): Calm, cool, and collected. Cut Throat, emotionless, and firm.

Weakness:
Lost (gray eyed): Afraid of Spiders, and most kinds of bugs. Guilt ridden. Too nice.
Lost (purple eyed): over reacts, can be egged on, foolish.
Lost (dark yellow eyed): unwilling to fight.
Overall: not very strong, can’t take strong hits well.

Skills/Magic:
Lost (gray eyed): -
Lost (purple eyed): Guerrilla Combat
Lost (dark yellow eyed): -
Overall: tessenjutsu (art of tessen[a type of fan])

I'm taking all this in one chunk, because the main thing that needs changing is to flesh it out. I have no idea how her eyes change color, or why, and why that'd make her stronger or weaker. You'll have to expand on that, a lot. I'll also need more general strengths and weaknesses. Take a look at some of the other characters of the EH, and maybe you can draw some inspiration from them.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Appearance: Lost is young girl with pale skin, and long black hair with one streak of white hair covering her the right side of her face. She is often seen with a rather dazed face seemingly looking at something, even when there is nothing around, perhaps pondering about something in her life. She looks like a average girl at first sight, but if you look closely you can see something that looks like a tail peeping out of her clothing or out completely. She usually wears a hat with strips coming down it. She also wears a blue Kimono made by her uncle, with a Fan attached to her Obi (the sash used to close the Kimono).

Pretty good, but I think you should be able to expand on this too. Things to add could be posture, common facial expressions, voice, movement, if she has any notable scars or tattoos. What kind of tail does she have? I know you mention it in the bio later, but it should be mentioned here as well. What does her hat look like? There's a lot that can be said about a person and what they wear, so if you can, try write a bit more about what your girl looks like.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Personality: Lost is a kind and gentle girl that is always trying to do the right thing, or at least what she thinks is right. Often though she is a pushover and attracted to any kind of praise she gets or anyone that needs help. Due to her wanting for need, attention and praise she often finds herself taking up tasks that may be too much for her. She is very guilt ridden as well, often blaming herself for things she didn’t even do. She hates being protected by anyone especially men, due to what happen to her father. She is also attracted to any older women, often doing anything for their attention or need. Lost is also worried about her other personalities she has traveling with her, often harassing her with comments and questions. She thinks that she is going insane, and is only sane enough to know that she is going insane. Her personalities however think otherwise.
Purple eyed Lost, (one of her personalities) is very rude and rowdy. This lost acts more like a boy, willing to fight anytime, and has a strong libido. She is fowl mouthed and is a complete foil of lost. Lost thinks this is because she can not fully express anger or desire.
Dark Yellow eyed Lost, (another personality she has) is calm, cool, and collective person. Often not willing to fight, she is rather emotionless, and rational. She never acts unless there is something to be gained. Lost believes she reflects the logical side of her.

Personality seems to be fine as is right now.

Originally Posted by lostleader

Biography: Lost was born in a small village with a population of less than 50 people. When she was born she was considered to be a demon due to having the tail of a fox. Due to being labeled as a freak she was often bullied by local children and hated by most towns folk. Her father would always defend her if anyone was to turn on her. Then one night, after the murder of the villages’ chief, a mob gathered to kill her, believing she was the cause of the murder. During such a struggle her father was killed trying to protect her for the angry mob. Luckily some family friends came to the rescue to prevent the murder of lost, giving her and her mother the time to escape. They both then went to the big city where her mother’s brother lived and would take care of them. During their travels the mother began to resent lost and acted very harshly and cold toward her. Once they arrive Lost’s uncle decides to cut her tail in order to fit in. Lost begins to have a fever due to massive blood loss and Lost’s mother decides to leave her to die, after a big fight with her brother. Lost’s uncle sadden at her sister’s abandon of a helpless child decides to take care of her instead. Teaching her how to live on her own and defend herself with a war fan. Soon after she completes training and starts settling in her tail starts to grow back. Others soon discover this and label her as a freak. Soon Lost’s uncle starts getting beats from a local gang, not happy that he is sheltering Lost. Soon her uncle dies from the sever injuries inflicted from the beating, leaving her alone to survive on her own. Soon the city folk to get tired of her leaving there and chase her out of down one day, after burning down the house where she lived when she was gathering food for her dinner. Left alone with no home to go to, Lost decides to search for she can call home. However after several nights of rest she begins to lose memory of her former live, on top of this, she is beginning to hear other voices in her head that aren’t hers. Soon she is overwhelmed with two uninvited guests in her mind and the constant loss of her memory of her early live. She soon forgets her own name, losing her sight, and losing control of her body to her personalities from time to time during these travels. The only thing she has to go by is lost, as she thinks that is her name when people ask her that question, “Are you lost?” .

Try to cut the bio up in paragraphs, and make sure you check your spelling. I saw several mistakes just skimming over the background. :3 Also, try to avoid repeating, you start several sentences in a row with "Soon", for example. That tends to break the flow of the text. I wouldn't mind it if you expanded on her background a bit, but that's up to you.

Let me know when you've made the changes, and I'll take a look at this again. If you need any help, feel free to throw a WM or PM my way. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Shetani

Hello, lostleader. I'm Shetani, and I'll be taking care of your character today. I'm sorry if you had to wait a little while for a response, but better late than never, right? ;3

Alright then! Your character is temporarily DENIED. We'll go through why in a little moment, first I want to assure you that just because didn't pass on your first attempt doesn't mean she won't be approved later. :] Onwards to the meaty stuff, shall we?!

ya better than never.

Well, what is her real name then? It's fine if you want her to use her nickname all the time, but please make a note of what her real name is, then state that she goes by Lost most of the time. :]

Its simply forgot, she doesn't even know her name, its like one of those, you never know, but you have a idea of what its supposed to be type of devices. Like Mr. Wilson's bottom face in Home Improvement, or what Bill Murray said to that one girl in Lost in translation.

What's the other half? Even if she doesn't know, you should, and so should anyone who reads her profile.

I rather not reveal it till later, but if I must I will. For now I know what she is, and I will reveal it has a go along roleplaying. If its alright, may I PM the answer to you instead.

Not really something you need to change, I'm just curious as to where the white streak comes from. It's fine if you want to leave it as it is.

It will be expanded on later, it probably will become even more important then what I alright have it has. But I will keep it like that for now.

You'll have to explain the color changing thing more in Skills/Magic. It's a bit cliché, but if you can make it work, it'll be fine.

These are all things I like to address later in all honest. I rather not spoil them. But if I must I will edit them later. I will try to flesh out more on the whole changing color thing though, that shouldn't hinder what Im trying to hide. And trust me Im trying to stay way from being cliche, so I'm always trying to make things interesting.

I assume that's in pounds? Clarify, pleae. :3 Her weight and height are normal, so it works in general.

will do.

Please describe the weapon more. What is it made of, where does she keep it, how heavy is it? How large, for that matter? Does it hold any magical properties?

will do.

I'm taking all this in one chunk, because the main thing that needs changing is to flesh it out. I have no idea how her eyes change color, or why, and why that'd make her stronger or weaker. You'll have to expand on that, a lot. I'll also need more general strengths and weaknesses. Take a look at some of the other characters of the EH, and maybe you can draw some inspiration from them.

Will Do, I felt they were a bit unfleshed as well, but They are what Im trying to get, Ill be back with the result of looking at others works.

Pretty good, but I think you should be able to expand on this too. Things to add could be posture, common facial expressions, voice, movement, if she has any notable scars or tattoos. What kind of tail does she have? I know you mention it in the bio later, but it should be mentioned here as well. What does her hat look like? There's a lot that can be said about a person and what they wear, so if you can, try write a bit more about what your girl looks like.

I was in a bit of a hurry when doing that one. The hat will be hard to explain though, unless I find out what type it is, or if you don't mind just showing a picture of how it would look like. (but Im sure thats not what this place is going for). I was hitting a bit of a writers block when thinking of her clothes, mainly due to wanting to keep her overall time period all together. So I will do what i can.

Personality seems to be fine as is right now.

Try to cut the bio up in paragraphs, and make sure you check your spelling. I saw several mistakes just skimming over the background. :3 Also, try to avoid repeating, you start several sentences in a row with "Soon", for example. That tends to break the flow of the text. I wouldn't mind it if you expanded on her background a bit, but that's up to you.

Ill see what I can do. Im still trying to break a lot of habits i have in writing, doesn't help being in college having bad habits either...

Let me know when you've made the changes, and I'll take a look at this again. If you need any help, feel free to throw a WM or PM my way. Good luck

Will do. I should have everything redone with in a few days, max a week, hopefully.